Chapter 11

I delved into deep reflection – pondering my past, my misdeeds, and the path I sought for the future. I realized that, despite years of stoically weathering life's storms, I had reached my breaking point, my inner self screaming for an escape from this cruel existence. Yet, the memory of Mio's lifeless form was a stark reminder that I had to persevere.

That was how I, with my unwavering determination, eventually reached out to Mama for the first time in ages. I boarded a flight from Tokyo to Nara, waited out her busy schedule. And when she finally emerged from her outdoor shooting, we found a quiet corner in the lobby of her hotel.

"I want to drop out of school," I said, unveiling my intention.

Mama's brows furrowed in disapproval as she listened, a silent testament to her disagreement with my decision. Yet, when I brought out her once indifferent stance towards my choices, she seemed to resign herself to the current of my decision, letting the conversation flow where it may.

Time felt like a precious commodity, each second ticking away with the urgency of a heartbeat. I wasted no time in formalizing my departure from school. And the memory of walking with Mama to meet the school authorities is vivid in my mind – the stares that followed us like camera lenses, the hushed whispers that fluttered like leaves in the wind, all speculating about our purpose.

Indifference had settled over me like a heavy cloak, my desire to sever ties with everyone and everything – those memories that carried more bitterness than sweetness – was unwavering. Yet, when I returned to school to collect my final documents, an unexpected pang of heartache gripped me.

"What about our club? The exhibition we planned to run?" Nanase's question caught me off guard. For the first time, the perpetual brightness that illuminated her face was extinguished, replaced by an expression etched with worry.

The club, I realized, held a significance that extended beyond my personal sentiments. It wasn't just about Nanase, whose passion had been the heartbeat of our collective efforts, or Inoue, who often seemed indifferent to Nanase's wilder ideas, or even Asakura, who followed along with a naive trust. This small club was a cherished haven for them. And Hasegawa, I knew, despite his lack of artistic talent, had poured his soul into resurrecting the club with an unmistakable sincerity. Yet, my path, I felt, was diverging from theirs, a leaf preparing to be carried away by the gentle currents of a new beginning.

"Even without you, the exhibition will still be carried out. But senpai... I hope you'll be there," Hasegawa interjected, his trademark smile attempting to mask the sorrow that lingered in his eyes.

"Uhm... we'll see..."

With an inner resolve as unyielding as a dam holding back a river, I turned away from them, my face averted, my steps leading me away from the life I had known. That departure marked a final severance, a silent vow to never look back. The fate of the exhibition remained unknown to me, yet somewhere deep within, I harboured a quiet hope that it was a success, a stepping stone for Nanase towards the future she envisioned.

As for me, my path diverged sharply. I drifted to a distant province, a lone figure embarking on a new chapter. There, I braced myself for the challenge of obtaining a High School Equivalency Certification, a beacon in my quest for a fresh start.

The days leading up to the spring exam were akin to navigating through a relentless storm. The struggle wasn't solely due to the rigour of the cram school I attended in preparation for the exam or the myriad of part-time jobs I juggled to sustain myself. It was the agonizing wait, the slow march of time towards the exam date, that proved to be the most torturous. Each tick of the clock was a reminder of the weight of what lay ahead, the exam looming like a gatekeeper to a realm of nightmarish uncertainty, a threshold that I was both eager and apprehensive to cross.

The spectre of the upcoming exam itself didn't weigh heavily on me; I felt a quiet confidence in my academic prowess, having always excelled in my studies. I recall, vividly, during the meeting to drop out of school, I saw a tinge of sorrow in Mama's smile as the authorities expressed regret at losing an excellent student like me. Their words echoed the sentiments of my teachers at the cram school, who often lauded my performance and expressed unwavering confidence in my ability to pass the exam with distinction.

These moments stirred within me a poignant reflection. If I hadn't plunged myself into that dark abyss, that realm shadowed by sinister choices and haunting experiences, where would I be now? Would my life have unfurled in a brighter, more hopeful trajectory?