Tay Wu

"Impressive, Wu!. This is excellent work! You turned in the documents way earlier than expected."

Tay Wu wore a proud smile across his face as his spectacles glared from the lights in the office room. The other disappointed colleagues stood beside him with their heads facing down. 

"Learn from him, you useless otters!" The manager remarked. 

It was no easy work for Tay Wu; it really is not as easy as he made it look. He was tasked with turning in 10 presentation files, 22 reports from international clients, 8 uncorrected invoices, and such within a week. But somehow Tay managed to submit all of the documents flawlessly on the fourth day.

He was a hard worker, easily the most hardworking employee in his company. He has done the most overnight shifts out of anyone, and naturally, his teammates and the members of the other projects were jealous of his praise and recognition. The reputation that was engraved on his name was unparalleled.

"If that is all, sir, may I leave?" His soft and calming voice was heard in the silent room. 

"Oh, please do, Tay, and have a wonderful night!" The manager dismissed him.

Tay Wu's tall and neatly dressed presence exited the room. 

Every day when work gets over, he mostly goes over to the cafeteria to stuff himself with a well-deserved dinner to end the day. He always sat alone. Occasionally, his colleagues would hop in to obtain some advice from the workaholic that was Tay. But today he sat alone in the empty cafeteria on the last bench. In front of him was a plate of unappealing steamed rice with chicken that was barely seasoned. But he always respected his blessings, and so he bowed down and chanted his graces. 

"Dear God, I thank you for this food." He prayed.

He then started to scoop the rice and chicken with the spoon and ate them. It was bland and could have tasted way better with just a hint of a little more salt. But he didn't mind the treatment. Instead, each of his scoops was done slowly and steadily, with proper care and table manners. He held his spoon with a firm grip, like a lancer would hold his lance. But his face was stale, and just before he gulped his last bite, he heard a pleasant voice. 

"Ate well Tay?" 

He looked up, and it was a pretty face with a contagious smile. 

"Gia…" He smiled at her.

Gia was a fellow employee, team leader from another project, and good friend of his for a long time.

"Why haven't you left yet? Overwork?" She inquired. 

"Yes. I had to turn in some documents. Please sit down, Gia." 

She adjusted her shirt and sat down in front of him in the empty cafeteria. It was not empty anymore. 

"How have you been, Tay?" 

She was the only person apart from his mother who called him by his first name, and in a way, it always made him feel special. He never really talked to anyone else, apart from some of his colleagues and Gia. 

"You know, as usual." He replied with a smile. 

She nodded and stared at the ground. Tay was confused at the look on her face.

"What is it, Gia?"

She didn't answer, and silence persisted.

"Are you okay? Gia?" 

After a few seconds, Gia took a few deep breaths and looked into his eyes. 

"Tay.." She trembled. 

"I've wanted to tell you something, Tay." She continued.

His wide eyes glared beneath the glasses.

"Tell me what?"

"Tay. You know me more than anyone else. My mum loves you, my dad admires you as a man, and I, Tay... I've always loved you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She clutched her hands over his, and there was a sparkling joy in her face. She had prayed for Tay since the day she met him. 

But the look on Tay's face caught Gia off guard.

"Gia… I don't know what to say."

The joy in her face vanished completely, and she froze at the response. 

"Wha… What do you mean by that, Tay?"

He shut his eyes and briefly thought about what he had to say.

"I can't, Gia. I just can't. You know it. You're an amazing woman, and I don't deserve it. My life is hard and difficult to manage. You know it." 

He carefully removed her hands and continued.

"My mum is sick, and I need to take care of her. And dad left us both alone with terrible debts to clear. I've got responsibilities, Gia."

"All I'm saying is, let me be a part of your life, Tay; I will help you. I love you." She wouldn't understand.

"Gia… I can't. I wouldn't be able to spend time with you; I can't focus on you; I won't be able to love you as much…."

Gia stopped his speech by raising her hand in front of his face. 

"I can't hear any more of this, Tay. I'm sorry I caused you trouble."

She forced herself out of the cafeteria, fighting back tears. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Gia!" He yelled as she shut the door behind her.

Tay looked down, dreaded, at his last scoop of food, and he dumped it in the garbage. 

…

Tay left and headed for home. The summer waves from the morning never slowed him down, but the night was cold, and it troubled him now. He waited for the bus, 8C, that led closest to his apartment. His tie swayed in the air, and so did his ID card. There were a million reasons behind his restless eyes. Rent was due, his mother was sick, and her medical bills pilled up every day. As each day went by, the unstoppable pressure of catching up to his dad's debts and loans haunted him. 

The 8C finally arrived, and he took the last seat, just as always. There was only one couple seated together on the middle deck.

The ride was quiet and serene, with the night sky flaunting its beauty. A beauty as Gia. He shamelessly stared at the couples holding hands and hugging through the cold. He closed his eyes.

…

An hour or two later, Tay had reached his apartment. He lived on the ugly 6th floor out of the 10 floors. It was the least furbished, the dullest, and the smelliest of all the floors. The lift had not been working for the past week, so the walk was cruel. And every day, as Tay walked up to his floor, he heard loud music, parties, and girls. He knew if he ever stopped on any of those floors, he'd cry. 

The walk upstairs was about twenty painful minutes, and he made it. 

He unbolted the wooden door and went inside.

In the living room, his mother laid on the mattress on the floor, her pills and medicines swarmed by roaches as always. The place had no television, no pictures on the wall, nothing. But it had a tiny table. A table that had bills upon bills.

"28000 DUE"

"16000 UNPAID"

"5800 UNPAID"

"22700 UNPAID"

"5750 DUE"

"12000 UNPAID"

"45000 UNPAID"

He glanced at them and smiled.

He went over to his mother and kissed her. 

"I had a great day at work, mum. I might be getting a raise. And then I saw Gia mum. She told me that she loves me. Can you believe it? The girl I always liked. But…I couldn't mum. I couldn't."

He broke down. The caged tears broke free. 

"I just fuckin' wish you could at least hear me, mum." He cried to his deaf mother.

He removed his glasses and kept them on the table. He brushed away the roaches from the medicines, wiped them with his shirt, and fed her. 

"I'll go take a shower now."

…

It was like a hailstorm—the water from the shower. He rested his head against the wall and cried. He punched the wall despite the pain. The water couldn't wash away his tears as it kept running, and he pondered. 

"Do I not deserve peace? Have I sinned? Have I hurt many? What wrong did I do to deserve this?" He spoke to himself.

"Oh, the things I'd do to just hold Gia. But I can't, can I? I fuckin' can't. I want her! I want to wake up next to her! I want my mom to be okay again! I want my dad to come alive again! I want everything to end! Oh god! I can't take it anymore! Give me a normal life! God!"

Tay Wu yelled loudly, knowing his mother wouldn't be able to hear any of his suffering. He had no one to hear him. He wondered if any of this would ever stop as he slept on the bathroom floor, clutching to his knees like a fetus, wishing to be free from this endless torture. Is this even called life?