8. Chapter 8

CARINA’S POV

I glanced nervously at my watch because my indecision had finally made my worst nightmare come true - I was late. I had changed clothes at least three times that night because I just didn't know how I wanted to look on this date: did I want to look serious? Sexy? Fun? Elegant?

I had gone through pants and pantsuits and dresses, and nothing looked good enough, so I just allowed myself to sit on the floor in front of my bed and stare at my figure in the mirror while I applied a thin layer of makeup - clearly reversing the most logical order of the process of getting ready - and tried not to let my anxiety get any bigger.

I had less than an hour before Maya arrived at my house, she had said she would come by to pick me up and I knew she was a very punctual person - thinking about it wasn't making me any calmer - and when my makeup was done, I stood up and stared at my closet like a ferocious animal to be tamed.

Maya seemed to have enjoyed seeing me in a dress the last time we went out together, so let's narrow down my choice. It was evening, so maybe rule out my summer dresses. It wasn't so cold, so now it was time to exclude the long dresses. I had already worn that black dress so maybe this dark purple velvet one? I guess it was a good option.

I didn't give the decision a second thought, I just put on the dress, leaving it perfectly lined to my body and went to my shoes, choosing a low heel - and this choice was already more than bold because I was naturally already taller than Maya, but I secretly liked the powerful aura that looking down on her gave me - then I started to gather my belongings into a purse when I heard some knocking against my front door.

-Coming! - I shouted as I ran awkwardly to the door. I grabbed my keys from the counter and my cell phone from the charger on the coffee table and opened the door. - Ciao, Maya!

Dio mio.

She looked beautiful, and I was more than happy that I had not opted for a pants and shirt set for that evening because I would definitely look completely out of place next to Maya. She was wearing black tailored pants, a long-sleeved button-down shirt that was rolled up a few times to the middle of her forearm and perfectly tucked into her pants, and I couldn't help but stare directly at the tight black belt on her hip that took my imagination to inappropriate places. The curls in her long blonde hair gave Maya an angelic look, further enhancing her bright blue eyes that swept my body from top to bottom.

-Maya? - I called again when she seemed lost in her own thoughts.

-Hmm? - She murmured before lifting her face in my direction. - Oh, you look... Hello. You look beautiful.

-Are you nervous, Maya? - I couldn't resist teasing her and stepped forward before placing a hand on the side of her face and tilting my face so that I could kiss her cheek. - You look beautiful too, Bambina.

The endearing word escaped my lips before I could process it, and I was glad I did it in Italian.

-Thank you. - She blushed intensely, her eyes darting to the floor for a few seconds before she took a deep breath and looked back up into my face. - Are you ready?

-Sí. - I smiled at the blonde and locked the door behind me.

We walked over to a black sedan parked on the sidewalk in front of my house and Maya opened the passenger door for me, causing me to raise an eyebrow briefly before flashing her a smile.

-Grazie. - I said before sitting down in the seat.

She circled around quickly, opening and closing her hands a few times-something she always did when she was nervous-and I smiled, enjoying the effect I had on the woman.

-I didn't know you had a car. - I commented when she started it.

-I don't use it much, I prefer to walk to places. - She replied.

-Or run to places. - I added, and she laughed softly before nodding a few times. - Where are we going?

-Is it too pretentious of me to take you to an Italian restaurant? - She let out a low chuckle, looking at me sideways as she turned right.

-It's a bold move, I'd say. - I shrugged. - You should know that I'm pretty critical of Italian food.

-I'm starting to think I made a poor choice. - She nibbled on her lower lip, and she looked so beautiful when she did that.

I put my hand on her thigh and stroked it lovingly before speaking.

-I'm sure I'll like it. - I tried to reassure her. - How was the rest of your shift?

-A few calls, nothing too big. - She answered. - And yours?

-A few deliveries, nothing too big. - I joked and we laughed together.

-What about your research? - She asked nervously, and I had to control myself not to laugh. - Any progress?

