On The List

This is why I lock away my emotions

Because once I set them free, I fall hard

I end up falling with no one there to catch me

So I crash into the pavement;

Broken and alone

|Aspens Pov|

Wallflower -A wallflower is someone with an introverted personality type (or in more extreme cases, social anxiety) who will attend parties and social gatherings, but will usually distance themselves from the crowd and actively avoid being in the limelight.

I've only experienced unrequited love one time in my seventeen years on earth and that was with my uncle. Unrequited love doesn't mean that you love that person romantically you just wish to be loved back. After I lost my parents at seven I was sent to my closest living relative my mom had no siblings and grandparents (on both sides) had already passed away. So I was sent to live with my uncle, I had never met him before but my father told me they were never close because my uncle and him didn't 'share the same views' on certain things. I never questioned my father, I mean I was six.

When I met my uncle I was a mess, in my unicorn pajamas with the blanket my mom had knitted for me with ash covering different parts of my face. He just stared blankly at me like I was a stranger, and when I looked deep into his forest green eyes it only showed hatred for me like he hated my very being and that only made me cry harder.

When he brought me to his house he showed me to my room and left me alone with no kind words and no comfort I was alone, and I'm still alone ten years later.

_____

Today is my first day of senior year and I'm going in alone just like all the years before. I have massive social anxiety so the minute I walk through those doors the hood goes up and I avoid all eye contact . Don't get me wrong I don't stare at the floor while I walk I don't want to bump into anybody especially not the populars. My school is one of those clichés, you know the plastics, jocks and then badboys. The normal people here are labeled nerds and I would be one of them. Just stay out of the populars way and your life will be fine and if you don't you might just end up like James Braden.

James made the mistake of spilling food on a jock and now he's OTL. That's what I call it when you get yourself noticed by a popular, you get on the list, you can get on the list by association so I like to remain friendless. I may have massive anxiety but I am not afraid to put someone in their place. Some people think its okay to talk to you any way they want to and I'm not scared to show someone I'm not the one.

_____

I pull up to the place I've been dreading for three months and grab my school bag. I open the care to my red tesla that I bought with no help from my uncle. I didn't dress special for my first day of senior year because no attention equals no populars and that my friends equals normal day. I pull my hood up and open the doors to hell and come face to face with my mortal enemy crowded hallways. Crowded hallways are where you get pushed, tripped, and laughed at. Everyone is so excited to see their friends that their running, yelling, and overall just being dumb. I like to wait next to the door against the wall on my phone until it gets less crowded, I'm not stupid enough to try my luck in the hallway of horror. That's where most of the jocks are stationed and you don't want to be caught in their sights you know what happened to James.

Now that the hallways are less crowded I make my way to my locker with my hood still up. I put in my combination and open my locker, my locker is very bland seeing as I've had it for four years but what do you expect when I'm bland myself. The first class I have is AP history with Mrs.Shaeffer. Mrs.Shaeffer is not known to be easygoing and nice to her students, they call her Mrs.Prune behind her back or in the badboys case her face. I open the door to the class and to my relief there are no populars but you never know because the badboys love to skip school.

______

My classes flew by without any populars thankfully and now its time for the real problem lunch. Its where all three types of populars collide. Let me break it down for you the jocks sit at a big round table with some of the plastics on their lap. The three A's try to sit with the badboys and fail every single time which I laugh at behind the book covering my face. There's Ashlee without a y Arianna with two not one n and then there's Aviva the queen bee of the school and who I avoid like the plague.

I open the doors and try not to draw attention to myself and pull on the tips of my hood to make sure its still covering my face. I sit at the corner table and face the rest of the cafeteria. I don't eat at school but I do love to watch drama unfold. The door burst open and the whole cafeteria goes silent...and you guessed it bitches the badboys walked through. Onto the boys that rule this school, There's Ashton he would be the nicest out of the group and next would be Lucas he's the rude and arrogant type, at least that's the vibe I get from his face that forever stays smug. Then the leader Damien he's the silent but deadly type and I've only ever seen him talk to his friends or when he's telling Aviva to leave him the hell alone. They make their way to there designated table and whisper to each other.

The door busts open again...and you must have powers because your right the plastics walk through and they all go to the jocks except the three A's. I put my book just barely under my eyes and listen to the drama that I love so much. Aviva tries to sit on Damien's lap and immediately gets pushed off.

"Baby what are you doing?" She squeaks out red faced from the floor. Lucas glares at her and yells "Nobody wants your cake faced ass!" And I don't think I've ever died so hard in my entire life. I laugh silently as my hood slightly falls and when I finally get myself together I realize what I had done. Not only did I let my hood fall but I forgot to put the book over my face while I laughed. I scan the room and to my relief no one is paying attention to me, it's not like no one knows what I look like its just that if I ever did laugh and get someone attention they wouldn't really be able to see me. As I'm pulling my hood up and scanning the room my eyes connect with icy blue ones and my only thought was

oh shit I'm on the list

fuck my life..