Unnamed

respond to emotion more than logic. This will make your answer rich in context and make it easier for her to answer.

Here's an example:

You: "Tell me something cool about yourself."

Her: "Hmm, I don't know."

You: "Well, like me, I love to surf because I feel so alive and free when I'm riding a wave. What about you? Is there something like that for you?"

Here's another:

You: "Tell me something interesting about you, like what are you passionate about?"

Her: "I don't know. Like what?"

You: "Well, like me, I love to write music because it allows me to express my creative side and I feel so inspired when I write a song. What about you? Is there something you like to do that is creative?"

So it's basically like this: "I love X, because it makes me feel Y. What about you?" X=what you love; Y=why you love it

Make sure your answer does not come off as bragging. If you say, "Well like me, I own several large businesses because I love making lots of money. What about you?" not only does it seem overly boastful, but it also makes it hard for her to answer. What if she's just a young twenty-something year old with few life experiences? How can she possibly come up with an answer that compares to yours? Make sure to give an example that helps her come up with her own answer and that doesn't seem braggadocios.

Know Your Setting

What might work in a nighttime environment in a club won't necessarily work well in the daytime at the park, at a school, or in the grocery store. Know your setting and adjust your approach accordingly.

During the day, if you met a girl on the street you might ask, "What's something you are really passionate about?" This can work great because it gives you a lot of insight about who she is, plus everyone loves talking about their passions.

Nighttime challengers and qualifiers should be more quick, fun and flirty. I tried asking girls, "What are you passionate about?" at nightclubs and always got the same reaction, "I just want to have fun, not have a serious conversation."

A better challenging question at night would be, "I love adventurous girls, tell me something dangerous you've done lately," or "Are you fun? I don't believe you! Prove it. Tell me a bar game you know?" Keep in mind that even though these are more teasing and playful, they can still be real things that you want or don't want in a girl.

In either setting, be careful with touchy subjects like marriage, religion, abortion, politics, etc., unless however, her beliefs or opinions for these topics could be deal breakers for you. If you have a core value or belief that is central to your identity, then by all means ask away. For example, if you are a stout Republican who does not want to date a Democrat, or you are a born-again Christian who would not want to date an Atheist, then it's important to find that out sooner rather than later, so you don't waste your time with someone who is not compatible.

Remember, qualification and being a challenge is a mindset and way of being. It's about holding people in your life to a higher standard. It's about valuing your time instead of offering it out freely to all who want it. It's not just a short phase in the interaction, it's who you are as a person and how you treat people.

Let me make this clear, it is not about putting people down. It's actually the exact opposite. It's drawing out the best from those around you. And as a result, they will love you for it.

Asking qualification questions is just one way to extract information to see if she is worthy of you. It's important to remain a challenge and stay firm in your boundaries throughout the dating interaction and into the relationship.

As soon as you become complacent and let your woman walk all over you, is when the relationship begins to flounder. A woman wants a man who sticks to his standards and boundaries and can stand up to her. If you don't like her behavior, then tell her so. Even if you know she won't like to hear it, it's better to be honest and call her out if she's doing something that you don't appreciate.

Don't be the pleaser. You don't have to agree with everything she does or says. Have an abundance mentality and don't be afraid to walk away! You should know within the first few minutes if a girl is worth your time or not. Don't persevere with someone you're not really connecting with just because they're hot or you're feeling desperate. There are so many attractive women out there that will appreciate you, so why waste your valuable time?

I know qualifying her and being a challenge can seem very serious. It is important, since forgetting to qualify a girl on something that is important to you can waste time and prolong a relationship that was doomed from the get go. But there's no reason you can't have fun when you qualify her. So flirt with her throughout the interaction. More on having fun and flirting soon to come.

As I mentioned before, qualification is a mindset and not some technique. It's not something you do once and then it's over. It's something that you do throughout the dating process, and trust me, she will be qualifying you as well. And, that's a good thing.

Now, I want to end this chapter with a challenge to you: Make it your mission to find the inner beauty in every woman you meet.

CHAPTER RECAP

• You must balance out your desire in her by simultaneously being a challenge, also known as being a high-status man. This isn't some technique or tactic you use to make her want you. It must be who you are.

• Only when you stop trying to impress her and have confidence that your natural attraction vibe is enough, can you truly seduce her.

• Nice guys finish last because they think they have to "win" a female's affection. The supposed "bad boys" don't care if they impress her, so they don't get in the way of the natural, subconscious language of attraction.

EXERCISES

This chapter has several exercises and I want you to do them all. Even if you grasp the concept just fine, practice makes perfect. So don't skip any of them.

• Create three lists:

✓ 20 achievements that you have accomplished in your life. These don't have to be big. In fact, you can include anything you've done that you are proud of. Maybe you gave a poor person $20. Maybe you ended an unhealthy relationship. Try to stretch yourself and write more than

20.

✓ 20 things that you love about yourself. These can be qualities, attributes, mindsets or behaviors. Try to stretch and write down more than 20.

✓ 10 to 20 non-physical qualities, attributes or behaviors that you want in a woman. For example, you might have 15 that are must-haves and 5 that "would be nice to have." Feel free to create two lists, one for a serious girlfriend and another for more casual friends-with-benefits, one-night stand or booty call arrangements.

• For the next 3 days, I want you to approach at least one girl each day with a direct, genuine compliment and then ask a qualification question after you introduce yourself. It can be something you want or don't want in someone you date or it can be something more generic like, "Well I have to go but I don't know anything about you, so tell me something interesting about you. Like, what are you passionate about?" Remember to ask in a challenging dominant tone, rather than an approval seeking, overly excited submissive tone.

• Finally, remind yourself every day that you are the prize; you are a catch; you are the selector. Say this in the mirror when you first wake up and before you go to sleep at night. I know it sounds silly, but it really can have a huge impact on your mindset and how you see yourself.  

CHAPTER 7:

How to Create A Deep Connection With A Woman

"Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds up all relationships."

– Stephen R. Covey

THE FOUNDATION OF CREATING DEEP CONNECTIONS

Rapport isn't about being a pushover, being agreeable or even having a lot of commonalities. Rapport is having a sense of trust and understanding that makes you enjoy being around each other.

I'm sure every guy reading this has met at least one woman he had plenty in common with. Maybe you even spent all night talking about your common interests and were amazed at how well you two got along… yet you're permanently stuck in the friend zone and can't figure out why she's not interested in taking things to the next level.

To successfully have a woman fall for you, you need three things: attraction, sexual tension and trust. Even if a girl likes you and is getting turned on by you, if she feels that you may hurt her, may not be willing to protect her, might not call her in the morning, might tell others about her sexual escapades with you, etc., then she probably won't sleep with you.

Going home with a guy can be very scary for a woman because the feeling of "public safety" disappears when she's alone with you. Secluded in an apartment puts her in a very vulnerable position, and when she has her clothes off in bed, she'll be at her most vulnerable. She knows that men are bigger and stronger and have the ability to hurt and take advantage of her. So, throughout the night she will be unconsciously alert to see if you are a threat or not, by sensing you, testing you, and "feeling" your emotions and intentions.

If she doesn't trust you then she won't put her guard down. No matter what you're doing, part of her will feel tense and nervous. This, of course, is not an ideal state for arousal. But on the other hand, when you have heartfelt good intentions, the girl will feel safe, open up, and you will be in rapport. Sex might be a physical act, but good sex is also mental.

The bottom line is that rapport builds trust, where all pleasure stems from. The more rapport, sense of connection and understanding you both share, the more she will trust you. The more trust she feels the more likely she'll go home with you and want to see you again.

So the key is to build rapport and avoid breaking it. Some small breaks in rapport are fine, but too many and it will be hard to recover.