-Not much, most of my volunteers go during my morning shifts. And you know... - I moved the hand that was still on her thigh up a bit, letting my fingers caress the inside of her thigh. - I'm always in need of new volunteers.

-In your dreams, Carina! - She was quick to respond after huffing and rolling her eyes.

-Oh, it happens often in my dreams. - I teased, not even trying to stop myself.

-I volunteer for your study? - She asked back.

-No, you masturbating for me.

-Carina! - She almost screamed, and I laughed out loud.

-I'm kidding. - I said. - Of all the sex dreams I've had about you, in none of them did you masturbate for me, unfortunately.

-How many sex dreams are we talking about? - She asked, eyeing me.

-Over the last ten years? Is that really a fair question to ask me? - I asked back, because even I didn't have an exact number to give her after so long.

Maya blushed intensely and didn't insist on the subject, especially since we had just arrived at the restaurant she had chosen for our dinner. We got out of the car and as we were walking side by side to the entrance I felt the palm of her hand against the base of my back and I took a step to the side, getting closer to her body and I opened a big smile when she understood what I really wanted and felt her hand close against my waist, keeping me close, in an almost possessive gesture that nudged the side of me that liked to be shown off.

-You don't have to do this. - I commented softly when Maya pulled out the chair for me to sit in. - You don't have to follow a heteronormative pattern; I don't expect that from you.

-I'm not trying to follow a heteronormative pattern. - She replied as she sat down in front of me. - I'm trying to appreciate you and spoil you a little. You deserve to be treated as nicely as possible.

Her confession made me flinch; I didn't know how to respond to her words. I wasn't used to developing relationships; in the last few years there have been very few times when I have managed to stay with the same person for more than three weeks, and most of the time they were work colleagues who didn't mind taking me out to dinner, opening car doors for me, or pulling out chairs for me to sit in.

-Thank you, Maya. - That's all I could say.

-Here, I think I will be following you tonight! I'll trust your choices. - She slid the wine menu that was already on the table toward me.

-I like the sound of that. - I replied, giving her a wink before picking up the menu and looking through the wine options the restaurant had.

After I shared my choice of wine with the waiter, and we ordered our entrees, the conversation flowed smoothly. Maya was very interested in everything I said, she wasn't the kind of person who just listened, she asked questions at the right time, always commented and laughed at my stories. She simply made me comfortable.

-What about your childhood? How was it? - I asked, sipping my wine.

-I don't have many family memories like you. It was always me, my mom, my dad, and Mason. - She replied, the tip of her forefinger skimming the rim of her glass.

-Mason is your brother? - I remembered the name, but didn't know many details.

-Yes. - She was brief in her reply.

-You two aren't close? - I asked back.

-I haven't seen him in a long time. - She still avoided my gaze. - He's a brilliant guy, you know? He's an artist, his paintings are amazing, but that wasn't enough for our father, and my brother ended up being neglected during the whole time he lived with us. His talent had no value, according to my father.

-This is... - I started to speak.

-Terrible, I know. - She added. - He left home one night with some clothes and went to live his life away from us. I found him once, living on the streets, skinny and not sure he would eat that day, and no pain I have ever faced compared to seeing him like that. I tried to help him, but he disappeared. That was 13 months ago.

There was so much pain in his words that my chest tightened in solidarity. When Maya lifted her gaze to look into my eyes, I saw that the blue was even brighter due to a few tears welling up in her eyes.

-I'm sorry, Maya. - I whispered, reaching across the table to take her hand.

-My father is a bad person, you know. - She squeezed my hand lovingly, rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand repeatedly. - He caused me, my mother, and Mase a lot of harm. I just wish it hadn't taken so long for me to realize it. Maybe if I had been a little braver, I would have been able to help my brother.

-We don't need to talk about this, but I'm sure that you made the choices that were possible for you at the time. You shouldn't take responsibility for your father's evil choices, or for the harm he chose to cause. - I had a lot of background on the subject, my father had done me wrong too. - I know it is difficult, but it was not your fault.

