Gil-kun and the First Servant Fight

"Come at me, thieves."

"Well, if you can dodge, my undodgable blow, then I'll just use my other Noble Phantasm!"

Cu thought, calling back his spear and getting ready to use it again.

"GAE BOLG!" He sent it flying, this time with much more power.

Gilgamesh summoned a series of shields in front of him. The spear broke through them one by one until it almost reached the King of Heroes. He merely opened two portals behind him and threw a bunch of weapons that contrasted the red spear until it was knocked back to the ground.

Meanwhile, Diarmuid and Scathach had rushed to his side, trying to encircle him, but he attacked with an onslaught of unending Noble Phantasms. Still, the Lancers carefully danced through them and stop the few that would have connected and went for the finishing strike, but the king started levitating.

"What?"

"You'd think that I would accept to stay at the same height of you mongrels?"

"Don't get cocky, Blondie!" Fergus yelled as he had already jumped up and was ready to hit him.

The golden ruler dodged and unleashed a gatling of weapons through six portals that made his enemy crash down, though he avoided any serious injury.

"Let's keep up the pressure, we can overwhelm him with numbers!" Scathach said, ready to initiate another coordinated move, however Salter intervened and tried to slash her, with the purple-haired woman barely dodging Excalibur.

"As annoying as he is, do you really think I would just stand there while you attack him?"

"Salty's right. 4vs1 is unfair! Guy with the weird sword, I'll be your opponent!"

"Like you're one to talk about weird swords..."

"At least I don't call myself a Lancer, hehe."

"I see, so I guess my opponent will be... that young girl over there."

"No, no, don't mind me, I like watching."

"?"

"First you seek one of my possessions, then you threathen one of my servants? I'll show you the consequences of your arrogance!"

"This guy is strong, Child of Light."

"Don't worry, so are we. I kept up with him for hours when we fought."

"I'm not sure if I'm built like that."

"Let's see... these losers are certainly beneath me... there's no need for me to be serious... though they pissed me off... but, right now, I have this feeling that I want to get rid of them as soon as possible. Not because I'm scared of them, it's more like, ah yes, I know why... they're wasting my damn time! Maybe Saber or Enkidu are right across the river, searching for me, and I'm wasting time with these insects... I can literally see Saber vanishing from my sight... NOOOO!"

"STOP WASTING MY DAMN TIME!!!"

Gilgamesh screamed in his delusion and opened 50 portals, sending hundreds of weapons at top speed.

"Holy shit, they're so fucking fast!" Cu shouted in suprise as he readied himself in the split of a second.

"I thought you said you held him off!"

"He wasn't this pissed! Damn it, Gae Bolg Spin!"

"That's how you survived?! Spinning your spear?! Fine, then! Gae Dearg and Gae Buidhe Spin!"

Both Lancers spinned their weapons as fast as they could, managing to ricochet the projectiles that were aimed at them and sending them in all directions. The other fights quickly interrupted as the main concern had begone dodging the golden weapons.

This little show continued for a few minutes, when the wave of weapons ceased.

"Is... it... over?"

"I can't do this anymore... in the name of honour, I demand a break!"

Diarmuid said, but before he could look up he felt a sharp pain as a golden weapon had pierced him.

"A break, you say? Sure, mongrel, I'll give you a permanent break from the hardships of life!"

"Haha, I see, so this was a tactic after all... but you miscalculated, I have this healing potion that I stole from someone else that will save me just in time." 

Diarmuid grinned, as he chugged the entire beverage right after extracting the weapon from his chest.

"As I was saying, mongrel, this is my thanks for making me remember that I possess a spear which inflicts wounds that can never be healed."

"It was my pleasure... wait, what? So this is the same weapon... as my... Gae... Buidhe... curses..."

The Lancer with the charming spot uttered before dropping to the ground dead.

"NO! Not Diarmuid! He was my... acquaintance."

"Do not worry or weep, mongrel, for you will join him soon."

"You take me too lightly, I will resist you with all I hav-"

Just then, the hero with blue hair was also pierced to the heart by a golden spear.

