Years later

To this day I still don't know how to express my gratitude to James and his father for making it possible for me to go to school. Our relationship has been going well. James was finally hired permanently after his internship. He moved out of his aunt's house and found an apartment in Boston. I moved in with him, I was now nearer to school. LLB is a very tough course some people say it's even impossible, but I have been studying so hard to make sure that I pass my modules and maintain my scholarship. I have 3 assignments which are all due on the same week and two tests coming up. I have totally lost my social life; all I do is just go to campus to attend my lectures then back to our apartment. If I'm being honest, I never got to experience the fun life of collage, going out with friends to party all night. I can't remember the last time I did something fun even indoors. Maybe it was last Christmas when I went home, that was the last time I was around people laughing and dancing. I study even during summers. James on the other hand is always at work, his job is time demanding, he always gets home tired, we were just like an old couple with no sexual spark. I do cook and we would eat dinner together then that would be it. Today he came home a little early, he finds me on the sitting room busy working on my assignment. Him: Hey. Me: Hey you're home early... Him: Yup we have a celebration at work later, so I came to change. Me: oh okay. Him: I want you to come with me. I take off my reading specs and look at him. Me: babe I'd really love to, but I'm swamped with the assignments I need to finish them, so I prepare for the tests. Him: but I want you there. Me: Ja-... He cuts me. Him: everyone will bring their along their partners I don't want to go there and look like a looser! Me: J it's short notice honestly, I can't... Him: it's not short notice Nairobi I told you about it two days back!! Honestly, I can't remember him telling me about it, maybe h did, I have been too stressed with my schoolwork to pay attention on anything outside my work. Me: you did? Him: of course, you can't remember nothing matters to you than your schoolwork, I no longer matter to you because you've gotten what you wanted right? You used me to get into Harvard then you just drop me like that. Me: no that's not true and I'm even hurt to hear you say that! You know I love you but right now you're being unfair... Him: after everything I've done for you!? And I just ask you this little favour and you tell me you can't!? I feel neglected and unloved in this relationship. Me: you're being selfish James... What about me? Do you ever consider my feelings? Him: I don't really get what your problem is... Are you ashamed of me? Me: what!? That's ridiculous and you know it!! Him: then why don't you want to go with me? It can't be your schoolwork. I mean you're smart you don't need to be always on your books to pass your semesters. Me: James being smart alone is not enough I have to work hard. He just lost it and throw my books across the room. It is very scary to see him act like that because it is first, he does that. Him: none of this would be here if it wasn't because of me!!!! You owe me!!! He grabs me with my shirt and pull me up closer to him with his fist leaning towards my face. Him: don't test me Nairobi... You don't want to see me lose it... You will do as I say!! My heart beats against my chest and my eyes are out of their sockets. He then throws me back to the sofa. Him: why do I have to beg you to support me!!!? I stand up and make my way to the bathroom because I don't want to find out what will happen if I don't do as he says. I take shower and when I get out, he is now calm. I find him in the bedroom with a box in his hand. He smiles as he sees me. Him: I got you something to wear... He hands me the box. I take it and open it. I took out the dress. Him: walk over to the mirror. I do as he tells me. It's the red long hugging dress. I hold it up while looking in the mirror. He comes behind me and put his head on my shoulder. Him: it's gorgeous right? I nod. Me: it's beautiful. He kisses me on my neck. Him: now get dressed so we won't be late. I put on the dress and wear the shoes he also got me. He is already dressed in his tux. He walks over to me on my make up table. Him: I think you should tie that hair up; I like it that way... Me: what? I think it looks better up. Him: no, it's better up, tie it up... I sigh and tie the hair up as he likes it. Him: and you should Uh... Hide those white patches. What!? He never had a problem with my skin before and now he wants me to hide it. Me: oh? Him: yeah, I mean... I think you will look great... I didn't want to embarrass him, so I had to put on the makeup even though I didn't feel comfortable in it. ****We walked in holding hands, I couldn't walk properly in my heels because I wasn't used to them, and they were 6 inches high that's why he held my hand, so I don't fall. The party was on their baby, and he was right. He would have been seen like a loser if I didn't make it, everyone was with their partners, and they were looking great. Those girls looked like they have just fallen out of Vogue magazine. They had glowing skin Now I get why James wanted to cover up my peeling skin. They were skinny and their fit perfectly in their dresses. And there I was with popping curves and protruding ass. They made me look and feel like I was wearing a diaper. James pinched my hand. Him: look confident and hold your head high, you're not that bad... He whispered to me. He must realize that my confidence dropped a little. I faked a smile as they took pictures. When everyone took pictures, people would make admiration noises but when it was our turn, nobody said anything and that made me feel worse! I felt like taking off these uncomfortable shoes and run out. I could also tell that James was embarrassed, even though we tried to mask our feelings with smiles. We finally got to sit down and that was quite a relief because I was worried most of the time that I might trip and fall. Him: when I said cover up, I meant cover up. Me: what? What are you talking about? Him: your arms... The patches are showing. I looked at my arms and he was right. Me: oh, the makeup must have wiped off in the car... He shook his head and looked away. Me: I'm sorry, okay? Him: it doesn't matter now. Another couple came to share a table with us. Guy: hi I'm Mike and this is my wife, Jane. We shook hands. James: and this is my girlfriend Nairobi... Mike: baby this is my co-worker James he's cool. Jane: nice to meet you guys... Me: likewise.