-Thank you. - She whispered, and I don't think I've ever seen Maya as vulnerable as she was at that moment. - Can we change the subject?

-Of course! - I smiled sideways at her. - Tell me something I don't know about you!

She looked thoughtful, her thumb still stroking my hand, her eyes went to the movement of her finger, and she smiled gently before looking back at me.

-I won an Olympic medal in 2012. - She spoke calmly, like someone who says they won a funfair in elementary school.

-You what? - I asked, widening my eyes.

-It's no big deal. - She shrugged.

-You what? - I repeated the question and she laughed.

-See? That's why I didn't tell you! - She rolled her eyes.

-You had already won this medal ten years ago and you chose not to tell me about it? - I asked, completely stunned. - Maya!

-What? - She asked back, laughing at my face. - I have been much prouder of it. Ten years ago I used it to impress the people I worked with or the people I wanted to get into bed with. You were never either.

I raised an eyebrow in her direction, a question implied.

-Okay, it's not that I didn't want to get you into my bed. - She was quick to try to make things right, but her words came out a little jumbled because of how fast she was speaking. - But you were never just that to me, you know? Not that I thought you would be much more than that ten years ago, but I hoped, I guess. And also, we didn't see each other outside the Ferry and...

-I get it, Maya. You can stop rambling. - I joked, and she gave me a stern look that only made me laugh some more. - But this is amazing! Was it in a sprint?

-Yes. -She was brief.

-Tell me all about it! - I asked, wide-eyed.

-No. -She smiled.

-Please! - I asked again.

-What's in it for me? - She asked and released my hand only to cross her arms over her chest in defiance.

-What do you want to tell me all about it? - I asked back, mimicking her gesture.

-A kiss. - She answered with a mischievous smile on her lips.

-Is that all? - I asked back.

-And that you invite me in later tonight. - She continued.

-I was going to do that anyway. - I shrugged, and she smiled brightly.

-Very well then. - Maya sighed.

When the main dish arrived, Maya was still telling me about the process of being qualified for the Olympics and over the course of the meal she told me about the experience of having participated in London 2012 and I was in shock when she told me that she won the race having sprained her ankle a few hours earlier. She told me that the medal was in her office at Station 19, and I made her promise to show it to me at the first opportunity.

-I really enjoyed having dinner with you. - I smiled at Maya as we walked back to her car.

-Me too. - She spoke back, also smiling at me.

Maya put her hand on the car door handle to open the door for me, but then she didn't. Instead she turned to face me and leaned against the car door before pulling me in by my waist, causing my body to bump against hers - almost making me stumble in the process - and I let out a chuckle before trying to balance myself by putting my hands on her shoulders.

-You look beautiful. - She whispered, her face now close to mine.

-You've already told me this.

-I can never say it enough. - She brought a hand up to my face. - You are beautiful, Carina! And the more I get to know you, the more I realize that you're not just beautiful on the outside.

-Maya... - I practically purred her name as I tilted my head toward her touch. - You leave me speechless more often than I would like.

-I like to leave you speechless. - She smiled. - It's only fair with the absurd amount of times you make me blush every time we're together.

-You do blush a lot when we're together. - I joked and lowered my face, letting my nose rub against hers. - And you look so beautiful when you're embarrassed. Every reaction your body has to me, to my touch, to my words, makes me more attracted to you.

I looked into your eyes and then into your mouth so inviting and appetizing.

-Bacciami, Maya. - I whispered.

There wasn't a second of hesitation, Maya probably didn't understand what I had asked her, but she definitely felt what I wanted. Her mouth took mine with intensity, her lips massaging mine repeatedly, and even though I wanted so much more than that a part of my brain reminded me that we were in the middle of the street, in front of a restaurant. When she tried to deepen the kiss and her delicious tongue brushed against my lips, I sighed heavily at the wonderful sensation that was felt directly between my legs.

-Take me home, Maya. - I asked, pulling away from the kiss, knowing I wouldn't resist a second time if I felt her tongue against my mouth.

