CHAPTER 6

Charli abhorred the middle of winter. It made her fingers rough and her skin dry. She rolled her tongue around her chipped lips. Why was she sitting at the river again? Why she even considered seeing Chris again, was beyond her, yet her heart had fought the war between heart and mind and her heart had conquered. "Betrayer" she cursed at her heart. She desperately longed to see him. And this time, she was prepared to accept the fact that he would disappear afterwards. It didn't matter - as long as she got to see him.

A chilly wind tore through her black cotton sweater as if she wore nothing at all. She shivered. Frantically she rubbed her fingers together and then put her arms on her ears and nose in a futile attempt to warm them. By this time, half an hour had passed.

What am I doing here? I'm such a loser! She was just about to leave when she sensed his presence before seeing him. Her chilled breath wedged in her lungs and her blood coursed through her veins at such a ferocious speed that it warmed her entire body. She turned around – very slowly - as if turning around too fast would make him disappear.

Chris stood staring at her, but his normally handsome features were void of his joyful smile.

"You mustn't come here," he whispered, and she detected that same depth of sadness in his voice that she had noticed before.

"Why not?" She sprang up and faced him. The temptation to throw her arms around him and beg him to never let her go was almost too difficult to control. Resignedly, she remained glued to the spot. Her stare challenged him though - then went down the path of pleading with him as her emotions toyed with her, yet she remained motionless.

"Why do you come here?" he finally asked her. "There's nothing for you here."

Charli nibbled on her lower lip trying to put words to her emotions. Should she maintain boundaries for her own protection?

Her eyes searched his for any hint that he might feel the same for her, even if was just an inkling of what she felt for him. How she felt about him was unlike anything she had felt before. It was a yearning that both excited her and warmed her but at the same time, pained her beyond words, slowly tearing her heart into minuscule little pieces bit by painful bit.

"At first, I came here to escape. Now – I come here to see you." As she bravely uttered those words, she crushed her teeth together in fear.

He didn't reply but the depth of sadness she observed in his eyes was as clear as day and as he gazed at her it was as if he penetrated the deep confines of her very soul.

"Forget about me, Charli." His voice broke a little when he spoke or was it her imagination?

"I've tried," she whispered, swallowing back tears. She cursed herself for being so weak and vulnerable around him.

As a soft sigh escaped his lips he sat down. Charli followed suit. The tiniest of spaces divided them but to Charli it felt as if they were worlds apart.

"How's your ankle?" Chris craftily changed the subject.

"Good! The doctor said it healed well." Charli tried to appear cheerful and enjoy the small talk, but she hated it. If only he would open up to her. She wanted to be there for him like he had been there for her. Deep down inside she instinctively knew he was suffering, something was eating at him – something so painful, he wouldn't talk about it. It killed her.

"I'm glad. I'm glad you have a friend. Milli and her folks are good people," Chris said, and this just brought more questions to mind that she was bursting to ask but refrained for fear he might disappear on her now and she wasn't ready to let him go, not yet. No, she was going to enjoy the small talk. Sitting close to him would have to suffice.

"Yes, they're great. I don't know what I would have done without them," Charli replied, earnestly.

A long stretch of almost intolerable silence ensued between them before Chris spoke again. "So how do you like Bartonan so far?"

Charli just threw him a look that said it all and he laughed. His laugh was so heartfelt and deep, rolling so perfectly in the breeze, that she felt the desire to throw herself at him again. She bit her lip painfully to keep her emotions steady.

"That bad huh? Don't worry, I know exactly what you mean. I never quite fitted in here myself. I guess it's partly my mother's fault. She was more of a city person and had always hated Bartonan. My father, though, loved it here. Who knows why, I guess it's the mountains, they're captivating. I suppose that's why he stayed for a while; you know - after she left."

This was the longest conversation about himself he had offered, and it made her heart beam with happiness.

"So, you live with your Dad then?" Charli asked inquisitively and immediately wished she hadn't. The dumbfounded look on his face felt like a blow to her stomach and she winced. He stood up, looking angry.

Charli rose too. "What did I say?"

He gawked at her and then his anger dissipated. "I thought you knew?" Chris said softly, almost in a whisper.

"Knew what?" Charli panicked.

"It doesn't matter," Chris stated, turning to leave.

"No, please don't disappear on me again. I'm begging you." Charli's threatening tears were close to erupting.

Chris turned back to face her. The sternness in his face was like a slap in the face. "You need to forget about me, Charli."

"I can't. I won't." Begging was pathetic, she knew, but she didn't want to lose him. She loved him. That truth hit her hard. She couldn't believe it, she was in love with Chris, with all her heart and soul.

"You've got to let me go, trust me - it's for the best." The sternness in his eyes dissipated and was replaced by sympathy. She read it in his eyes and heard it in his voice – he did care for her. So why was he asking her to let him go?

"Goodbye, Charli."

She watched him walk away. Tears now streaming down her face unashamedly, and her lips trembled but even though she was tempted to run after him, she remained standing where she was - motionless, shocked, confused. Even long after he was gone, she stood, staring into the forest where he had disappeared.