Cold Talk

(One Week Later - After the Demona Stronghold Mission)

It's been a week passed since the Demona incident. Since then, I locked myself in my room and didn't face or talked to anyone. I didn't meet anyone after that mission. Jin, Fido and not even Faye. I was barely eating anything and was in the constant thought of, "did I did the right thing at that time?" *heavy breathing* "Was that really what should have been done?"

Everyone's faces with that frightened and disgusted look was coming back in front of my eyes. This was another level of trauma which added to the ones which I was hardly dealing with somehow.

I was fallen deep in my thoughts. In my thoughts I was just sitting in a dark place without any lights, doors, or anything else. It was a complete blank and empty space which resembled like a 'Void' inside of me. There was just me, walking and thinking with no one else to show me the right way.

(Gerrad's Room...)

"Gerrad, it's been a week since he didn't showed himself. He didn't even talk to me. What should I do?" Faye asked.

"You can go and talk to Davis yourself." Gerrad replied.

"But. He is avoiding me since that incident becaus-" said Faye.

"Just start the conversation with a Thank You. He did save your life, didn't he?" Gerrad replied.

"But-" said Faye.

"Just go and talk to him without crying, or with this sad face. Meet him how you usually do. Don't fake it and stay true to yourself. This will make him understand that you are fine, and he has no right to worry over such things, when we are planning for something big." said Gerrad.

"Alright. I will go like how I am. Energetic, carefree, and always laughing." said Faye.

"Yeah." Gerrad replied.

"I will be taking your leave now. Ah, wait. Before leaving, there is one thing that I want to say." said Faye.

"What is it?" asked Gerrad.

"Thank you. Thank you for always protecting and helping me all this time. Bye!" said Faye.

"wait-" said Gerrad but she left after saying that.

Tears filled his eyes, at that moment, because he was able to care for someone for the first time. He lost his girl while he was at the missions and never got the time to meet her, not even the last time, not even at her funeral. Gerrad was always hiding this side of himself and always showed his strong side to everyone. He was a pillar in building all of this so he can't show himself as emotionally weak.

These tears were tears of happiness. The happiness that he found, after he cared for someone who was, or would have become, someone like Faye in the future. All the deaths and wars that Gerrad has seen until now. All the pain that he carried till now. It was all completely overshadowed, by just this single line.

It was the happiest moment for him. It was like his daughter was reborn, and this time, he has all the time now to take care of her. It was so emotional which made this mighty guy to lose the strength in his knees. He sat down to regroup his thoughts and bring himself in his tyrant form again in front of others.

(In Davis's Room...)

I was just sitting in my room going through that same thing again and again. It was an infinite loop of tragic events passing through my entire life span. This void was showing me every possible incident that I have witnessed from my childhood till now, as if it is telling me to analyze how the scale of incidents happened around or because to me has increased to such levels that I have to see the people I cared about to die in front of me.

While I was in this thought, I heard a knock on the door.

"Davis, are you there?" Faye asked.

It was Faye, but I was not sure if I am ready to face her yet. So I didn't reply.

She knocked again. "I just want to talk to you for a few minutes that's all." said Faye.

She seemed calmed from that incident but I knew, it was all to show that she is back to normal again. This time, I decided to open the door, and to face this situation head on.

When I opened the door, she barged inside how she usually gets inside my room, like its normal. She closed the door and stood right in front of me and asked. "Still having that sad face huh. But think what, I have already overcome that incident and I am back again with that same energy like always."

"That's good to hear." I replied in a low voice.

"Why are you avoiding me like that? I told you I had already forgotten what happened, didn't I?" said Faye.

"Well, that is easy for you to say. I can't just forget things like that easily." I replied in a sad tone with anger in my eyes.

"Sad but still sarcastic huh? That's good to see." Faye replied.

"Do you think this is a joke Faye?" I said in a frustrating tone.

"I never said that." Faye replied in her defence to calm me.

"Do you think it is easy? It is easy to get passed all this, do you huh. *heavy breathing* For you... it is easy because you have already overcome your past. But for me... it was not-" I said angrily.

"Now you are just blaming me for you being weak huh. That must be one of the great tricks of your that you use to manipulate someone." Faye replied angrily too.

