What I Lost, I Found. "Eva"
It was ecstacy that I couldn't touch her, it was crazy but true, and from the moment she smiled at me in front of her door, I have never missed her smile since then, she always give them to me in loads and bunch which made my heart rob and my knees weak, her smile has a healing to my soul and each time she decide to seize her face from smiling, I always feel like I was beaten, I always want to ask why and what I could do to restore those smiles back, so I would be able to see those beautiful dimples again, throughout the first day i met Eva.
We talked about everything and everyone we know together, while smoking pot, I have never felt so free to talk about people I know to someone, i have never felt so secure, so heard, so into someone, that would be a great mistake i am to later tell myself, but for the moment all I wanted was her presence, her intoxicating smell and her head spinning laughter whenever I say something funny, I have never been so glad to know someone finds me funny, nor have I wanted someone to see me so bad, but even without her saying those words, I know she does see me, that was what got me most, she rarely tells me anything but whenever I look in her eyes, I see everything I needed to know, it was a crazy effect she has on me, which till today I am still hoping to find another person that would give me such butterflies or such tremors in my body, my veins, everything feels her eyes and after staying with her for 2weeks I knew I couldn't hold it anymore, I knew I wanted to have her in me so bad I could barely control how my eyes says that, oh yeah I guess u forgot to mention that since the day I saw her I couldn't bring myself down to leave her, not when she keeps talking about how lonely she is at the house and also she has a girlfriend, who infact came to visit her at the house while I was around, that should have made things very clear to me that there could be nothing between me and her, but the pool of lust and love i found myself in for her keep saying otherwise, I don't want to agree that even if it's by 'situation-ship'.
I wouldn't get to sleep with this girl, I wouldn't get to breath the same hair as this girl, for fuck sake I wanted this girl like I have never wanted another, like I will never want another and up on till this moment I don't think i would ever want another the way I want her, she was my medicinal surrounding, I get blind whenever she's beside me, everything turns blank but her, that is why when she and her girlfriend was having hot steamy sex on the bed, I was stocked by a deep sharp sword on the sofa, where I patiently lay with my eyes wide open with lots of tears flowing in them, and my head full of words saying what could I not offer for me to be the lady she's getting into intimately, little did I know I might have to pay with my soul at the end of day...
Well the second day the girlfriend left for abroad and it was just me and her I considered a great deal what it would be like to give her some attitude and make her realize I was in massive pain and sorrow while she and her fucking girl got at it last night, instead I got lost in her eyes and was forced to tease her about it.. But looking within me i meant more than just the tease I meant I forgave her and it's okay for her to bring it my way now, shameless yes i know, but what was with shame when my day starts with her smile, and she has a way of making my morning look brighter than it actually is and also a glowing fact about her that has a way of inviting me to come and glow too, or the fact that her eyes always seem to give me the peace and solitude I kept searching for, after discovering how much my heart, body and soul, could go for her without even thinking to check out with me first, i instantly made her my home, i wanted every inch of her and i can't even lie i think i went over myself doing that nobody should be worth that privilege of giving your entire life to but before I could think too much about what could happen in the future I choose to go with the latter.... Which happens to be one of the reason why me and Eva eventually got into a situation-ship, a very nasty, sweet memory lasting situation that I would love to go in details...
It was beautiful Thursday in Eva's house and like every other nice days, the day shines brighter too but then Eva was going out and leaving me alone in the house, the thought of that clouded my sunshine a bit for the day, all through her preparations for the out going i did not take my eyes off her, from the time she went to the kitchen to prepare what we were going to eat, to when she way in the bathroom, to when she came into her closet, to when she was fully dressed and ready to go, i did not move my eyes from her body it was like a glue, and I wanted to go with her so bad I felt like a spoiled kid, but I did not care, and when she asked why I can't peel my eyes off her since morning my answer was short and simple, I don't want you to go...
And she stood looking at me for more than 5minute before saying of course you don't but I have to, and I will so I will see you later in the evening and I will have as much fun as you at home...