Instant Rapport

The most important aspects of rapport involve subconscious communication from one animal brain to the other. This communication conveys, "You are with like kind here, you are safe." When we can assist a woman's animal brain to let go of its fight or flight fear response and alertness, she has a much easier time putting her guard down and connecting.

Since women are so perceptive and in-tune with their emotions, a certain level of rapport will be established or broken within the first few seconds of meeting her, based on the way you feel.

Remember the concept of emotional contagion? It's worth repeating. If you are feeling nervous, afraid or anxious because you idolize her as the prize, she will feel it and it will rub off on her, thus breaking rapport. And of course, the opposite is also true. If you are grounded, feeling confident and comfortable in her presence, she will feel comfortable as well, and rapport will be instantly established.

This is why I often warm up before meeting a girl for a first date. I'll talk to random people, chat up the bartender, patrons or anyone in my vicinity to help me feel more confident and social before she even shows up. Since I'm currently living in The Philippines and women tend to be particularly shy, I want my energy and vibe to rub off on her, instead of the other way around.

When you are instantly comfortable in her presence, even if she is a total stranger, she will feel a sense of comfort as well. So practice feeling comfortable talking to strangers, particularly, strangers that you find attractive. Remember, if you aren't feeling comfortable, go through the grounding sequence from chapter 3.

The Dreaded Awkward Silence

But of course, at some point in the date you are bound to experience the dreaded moment of silence. The nervous nice guy always gets anxious and uncomfortable during this silence and wants to break the tension as soon as possible. She notices him awkwardly sipping his beer as he struggles to think of something to say. He fidgets in his seat. He flashes an awkward smile, wishing she would say something. Finally he breaks the tension with whatever blasé thing that pops into his mind. "Soooo...what's your favorite movie?" His shaky voice reeks with uncertainty, making her feel nervous as she contemplates whether she should text her girlfriend to come save her.

Temporary silence will breakout on every date for a ton of reasons, so you better get used to it. Stop fearing this quiet period and just let it be. Don't worry about filling every space, instead, be comfortable with momentary silence. Breathe deep, feel your body and get grounded, because silence is actually an opportunity to increase the rapport.

You see, couples and good friends often experience prolonged moments of silence and it's no big deal. Neither party feels the need to occupy the space at every moment since they are already comfortable with one another. Which is why, if you can feel comfortable in silence with a woman you're just getting to know, it can actually create a sense that you've known each other a long time. Soon, she'll begin to feel comfortable with just being in your presence, even if there is no talking, just like she's with her closer friends, family and lovers.

Your Vibe - The Chameleon Effect

Have you ever seen a sales-person mimick or indirectly copying a person's energy, vibe, mannerisms, posture, gestures, body language, volume, tone and certain words they use? This type of mirroring is very powerful because it builds rapport on a subconscious level because people naturally feel more comfortable around those that are similar to them.

Now obviously, you shouldn't mirror everything she does because that can look weird and make you lose focus on the conversation. It takes too much mental energy and can sometimes backfire if she notices, or if she is acting very girly or insecure (mannerisms you don't want to emulate).

So instead of mirroring directly, I recommend the "chameleon" approach. This is similar to "mirroring," but less obvious, more natural and much easier to do. Just focus on matching her overall energy and vibe, rather than specific mannerisms.

If she is super chill and laid back, then bring down your energy to that level. If she's in party mode, then crank it up a few notches. You see, if you approach the party girl who's having the best night of her life while trying to act all cool like James Dean, she'll blow you off no matter how smooth or handsome you are.

Once you've mastered this, you can move on to matching some of her broader body language mannerisms, pace of speaking and key words that you notice her repeating. Again, don't go overboard or you'll wind up looking like some giant parrot having a stroke. Stick to matching just one or two things she's doing at a time. For example, if you notice she talks fast then try talking fast as well. If she speaks in a very low volume, then tone it down a bit. If you notice she is leaning back, then lean back as well. If she smiles a lot, then flash her your pearly whites more than usual. If you're doing all three at once though, you're probably overdoing it.

We intuitively like people that are similar to us so make similar gestures, match her volume and pace, backtrack a few key words and subtly match her body language, while not overly copying, especially anything feminine or that could be perceived as weak.

Shared Experiences

My bootcamp student's constantly want to know, "What do I say to make her attracted?" But the truth is what you say is not nearly important as what you do. And one of the fastest ways to increase rapport is by doing things together. Sharing experiences together can practically make a girl fall in love with you.

The principle is simple. The more activities you do and the more places you visit together, the more rapport increases because each experience creates a new memory. Why do you think business meetings are often conducted on the golf course? Smart executives know that if they share an experience, such as golfing, they are more likely to do business together. The same is true in dating. The more emotional memories she has with you, the more she will value the relationship and feel connected to you.

Each location in the bar, each activity you experience together, and each venue you visit becomes a mini memory within the overall memory of the date. So the more you do, the more memories you share. Which creates a stronger bond and deeper rapport than just chatting together in one location.

Experiencing something new with her, no matter how small, will be 10 times more emotional than talking about even the most intense experience with her.

This applies when you first meet someone as well. The mistake most guys make when they first approach a girl is standing for too long in the same place. Especially if, as is usually the case, she's with friends. The longer you stay in that spot the longer you are perceived as the "new guy" or outsider. But as soon as you move somewhere, with her alone or her entire group, the sooner you create a sense of togetherness. So try to move her or her group as soon as possible for any reason.

For example, if you meet her near the entrance of the bar, don't just stand there chatting for 30-minutes. Instead, after a few minutes, lead her to your friends and introduce them. Then go shake your butts on the dance floor for a song or two. Then grab a drink at the bar. It's much better to move three times in thirty minutes, than it is standing in the same place the entire time.

Same is true during the day. If you approach her on the sidewalk, don't stand there for fifteen minutes chatting her up. Instead, after a few minutes, suggest going for a walk. Then grab a cup of coffee or ice-cream. An instant date significantly improves your chances of seeing her again.

This rule applies even more so on a planned date. Most guys go to one venue, usually a restaurant, and spend two or more hours there. Even though they discussed numerous topics and got to know each other, often there isn't enough rapport to successfully go for a kiss, let alone take her home.

Whereas if you visit three to five venues throughout the night, she will feel like it's been on three to five dates. Of course she knows that it's the first date, but she will feel like she's known you much longer. And since women base most of their decisions, especially when it comes to relationships and sex, on how they feel in that situation, her chances of going home with you increase dramatically.

There are so many possible options for a multi-part date. For example: Start by meeting at a popular landmark in the city instead of directly at the club or restaurant. Then greet her with a strong hug and kiss on the cheek. Walk to the first venue arm in arm, while chatting and asking about her day. If it's nighttime, I recommend a casual bar or lounge for the first venue.

Grab a drink there, but only one. Then stroll to another nearby bar for a second round. Limit your drinks again to just one each. Then, either go for another walk, get a snack somewhere nearby, or check out a scenic area, such as the beach or romantic view of the city, where it would be ideal to go for the kiss. Then, either go to one more venue near your home, or suggest going straight back to your place for another drink or to show her something like a piece of art, your fish tank or view of the city. Either way, it's helpful if the last venue is near your house. Having to drive thirty minutes can kill the momentum.

Emotional Experiences

Do you remember what you were doing when Michael Jackson died? What about when you found out Donald Trump was president of the United States? If you were a fan of Michael, then you probably got really sad and emotional. If you are an American, then you either got angry or excited. Either way, they were emotional experiences for you and you remember them.

What about what you had for dinner last Tuesday night? Do you remember? Unless it was your birthday or a special event then you probably don't.

You see, we remember emotional events in our lives. Moments that are mundane and unemotional are rarely memorable because they lack strong emotions.