-Okay. - She answered in a whisper.

Suddenly, there in that car, I became even more aware of all the time that had passed since I had last had sex with someone and the anticipation of it happening tonight, with me dominating Maya, pinning her against my bed and taking my time taking her body for my pleasure sent a shiver down my spine. I wanted to kiss every inch of that muscular body, I wanted to feel her fingers and nails digging into my back as I filled her, I wanted to make her scream my name countless times, I wanted to see her beg me to let her climax.

-You're too quiet. - Maya commented beside me after stopping at a traffic light.

-Trapped in my thoughts. - I confessed and smiled shyly. I put my hand on her thigh again as I had done on the way to the restaurant, but this time I let my fingers go dangerously close to her center. - Good thoughts.

-I need to focus on traffic. - Maya murmured, gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white.

-Am I distracting you? - I asked, squeezing her thigh a little.

-Quite a lot. - She swallowed hard, her face turning red as well as part of her neck. - It's hot in here, isn't it?

Maya let go of the steering wheel for a few seconds so she could turn on the car's air conditioner and sped off as soon as the light in front of us turned green.

-Yes, it is hot in here. - I confessed and began running my hand up and down her thigh, unable to help but smile when Maya spread her legs a little wider, so I allowed my hand to go to the resistance imposed by the seam in the middle of her legs and back down near her knee. - Is that why you're red like that?

-You're mean. - She said, after clearing her throat. - Can't you wait until we get to your place?

-No. - I shrugged. - I'm not doing anything too crazy, Maya.

-You're doing enough. - She turned the air conditioner a little cooler, turned one of the vents directly toward her face.

-Let me help. - I spoke, and even with my seat belt on, I managed to turn around and unbutton at least two of the buttons on her shirt, allowing her chest and the curve of her breasts to be exposed. - Better?

-I honestly don't know. - She laughed nervously.

-Maybe taking off your whole shirt will help. - I joked and she gave me a sidelong glance, a silent warning not to attempt this. - Or you could stop driving like an 80-year-old lady and speed up so we can get to my house before my next birthday!

Maya laughed and rolled her eyes, she was nervous and fidgety, so I chose not to return my hand to her thigh, but instead crossed my left leg over my right, bringing the hem of my dress up a bit, and brought my hand to her right one, which was attached to the steering wheel.

-Relax a little. - I asked, and she gave me her hand, which I pulled gently. I placed the palm of her hand against my thigh and with my hand still on top of hers I made back and forth movements, up and down.

-It feels good, but it's not helping me to relax. - She joked but continued the caress.

-I'm quite relaxed. - I joked back. - You're good at that.

-I'm good at a lot of things. - She spoke quickly back.

-I have no doubts. - I smiled and leaned toward her body before whispering against her ear. - I hope I can attest to this soon.

-You will. - She answered, and now she didn't seem so nervous anymore, she was more determined and confident, and I was glad to see that we were only two blocks away from my house.

As soon as the car parked in the open-air garage in front of my house, we jumped out of the car - both of us clearly eager for some privacy - and we almost ran to the front door. As I reached for the keys I felt Maya's body against my back, her hands on my hips squeezing my flesh and I sighed, rolling my eyes before closing them as I felt her lips against the curve of my shoulder that wasn't covered by my dress.

Her hands moved down my thighs, the flattened hands not providing the pressure I so desperately needed, just moving up and down repeatedly before returning to my hips.

-Open the door, Carina. - She asked.

-I'm trying. - I spoke, but it was a big lie. I just kept my free hand against the door in front of me, trying to provide some support for my body, since my knees were feeling weaker after the contact of Maya's body against mine. - You are distracting me.

-It's not that much fun anymore, is it? - She whispered, one of her hands leaving my hip only to move my hair from my back towards my right shoulder, partially freeing the back of my neck and I soon felt her warm mouth on it.

-Maya... - I whispered her name.

-Open the door. - She asked again.

I turned in her arms facing the blonde and with my hand flat against her chest I pushed her away.

