Chapter 4 when there is no one to rest on

"I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today." - Charlotte Eriksson

I stand here, unshaken by the words thrown my way. They say sticks and stones may break my bones, but I can't help but feel like I've been poisoned. Poisoned with a sadness that runs deeper than any ocean, and I used to think happiness was the antidote, but I was wrong. Even when I wear a smile as my shield, the pain lingers within, coursing through my veins until it's become an inseparable part of me.

I bear this burden in silence, a silent scream that echoes in the chambers of my heart. No one truly knows the real me, for behind my smiles lies a world of hurt. You see, smiling isn't just an expression for me; it's a coping mechanism, my favorite exercise in pretending that everything is fine. But sadness isn't a switch that can be turned off, and pain isn't a memory that can be easily forgotten. Instead, it becomes woven into the fabric of who you are.

Why is life such a terrifying and horrid place? It's a place that doesn't spare even the innocent souls. Misery and suffering seem reserved for those who least deserve it. But what cuts even deeper is when someone who should care for you becomes the cause of your agony.

I am a stranger to the world, a puzzle with missing pieces that no one bothers to solve. I fade into the background, dying silently, my pain a hidden melody that only I can hear. I carry wounds that are concealed beneath my sleeves, scars etched on my soul. I've chosen solitude over companionship, for fear of inflicting my silence on those who might care. Behind my smiles lies a world of agony, yet beneath my pain lies a heart of gold.

Tears fall freely when I witness the suffering of others, when I see their blood stain the world. But I've grown accustomed to seeing my own blood, to feeling its warm touch. I long to see the tears of others, to know that my pain is shared. In my efforts to help others, I've overlooked my own needs, and people take advantage of my compassion.

In the darkness, I search for a savior, a glimmer of hope to guide me. But I've come to realize that I am my own anchor, no matter where life's tides may take me. The tears that trickle from the corners of my heart are my most treasured possessions, each drop a testament to my resilience. I fear losing yet another part of myself.

And now, as you read my words, you become the keeper of my truths. You, the one who took the time to peer beyond the surface, are my confidant. Feel my pain, embrace it, for through it you'll understand what others feel. Remember, people walk, they smile, they chat, but they carry entire worlds beneath their sleeves.

Before you scroll away, before you continue your journey, take a moment. Leave a trace of your presence, a comment, a vote, perhaps even a gift for this book. May blessings shower upon you as you do so, granting your wishes. Please, don't scroll past this. Your action matters more than you know—comment, vote, and gift this book. Thank you for lending an ear to my story.

With heartfelt appreciation,

[goldenheart001]