The same is especially true for new people. We remember and develop strong emotional bonds with people that we share emotions with. For examples, I have a friend who fought in the Marines and shared very strong emotions, both good and bad, with the members of his squad. Years later, when he would reunite with men in his unit, it was like they were best friends again. The brotherly bond was so strong because of the strong emotions they shared, even if they were all civilians now and lived separate lives.

But you don't have to fight to make a rapid and deep connection with a woman. Although it sometimes seems like conflict is the strategy in Latin culture for spicing things up. A better options is to spice up your encounters with enough randomness and emotional ups and downs to create a memorable experience. If you and your date go to multiple places and play some different bar games while talking, flirting and having fun then a strong bond will likely form. Make sure to add some excitement, struggle, anticipation, joy, conflict, mystery, lust and tension. That might sound daunting, but it's easy when you focus on less traditional activities, fun venues and have conversations that provoke emotion.

Obviously, you don't want to get in a shouting match about politics or something on a first date, but don't shy away from talking about any controversial themes that come up. You want to provoke an emotional reaction.

Conversational Rapport

While what you say is the least important aspect of attraction and rapport, it's true that saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can turn women off fast and cause the whole interaction to blow up in your face. Nine times out of ten though, the problem isn't that you stepped on some hidden conversational land mine, but rather charged blindly into the forest and cracked your head against an easily avoidable tree trunk.

The most common obstacle guys slam into without thinking is just asking too many questions in a row when they first meet a woman. And I know, they're just trying to follow the classic advice of letting her talk about herself, but the endless Q&A approach backfires fast. There's nothing wrong with asking fact finding questions, especially on a date, but too many of these type of boring questions in a row drains the recipient's energy. They make the whole interaction feel like a painful job interview.

So when you first meet a girl don't barrage her with questions like, "Where are you from? What do you do? Do you come here often?" etc. She wants to feel desired and safe, not like she's being interrogated. Maybe she's answering everything and you feel some rapport, but that's only going one way. She'll be quietly bored, annoyed and searching for an excuse to leave.

The typical conversation from an average guy sounds like this:

Average Guy: "Where are you from?"

Girl: "Cincinnati"

Average Guy: "Oh cool, so what do you do there?"

Girl: "I'm a nurse"

Average Guy: "Oh nice, so what brings you to LA?"

Girl: "I'm just visiting a friend"

Average Guy: "Cool, so how long are you staying here?"

Girl: "Just a week."

Average Guy: "Then you are going back to Cincinnati?"

See how the Average Guy is just trying to extract as much information as he can from the girl? It makes the guy seem overly invested. This gets exhausting and annoying fast, if not downright scary when she wonders if he's some type of stalker.

One simple way to improve this is to provide a comment after each response she gives. Just ask a question and then insert a comment. It can be a comment about her answer that reveals your experience of it, someone else's experience of it, or having no experience of it. This also gives her a chance to ask some questions herself and build natural conversational rapport.

Let's take the response, "Cincinnati" for example. If you have been there you can say something like, "Oh cool I was there last year and I found the people so much friendlier than LA." Or if you've never been there, you can tell someone else's experience of it. "My friend was just there and he said the people are so friendly. Do you think that's true?" Or, finally, you can talk about how you have never been there, "I've never been, but I always wanted to visit. Maybe I'll stay with you next time. But you have to promise to behave." (This is meant to be a joke.) Either way, she'll respond to any of the above, usually with her own query, which will lead to a more naturally flowing conversation instead of a verbal questionnaire to fill out.

So, start getting into the habit of making a short comment after she answers your questions. Remember, it can be about your own experience, someone else's experience, or about how you've never experienced it.

After you give a brief comment about her answer, you can either ask a followup question, change topics by asking a new question, or answer the same question yourself.

A good rule to follow is to never ask more than two questions in a row. Think about it. Every time you ask something, you're creating the context that you want something from the other person. Even if it's just information, there's a needy context here which is emotionally draining for the person answering. So when you noticed you just asked two questions in a row, then it's time to make a statement or comment.

It's important to know that you don't have to wait for her to ask you a question in order to reveal information about yourself. It's perfectly okay to talk about yourself. This helps her get to know your values and views on life, which creates a connection.

Balance is key. If you ask too many questions, without making comments or giving any information about yourself, then she will get irritated. On the other hand, if you talk about yourself too much, without asking her any questions, you will seem arrogant, uninterested, and "full of yourself."

THE 70/30 RULE

Approaching a woman isn't like a job interview where you are trying to prove yourself in hopes of winning a new job. Let her talk about herself instead of you droning on about how impressive you are.

As a general rule, I recommend being 70% interested and 30% interesting when initially meeting a new woman. After all, people love talking about themselves, and before you invest too much time you want to know if she's even worth your time. Maybe she's married to a jealous UFC fighter. Maybe she's an empty-headed bobble doll that'll bore you to death in five minutes. For all you know, she could even be a vegetarian (or an avid hunter, if you're a vegan). The point is, beauty is only skin deep, so you must get a feeling of what you're diving into before investing your time and emotional effort.

The reason getting her to open up, and actively listening and sympathizing with her, builds rapport and connection is because everyone wants to be heard. Everyone's favorite subject is themselves. It's not a female only thing. Just about everyone, whether they admit it or not, loves talking about themselves.

When we divulge personal information about ourselves, while the other person actually listens instead of just waiting for their turn to speak, we can't help but feel closer to the listener. We tend to feel like that person must really get us and understand us. This makes the speaker feel a sense of trust and safety towards the listener.

Now, this doesn't mean just nodding along and smiling. I'm talking about asking questions and being genuinely interested. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and hers. So let's cover the details of being interested and establishing an instant rapport.

Emotional Questions

The quality of your questions is important. Boring questions lead to boring answers. If you ask something she's answered over and over with other people, then she'll give her standard autopilot response. Nothing emotional happens inside of her. She won't feel anything.

Questions like, "Have you been here before?" or "What are you drinking?" leave you with one-word answers like, "nope" or "wine." I recommend substituting standard close-ended questions with interesting open-ended queries that lead to emotional answers, insights into her world, or reveal her motivations in life. This will make you stand out from all the guys who ask boring questions, and will lead to deeper conversation that builds an instant connection.

Here are some examples of variants to the general getting to know someone questions:

"If we could go anywhere in the world right now where would we go?"

"What one thing gets you really excited when you wake up in the morning?"

"What would you do if you had no chance of failure?"

"What's your biggest fear?"

"What are you passionate about?"

"If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?"

"Tell me one of the craziest life experiences you've had?"

"What do you most want out of life?"

Do you see how these are deeper questions that lead to emotionally charged answers? She's had the same conversation about work or where she's from over and over again. The person asking those questions don't stand out in her mind. But when someone sparks conversation that triggers a pleasant emotion, that will be a meaningful interaction she will remember and cherish.

Instead of, "where do you work" and "how long have you worked there?" ask "what do you love most about your job?" Instead of, "where are you from?" or "how long did you live there?" ask "what do you love most about your hometown?" You get the idea, but there's a more comprehensive list in the Language of Attraction (LOA) Cheat Sheet at the end of this book.

With just a little effort, you can find a fun variant to every typical logic question that doesn't yield generic facts, like how long she did something or where she did it. If nothing else, ask emotionally charged follow up questions like, "What made you want to do that?" "What was that like?" "How did that make you feel?" or "You have to tell me that story."

Remember, girls respond better to emotions. When talking about her recent trip to Europe it's better to ask:

"How did you feel traveling alone?" or "What did you love about France?" Rather than:

"When did you go?" or "How long were you there?"

The latter gives you a boring fact like, "last year," or "one month," whereas the prior gives you emotions like, "I was so excited to be out of the country for the first time, but it was kind of scary," or "I loved the smell of the fresh baguettes in the cafes." If you ask her, "What did you love about France?" she will likely talk about the emotions she felt, the sights she saw, how much she loves to travel, or some of the adventures she had, and these topics will make her light up with enthusiasm.