Mike: so, Nairobi how long have you guys been dating for? Me: 6 years now. Mike: wow that's great so what do you do? I'm an electrical engineer and my wife here is an attorney. Me: wow that's great because I'm also studying towards that Jane, I would really like to have you on my circle. I need some advice on something... So, I don't know if I should go with attorney or advocacy... I'm just... I'm confused. Jane: words to wise babe and to you... Always start with attorney and when you have acquired all the experience you can advance to advocacy... You don't want to drown trust me. I nodded. Me: Law school... Aah man! We both laughed.

Jane: not easy... So where do you study?

Me: Harvard... Jane: oh, wow that's awesome, it's a great school. I went to Stanford. That's where I met with Mike... He was quite a loner. We laughed.

Mike: come on... Jane: really, I was like this guy is always alone let me go talk to him only to find out that he's something else! We laughed again. Mike: come on I wasn't that bad...

Jane: you were honey...aah Nairobi you are so cute and very smart otherwise you wouldn't have got in in Harvard.

Me: thank you.

Jane: you just need to I don't know... You need to start believing in yourself. I see a lot of self-doubt in you that's why you covered up your skin.... Vitiligo is not bad... With the right attitude and confidence, you can take over the world. You're beautiful the way you are. It went quiet for a moment. I didn't even dare to look at James. If only Jane knew that I was talked into it. I have grown to love and accept myself the way I am. The ceremony went on and that's what we focused on than what just happened on our table. ***Later when we got home the fight started again, I really didn't understand what snapped out of James, he just suddenly changed. The threw his jacket on the sofa and loosened his tie. Him: so, did you really have to talk to them all the time like I wasn't there... Me: J I really don't understand why you suddenly have this attitude. Him: attitude? Attitude? He laughed. Him: I have attitude... I took off the shoes and went to dress in my nighties and I got back to my schoolwork. Him: aren't you coming to bed? Me: no, I must catch up on my work. Him: not please... It has been a long night; you need your rest. He pulled me up. Maybe h meant well. I needed to rest so I went to bed with him. -----------James Carter is a good friend of mine, he is my childhood friend. It was during my lunch time when I met with him. I don't have secrets with him, we talk about everything. Him: man, I'm surprised that you're even still with her. Me: she's great and she's patient with me. Him: now you say that thing is back. I thought you were able to manage it. Me: I know... Him: man, you need to tell her and go seek some counselling or else she's not safe with you. Me: I know but telling the truth man.... What if she leaves me? I can't live without her. Him: she's a nice girl, I doubt she will leave. Me: she's my everything man... He put his hand on my shoulder. Him: you need to get help man before it gets out of hand. I nodded.