"What do you know about me huh. That I have seen the deaths of many people, and now I am immune to any deaths like that. *heavy breathing* "What do you know about me... That I have seen my friends die, but now I am OK with killing anyone just like that." I said in an emotionally unstable manner.

What do you know about me... that I see my friend's death in my nightmares and I just have a good night's sleep. NO! I go through all those nightmares everyday. I see their deaths everyday. There blood... there screams... there agony... there cries... I see all this every night and you all expect me to just forget everything. *heavy breathing*" I said that in a frustrating voice.

At that time I was not stable enough to think about what to say and what not too. The words were just coming out like they broke through the wall which helped me suppress all these things inside of me.

-

While this was happening, Gerrad was outside, listening on to us but we didn't notice because both of us were so overwhelmed by our emotions that the anger blinded our senses completely.

"Just stay true to yourself and talk it out already you two. I know you are better than this, because the people that I chose, can handle more than just a little incident like this and move on in life with a smile." said Gerrad in a low voice, while leaving that area.

-

"*tears flowing* I... *sobs* I thought I had toughen up enough. I thought that any kill wouldn't matter to me anymore.*sobbing*" I said while clenching my fist.

"I never thought about you like that." said Faye while putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I know how that feels. I might have not seen how much you have seen, but that doesn't mean that we did not suffered. I... I saw my father die. I saw many of my comrades getting crushed by those ruthless monsters. How I must have felt at that time, do you ever thought about that? " Faye replied with her teary eyes while gritting her teeth.

"I... I shouldn't have come here. I only bring death with me everywhere I go. This place will become... like-" I said in a scared voice.

"You can blame me for bringing you here. So stop blaming yourself for everything. It... was not your fault that they died and you survived-" Faye said.

My emotions were already unstable and when she said that, my hand just moved and drew my blade out. With blade in my hand, I moved towards Faye. But I controlled myself.

"Don't ever say that again." I shouted. "*sobbing* please... never say that again." I said while crying like a little child.

I dropped my blade and I fell on my knees. Many emotions were flowing through me at that time. I was not able to think about anything, anything at all. These actions were like involuntary actions which I was not controlling myself. My eyes were blurred because of the continuous tears flowing and I was almost at the point of breakdown.

But then, I felt a certain warmth. I felt care... I felt that I was not alone. I felt a sense of care for the first time after years have past. This warmth that I felt now, was similar to when I was a kid and my mom took care of me when I injured myself.

I was so overwhelmed by this sensation that my arms felt powerless. It... it was like the burden which I was carrying till now, was suddenly taken away. It was a sense of freedom. Freedom from the chains of all the past things that happened to me.

I slowly opened my eyes. My vision was all blurred because of the tears, but then I saw, Faye was hugging me. She... she was crying for me. I was crying for myself. This was a rare moment that reminded me of that incident. A similar thing happened when I was talking with her.

[Reference to Emilia Chapter - 9: Is this Hope ]

I felt a similar but a stronger feeling from Faye, than I felt before. I grabbed her shoulders, and slowly moved her away from me. I looked down and said. "I.. I... I'm sorry for all the things... that I said to you. *wiping tears* I know there is no one here who didn't suffered in this nameless world. I... I should have been more mature, to understand this. Just throwing everything on you for bringing me here. I... I was grateful to you... that you brought me here... because alone in that situation, I might not have lived long enough. I... I.. am really sorry for saying all those... things to you."

"It's OK. I can understand." replied Faye.

She raised my face up while wiping her tears.

[Faye remembers what Gerrad told her - to say anything with a smiling face.]

"Don't worry. I'm glad that you felt that way. I... I just came here to say..."

I looked into her eyes.

"... to say that... Thank You, for saving me." said Faye, with a smile on her face.

I just broke after hearing that. I broke out that shell which was covering me all this time. I felt like a light was calling me in that void, and I must reach it before I lose it again.

"Than... Thank... you *sobbing* for still being with me. *controlling my tears* Thank.. you" I said while crying.

- - -

[ DAY - 114 MONSTERS COUNT : 3,349 HUMANS ALIVE : 4,134 ]