Always remember that women are emotion addicts, so the more positive emotions you offer and provoke, the better. Still, don't worry if negative emotions crop up. Even reliving a scary or sad experience, momentarily at least, can add to the experience and emotional rollercoaster of the interaction.

I remember when a girl started crying on our first date as she explained how her family wouldn't support her pursuit of acting. I sat there listening empathetically, making comments like, "That must have been really hard." Even though I felt bad for her situation, I also knew it added to the emotional intensity of our date.

I know, I know, shame on me for thinking that. But don't worry. I cheered her up soon with comments like, "You are so full of emotion. You'd make an amazing actress," and "Don't worry, you will prove them all wrong." I showed that I understood her world and what she must have been feeling, while also encouraging her and believing in her. Needless to say, we created new positive emotional memories shortly after.

Remember, women want more than just a pleasant conversation, they need an emotional experience.

Talking About Yourself

It's important to share your own interests, goals, aspirations, experiences, motivations and emotions throughout the interaction. But don't be like most guys who share their entire life story right away. Always leave her wondering a little and wanting to learn more. As I mentioned, a good rule of thumb is to be 30% interesting (talking about yourself) and 70% interested (finding out about her).

When she asks you questions, don't give short responses like, "I like video games," "I'm a graphic designer," or "I like cheese." Unless she knows a lot about the subject, a short answer kills the conversational thread.

To solve this problem simply add the word "because" after your answer, and give your reason why you like it. Using the word "because," forces you to expand on the answer and provides more conversational options. Even if she can't relate to your experience or interest, she can probably relate the feeling or motivation behind it.

Examples:

"I like video games because it's a way to challenge myself and I feel accomplished when I win a game. Do you know what I mean?"

This statement can lead to a discussion about games, ways of challenging one's self or accomplishments.

"I'm a graphic designer because I've always had a passion for art and I love using my creativity."

This statement can lead to a conversation about graphic design, passions, art, or creativity.

"I like cheese because when I was a kid my mom fed me cheddar anytime I cried, so it became my comfort food."

This statement may lead to a discussion about favorite foods, comfort foods, family or childhood memories.

Did you notice how using the word, "because," not only forces you to provide her with more insight into who you are and offers more emotion to the conversation, but also creates many subject options for the two of you to choose from?

A conversation ends when there are no more threads or topics to choose from. So give rich answers with multiple threads to add depth and emotion to the conversation and more options to the direct the conversation.

Empathetic Listening

As you ask questions and talk about yourself, she'll open up more and more about her life, her goals, her experiences and her interests. As she starts to open up more to you, make sure you are actively and empathetic listening. This means, while she is talking ask questions to provoke more emotions like, "Really? Tell me about that?" or "What was that like?" or "That must have been really hard?"

For example, if she won a competition, you can talk about how proud she must have felt when she won. You could also ask emotionally charged follow up question like, "What was it like when you won?" or "What motivated you to compete?" The more she opens up to you the more she will trust you and feel safe to reveal more and progress the interaction.

Appreciation

Women love to be desired for their physical appearance, but they also want to be desired for their inner beauty as well. As she opens up, make sure to reward her with appreciation. Humans crave to feel accepted, so make sure she knows you value her qualities, passions and accomplishments. You could say, "I love how dedicated you are. Most people would have given up, but you kept going and that says a lot about you," or, "You have a great attitude and I love how passionate you are. I think that's a rare quality."

The point is, you must really care about what she's saying, or she will assume you don't really care about her and only want her for sex, which of course, can make her feel unsafe. Be genuinely curious about her passions, fears, goals, and dreams and watch her open up to you like a beautiful flower.

Cold Reading

The one thing people love more than talking about themselves is insight into how other's perceive them. We love to know what others think about us.

Cold reading is when you make an assumption or educated guess about someone based on your perception of them. It's great because instead of asking questions, which is extracting information, you're giving information. If you request too many details too soon, it can feel draining for the other person. So mix in cold reading as a way to balance out your questions.

If you get the cold read right, the person will think you really get them. If you get it wrong, then they will usually correct you, thus still revealing the information you wanted. They might even ask why you thought that, which can lead to an interesting conversation.

For example, instead of asking, "Where are you from?" you could say, "You seem like you are a big city girl, maybe New York or Los Angeles."

Instead of asking, "Do you have a naughty side?" which is kind of an odd question, you could say, "I can tell you have little bit of a naughty side, but you hide it well."

An easy formula to follow is, "You seem like you X," or "I feel like you X," where "X" is a statement about her such as, "are a country girl," or "were put in time out a lot when you were young," or "are very spontaneous."

You can also use generalities and truisms, things that are generally true for most people. The easiest way to do this is by naming different conflicting "sides" or "parts" of one's personality.

For example, "I feel like there is a wild side of you that wants to be crazy and indulge in bad behavior, but then there's another part that wants to be a good girl and play it safe." This is generally true about most people.

Another example is, "I bet there's a part of you that just wants to be independent and make all your own decisions, but there's another part that wants a strong man to take control and lead you." Usually true about most women.

This works great because when you are right she'll feel like you really understand her world. And even if she says, "no I'm not really like that," it's still more interesting conversation than asking, "Are you independent?"

Get in the habit of making cold read statements and being more perceptive. Women will love you for it.

Being Vulnerable

One of the keys to getting a girl to fall in love with you is for her to open up about very personal experiences. And the best way to do that is for you to open up first. Vulnerability isn't a weakness, but rather crucial to deep rapport. Since no one is perfect and we all have our flaws, when you open up about your vulnerabilities and mistakes, it lets her see you as an authentic human being and makes you more relatable. The man who acts perfect and always does and says the right things, or tries to be that way, cannot be trusted. Let's face it, no one is perfect.

When you open up to her in a vulnerable way, she will likely reciprocate, revealing something personal about her life. When she tells you something only close people in her life know, then you've taken a huge step inside her inner circle.

So when you have a chance, confess a secret or mistake in your life. Disclose a failure in which you learned a valuable lesson. Tell her about a tragedy that you had to overcome. Just don't overdo it or get too depressing. This should be a spice in your verbal recipe, not the main ingredient or you may just appear as a failure. Mix vulnerability with victory so that you come out on top.

Here's an example of a vulnerability story that I've told many times:

Have you ever felt like you really disappointed your family? I remember when I felt like I really disappointed my parents. They helped me through college where I studied computers, but instead of getting a nice programming job, I sold garage doors. My passion wasn't programming. It was performing on stage in my band. One day my mom called me and said, "When are you going to give up this foolish dream and get a good job?" I could tell she was concerned, and rightly so.

I started doubting myself, wondering what if my mom is right and what if we don't make it and it's all for nothing. The computer world changes so quickly and if I waited, then I might not be able to get any decent job. I felt really sad and depressed for a while, because I didn't want to fail my family and waste all that time and all their money on my education, having it just go down the drain. But eventually I snapped out of it, and used the desire to not disappoint my family to motivate me to work even harder. That work finally paid off when, in the span of a few months, my band won Performer of the Year at the L.A. Music Awards and were featured on MTV2 and went on tour for two weeks with Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance. I'll never forget when my mom called me when we were on tour and said, "I knew you could do it. I always believed in you!"

Storytelling

Stories are powerful because it invokes emotion. A good story can captivate the listeners and makes them feel like they are right there with you in the story.

The content of your stories doesn't have to be amazing, like saving orphans from a burning building or stopping a villains plot to take over the world, but you do need to be a good storyteller or you will lose the interest of your audience. If the listener asks, "Then what?" or "What's the point?" at the end of your story, then you know you did a bad job telling it.

