A Piece of Sh**

After a startling snark, the Garden Guardian jolted forward with outstretched jaws.

It was just inches from chomping down on Tsuki, who'd been exhausted and defenseless. The monster was rabid and ravenous. When it roared, salvia mingled with a stench of human blood splattered on her face.

Her limbs eased at the end. She'd accepted the fate sold to her at that moment. There wasn't even enough time to pray; she'd just suddenly cease.

That's what she thought as the considerable mass of shelled flesh rushed at her in a fatal pursuit. She'd closed her eyes for the final moments. Her body anticipated a molting agony to inflict her upper frame. So, when a powerful surge of wind struck her, she released a glass-shattering shriek.

The gust was brief but savage. It ruffled her tattered clothing, sending her unkempt white hair into a frenzy. Even a second later, the woman's face was twisted with torture as if that was just the outline of the monster's attack. In her head, it was inevitable, and in any millisecond, she'd open her eyes to her arms being torn off.

Several berserk breaths later, she discovered herself- alive? A distant, damp thump sounded sometime later, and she cautiously opened her eyes to the scarlet-colored background.

Gradually, Tsuki's irises adjusted. She glanced slightly in front of her, only to find the monster misplaced. Gone. Her eyes widened, and she grew baffled.

"What?" She said weakly, saline sweat rolling into her eyes and instigating a sting.

She found the courage to check her surroundings, and further inspection led her to notice her equally tired companions, all shell-shocked and blankly facing northward. It was as if time had stopped them in their final moments, non of them even taking the initiative to blink.

Tsuki fearfully joined their regard, looking some yards beyond them. There, she saw another Guardian. It was turned upside down, mangled, and lifeless inside a pool of blood.

The monster looked just like the one they were fighting; its neck was even cut in the exact location as the foe they battled. There wasn't a single spark of connection in the woman's rattled mind. Not until a convincing male voice interrupted them. It was weighty, obviously not calm. Yet, not intimidated.

Confidently, they heard Crush approaching behind them, declaring, "I have a job for you."

Everyone in the Enforcers guild rotated in concord to see who had neared them.

Basked in the vile red light produced by the nearby plant life, Crush, and Sprite stood with loose postures. They didn't offer too much immediately but gave the group a moment of grace.

Crush figured they needed the time to relish surviving. Meanwhile, he glanced over their collapsing bodies. (("They lost..."))

(("I dunno why my legs dragged me here. What use are they going to be like this?"))

From right to left, Crush observed how defeated the party was. His sights prolonged on August, who was staring back in stupefaction. Of course- After all, he'd seen something unimaginable.

Crush squinted bitterly at the handsome man. His rival on Earth. Then, he felt his heart's cookstove start to warm.

(("Arn't you REAL fucking cool,")) he thought.

(("No prior expreince but you're running around in dungeons with your friends saving cattle like some kind of super farmer."))

He did look... "Cool." Crush would never, in a million years, tell August he was anything more than a wet, pesky turd that he couldn't push out over the toilet. Yet, in his mind, he couldn't help but feel like he'd fallen behind.

His and Sprite's List was still untouched. They'd spent the entire time trying to create a successful business in that new world, and there were still 9 more items to check off. On the other hand, August was already starting to fulfill his heroic aspirations.

Crush's right eye twitched in agitation, then he flicked the air. His inventory appeared, then he materialized a wooden barrel. There was a swish of liquid when it dropped on the ground.

With a few more movements of his hand, Crush summoned and tossed several wooden cups at the Guild. He tried to appear friendly, but angst bled through his voice, "Before we talk business. How about a drink?"

After one of them moved, the rest raced for the barrel filled with fresh water. It was meant to produce his and Sprite's bath after work, but his oh-so-very gracious nature was overpowering.

Not.

(("They'll be more inclined to say yes after I help them first."))

(("I'd prefer a Guild that can actually hold their own in a fight, but-"))

Crush glimpsed at the bordering conflicts. As far as he could tell, August's group was the only one that'd even gotten close to winning. Still, the fact that burned in his head was that they lost.

With a fretful sigh, he closed his eyes in review. (("This is the first time I've left the Hub, so I didn't know what to expect."))

(("To think hundreds of people are exploring the deep Dungeon right now is nuts. And they've been doing this for weeks on end."))

There was more on his mind, but a commotion from the Enforcers had interrupted his thought. Tsuki had regained some of her soundness and shouted, "Kev! One of your arrows almost hit me!"

Kev, full name Kevin, was back a few yards, his bow rested over his shoulder like a purse. His hated, plain name was the only thing standard about him. Tall, with a long gallant neck, he brushed his bleached, lengthy bangs to the right side of his face, then smugly retorted. "You mean, you almost got yourself hit by my arrow."

Crush was amazed by how quickly their spirit shifted. Considering the white-haired woman nearly died and that the archer was pale when he despairingly ran to save them.

"No, you slim Jim! Watch your aim!" Tsuki yelled, storming toward him and shaking her finger like a granny who wants the kids down the street to turn down their music.

