My Decision to Return

I tentatively stepped out of the pantry, not quite sure what to expect. But when I looked around, everything was exactly what I remembered. There were a few workstations that were still lit up, manned by my colleagues who had more pending tasks on their list – or those who were just passing by the time because they didn't want to brave through the evening rush hour. For the most part, though, the floor was empty.

What really arrested my attention was the clock on my mobile phone – it read half past seven in the evening. I had spent almost a year in Luxentfort. And during that time I had experienced so many things I couldn't even begin to encapsulate everything that had happened so far. I had lived several months in a strange, foreign land – and that boiled down to hardly 15 minutes in Seoul.

I walked to my station as if I was in a dream, responding to the random greetings of my coworkers on autopilot. When I got there, I saw that my laptop was on screensaver mode, with my favorite mug on the table containing brewed coffee that had already gone cold. I would have much preferred to grab a frappe from one of the cafes that littered the office block, but I didn't have time to go out during the break since I had wanted to finish work early for my birthday dinner celebration with Bong-su. So I had opted for the brewed coffee from the pantry instead, adding a lot of creamer and sugar to make it drinkable.

In short, everything was the same. I could simply pick up where I had left off, just peg it all as a dream, and nothing would change. I could wrap things up at the office, cancel my reservation at the French bistro, go home, take a shower, and crawl into bed. I didn't have to do anything differently and no one would know – no one except me, that is.

When I had first arrived in Luxentfort, I wanted nothing more than to find my way back to Seoul. I missed my cozy and simple apartment, all the conveniences of a modern-day metropolis, spending time with my family, hanging out with my friends. But the longer I stayed in Luxentfort, the further I had subconsciously put Seoul on the back burner of my mind. I discovered another side of myself I didn't know I had. I learned that I liked speaking my own mind, and I liked being surrounded by people who respected that. I learned that I could make the most out of dire circumstances, and that having a low rank or status didn't automatically mean a low self-worth.

And most of all, I discovered that I was now ready to face things head on. I no longer wanted to hide behind a wall of insecurity, constantly telling myself I didn't deserve the things I really wanted. Because I was just a secretary, I was only a low-profile girlfriend of a guy who held a prestigious corporate investment job, that I was merely an average girl in a city where there were so many good looking and talented people. 

From now on I was just going to be myself. And with that realization I decided: I was going to return to Luxentfort, whatever it took.

*****

The girl almost lost her balance when she was shoved inside a prison cell. She managed to break her fall with her knees, scraping them in the process. And when she looked up, the guard was locking the metal gate. "Sir, please," she begged. "I didn't do anything." Desperation made her voice shrill. "Get me out of here, please." But the guard ignored her and walked away. She didn't understand what was happening. It was supposed to be fool-proof. She didn't have any evidence with her – she had already gotten rid of it. Why did they suddenly arrest her?

19 clucked her tongue. "You're still pretending to be innocent?" she asked sarcastically. "Drop the act. It wouldn't work in the imperial prison."

"You," the girl said, pointing her finger at the other servant who was locked in the cell across from hers. "You're the one who got me here," she accused.

"Don't you have it the other way around?" 19 countered. "Didn't you bring me here?"

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," the girl backtracked, slumping on the floor.

"Sure," 19 conceded. "If what you're saying is really true, then you must also believe me if I tell you that I'm the next archduchess of Luxentfort."

"You're delusional," the girl shrieked, her cheeks coloring in shock and embarrassment. From what she could gather, the archduke was solely concerned about 20. She had never heard that he may be harboring feelings for another girl – especially someone who was sharp-tongued and ill-mannered like 19.

"That makes both of us, doesn't it?" 19 retorted.

"You know nothing about me," the girl seethed. How dare this low ranking concubine accuse her of being delusional? She didn't have the lives of her family on the line the way the girl did. She had no idea about the kind of responsibility it entailed, the amount of pressure it took.

"And I don't give a damn," 19 replied. "Listen. You better pray that 20 comes out of this safe." She held onto the metal bars and looked at the other girl directly. "Because if anything happens to her, you don't have to wait for your execution day. I'll kill you before then."