Pathetic and disgusting

But now-a-days, he wasn't even sure he knew what he was thinking. Hell, going over his actions the past few days, one could argue he hadn't been thinking.

Jacob let out a huge breath and began speaking, "Let's start at the beginning. I suppose after all that happened that night, I've been feeling guilty. Like all that had happened is my fault. And I suppose it is."

Aria opened her mouth to tell him it wasn't true, but Jacob shook his head to silence her and continued, "It is my fault. If I hadn't convinced Helen to sneak out with me that night, none of this would have happened."

Aria shook her head to indicate she still didn't agree with what he was saying, but didn't cut in as he said, "Well, the bottom line is I did convince her to sneak off with me. And you know Aria, when I woke up back then in the Scott mansion, the only thing I felt was disgust." Aria furrowed her brows and tilted her head, disgust? Jacob nodded, "I felt so disgusted with myself, so uncomfortable in my own skin. All I wanted was to escape. Get away from all those eyes. Those eyes that knew how weak I was. I couldn't even protect one person Aria. And that too after I had sworn to her that I would keep her safe." Aria hung her head. "That feeling Aria. I feel like it's chasing me now. It's always with me, making me feel like I don't deserve a single thing in this whole world. Telling me just how weak and pathetic I am, and I can see it in everyone's eyes Aria. How disgusting I am?!?!"

Aria opened her mouth to say something while Jacob caught his breath. But she was surprised when she couldn't think of anything to say, not one single thing. She closed and opened her mouth a few times, trying to make something up as she went along, but to no success. Aria was sure she looked like a bandaged fish, and was fully expecting Jacob to let out a laugh.

But he seemed to be wrapped in his whole world and didn't notice Aria fumbling for words. And apparently Jacob was at no loss for words as he continued, "Do you know Aria, I've never told anyone this since that night. No one knows this, not even Helen. But . . . . that night when I was being beaten up, I tried very hard to lose myself to rage."

Aria actually sat up in shock upon hearing this. "WHAAA . . . . " she began, which turned into a scream which Aria bit back, trying to not let Miss Anhao hear. "Oh my god Aria!!!!" Jacob exclaimed as he rushed forward to make sure Aria was okay. She wanted to remind him that no one was allowed to touch her, but Aria was in no shape right now.

She just prayed that she hadn't pulled any muscles or opened any wounds getting up so suddenly as Jacob helped her lay back down. Aria tried to regulate her breathing as the pain slowly subsided. Jacob was looking at her with a worried face. "Do you want me to go get Miss Anhao?" he asked.

Seeing as Aria was in no condition to reply, he got up. "I am going to get her." he said.