Close-up, she had to incline her head at an extreme angle to regard the lofty fellow. Kev's slim neck and sage-green eyes slithered upward toward the cave ceiling, oblivious of her. He, like August, was model-like. It may have been true that attractive people stuck together because they had nothing in common aside from good looks and fondness for desirable women.

August was the headstrong guard that wanted to protect and serve. And Kev was the regal Englishmen that quickly adapted to their new environment. He approached August inside the Hub of his own volition, stood up for him, and even helped recruit members for the group. Everyone in the Enforcers Guild may have had good cause for risking their lives against the Dungeon's many perils, but Kev just went with the flow.

Tsuki disliked the man's lackadaisical attitude. She didn't need him to holler military callsigns or commands, but if you're going to step onto the battlefield, act the part. Though, She was one to talk. After being ignored by the tower of a man, an angry vein inflated on her head, and she bit the man's nipple through this thin shirt. His "too good for you" disposition was rearranged quickly, and he wailed.

Kiyo, the young Japanese woman who forcefully named Tsuki due to her moon-white hair, pulled her off Kev, speaking in busted English, "No, do not fight!"

Meanwhile, A few rational minds greeted Sprite and Crush to thank them for the water. Though, no one inquired about the monster's sudden death. As if their reason forbade them from believing the young men had anything to do with it. It was common knowledge that the founders of the Guild Hall had no martial prowess. They were expected to remain at Level One and obsess over their business till the end of their journey. Yet, there they were on that treacherous battlefield.

August was the bluntest, taking a center spot in the discussion. He stood before the two boys, furiously lecturing them.

"Have you lost your fucking minds!?" he yelled. He got too personal when he angrily grabbed Sprite's shirt and soon had his hand slapped away. "This is one of his schemes, isn't it!?"

His assertion sliced Sprite's already thin skin like a scalpal. The ex-gate guard had enough run-ins with them to draw a picture of the young men's friendship. In his mind, Crush was a bad influence that led his brother into criminal activity. Corrupted him.

Truthfully... They were on that battlefield because Sprite withheld Crush from fleeing. He was the ringleader there, yet, August subjected him to the role of a follower. He'd already been bitter about his lack of contribution lately, so the man's remarks were all the more hurtful.

August, irate, drove back in and pushed Sprite back a step before immediately pivoting to Crush.

"Dumb asses! Are you trying to get yourselves killed!? Turn around, go home NOW!" He roared, driving Crush back with two rough, rapid shoves.

Crush could see and even feel the man's evident frustration. It was fierce, emotional. But he didn't understand why. They were strangers. Enemies. Why did he care where they went?

Whatever. August may have considered them impetuous, but Crush was dead serious about being there.

Their argument broke off the side dispute. Tsuki stopped gnawing on man nips, altered into a meek good-girl, and cozied up to him and Sprite. "Don't listen to that jerk. Thank god you're here; I was soo scared."

"Right, anyway," Crush said, quickly transitioning. He had to face August's ridicule for longer, but after, he sewed his words of deceit to steal the man's belief.

He wasn't on the man's radar because there wasn't any evidence they had anything to do with the monster's death. Repel, after all, had no physical tells. It directly affected the intended target.

Crush, known as the only human with the "Inventory Specialist" Class, bargained with them. He wanted an escort and, in exchange for that service, would provide an EXCEPTIONALLY RARE artifact that would blast away any enemy.

There was a single slot in his inventory reserved for hogwash. To get rid of the surplus of garbage and keep his skills sharp, Crush made it a daily objective to con at least one person into buying the random crap others found in the Dungeon.

[ Junk ]

1) Dried Dragon Dung

_

Giving August literal shit in a cloth bag pushed the upper limits of his salesman abilities. Crush noticed the guard kept the hat he tossed him the first day and leaned into it.

"We're not here to play. This item is just as authentic as that Adventurer Cap I gave you."

Apparently forgetful of that fact, August snatched the headwear and hid it behind his shield. Already wasted time, Crush did the honors of tieing the purse of poop to the man's weapon while explaining, "All you have to do is hold your shield up and shout "Blow Job.'"

"You have to say it really loud. Then, An invisible gust of magic wind will blow away your target."

Crush couldn't withstand the impulses to terrorize August even in that dire situation. He was inexplicably annoyed by him.

The first thing the guard commented was that it smelled like shit. Next, he grabbed Crush's shirt in aggravation. "People's lives are in danger, and you're here messing around!?"

"This is a new low, even for you!"

Straight-faced, Crush gripped their wrist and said plainly, "You didn't stop to consider how that mutant turtle was killed, did you?"

He pointed to another nearby Guild struggling with one of the monsters. "Test it for yourself. If it doesn't work, we'll leave."

August tightened his hold while locking eyes with Crush; his dark brows arched downward with untamed fury. The boy had a point; the monster that nearly ended his Guild disappeared when they showed up. While he was distrustful, humans were in a losing battle, and Crush's words were compelling enough for him to at least listen.

After releasing Crush's shirt, August raised his defensive weapon, inspected it, and ruefully uttered, "For once in your sad life, tell me the truth."