Squatter Treatment

"Hrr... Ugh..." Stheno rubbed her eyes, slowly registering the hard wood she was droo-...n-no, er, leaning against because goddesses obviously didn't drool. Anyone who claimed otherwise was a foolish oaf in dire need of divine punishment for his thoughts.

The 'Perfect' Goddess pushed herself up and groggily looked around to take in a vast expanse of sea, as well as the fact that she was on a small canoe.

The Sun was rising to a cloudless blue sky, casting a strange light on her surroundings.

"What happened?" She mumbled to herself, yawning gracefully.

Wait no, nevermind, she remembered what happened.

She'd appeared in a strange land, along with two idiots who kept annoying and competing with each other... And well, given the opportunity for a bit of mischief, she'd set up a bit of a er... trial, to test the heroes of this different age she'd arrived in, yes.

She definitely didn't have any intention of playing around with heroes like she'd done before! Not at all!

And after just a bit of waiting, a duo arrived at her new island.

Said duo had, well, they'd taken in one of the two lovably stupid oafs summoned alongside her, destroyed her entire trial and the male of the two, didn't spare her a single glance... Hell, he looked like he was annoyed with her.

How was that even possible?

Stheno didn't know, she didn't care... because it wasn't possible.

It was a very vivid hallucination born of her loneliness!

Wait no, she wasn't lonely.

It was just a hallucination because of some weird magic in this new land!

Of course, this line of thought was shattered into a million pieces when the Goddess found herself drawn to a commotion on the same canoe she was on.

"Nooooooo! Don't throw me away! I don't wanna go back to that stupid iiiisland! It's booooring! I'm sorry I called you a piggy! And the water is going to ruin my dress!"

Stheno regarded the sight before her with dead eyes.

"I don't want no squatters on my shit. You shouldn't have snuck on board.."

Nicholas Martel, the man who ignored her divine charm, had somehow managed to hoist Elisabeth Bathory(the second of the two oafs summoned with her, the first being Tamamo Cat) over his head.

"...I'm pretty sure that girl is a dragon." Stheno spoke plainly before sighing, "Of course he can lift a dragon."

Actually, how was this small boat floating with all of them aboard it?

Actually, how was she even on here in the first place?

"Yay! Yay! To the sea with disobedient lizard thingies!" Tamamo Cat shamelessly cheered him on, waving her hands enthusiastically, "Bring us back some sardines and I'll help you!"

Elisabeth hesitated and looked around for ways to get out of her situation. Her eyes eventually landed on Stheno, "Why is she on here then?! Throw her overboard too!"

"She's next after you." Nicholas answered unamusedly, "And we only brought her along cause Martha clocked her."

"And you punted her! Don't act like you had nothing to do with her passing out!" 'Martha' cut in indignantly, blushing in shame, "I think you did more damage."

"Oh..."

Stheno realised that was why she'd felt like she was flying through the air moments before her world turned dark.

...

...

...Well, this was both amusing and horrifying.

They'd managed to knock out an actual, bonafide Goddess... which, well, y'know, WASN'T POSSIBLE!

Just what the hell had she got herself caught up in?

"And what twisted logic, pray tell, made you bring along my unconscious body?"

"Martha's been teaching me about manners and stuff." Nicholas tossed Elisabeth into the sea... only for her to sprout massive black wings with pink tips and take to the skies, "She can do that?"

"I could do that?"

Stheno did not find it funny how both looked equally as confused.

"I-I mean o-of course I could!" Elisabeth tried to save her nonexistent pride, crossing her arms under her nonexistent chest, "H-Huh! How's t-that?! Bleh!"

The pink haired dragon stuck out her tongue, making faces at Nicholas who narrowed his eyes and scratched his jaw.

Fate took her actions personally for some reason and a seagull slammed into her face.

"""..."""

"W-What? Why? I thought birds loved me."

"The only people that would love you are your fans." Nicholas commented with a faint smile on his face.

"Thank you! I think I may have misjudged you... You were only trying to rem-"

"Which, both you and I know, don't exist."