Most dating coaches preach using stories that Demonstrate High Value (DHV Stories). They claim that your stories should be filled with examples of all your attractive qualities in order to impress her and make her see you as a potential suitor. I tried these DHV stories many times when I first started learning "game," and let me tell you, this old school pickup method isn't necessary. Women put little value on the actual facts you convey. They care about the way you make them feel.

So don't worry about bragging in your stories. You don't need to try and interject a story about your supermodel ex-girlfriend or your trip to China with Obama. The attractiveness in your stories come from how you tell the tale, more than any cool features. Are you speaking with confidence? Are you speaking with emotion and enthusiasm? Are you painting a vivid picture in her mind that takes her on an emotional journey? Is there enough suspense leading to a climatic or funny ending?

That being said, you shouldn't convey too many negative qualities about yourself either. Vulnerabilities are fine, just no stories about cheating on your last girlfriend or your current porn addiction. At least, not on the first date. There's plenty of time to peel back the layers of your soul later.

Instead of trying to brag by demonstrating your worth, I recommend telling stories that convey a fun idea, such as seizing the moment or being in tune with one's sexuality. This causes her to think about those subjects, without blatantly instructing her to do so. For example, if you have a great story about losing your virginity, and who doesn't have a good story about that, then sharing it in a positive or vulnerable light can lead to discussing sexuality, romantic adventures and forgoing inhibition to quench one's desires.

The key is that your stories must be in context and fit the moment. This is why bragging stories rarely have the intended effect, since they often appear out of context, thus reinforcing that you are trying to prove your worth. The story should make sense with what is being discussed and not seem forced and out of nowhere. If she says she wants to visit Australia, then your story of diving the Great Barrier Reef would make sense. If you are discussing your career, then a story about how you started your business would be fitting. But if you start talking about your diving expedition or your business venture, when the subject is how her parents separated when she was twelve, then it's so obviously forced and unnatural.

The length of your story should also fit the context. If you just met a group of girls in a loud bar, then a long story wouldn't make sense, because they don't even know you yet. If it's an hour into a date, then a longer story can work fine, assuming the story is interesting. So make sure to lengthen or shorten your anecdotes as necessary. A general rule of thumb is the earlier it is in the interaction, the shorter your tale should be.

Now that you know how to fit the story in context, you need to make sure to capture your audience's attention. The content isn't super important, but there should always be an intro that hooks the listener and sets the stage of the story, a conflict or some unexpected twist, and then an ending resolution.

That doesn't mean that any story with this structure will be deemed worthy. What separates the good from the boring when it comes to storytelling is emotion. Enthusiasm, passion and excitement make even the most mundane story feel enthralling. The key to doing this is to relive the story in your mind as you are telling it. Feel those emotions of the moment instead of just reciting what happened.

By reliving the story in your mind, it forces you to describe the sights, sounds and feelings in details, making her feel like she's actually there. The depth of the details will depend on the length of your story. A three-minute story should be easily cut to thirty seconds when you cut out most of the details.

Let's take this example: "I once climbed the Great Wall of China. It was really fun. We climbed so high up that we almost missed our bus home. But luckily we made it back in time."

Now, even though it has a hook, some conflict and a resolution, it's not that interesting because it lacks details. Telling the story with enthusiasm and emotion will help, but it will still remain lackluster without some descriptive language.

Here's a better version: "A few years ago I was in Beijing with my best friend and we decided to take an excursion to The Great Wall. After the twohour bus ride to the entrance of the Wall, we got out of the van. It was freezing and we could see the wall in the distance covered in snow. How were we going to climb up, we wondered? As we got to the entrance of the Wall, the sheer magnitude took our breath away. The steps were slick and we fell a few times, but we were determined to get to the top lookout point. We knew we only had an hour to go up and an hour to get back down before the bus left, but on we went. We still hadn't made it to the top and we only had thirty minutes until it was time to leave. Finally, we made it to the top and it was breathtaking. After five minutes of enjoying the view we realized we only had twenty minutes to make it all the way back, which took us over an hour and a half to get to the top. There was only one way to make it back in time, we had to slide down the snowy Great Wall on our butts. This was actually really fun." Do you see how the details make this story a lot more interesting?

Bottom Line: You Have To Affect Her

Isn't it great when you discover that you and the girl you are on a date with have a lot in common? But the problem is that a lot of guys start seeking out commonalities, hoping to build rapport, and end up saying they like things they really don't like. Not only is this a bad idea because it is dishonest and can make you seem like a "pleaser," but having a lot of commonalities is not really that important.

What is important is that you affect her. What I mean by that is that she has to feel emotion in order to feel attraction. Even if you have multiple commonalities, but the interaction feels nice and friendly instead of romantic or sexually charged, then you will likely end up in the friend zone. I'm saying this because I don't want you to get too caught up in trying to "find" commonalities.

Instead of trying to find commonalities, your mission should be to express who you really are, while trying to discover who she really is. When you express your identity freely, you will sometimes run into disagreements.

It's totally fine to disagree about things. In fact, don't be afraid to offend her, because that will create feelings. I'm not saying you should try to piss her off, I'm just saying that you should talk about what you want to talk about. That's never an issue around your friends, right? So, do the same and don't be on a mission to please her.

If you say something she disagrees with, so what? Women love an emotional rollercoaster. Ups and downs are what make the interaction exciting. Too much niceness, friendliness, agreeing, and supplicating makes things dry and boring. Instead, be exciting and say the unexpected.

I've lost several girls on dates for expressing my wants and desires openly. One time in the Ukraine a girl even told me, "Here we don't talk about sexual things like that." But even though it is a more traditional culture, I stayed true to who I was and didn't change for her. And I did end up losing that girl, but that's a good thing, because I didn't waste my time with someone that wasn't compatible for what I was looking for. I wanted something fun, spontaneous, romantic and sexual, she didn't. But as I went on more dates and uninhibitedly expressed who I was and what I desired, I ended up finding women who were a lot more compatible, and therefore, a lot more fun. If I would have tried to be the man my first date wanted, I would have probably only dated her and not gotten very far with her, and missed out on some amazing experiences.

The point is, women want a man who is exciting, not someone who is afraid to express himself because he's not sure if she'll like what he has to say. It's always better to say something random and interesting than be boring and predictable. This next technique will help you be a lot more random and interesting.

DEEP VS WIDE RAPPORT

Have you ever met a woman and it turned out you had a similar interest or hobby, so you talked about that same subject for an hour thinking, "This is great, we are really connecting!"

For example, you found out she is from the same city as you so you ask her about how long she lived there, what high school she went to and and if she's been to certain restaurants. Then, after an hour long conversation about the city you both grew up in, she leaves without a hug or offering her number. How can that happen if you had something like that in common?

The reason is because you only talked about one subject. Even though you went deep on the subject of your hometown, she didn't know anything else about you and vice versa. She didn't feel a deep connection.

The key is to have deep rapport and wide rapport. Deep rapport is going in great emotional depth and detail on one or two subjects. Wide rapport, on the other hand, is discussing several topics, each one briefly. I suggest to go "deep" on passions, struggles and life changing events, and "wide" on hobbies, interests and uneventful experiences.

Generally, if you only have a minute or two to talk with someone, then go for wide rapport. If you are on a date, or have more time to talk, then go for a combination of deep and wide rapport.

Wide Rapport Conversation Example:

Me: "I don't know much about you so tell me something interesting about you before I go."

Girl: "I'm not sure, um, well, I sing."

Me: "Really? I used to play guitar and sing in a rock band. Is singing a passion of yours or just something you do once in a while?"

Girl: "Yeah it's a passion. I do it professionally."

Me: "What made you want to be a singer?"

Girl: "Because I love being on stage. It's such a rush."

