Prologue

Is this really happening? It's only been a week since I moved to the United States to start medical school and I'm already on a date with a really cute guy? He has blonde hair and blue eyes and a quirky smile that makes his glasses bob up and down whenever he laughs. He's slightly taller than me, definitely has a little more muscle than I do, and wow he is the first guy to ever openly be into me! Me, the gawkiest, nerdiest little gay teenager to ever leave Japan, is on a date with a really cute guy. And he's a huge nerd too! He goes to my school and is getting his Ph.D. in English literature at the start of the fall and we talked about our favorite anime and video games, and now he's BACK AT MY APARTMENT?

I fumble in my pocket to find my keys, and my date, Kyle, smiles at me. Oh my God are we...are we gonna do it? I don't know if I'm prepared for that, and also, am I a bottom? A top? What is Kyle? Oh God I've never even...okay, first find the keys and we'll go from there. I manage to pull them out without looking like a bigger loser than I already am and shove them into the lock.

As I feel the click of the key turning in the lock and lightning race through my veins at the possibility of fooling around with Kyle, I realize that maybe it wasn't just excitement and it might be something else. My throat starts to close, and a sharp pain races up my left arm. I look at Kyle, eyes wide, and I try to speak but nothing comes out of my throat. My vision begins to go hazy and my knees buckle under me and suddenly it's very cold. Faintly, Kyle's voice is calling out to me and he sounds concerned. I feel his fingers on my face, but my breathing is so frantic that I'm not even sure what's happening anymore. I try to turn to look at him, but all I see is red.

I swear I can hear someone calling my name. I hear something like 911 and Kyle yelling. It's cold under my face, but I can't breathe. I want to ask Kyle what's going on, but my body won't respond. He's so handsome, and we almost kissed. I didn't even get my first kiss. What a shitty time to die. If I ever get a chance to live again, I hope I at least get to do more than that. I wish that I could fall in love and be happy and all that romantic crap. I just wanted that in this life, but I guess I'll wish for that in my next. Because, I guess, I'm dying.