Undue Credit

Dr. Versha sat down and looked expectantly at her surprise visitor who curled herself into the available chair. She had no appointments for the rest of the day, so knew she hadn’t been expecting Kris Hawkins on her doorstep. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright. I’ve been doing what you said, trying to trust him more. Examined quite a few of my dreams too.”

Versha had no trouble trying to figure out who she meant by ‘him’. “Good. How is that going?”

“Well, the part about my dreams, you know- about what I question and how… that’s going okay.”

Versha leaned forward slightly, hearing her client hesitate, seeing her eyes shift down to her hands, which were twisting in her lap. “Tell me.”

“Well, when I dreamt about the party this past week, I noticed something.” Pause. “Every time I see him, my heart stops.”

“Your heart stops?” Versha frowned for a moment before her expression cleared and she looked closely at Kris. “Metaphorically or literally?”

Kris shrugged. “Both, I guess.”

“Kristina, I need you to be clear about what you’re saying.”

At this, her patient paused to find the right words to communicate what she meant.

It’s like every time I hear him say my name, she thought. The kind of shock you get with an unexpected caress that send shivers down your spine.

Somehow, Kris didn’t think she could readily say that out loud to her doctor.

“Kristina, you’re blushing,” the doctor almost smiled.

“Well, yeah. I know I am... I just- I can’t describe the way he makes me feel. Ever!”

“Shall we try to isolate particular instances?”

With more than a little resignation, the younger woman decided to make the effort. If anyone would listen to her without judgment and teasing, it was Dr. Versha. Here, no one would laugh at her or expect more from her than she could offer... or remember. In this office, she felt no pressure to seem at ease or on top of things.

So Kris spoke of the first time they’d talked on the phone, when she had seen him at the frat barbecue, the moment he had held her at Confusion, at one of Carrie’s dinners and another time he had called her. Before she knew it she had to go to class.

After she left the doctor’s office, she thought about it further. A person can be attracted to all sorts of characters, she knew that. It’s not like Gary’s a freak or criminal. Just a very good-looking mystery who happened to be related to her best friend.

The ‘mystery’ man called her and invited her to a weekend party a couple days after her visit to Dr. Versha’s. It was a very spontaneous invitation and she not only had to accept or decline in a matter of minutes, but once she decided, she had to pack in forty minutes. She also had to resist the urge to phone her psychiatrist. She succeeded on both accounts; three days’ worth of clothes were packed and she crossed the hall to tell Carrie instead.

Kris tried not to make it sound like the big deal it was to her as she calmly told her best friend she’d be leaving town for the weekend with her older brother.

“You what?” Carrie screeched, quickly sitting upright, nearly knocking her laptop off the bed.

“I’m going away with Gary this weekend,” came the response.

She was dumbfounded as she simply stared at Kris who avoided her gaze after a second. Carrie then became cautiously curious about her friend’s choice to accept the invitation. And finally she was positively gleeful about Gary having the chance to spend time with Kris.

“A whole weekend alone?” came the joyful query.

“Not alone Carrie, it’s a party” Kris replied patiently.” Lots of people will be there.”

Carrie only grinned.

When the doorbell rang, her grin widened and she dashed for it. “Get your bag!” she shouted over her shoulder. “I’ll get the door.”

Slowly Kris moved back to her own room to get her luggage. Before she left, she gazed at her slightly worried expression in the mirror and she considered calling Dr. Versha anyway.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Kris made an annoyed sound in her throat and shook her head. She wasn’t leaving the house with a serial killer. He was Carrie’s brother and he was a friend.

She had nothing to fear. She repeated that silently as she exited her bedroom and descended the stairs. A minute later, she was in the hallway where Gary and Carrie were having another sober argument.

“It’s not quite the same, is it?” he was asking Carrie softly.

Carrie was about to respond but her mouth snapped shut on whatever she was about to retort when she saw Kris watching them. Taking a slow breath in and out, she smiled wryly. That made her brother turn his head to look directly at her.

