13 September 2020

I cam early to work again, I took the bus and got lost and angry. When I reached to my workplace, I had Mackie's breakfast burger with hashbrown. Yesterday's closing was pushed to today's opening. If I hadn't come earlier, I won't be able to open the store.

Splendid. I opened up my runner fridge to see it butt-naked. Halfways, Yon told me that she was going to be late by an hour due to menstrual cramps. Then Nas came and was met with the same situation as me. The only difference is that his situation was way worse than mine.

Least to say, he was angry throughout the brunch period. But he recovered during dinner time. Meanwhile, Mari and Yon were both late by an hour. I was so lucky that Gan comes in half an hour early. This situation had us both girls surviving morning brunch slam with an angry bartender.

During my break, I managed to sort of, somehow or rather, confess my feelings to Ash. And his answer was that he knew about my feelings from the start but can only remain as friends. I don't mind that, I know he needs time to adjust.

Lil asked me if I was okay, being rejected, and all. Honestly, the only thing I want from him is to be happy again. I'd rather stick to this flow than to ruin it by being in a relationship with him. 'I don't wanna wake up from this sweet, sweet dream... Cause...;

Ash and I had dinner later on, after work, after finally handing in my resignation letter. We went to Suntec for dinner, a place called Hoshino Coffee. I had their Angus Beef Omu Rice with Fruit Tea while Ash had their souffle pancakes. We chatted about dreams and nightmares.

He still reminices about his ex with me but I just go along with it. It's fun to hear the fun times they had with each other. It was short but sweet, like the pancake he was having. Then, he kept apologizing for not being able to jump into a relationship with me.

So, I kept scolding him for it. There was nothing to apologize, he doesn't owe me anything. He also mentioned how I was always happy to see him. And that I told him about my life story. And the vibe I was giving him was the same as what his girl gave when they first started dating.

We moved from the cafe, more specifically, got kicked out because the wanted to close. We ended up at a sitting area next to Mackies. We shared more about our own personal beliefs, how the world works. I told him about some stuff I did when I was a bad kid, mixed with the wrong company.

He told me about his life at school and dates with his ex. I explained to him about my little brother's condition. How Ma feels about my suicidal thoughts and how the school had found out. Ask kept making cheeky remarks, trying to lighten the mood. This earned him a scolding from me.

The conversation was just so chill. One that I would never have dreamed to have with another person. And I was glad that I spent those few hours with him. The topic turned into games and OSTs. Then, he told me that he wanted to play the piano again. But he was afraid.

He showed me some of the songs that he wants to play. But at the 2nd promise, 'Faraway Promise' by Xenogears, he started to cry again. It sounded like 'Sweet Tears' by Black Butler: Book Of Circus, the song that plays when Doll dies. I was about to tear up when I saw him get upset again.

I allowed him to hear some of my personal songs and he soon got better. I know he wants to move on, and he hast. But is in such a wreck now, such a mess that he can't even figure out his own feelings. And it hurts so much to see him in such a state.

But it hurts me for another reason as well. Knowing that the person I love, loves someone else, and is stuck, loving the previous person. She might not even remember him or appreciate the many sufferings he had to go through to be with her. Having a job in the kitchen isn't easy.

Soon, I won't even get the chance to meet him anymore. When it gets to that part I fear for everything. I'll be all alone again. And I'm so very scared.

GG,

Mavislin