Me: "Yeah I know what you mean, it's like you feed off the energy of the crowd and they feed off your energy as well. I really miss being on stage and performing. That's awesome that you are following your dream. Most people give up and settle for less in life. I like that you are pursuing your passion."

Girl: "Yeah, thanks!"

Me: "I love music. Maybe I'll come check out your next show."

Girl: "That'd be great!"

Me: "I can tell you also work out. That's really important to me because I like to take care of my body."

Girl: "Yeah, I love to go to the gym. It makes me feel accomplished and really good about myself."

Me: "I know what you mean. I feel that way after I finish writing for my blog."

This was a short interaction I had with a girl who was shopping. Did you notice how I talked about more than one topic in that short amount of time? I also gave examples from my own life and showed appreciation for her nonphysical qualities.

When you have conversations like that, while matching her energy and feeling confident and grounded, rapport and attraction are a natural byproduct.

A short two or three minute conversation is often all you need to make her want to see you again, or take things further right then and there.

Deep Rapport Conversation Example:

Me: "You seem like you have big dreams, like you want to change the world."

Girl: "Oh my God, yes! I have been thinking a lot about doing an outreach program in Africa to help the starving children."

Me: "Wow, I actually went to Mexico a while back for something similar. It was amazing and made me appreciate my life here in America."

Girl: "Yeah that's part of the reason I want to go, because it's so easy for me to get used to living such a comfortable life, you know what I mean?"

Me: "That's very perceptive of you. Most people take their life and what they have for granted, but you actually want to see what it's like to live like the majority of the world who don't have our luxuries. That's awesome. What inspired you to want to go?"

Girl: "I just kept seeing those commercials on TV of the starving children with the big stomachs surrounded by flies and it really pulled at my heart. So I started researching on Google and found an outreach program and I contacted them."

Me: "So you are really serious about helping. That's admirable. Most girls here in L.A. are not like that. Everyone here is so selfish. It's rare to meet someone who cares about kids like that. I actually have four kids in Asian countries that I sponsor. It's so gratifying and rewarding."

Girl: "Yes! That's what I want. I know that if I give to these kids I'll get so much more in return."

So, did you notice how, even though there were different angles of the conversation, we generally stayed on the same subject. She was very passionate about this topic, so it wouldn't have made sense to jump into something else, especially since it was drawing out a lot of emotion.

The New York Times published an article about a study claiming that asking and answering a series of 36 specific questions on a date could lead to intense feelings of intimacy and cause them to fall in love. This is a great example of deep and wide rapport because some questions would lead into deep conversation, while others would not. Since it covers so many topics, the two people learn many personal details about each other, thus creating a more intimate connection. The more someone reveals about themselves as the other person listens empathetically and comments sympathetically, the more that person feels trust and rapport.

To see all of the questions in the article, check out the Conversation Cheat Sheet section at the end of the book.

BREAKING RAPPORT

You should never hesitate to say or do something you want for fear that she will reject you. That is needy behavior and you are far more likely to lose the girl by trying too hard to please her than by speaking your mind. Don't be afraid to say what you want, even if it breaks rapport.

In fact, a few small breaks in rapport can actually heighten the emotional intensity of the interaction because when you dive back into the conversation the connection is sparked again. However, breaking rapport too often or for too long, like with an argument, drains the sexual chemistry you're building up.

Disagreeing is fine, as long as it's done in a respectful way. You are allowed to express different opinions, but always let her know that her opinion is valid. You can say, "you do have a point," or "that does make sense" and move on.

What you don't want to do is argue because resistance can severely break rapport. So avoid arguing about anything on a date. If she says or does something you don't like, or has a deal breaker, then feel free to end the date early. If it's only a passing annoyance, keep your mouth shut. Either way, always treat her opinions with respect.

To reiterate your selector status, keep in mind that you don't have to keep a date going if you know you are not compatible. It's a waste of both your time. If you qualified her and she didn't qualify, or she openly expressed something that is a deal breaker for you, it's actually more respectful to end it early rather than dragging things on.

Teasing

I was on a date with a girl in Venice Beach, California and we were playing my favorite getting to know each other date game, the Question Game. I instructed her that the questions had to be challenging. Nothing like, "how old are you?" or "what's your sign?" But regardless, she decided to break the rules and ask, "Are you a dog or cat person?"

Instead of giving a boring one-word response about my favorite furry pet, I decided this would be a great chance to tease her. "That's all you want to know about me? Am I a dog or cat person? Shoot me now!" She busted out laughing and eventually I answered. This led to some fun callback humor throughout the date, especially when I asked her, "what are some good dating tips for guys?" I busted out my phone to record her answer for my Instagram story. "Should they ask if you are a dog or cat person?" I teased.

A great way to break rapport in a fun way and create more emotional ups and downs is through teasing. When done effectively, teasing doesn't break rapport but makes it more intense, like the highs and lows on a roller coaster. When you tease or poke fun at someone in a playful way, you create a sense of familiarity. Typically, only people who've known each other for a long time tease each other. So when you tease you embody the traits and characteristics of someone she's very familiar with, thus deepening the rapport.

We'll cover teasing in more detail in the next chapter on flirting.

CULTIVATING AN INTERESTING PERSONALITY

I want to reiterate the importance of being interested, rather than being interesting. Remember, a good rule of thumb is to be 70% interested, and only 30% interesting. In conversation, more of the focus should be on the other person to make them feel special and show that you really care about what they have to say. Plus, as the selector, you are learning about her to see if she is someone you want to continue a relationship with.

That being said, the other 30% of the time you will be relating back to her, telling stories, answering questions and talking about yourself. And of course, you don't want to bore your audience.

Would you like to know the secret to being interesting?

It's simple. Try exciting things that will garner a wealth of interesting stories and experiences. You don't have to master a ton of new skills, but just trying out new activities makes you a far more interesting man. This will also ensure you never run out of things to say because your area of expertise and knowledge will be so broad you can't exhaust it in a single date. Simply put, when you learn about and have more life experiences, you will be able to relate to a wider range of people who have also had similar experiences.

For example, I've traveled to 78 countries and I often meet women in my gym or in the elevator who happen to be from one of the countries I've visited. When that happens, we instantly have something to talk about and connect on, especially when they are from a country like Moldova or Belarus that not many tourists frequent. When I tell her about my experiences in her home country, it always brightens her day and she feels like I'm someone who understands her world.

Have an interesting life, travel, take different classes, join groups and organizations that interest you, read books, become a philanthropist, and always be willing to try new things. Have you been skydiving? It's time to do it. Have you seen the Great Pyramids of Egypt? Book yourself a trip now. Did you try improv comedy class? Look up a location in your city.

Here are my top 6 favorite classes that I recommend trying out, because they will also improve your skills with women:

1. Toastmasters, or any public speaking class, because even when you are talking to a woman that you approached in the supermarket, you are still speaking in public. If you can stay poised and relaxed in front of an audience, talking one on one will be a breeze.

2. Improv comedy class because it helps you think on your feet, become wittier and cleverer, improves your bantering skills, and helps you be more grounded and present in-the-moment.

3. Self-defense class because it keeps you fit, boosts your confidence to a whole new level, and makes you a better protector of women.

4. Dance class, such as salsa, because they are filled with women, you learn how to lead women, you will become more comfortable touching new women, and you can show off your moves at a club or on a date. And don't forget that a lot of women equate a good dancer to being a good lover.

5. Cooking class is great because they are full of women, and women love a man that knows how to cook for them. A great second or third date is to cook for her at your place.

6. Yoga class because it's also full of women and you have the added health, mindfulness and spiritual benefits. When you participate in classes that most women are familiar with, you can quickly find commonalities and connect on her interests.

