1.

I flipped through the channels on the portable tv before me. I had long lost interest in the show but i needed it to keep me alive since a large mug of coffee and alcohol proved shit.

"You know it doesn't have to be this way Alex." My room mate tried but i shot her a glare that said "say one more word and you're dead."

"Fine, I'll be in the room. Goodnight Alex."

"Wait..." I called after her before she exited the living room. "Can you pass me 2 shots? Or 3 please?" With a huff, she left to the kitchen.

Seconds later, 4 cups were before me and I offered a tight lipped smile. I watched Sally leave to her room and welcomed the lonliness that enveloped me.

I gulped two glasses and grimaced at the burning sensation. Who said alcohol was fun? If my thought didnt kill me, the burns would.

I should've been there.

It should've been me.

I should've been the one who was looted, raped and killed.

She was so innocent and sweet...she was still a baby to me...

I closed my eyes tightly as the images flooded my mind.

I was at her apartment, laughing and smoking like we always did when I excused my self to the bathroom. After finishing my business, I realised the door was locked.

"Common Cal, you know your bathroom doesnt have the most appeasing smell." I yelped, drumming lightly on the door and smiling at her immaturness. But it wasnt Cal who locked the door, because seconds later her loud cries reveberated the little bathroom causing me to pound on the door, fear running through my body.

Then the door was opened and I wished it wasn't. Cal's lifeless body laid in a pool of blood. Was it blood from loosing her virginity? Or blood from the random cuts on her skin, whatever the blood was, it wasn't supposed to be her. The sight shook me hardly as I curled up like a ball beside her, screaming and calling for her to wake up and tell me it was a joke.

I let the tears fall freely, gripping the glass tightly with my vibrating hands. One thought running through my mind, to break the glass and stab myself. But death was easier when it came to you, not when you went to it.

I should've been there.

My thoughts went back to the hospital, I had woken up with a wicked headache. Maybe someone had stopped by and had taken us to the hospital.

"She's dead." The doctor said coldly like he wasnt talking about a young woman's life.

She would be buried in a few weeks. I was planning it. It was just the two of us, no parent or guardians. We had escaped the hardship at home for a better life and we were at the peak of having it. Fuck we had it. Working in a fashion house and she, running her own art gallery, we had all we wanted.

A house, a car and money to fend for ourselves. The only thing left was a family and she was close to having it.

She had a boyfriend who was sure to marry her. She was having her dreams come true until she was gone.

I didn't have a boyfriend nor found love, she was way ahead of me and should'nt have died.

I screamed in the reality that I'd never get to see her again or hear from her and that I would be there to watch her being lowered into the earth.

It wasn't supposed to be so.

She was my sister and I should've been there for her.