-Stay! - I commanded, as one does with a puppy, and she smiled mischievously at me.

I partially turned around, alternating my gaze between Maya and the key in my hand while keeping the other hand flat against her chest. The anxious trembling of my hands didn't help the process of getting the right key from among the sheaf of keys, but after a few tries I finally managed to open the door and I almost squealed with joy when it happened.

As soon as the door was closed by Maya behind her, I brought one of my hands to the back of her neck and kissed her, with intensity and passion, my tongue soon asking for permission to enter her mouth, which was granted with a sensual moan from the blonde. I felt one of her hands go to the middle of my chest and seconds later she moved to my left breast, squeezing it hard - earning a groan from me in response - before sliding it to my ass and pulling me close.

I pressed her against the door and when I felt the shock of her body against the wood, I held her wrists tightly before taking both of her hands above her head and moving one of my legs to the middle of hers, pressing her center with my thigh, earning a loud moan in response.

Maya was rolling against my leg and her body undulating against mine was driving me crazy, I wanted more, I wanted to rip her clothes off at that very moment, but I knew I needed to take it easy because my tendency to like rough sex might not be matched by Maya - although I doubted it by the intensity with which she kept teasing me.

The firefighter managed to disentangle herself from the pressure of my hands against her wrists with ease - after all, she was much stronger than me - and her hands went to my ass to pull me even closer to her. I thought she wanted a little more contact against my leg, but she was quick to turn us around and it was my turn to be pressed against the door.

Her mouth moved down my jaw and then to my neck - my eyes rolling in delight - at the same time as her hands stroked my thighs and her fingertips dug into the hem of my dress.

-Maya... - I sighed her name, trying to hold back the moans that threatened to escape my throat.

I moved my hands to her shirt, starting to undo the buttons, and she pulled away long enough for me to finish unbuttoning the shirt. She looked down at my fingers and I could see that she was a little more disheveled, her lips were swollen from the kiss, the lipstick on her mouth was smeared, her cheeks were a deep shade of pink.

She looked beautiful.

-I like to go first. - I said, and even I could tell how much stronger my accent had become. At that moment all I wanted was to surrender to my mother tongue and not have to think twice about the words I had to use.

-What? - She asked back, her eyes returning to my face as I pushed her shirt off her shoulders and grunted a little as I realized that she was wearing a tank top on the inside of her shirt.

So many clothes!

-There's probably a metaphor about up and down that I'm not remembering at the moment. - I spoke and leaned in to capture Maya's mouth again, our tongues entwining seconds later, both of us moaning into the kiss.

-Top? - She asked, pulling away from the kiss after a few moments. - Top and bottom?

-Sì, I guess. - She was talking too much for my taste. - Kiss me again.

-Well, you'll have to be the bottom tonight. - She laughed before grabbing both sides of my face and pulling me close, and I creased my forehead, tilting my head back to avoid the kiss.

-What? - I asked back.

-I like to be on top. - She shrugged.

-Not tonight. - I smiled at her, but it was Maya's turn to wrinkle her forehead.

-Yes, tonight. - She insisted.

-Maya! - I grunted, frustrated. - Just let me take care of you okay, you won't be complaining anytime soon.

-Carina! - She backed away crossing her arms, her tone plainly annoyed.

-Are we really fighting over who gets to be on top of the other right now? - I rolled my eyes.

-If it's not important, then just give in. - She spoke back, raising an eyebrow.

-Maya, you have to understand that I work in a different way. - I took a step forward, trying to shorten the distance she had put between us. - You trying to pleasure me without me touching you, making you scream my name, making you come in my mouth or on my fingers, will have no effect. I won't be able to relax or enjoy myself if you go first. It will be in vain, do you understand?

I noticed when she swallowed hard, my words affecting her much more than I had imagined, her lips parted, and her gaze fixed on my mouth attested to this.

-And I think you want to make me cum, don't you? - I asked in an almost innocent tone, stroking her face to remove a strand of hair that was trying to cover one of her eyes.