Take a second to think of the most interesting things you've done in the last four weeks. If you can't think of anything interesting, then that's probably an indication that you need to make an effort to experience more. Make it a habit to do one new activity, trip, adventure or experience each month. This will help you accumulate stories of the interesting things you've done.

Even when you talk about something she's never done before, but you talk about it with excitement and emotion, she will become intrigued. She'll feel some of the experience with you, thus contributing to the emotional rollercoaster of the interaction.

CHAPTER RECAP

• She won't remember what you said a year from now, but she'll always remember how she felt when you first met.

• Rather than try to hype up how interesting you are, be approximately 70% interested and 30% interesting.

• Women want a man who is exciting, not someone who is afraid to express himself because he's not sure if she'll like what he has to say. It's okay to say what's on your mind and break rapport momentarily.

This adds to the emotional momentum of the interaction, which is better than being boring and predictable.

• What you do together creates more rapport and trust than what you say to her.

EXERCISES

• Write down five interesting questions that you can ask next time you are on a date. Come up with your own answers to these questions. Make sure each answer goes beyond surface level.

• Come up with a great answer to the question, "What do you do for work?" Remember to use the word "because" to help elicit motivations and emotions to your answer.

• Go out and have five interactions with attractive women and get them to open up about themselves. These can be strangers on the street or women you already know. The point is to ask an emotionally charged question and respond with genuine and emotional comments and follow up questions.

PHASE III: CLOSING THE DEAL –– ADVANCED TECHNIQUES FOR EVERY SITUATION

CHAPTER 8:

Creating A Fun And Flirty Vibe

"I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them."

- Anna Held

Something caught my eye. As I turned my gaze, a lean figure enveloped me. My eyes traced her steps as she made her way through the market. She had her long dark hair tied up in a bun, and she was wearing a semi-typical skirt down to her ankles, a look that was common in this region. But there was something about the way she strode, her shoulders tucked back, chin raised, eyes surveying her surroundings that really drew me in. It was only a few seconds before I took action.

It was an hour into myBangalore boot camp with four eager Indians waiting to master the secrets of approaching and attracting women during the daytime. This would make a perfect example of how to approach a sexy stranger on the street.

I instructed the students to follow me as I made my approach. I stopped her with an outstretched hand along the rim of her exposed arm. The stray dark curls that hung like black diamonds whipped across her face as she turned to face me. Stroking the stray hairs behind her ear revealed deep, voluminous eyes gazing back at mine. For a moment, I hung in speechless awe at her beauty.

Everything I teach my students about confidence, being grounded, and managing tension quickly activated. I hovered between the precipice of choice and allowed the curiosity and suspense to build for a few brief moments before I snared her with my first words.

"This is somewhat unexpected, but I was just sitting over there, at the café and I noticed you. I just had to come meet you… Hi, my name's Matt."

I kept on a sly smile and deep eye contact while reaching out my hand to hers. She hesitated, looking at me with a peculiar grin. She took my hand and gave a gentle shake.

"You are not from here," she said, assured of herself.

"Actually, I'm here on business."

The grin spread to her lips before parting slightly to show the upper row of her teeth. I couldn't help but recognize how white they were.

She continues, commanding my attention back to her eyes, "Men here don't usually greet women with a handshake."

It dons on me then. I place my hands together and give her a gentle bow of the head while uttering, "Namaste." This only makes her smile more. A shallow giggle escapes her lips. She shakes her head and reiterates that it's fine, "It happens all the time here with foreigners, especially men from the West." The way she said West actually sparked my interest, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I moved the conversation forward and back into my control.

"Anyway, you're stunning." This caused her to roll her eyes and let out a little "hmph," but her eyes were smiling.

"Is that so?" she said.

"Definitely. There's no doubt about it."

"Well, thank you. That's very kind of you."

I knew by the way she was glowing that she could feel my desire. This is the point many men find themselves in and don't know how to proceed. It's easy to start up the conversation and compliment, but once that's over, there always seems to be that awkward moment between what happens next. What you do in those few seconds are crucial, so pay close attention to how I qualified her.

The next words that came out of my mouth would make or break the conversation and would determine whether I got her number, saw her again, or even led to more physical encounters. Seeing as I was only in town for a few days, a serious relationship wasn't ideal. I wanted something fun, exciting, and spontaneous. Someone who I could let loose with, drink a couple beers, and have a good time with.

I licked my lips and cocked my head to the side slightly.

"But I'm still not sure about you," I said.

Her forehead wrinkled slightly and her eyes locked on mine. I could feel her stance shift slightly as she instinctively crossed her hands by her waist. It wasn't an outright barricade, but it definitely was the preliminary subliminal message of defense. Already she was putting her walls up before I even had a chance to continue.

It's important to pay attention to her body language. You'd be surprised at how much a girl will tell you without saying a single word. I didn't allow her closed off posture to deter me from my goal. Remember, you're the prize, and you are qualifying her. If she shuts you down before you get the chance, then she did you a service.

In my case, she shut down slightly, but still remained open to what I had to say. She didn't respond. Her eyes did the questioning. I could tell she was more curious of my explanation than the actual words themselves.

All this took place within a blink of an eye. It's the subtle things that can trick you up.

I continued, without pausing to allow her a rebuttal, "I'm only here for a few days…"

I saw the unmistakable recognition come across her face that so many men see. I knew what she was thinking immediately. She didn't have to tell me. It's the same thing most women complain about when they say there are no good men out there. This won't be you!

She was likely thinking, "Oh, here we go again. Another American who thinks he can get laid by any foreign woman he comes across. I've heard it all before." There was one problem with her thinking. I'm not just "another American." This is the way you must think too. But before she could allow her insecurities of past failed experiences with unskilled tradesmen, I rocked her world with a new, fresh approach; something she had never heard before and was not expecting. It's important to keep them guessing in the beginning.

"…and I'd love to see you again, maybe get dinner or something, learn a little more about the culture here, but…" I paused for emphasis, and even allowed my eyes to waver from her and to the crowd around us.

When I returned my focus to her, I could see she had her walls up and was most likely planning her own escape. But this did not deter me. Remember, women like men who take charge and are not predictable; who surprise them, makes them second guess what they've been told, learned, or experienced about men.

"But I'm not sure if we can hang out yet." I let that statement sit for a moment. Her demeanor changed almost instantaneously. I saw her jaw tighten before her eyes widened with shock and her shoulders relaxed. Within a few seconds, she brought her hands up to her chest, still crossed, but this time it was more out of playful resistance than a sheer determination to withdraw. Her eyes burned with curiosity and with an almost kind of defiant, "I'll show you" attitude.

Everything was set up. The whole situation and conversation was in my hands. All there was left to do was utter my first qualifier.

"You're beautiful. But since I have a very limited amount of time here, I want to make sure I spend it with someone fun. Are you fun?" Her defiance came out.

"What makes you think you're worth my time?"

The tables were turning and I could sense it, but I stood my ground. Usually women qualify you by the sum total of how you make them feel, but sometimes they'll be more direct. If you don't panic and just stay grounded, this is a great opportunity. I allowed a short chuckle and then brushed my hand against her shoulder in a playful swap.

"You're good," I said, pointing my finger at her and scrunching up my nose. "But seriously, tell me something interesting about you because I don't know anything about you." I paused a second, then quickly added, "Then if you're cool, we'll hang out." I winked.

She bit her lip and squinted just a little. I could tell she was mulling it over in her mind. While I waited for her response, I knew I was in the power seat. Even though she tried to play sassy and reserved, I knew she was attracted to me. Her body language nearly dripped with it. She had already proven that she was okay with my lack of cultural knowledge and was responsive to my touch. (She didn't withdraw or react to my touching her arm). It's good to mix in slight gestures of touch in your interactions. It establishes a little physical dialect and enables you to know if there's a possible connection. Any girl who backs or pulls away inadvertently when you touch her hand, arm, or shoulder is a clear sign to you that she's not comfortable yet.

