What the hell is a UMU?

"UMU!" the blonde girl says while nodding at me, her ahoge wobbling. Her golden hair blows in the wind as the dust clears. It's a good thing I decided to move the summoning circle out of sight from that city; this would have definitely attracted some unwanted attention.

 She walked out of the magic circle and towards me as she tilted her head. "Refund? What's wrong, my master? Is there a problem that this great me can solve? UMU!" 

'Why does she keep saying that?'

She then points straight at my face, "Rejoice! My master, for I am here. UMU!" She proceeds to bow as if she were a performer.

"..."

I look down at the small woman in front of me wearing a large red dress. "Uh, so you are… Nero Claudius??" I ask hesitantly as my worldview gets shattered. 'Why is a famous male emperor a small girl?'

'This better not be a common theme…'

"Of Course! UMU!" She says, looking proud. "I am the mighty emperor of Rome! Known for my beauty across the realm!" She then shifts a bit, looking a little antsy. "Although you, my master, are quite beautiful yourself! UMU!"

I blink as her words set in. "Huh??? What about me is beautiful??" I say as I motion towards all the dirt covering me. Although I found new clothes, mud is still in my hair and skin. It honestly feels miserable, considering I don't think it was just dirt on that muddy trail...

She then stands on her tiptoes as she gazes deeper into my eyes. "That is irrelevant, master! Your eyes are your most beautiful trait!"

"UMU!" she says while nodding. 

'My eyes?... I thought they were just black…' 

"Damn it, Alaya! What did you do now?" I look around for something I can use as a mirror, but finding nothing, I try to see myself through the reflection of Saber's sword.

"Master, I know my sword is beautiful! Here, take a closer look!" She pushes the sword's side to my face.

Glancing at her eyes, sparkling with pride, I look back at the crimson-red sword. It truly is incredible, especially considering its size compared to its wielder and its genuinely fascinating shape. It had a jagged yet elegant blade that seemed almost otherworldly. The blade in my hand felt like cold steel, but for some reason, I could feel a nearly phantom heat radiating from it. Its crimson sheen seemed to tint the world in red through its pristine glimmer; even with my lack of knowledge in magecraft and the mystical arts, I could tell this was a treasure. 

After inspecting the magnificent blade for a few minutes, I realized I had completely forgotten my original purpose in holding it. 

Gazing at my reflection… I don't know how to describe it… It's like my normal eyes, but my pupils and iris are flawless for some reason as if that explains anything. 

If eyes were the window into the soul, it would be like gazing into the purest ocean of the abyss, but the abyss wouldn't gaze back as my eyes were the abyss. It felt odd to describe, and honestly, it scared me with how deeply unsettling they were yet welcoming. It felt like there was a whole world inside that was without flaw, that gazed upon the world outside it, judging it for its imperfections.

 Yet despite this feeling, it felt approachable and almost…comfortable? It was like a little snapshot of the void I had taken residence in before getting dragged into whatever this mess was.

'Are these the mystic eyes that damn Bakugan stabbed into me with?' There is just no way that these work simply as a headache-inducing radar.

"Ah, master, are you admiring your reflection?" 

I look at her, breaking contact with the crimson-red sword reflecting my eyes. "Yeah…these eyes are a gift from my boss…" Blinking a few times, she looks at me curiously, tilting her head.

"Nero…" I ask, gazing into her emerald eyes, "Why do you… call my eyes… beautiful?"

She looks at my eyes before closing her own and crossing her arms. "Hmmm…" I can tell she is really thinking hard about it as I swear I almost saw her ahoge form a question mark. 

Finally, she opened her eyes. "I'm not quite sure…It feels really beautiful, like I could get lost in them, but also…nostalgic?" She scrunches her brows, thinking before hitting her palm with her fist. "It gives a feeling similar to that of Uncle!... I think…yeah! UMU!"

"Your uncle, huh?..." That's interesting. It's definitely not what I was expecting, but I couldn't deny it for some reason.

"… Anyway, "Nero, what do you know about our mission?" According to my information, the servant summoning system process gives the servant some sort of background knowledge. Am I correct?"

"UMU." She nods. " I have received everything related to our mission, my master! We need to venture across the most majestic of empires!... The ROMAN EMPIRE!" She says with her nose up high and her arms spread wide.