"This is my thanks to you reminding me that I possess a spear that will always strike the heart of its target."

"So the ONE time someone else uses it, it's the ONE time it works?!"

"Screw... everything..." And with that, Cu dropped dead too.

"Wait! Let us explain! Before you slay us, allow us to tell our true motives!" Scathach pleaded as she crouched down where Cu's dead body stood.

"Master, no! We said we wouldn't-"

"If we don't do it, we'll die, and their sacrifice will be in vain, Fergus..."

"... fine."

"I didn't say that I would let you explain yourselves."

"Please, great king, I beg of you..." Scathach said as she kneeled down with a sad expression on her face.

"Let's hear what they have to say, Goldie!"

"Perhaps they might give us useful information."

"Very well then, I shall allow you a few last words before I end your lives."

"We have been attacking people who arrive to this river to save a village nearby! There are a few dozens of Servants there who don't have anything to eat!"

"What an obvious and brazen lie!"

"I swear that it's the truth!"

"And I swear too!"

"Then bring us there!"

"As you wish..."

And so, the two remaining Celtic heroes started walking, with Gilgamesh's party closely following them. After a few minutes, they could see a bunch of wooden houses and people lying down, exhausted.

"So they didn't lie."

"That means you killed two innocents, Goldie!"

"I am the one who decides whether those two were innocent or not."

"Well, now that you saw how they saving all these people, surely you must deem them innocent."

"Woman, you give way too many credit to something I care very little about."

"Oh, come on, don't be a jerk! I'm sure you have a way of bringing them back! Do it then, bring them back."

"Please, bring them back!"

"Yes, mighty king, please bring my best friend and my acquaintance back!"

"Just bring them back at this point, Galter."

"Your Majesty, I think it would be beneficial and very kind of you to bring them back."

"*agrees in penguinese*"

"Just shut up, mongrels! I'll revive them just because I have a question I need to ask them."

They went back to where the dead bodies were.

"I appreciate your decision, but how are you going to heal unhealable wounds?"

"I'm not going to. I struck their hearts, so those can never be repaired. What I can do... is give them new ones."

Gilgamesh extended both of his arms and in his hands two golden objects shaped like hearts.

"What are those?"

"Artificial hearts."

"Prostetics?"

"Don't compare them to such trash. These can mimick the human heart like no other creation made by a man will ever be able to. And to insert them, I'll use this gift that was given to me by the city of Lagash."

From one of his gates, what could only be described as a humanoid, mechanical being emerged.

"A robot?!"

"So cool!"

"You really possess the most random things, Galter."

"I possess all of value that was made by mankind. Now, surgeon of Lagash, implant these hearts into those corpses."

After just a few minutes, the golden robot had patched up Diarmuid and Cu very nicely.

"Do you still have some of that healing potion."

"Yes."

Scathach gave it to them. Cu opened his eyes.

"Did I land a hit?"

Scathach hugged him.

"No, not even once."

"Goddamn it."

"Oh, I'm alive! How's that possible?"

"Welcome back, my acquaintance!"

"Hey there, Fergus! Ahh! Don't hug me so hard."

"Aw, isn't this lovely, Goldie?"

"That was a great move and a noble action, Your Majesty."

"That was pretty cool, Galter."

"Yeah, yeah, stop being such suck-ups. I only like it up to a certain point. Hey, mongrels."

"What do you want, prick? Also, thank you for saving us."

"I have an important question for you."

"..."

"..."

"What's your relationship with Saber?"

"... that's the important question?"

"Just answer you damn mongrel!"

"Well, we just fought once, that's it."

"We fought a couple of times, and then I got a bit mad, but it wasn't her fault."

"So you don't like her?"

"I don't have a strong opinion on her."

"I respect her as a fellow knight and as someone who believes in chivalry, but if you mean romantically, then no."

"Good, good. If you had answered wrongly, I would have killed you once more."

"Well... I guess I was lucky... for once..."

"But I do have another less important but still pressing question."

"What is it this time?"

"Why did you attack us?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... well, I guess I'll be the one to say it. To put it short...

WE ARE STARVING!"