What she said next threw me for a loop, in a good way.

"I like bananas."

I laughed out loud and asked, "Are you serious?"

In which case, she merely nodded. I can't express the number of sexual innuendos that formulated in my mind in that split second. There were so many things I could come back with and really test her, see how far she would go before hitting the limit. This is also where it's important to know what you're after. If you just want someone to talk to, become friends with, or have a casual conversation with, then you won't want to respond with what came out of my mouth next. But…if you have a twinge of interest in becoming more sexually involved with your potential lover, then have at it.

I'm not going to lie. It took me a good bit before I was able to respond. This is okay. This shows the girl that you are thinking about your answer and can amp up the tension, especially if she throws a curl ball like, "I like bananas" your way. Judging from her open posture, I knew she was thinking something similar.

"So," I said, trying not to laugh, "what is it about bananas that you like so much?" What I really wanted to say was, "Do you like putting other phallic items in your mouth, as well?" but I went with the first one, easing into it slowly. I wanted to feel her out a bit more since Indian culture wasn't nearly as sexually open as America. So far, she had showed me that she could be fun. Now I wanted to know just how much fun.

"There's something about having a load of Potassium crammed in the smallness of your mouth."

Who was this girl? And where had she been the previous two days of my time in India? She was definitely not your stereotypical conservative Indian girl.

It took everything within me not to burst with laughter, but I knew that holding the tension would be far more effective. "Is that so?" I said. "I just so happen to be an expert when it comes to bananas." "Really? How so?" she said.

"There are all types of bananas. Long, short, some with great girth, and others more on the petite side. They even come in different colors depending on the part of the country you find them. I have a feeling that your favorites are the big ones. They're by far the juiciest." I paused a second, then added with a smirk, "I bet you don't know where the best bananas come from."

She was having as much fun at this as I was.

"Where's that?" she said. This time she swayed in my direction.

"America."

"America? No way!" she laughed.

I leapt on the opportunity she just opened.

"I don't know what kind of bananas you've been putting in your mouth, but American are the best. You should try one sometime. You'll be surprised at just how sweet they are."

She shifted her weight and her tongue slid out of her mouth and licked her lips ever so slightly before she bit down with the tip of her teeth. With that, I knew she was turned on. And by that point, I knew she was worth seeing again.

It was time to end this flirtatious phallic conversation and return to my top priority, my students who were eager to practice.

"I have to go now but let's meet later and I'll share everything I know about bananas. I'll be free in a few hours, I'll call you then."

No matter what she said, I was ready to walk away. Yeah, she was gorgeous and a lot of fun to tease, but at the end of the day, you have to remember—one woman is just one woman. Don't place all of your eggs in one basket too soon. In this story, she said yes and ended up giving me her number. Unfortunately it was monsoon season in India and the massive flooding prevented us from seeing each other again. Lesson learned: Don't schedule a boot camp in India during monsoon season.

Success isn't about whether you took her home or not. Success is knowing your worth, controlling the situation, playing with the tension and just having fun with it. Anytime you're able to walk away from a girl that doesn't meet your qualifications is just as much a win as making her your girlfriend. Keep your focus on the goal.

WHAT'S YOUR GOAL?

"What's your goal when you go on a date?" I asked to the wide-eyed students eagerly clinging to my every word. "To get laid!" exclaimed Escobar, who for the first time in his life, pulled a girl back to his hotel the previous night. You would think Cancun would be the easiest place on the planet to get laid, and in many ways it is, but Escobar was with a conservative girl who gave him several challenges to test if he was really the confident man he seemed to be.

"No," I exclaimed. "You just met her. How do you know if you want to sleep with her? She might be a crazy stalker." I said with a half grin.

"To qualify her!" Joe, another eager student, shouted.

"Good," I said. Joe looked pleased with himself.

I continued, "You want to get to know her of course. What else?"

Everyone else seemed stumped, looking around at each other confused.

"To attract her?" Sam said in a shaky uncertain voice. At this point the class already knew that "trying" to attract a woman was the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. No woman wants a man that has to "try" to win her over. They want a man who comes across as naturally attractive.

"It's to have fun. Most guys completely forget about having fun on a date, and instead, go into interview mode. This is a doomed strategy. Just like when you go out at night to meet girls at bars and club, your mission should be, first and foremost, to have fun."

If you catch yourself feeling anxious instead of having fun and enjoying the interaction with a beautiful woman, then I can almost guarantee that you are more emotionally invested than she is. If you are overly invested then it's almost impossible to hide needy behavior, and it will eventually turn her off. The key, is to focus more on having a good time.

As you know, women are emotional and base most of their decisions on how they feel. Having fun and flirting, provides her with positive feelings. Positive feelings create trust and a longing to experience more positive feelings. Fun is a very powerful social lubricant that allows you to escalate the interaction further. In fact, the best time to make your move, whether it's going for contact info, leaning in for a kiss or suggesting drinks at your place, is to do it at an emotional high point, when she's laughing and enjoying herself.

The opposite of fun is boredom, which creates negative feelings and makes the person want to excuse themselves from the interaction. Most guys don't know how to have fun and flirt, and therefore, their dates and interactions with women are boring and lack sexual tension, which is why they rarely get a second date or a call back.

Studies show that fun and exciting situations can boost levels of hormones that are also responsible for making people experience feelings of love. Psychologist Richard Robinson claims that riding roller coasters causes the body to release a hormone that causes euphoria and that this hormone, called phenyl ethyl-amine, is released when meeting someone attractive, and is responsible for the feeling of love at first site. So, doing things that create joy and excitement can make someone feel the feelings of falling in love. So keep things exciting and interesting and bring the fun with you wherever you go, and women will flock to you.

Having fun, it turns out, is a lot more challenging for most guys than one might expect. It's easy to have fun around our friends, because we already have inside jokes and feel comfortable enough to tease each other without consequence. But what about a stranger? Particularly one that is smoking hot and wearing a minidress that would tantalize the Pope.

We've all heard that women love a man that can make her laugh. But how do you become funny? And what if she doesn't get your style of humor? Or, what if you can't think of a witty joke? Or, what if you are just not naturally funny?

The good news is being fun is not the same thing as being funny. If you are naturally funny and most people laugh at your jokes, that's great. But you don't have to be funny to get the girl.

You just need to be fun. But how?

THE KEY TO FUN

If you try too hard to make her laugh, chances are you will come off as a clown or dancing monkey. The clown is not sexy. The dancing monkey is cute, but he doesn't get the girl. Remember, you are not trying to get an applause. The key to having fun is being self-amusing instead of trying to amuse her.

That's why in school you may have seen the super-hot popular girl laughing when the class clown cracked a joke, but after class, she went home with the quarterback of the football team. She may not have laughed as much when she was around her jock boyfriend, but he made her feel safe, gave her a range of emotions and unapologetically expressed his identity.

Being self-amusing is not the same as self-deprecating. Making fun of yourself once in a while can be okay, but if you overdo it then you'll appear to have low self-confidence. Compare self-deprecating comedians like Kevin Hart or Louis C.K. to Dane Cook or Joe Rogan. While I love all four, the former are not considered attractive by most women, while the latter are usually considered much more attractive.

Instead of making fun of yourself, chat about things that you find amusing. When you talk about a subject you love, such as your passions or life mission, your enthusiasm will intrigue the people around you. Don't underestimate the power of emotional contagion, especially enthusiasm.

Fun Venues

Speaking of things you find amusing, whether you are on a first date or heading out to pick up girls at the bar, always pick venues that are fun for you. If you love rock music then go to concerts and rock bars to meet women. Even if the trendy top 40 dance club has more hot girls, you'll likely have better luck at the rock bar because you'll be having a better time and women will notice.