I blink as I swear I just saw a bunch of roses and golden confetti blast out from behind her. 'I must be going insane…'

'I wanted to ask her why she was so different from what history has told me, but I'll respect her choice to tell me when she wants me to…' 

Anyway… "Hey Nero! How do you want me to refer to you? Should I use Saber or some form of your name?... We are in Rome, after all, and I'm pretty sure people will recognize you." 

She ponders for a second. "Use my name in full! UMU! I am Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, the Greatest Emperor of Rome and the Grandest of Sabers! UMU!"

"..."

"Uh"

"I think I'll just stick with Nero, alright?" I ask sheepishly, looking at her.

She stomps her foot. "You wanted to know how to address me, yes? Say my full name now!

"

I try to look away because, damn, she just looks too damn cute getting mad. I can see her pouting with her arms straight down as her ahoge seemed to have a life of its own standing up straight like that.

"Ah, alright…" I return my gaze to her crystal-clear emerald eyes.

"Nero Claudius… Caesar Augustus Germanicus…" She intensifies her glare.

"The uh… Greatest Emperor of Rome… and the Grandest-est of Sabers." I finish with a little bow after my grand performance.

"..." She just stares at me in silence.

Before she immediately reached me in a blink, clasping both my hands to her chest, shaking me up and down. "That was beautiful, master! UMU! Bravo! You are not just my master but now also my praetor. Consider this an honor! UMU!" She lets go immediately and starts marching in a random direction.

"Come! This way, my praetor! Onward! To Rome!" She says as she struts down the dirt path leading the way.

'Well, I guess that worked out alright…' 

I then watch her take a 90-degree turn off the path and into a dense forest.

'Wait…' I run up to her. "Do you even know where you are going? You just picked a random direction?!" 

"Of course, my praetor! I always know where I am going!" She says proudly as she keeps her pace.

"Oh, I see…" I say, nodding while closing my eyes and cupping my chin as if I understood.

"..."

"NOT!" Before bonking her in the head with a chop.

"Praetor…But why??? " She stopped as she held her head with her hands, tearing up.

"What do you mean, "You just know where you are going?" I say while making my hand imitate a mouth. "You just walked off the trail and were about to walk straight into the forest?!" I make a gesture in front of us. "You are like 2 meters away from walking into that river???" I say, pointing with every word.

"I know the way because I am the Emperor of Rome! (Imperial Privilege Rank: EX) She says confidently.

"Praetor, I am your Emperor! UMU! Now follow me!" She resumes her path through the forest but goes around the river this time.

"..."

'Sigh…I can tell this is gonna be a long journey…'

-

-

[Somewhere in Rome, Forest North of Pompeii]

We have been walking for what feels like hours… That UMU girl has been leading the way this whole time. She keeps on walking in random directions, taking zigzags, and climbing rocks and trees. This is exhausting…

She keeps looking at random trees and directions before UMUing and turning in a different direction. I don't want to think that she's lost, but… I swear I've seen that same tree three times already.

"Uh, Nero?" I ask as she turns to look at me. Her eyebrows furrow as if expecting something. 

Relenting, I continue, "...Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. The greatest emperor of Rome and the grandest of sabers…" I say monotone-like.

 She starts beaming, "Very good praetor! I see it was a great choice on my part to deem you my praetor! We shall find the great Roman city of Pompeii and save the people from that anomaly! UMU!"

"Yes, of course, my…emperor… But how are we going to get there?" I ask the all-powerful emperor.

"That's easy, my praetor! We use my Imperial Privilege(EX) to go straight there!" She says, looking as proud as ever. 

Looking back at the same tree we've been passing…"If this skill is so good, why have we been going in circles?..." I inquire while she turns her head, avoiding eye contact.

"Well…you see… " She starts to mumble "I~for ~~~ t-" 

"..."

"What?!" I ask as I grab her shoulders to make her face me.

"I FORGOT!" She yells before turning away again. "I don't have the best memory, and I don't like the headaches…" she says quietly.

"..."

I just stare at her, causing her to break out in a cold sweat.

I start furiously shaking her shoulders with both arms, bobbing her head everywhere.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE FORGOT! YOU…YOU IDIOT EMPEROR!"

"But… my praetor! I am the Emperor of Rome! I should not need to use a mere skill to know my lands…" 

I look at her while she digs her foot into the dirt before palming my face.

'I hate when I'm right…'