When Gary saw her, some of his evident irritation faded as he smiled. “Hey you.”

“Hey yourself. What are you guys frowning about now?”

“You know family squabbles,” Carrie chuckled dismissively, “he didn’t invite me to the party!”

Kris knew that wasn’t the real reason, but she laughed anyway.

“You ready to head out?” Gary asked, taking her bag from her.

Kris nodded silently, sliding her glance back to Carrie quickly.

Carrie caught the look and smiled reassuringly, rubbing her friend’s shoulder and maneuvering her towards the front door.

They all headed outside. Gary opened the passenger door and helped Kris up into the truck. He threw her bag in the back and closed the door. He and Carrie spoke for a moment and then he got in, opening the front passenger window with the key in the ignition.

“You guys have fun,” Carrie called out. “And Kris, feel free to do all those things that I wouldn’t ever do with Gary. I insist.”

“Gross, Carrie,” Kris groaned with quiet laughter. “Bye.”

“Why gross?” Gary asked affronted from the driver’s seat.

Kris laughed. “She shouldn’t be thinking of you like that in the first place. Hot or not, you’re her brother!”

Her indirect compliment gained her a gorgeous smile in return. She had to look away before he saw her blinking like an idiot.

“Yeah, well we all know Carrie’s just one of those happy people,” Gary said without heat as he gunned the engine one last time.

Kris laughed again, over her momentary brain freeze. That she was.

As usual, Kris fell asleep on the way out of town. Gary woke her up at the last stop before the lake. They’d been driving for two hours and dusk was approaching.

“This is the last break,” he informed her. “You want something to drink?”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll be back in ten.”

She glanced absently at the dashboard clock and took her iPod out of her bag. She started singing along to Sweet Escape and got lost in the music. As the next song was starting, she glanced out of the window towards the gas station store with its glass front. A lady was unloading her second basket of groceries and Gary was chatting to two young guys behind him. They all eyed the older woman warily and Kris went back to her music with a small smile.

Gary knew he wouldn’t make it out in ten minutes like he’d originally promised when the lady in front of them started counting quarters.

“Will you look at her dude,” Chas muttered behind him. “Every minute is crucial and we are totally missing out. The girls will be in no mood to swim after they eat and the sun goes down,” he groaned.

Seth, a frat brother, laughed. “Gary’s only rushing as far as his car. Therein is his entertainment contained… ours,” he finished wryly, “is another thirty minutes away.”

“You brought Kris?” exclaimed Chas, surprised but pleased. “Way to go, Mars!”

Gary nodded and punched Seth lightly. “It’s not like that, though. Just thought, you know, maybe she’d like to get out with people other than the GPD.”

“As long as you’re there right?” his friend and class mate grinned slyly.

Gary merely smiled and shrugged.

“Hey, not that what you’re doing is not cool,” Chas went on to say, keeping one eye on the lady in front of them as the man behind the till continued to count change into the register. “All due respect given, man. You almost died for her- oh thank God!”

The woman ahead of them left with six paper bags. All three young men breathed sighs of relief and the attendant chuckled sympathetically.

Gary set his few items on the counter and gestured for his friends to do the same.

Dumping his things on the conveyor belt, Chas continued in sober tones, “What you did for Kris was something. It’s hard for us to see you guys like this, but we respect your choice and we will do everything we can to help you. You just say the word, bro.”

Seth nodded his agreement and patted Gary on the shoulder. The latter managed a tight smile and a nod of his own, wishing they wouldn’t bring up that part of his past. They made him sound like a hero and he felt a little angry and much more undeserving when they made it sound like he’d done an amazing thing for Kris.

Chas didn’t know the half of it. A part of him had actually died for Kris.

The truth was he had failed where it really mattered and that ripped a new hole in his heart every time he thought about what it cost him.

Gary paid for everything using his bank card and waved at the other two fellows while their goods were bagged. “See you soon.”