Alexithymia

Note: For Volta's own arc I'll be using first person perspective coz it's cool.

Laying on my bed, I was sweating despite the loose and open clothing. The air-conditioner was on as well. My heart kept racing like I was sprinting for the first time. I thought I wanted to sleep but I wasn't tired. Instead, I felt like something bad is going to happen. A feeling I don't know where it came from. I got up and walked out of my room.

I head out for a stroll. Try to clear my head. The halls are empty, so was the lounge. I guess so, since it's midnight. I walked outside and followed the path I take to get to the cafeteria. I didn't realize how brightly lit up the school is at night. I guess some sorcerers are active 24/7.

I noticed a liquid figure that turned into some kind of person. My guard went up. I approached slow. As the person stepped into the light, I recognized that it was Dan. Though by his headband not his face.

He waved his hand and greeted me "Hey, Volta. Or V."

"Uh hey."

"What are you doing out late at night?"

"I dunno. What about you?"

"Never heard you talk this much. I was running some errands."

I folded my lips and I think I made a face that prompt him to ask "Is something wrong?"

"I dunno. Lately, after I recovered. I've been having this weird sensation on my chest. I feel like something bad's about to happen."

"You mean you're worried?"

"Is that what this is called?"

"Right. You've alexithymia."

"Alex the mia?"

"Alexithymia is... It's got something to do with your brain that restricts your emotional capabilities. You can't identify your feelings. You can't express them either."

"Why do I have that?"

"I'm not sure. But, they said it's not genetic. Rather it appears out of nowhere. I'm guessing trauma. You may have tried to suppress your feelings, then you became indifferent, then apathetic, and then you just stick to that apathy subconsciously."

"Trauma like bleeding?"

"No, not blood trauma... Hehe, you're definitely his type."

Type? What did he mean? What was funny about blood trauma? Who's he referring to?

"Trauma is like something you wish never had happened. But, it did anyway. Sam knows more about that than I do. I'm sure he'd help you out."

I didn't answer. I was still all over the place. What is something I wish hadn't happen but happened anyway? Dan seems like a smart guy when it comes to this stuff but he told me to ask Sam. Why?

"Oh, and by the way, say thanks to Sam. Not saying I wouldn't but, not everyone would want to stick around someone like you, no offense."

"I guess that make sense..."

"Then ask him to go on a date. He'd really be happy if you did. Don't tell me I said it though. It would ruin it for him."

"What's a date?"

"I'll explain it to you later. Anyways, I'm getting tired. See you in the morning. Oh and after you ask him that, come back to tell me, okay?"

"Sure, I guess."

Then Dan sank to the ground. His shadow I guess. I ran back to my room and halfway there I had a thought. What if I went to Sam's right now? So I did. I knocked on his door quietly. Hoping he would answer. I heard groaning from inside and muffled steps. Then the door unlocked and it opened. It was Sam. Baggy eyes, messy hair, low body posture.

"Oh, hey V. What's *yawn* what's up?"

"It's kinda late but, can you help me?"

"Yeah, sure. What do you need?"

"Can we talk inside?"

"Yeah, sure."

He then lets me in. His room was kind of messy. He sat on the bed and taps the bed. I think I should next to him. I did. Then, he turns to my direction and leans to the wall on the front of the bed. I turned to him too.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked

"What's trauma?"

"Trauma?"

He holds his chin, looks up and leans his head back. "Let me think." He says

"Something that happened that you weren't meant to see or experience but you did anyway. Then, you're really disturbed. Wherever you go next, you'll remember it. And you'll want to get rid of it. And sometimes you do forget it, but it'll always be there."

"Do... You have trauma?"

"No. Not anymore."

I was confused and I think that was painted on my face. Since Sam started talking, explaining what he meant.

"You can't get rid of that memory. But, what you can do is accept it. Accept that it happened and move on."

"That sounds easy."

"It isn't. Trust me. It takes some people years to accept it. I've accepted it but I haven't gotten over it."

"Are those different things? Accepting and getting over it?"

"In a way. Accepting it means literally. You don't deny that it happened. And getting over it means... Well, to move past it."

"I don't get it still."

"That's okay. Why are you asking me?"

"Dan said I have trauma. But, I don't remember it. So, maybe he's wrong?"

"If it comes to guessing people's problems, I don't remember Dan being wrong."

"He also said I have A... Alexth... Alexetmia?"

"Alexithymia?"

"Yeah, that."

"Ohh... That's why..."

"Why what?"

"You got hit in your head, right? When we were fighting Shujin?"

"Yeah, the right side of my head, shocked me too."

"You feel stuff, right? Weird sensations and all that."

"Yeah. Dan said I was worried."

"Oh... Why?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I genuinely didn't know why. But, I want to know more. I need to know more. What trauma I could've had. What are emotions? Why didn't I have them then?

"You look like you have a lot of questions on your mind, V."

"I do."

"I promise I'll talk about it more tomorrow with you."

I nodded then got off his bed and stood up. I head towards the door as he followed me from behind. I got out of his room and I turn to look at him. He was leaning to the frame door with a small smile. He was looking right at my eyes.

"Oh and... Thanks for... Everything."

"Yeah, no problem."

I think I should ask him what Dan said. I know happy means feeling good, right? So, if this makes him happy, I'm glad, I guess.

"One more thing, Sam."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go on a date?"

Sam's face lit up after I said date. His smile got so big. He then covers his mouth and looks away from me. He tries to hide behind a wall. Slightly having his back to me.

"Are you... Okay?"

He starts nodding, still covering his mouth. He stands up straight. He breathes in deep. I wonder why. He then pocketed his hands.

"Yeah, sure. I'd love to."

"Okay then. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

I then started walking away from his room. He shuts the door gently. Then I heard him scream. Then laughing. So, I guess he was fine. I then went to my room and laid on my bed.

"What's a date?"

"Why did it make him like... Like that."

"I guess Dan was right. It did made him happy."