-Y-yes. - She stammered softly, her eyes returning to mine.

-You want to feel me clenching around your fingers, right? - I whispered and lowered my mouth to her neck, nibbling at it before licking and kissing it. - You want to have my juices all over your tongue while I moan your name, don't you?

-Y-yes. - She stuttered again, whispering the word as I continued to attack her neck.

-Then be a good girl and let me devour you, put you on my bed, and fuck you hard until you forget your own name. - The words came out slurred, with my lips still pressed against her skin. I moved my mouth up to her ear. - Does that sound good to you?

Before she could answer, I moved my hands slowly up her abdomen -squeezing her waist once or twice in the process - and rested them on the cups of her bra, closing my fingers around her plump breasts and earning a moan in response. I searched intuitively for a way to squeeze her nipples and when I found them, she did not disappoint me.

-Fuck! - She moaned loudly. - Carina!

I was sure we wouldn't make it to my bed in time, so I began to lead her to the sofa and when Maya felt the seat against the back of her knees, she sat up and I leaned toward her body, indicating that I wanted her to lie down. With one hand I supported myself so that my body hovered over hers, and seeing her under me like that, completely surrendered, caused a fire in the middle of my legs.

-You're so beautiful. - I whispered and brought the hand that wasn't against the couch to the bar of the tank top that was still clinging to her body.

-You don't have to take it off. - She twisted under my body, holding my wrist, and preventing me from lifting the shirt.

-What? - I asked back.

-I don't have to be naked for us to have sex. - She stared at me, and for a second I thought she was joking, but she didn't smile.

-Of course, you do. - I said, laughing a little.

-That's not how I do things. I don't like being exposed like that. - She replied, and I sighed heavily.

I sat on my heels between Maya's legs and ran my fingers through my hair - the house was too absurdly hot to keep my hair against the back of my neck, but I'd have to hold on a little longer.

-And that's not how I do things. - I said back. - Maya, I want you, all of you. Naked for me, in an intimacy that will be ours alone for the hours we are together, without restrictions, without fears, with total consent and trust. I don't want to stick my hand inside your pants and give you a quick orgasm, I want you to have an unforgettable experience.

She also sat up in front of me, her mouth opened a few times, but no words came out.

-This is not negotiable for me. Especially since we're talking about you, about us. About a desire that I have cultivated for ten years. - My words showed all my sincerity. - And if you are not ready for this, I will understand. If you want to leave here and meet some woman at the bar who lets you get on top without so much as a blink of an eye, and who doesn't mind that you remain clothed while you cum, then do it. But that woman is not me.

-I'm just... - She started to speak.

-You don't have to explain anything to me. - I interrupted her, raising a hand to stop her from continuing. - You've made yourself clear, and so have I. Until you're ready, I won't touch you, Maya. And if it's not something you're willing to change, to let go of, then I'll be disappointed, but we'll still be friends. I want you in my life, no matter how.

She looked at me sadly - and I think I looked at her the same way, because I knew there was a reason all these walls around her heart existed, I knew there was a reason Maya hated feeling vulnerable - and when she stood up, I didn't stop her.

-I think I'd better go. - She spoke and picked up her shirt from the floor near the door.

-I hope you're not mad at me. - I said softly, and externalizing the possibility out loud made me want to cry. - I'm not trying to be inflexible or to hurt you, Maya.

-I know. - She said, putting on her shirt. - I'm the broken one, Carina.

-You aren't... - I started.

-Good night, Carina. - She interrupted me, and I bit my lower lip hard trying to control my urge to cry.

Maya surprised me one last time that night, came up to me and held my face with both hands so tenderly - as if she was afraid she would break me - and kissed my mouth gently.

-Thank you for the amazing dinner, I'll talk to you tomorrow. - She whispered as she turned away and walked to the door, closing it behind her in a hurry.

I heard her car start, stared at the bright yellow light coming from one of the windows, and as she drove away a tear rolled down my cheek.

Who broke my Maya?