Chapter 6

"Dear, what else is there to think about? Why don't you just agree so that the marriage can be settled, and the preparations can begin?" During the trip to our home, my mum never gave up in pushing me to accept the marriage agreement.

I mustered up the courage to speak earlier, and because I was really shocked by what I found out and by my mother's means to solve my problem—which is marriage—so I spoke up. I didn't refuse. I just asked for enough time to think carefully about my decision. This time, I don't want to rush things. I don't want to become impulsive.

"There must be another way to solve this issue about me, isn't there? Why does it have to get to the point where I have to get married, Ma?" I asked, desperately. "Just your idea that you want me to get married with someone I don't love and I'm not even familiar with is a big torture for me-"

"If we don't continue this, people will torture you every day for judging you, Chanty," my mother said firmly without even giving me a single glance. "So, you really have to make a decision this instant. Both of the options offered to you have their own benefits and lapses. If you choose to marry Lucas, we can expect all the judgments that threaten you every day will die down. The disadvantage is… definitely… This arranged marriage is an unfair setup I will make for you, dear."

"And the second option for you, Chanty... you can't marry a man you don't love but if you choose not to go through with the plan, we can't say how long you will receive abuse from people who already know what happened to you."

I raised my head and looked at my mother. All her eyes were on the road, and I could see on her face that she seemed so fine… yet I know deep inside… she's not. I could clearly see a tear fall from her eyes. And as I witnessed my mother crying because of me, that equates to another amount of pain attacking me.

"Ma-"

My mum just held my hand while remaining focused on the road. She forced herself to smile. "If you're starting to worry about me… don't, Chanty. I may seem not so fine at this moment, but I can manage myself."

"It's perfectly normal for me to react like this because… I feel bad for you and for all the things you are suffering now, dear. I feel like I failed to remind you many times to do the things you must do, so you disobeyed me. I feel like I wasn't a good mother to you and that's why you're going through this now."

"Chanty, my dearest… as a mother, it hurts me to see you struggling. Don't expect me to just stand on the sidelines doing nothing while watching you be mocked by people who laugh at you and those who have nothing to do in life other than care about the lives of others. I can't do that, dear."

"So... Can you blame me for sticking to a plan that I knew you wouldn't like, but I went ahead with it anyway?" She stroked my hair gently. "Dear... I'm doing it for you too. I hope you understand me, Chanty."

Because my mum made me cry and at the same time, I felt sorry for her, I didn't fight back. I just quietly sat on my seat while we were on the trip waiting for us to get home, so I could rest. I don't have a choice anymore, anyway. After all, the plan is settled, I think there is nothing I can do other than agree to this setup.

—

"We have a dinner meeting with Lucas. Please don't forget about that, dear! I hope you can come with me," my mom said to me when I caught her preparing breakfast on the table.

"We have... a group activity we need to finish. Maybe after class we'll go straight to a nearby coffee shop and then we'll just finish it there. That's because it's a group report," sneaking in just so I can't be with them.

"You're always reasoning the same alibi, Chanty." My mom faced me and sat in the chair opposite to me. "You couldn't attend the gathering last time because you said you had a quiz and you needed to review. The other day, you couldn't go because you said you had a headache. Yesterday, you didn't come with me either because you said you had a group video call with your groupmates. So, now you still can't give us a chance to let you be part of the gathering, hmm?"

I was suddenly nervous as I slowly realized that my mum seemed to be noticing that I was just making an excuse to not be with them. Well... I admitted that I was just sneaking in, so I wouldn't be with or see Lucas and his mother. Of course… especially Lucas. I don't feel comfortable meeting or even talking to them because I'm sure the topic will be about the wedding.

Well… I'm pretty sure that the wedding will occur many years later. I shall be at my legal age, preferably in my 20's before I get married, and the same thing shall go to Lucas.

"Mom, I'm sorry." I look at her strangely. "Why do we still need to meet with them? To plan the wedding? Well, that's still a long time away, isn't it-"

"How the hell you don't know your own age?" she said and laughed in response. "You will be 18 years old in two months, Chanty. And by the time you turned your legal age, the day after your birthday would be the wedding day."

I was very surprised after hearing such a jaw-dropping revelation. Because they didn't tell me when the exact date the wedding will take place. But since I'm not yet at the right age, what I expected is that Lucas and I would marry each other maybe after two years. That's my estimated period.

Oh… no!