"..." Elisabeth Bathory looked like she was about to cry.

"...While watching you pick on little girls is amusing and everything." Stheno sighed, resting her head in her palm, "Could you just let me off? You're no fun."

"Martha, she wants us to let her off." Nicholas looked to his companion, with a mischievous glint in his violet eyes.

Martha looked back at him with those very same eyes, "Yes Nicholas, she wants us to let her off."

"Why are you being so weird about it?" Stheno inquired curiously.

"Man, I knew Greeks were dumb but holy shit."

The Perfect Goddess clicked her tongue and inspected her surroundings for what was so amusing to her boorish captors... It was only then that she recalled they were at sea... and that her 'captors' were slowly inching closer and closer with strange eyes.

"W-Wait! I mean once we go ashore!"

"No no! We wouldn't want to make a Goddess feel uncomfortable!"

"Yes, you can get off right here."

They threw her overboard too.

And unlike Eilsabeth, she didn't have wings.

"I-I'll remember this!"

"Me too, gonna tell my kids about how I threw a squatter Goddess into the sea." Nicholas nodded his head in agreement.

-

"We just left her at sea..." Martha commented off-handedly once they were back on shore, watching her toes sink into the wet sand with a forest behind them, "Wasn't that kind of cruel?"

Nicholas chortled and dismissed her words with a wave of his hand, "Nah, I could see land. She'll use her divine shtick to teleport or sum."

"...I sure hope so."

Martha just shrugged, not feeling all that sorry for the woman that tried to seduce her Master with shallow actions, "Meh, guess if she's really all she claims to be, a little swim shouldn't be that hard. My little sister could swim the distance… and I think Elisabeth is keeping an eye on her."

Nicholas shrugged too before unzipping his manny pack and pulling out a gaming controller.

"...Is that the one Mordred was using?" Martha inquired in a strange tone, clearly weirded out.

Her Master gave a small nod, "Uh-huh, figured I'd have Kiyohime sniff her out if we lost her."

"You do realise Kiyohime is a dragon... right? That's something a dog would be used for."

"Shame how she a dragon but act like a bitch with screws loose." Nicholas snapped his fingers and whistled at Tamamo Cat who'd managed to climb a tree in the time they'd spent talking.

"I...I can't even argue with you there." Martha's shoulders slumped, the dragon did act crazy most of the time but... she was undeniably loyal. To the point where Martha was pretty sure she'd harm herself if told to... which was... er, worrying, to say the least, "You could try talking to her... I'm certain she'd listen."

Nicholas ignored her suggestion and watched as Tamamo Cat leapt off the tree and landed next to him like a cat, regarding him with large curious eyes as she tilted her head.

"Here girl!" He tossed her the controller, rubbing her head as she sniffed the object he'd thrown to her while at the same time leaning into his hand and letting out satisfied purrs, "Find me my kid."

"Why are you treating her like a cat?" Martha asked plainly... her master's behaviour could get well... worrying, sometimes.

"...Eh, she kinda precious with that stuff. Playing along don't hurt nobody."

"..."

Did that mean he'd try to shoot her if she acted like a deer?

"I got the smell. My treasure sense is tingling, let's go now!" The woman jumped to two feet and grabbed his hand with both of hers, dragging him along with excited eyes, "To glory and important things we go!"

"Yeah!" Nicholas humoured her with a small smile... which excited her even more in turn.

"Yay!"

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Might be a bit rusty cause it's been a few days.

Sorry for no updates.

Laptop's battery was malfunctioning and I couldn't write jack.

On the flip side, my exams finished yesterday and the laptop is completely fixed. I even got a small break as a consequence so, I'm thinking I'll post regularly, maybe doubly for a while, cause I have a bunch of new ideas, gathered over the course of exams and boring studies.

Also guys, if it's not too much of a chore, check out DxD: Errant for Hire! and give me some thoughts. It's the first time I've ventured out of Fate.

P.S: I'm free the rest of the year so I have ample time and no excuses.

-

You can find up to 9 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap