15| Regret

Amelia pov

Day 1 was when I'd hoped to see him at uni and failed miserably. I'd even dropped by the business management class to talk to him, only to know he'd never come. I'd called him, but his phone was switched off. Day 1 was the day when I begun realizing just how strongly I'd lost him.

Day 2 was when I'd hoped, again, he would come. He didn't. I left him tons of messages asking him to call me back, begging him to talk to me. I never once told him about my feelings because I felt it would be better to talk about that in person, face to face.

People say you never realize the true worth and importance of something until you lose it, and I'd understood that completely now.

In a way I was thankful as well. In a fucked up sort of way, I knew I would have never confessed to myself what I felt for him if I hadn't lost him.

But now I didn't know how to get him back.

Day 2 was also when Uncle Mason had started noticing my unusual behavior. He kept asking me what was wrong, and I kept shutting him out. It was easier that way. He didn't need to know I was paying the price for my stupid mistake.

Day 3 was when Bridget had started noticing that something was wrong with me. At that time I knew my regret won't remain mine anymore, because she would not give up until I told her everything.

"What's going on?" Bridget demanded, sitting in front of me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, taking a sip of the coke kept in front of me, spitting out its contents when I realized what it was.

"That." She pointed out. "The fact that you didn't even pay attention to the words Diet Coke written in bold in front. Something's going on and you aren't telling me. What's going on in your mind?" 

"Nothing," I whispered, looking down.

She sighed, "Is it about Theo?"

My head whipped up. "Wh-what? Why would you say that?"

"Because I'm your best friend and I know you. Plus he hasn't come to uni since two days and Dean told me you guys had a fight."

"Oh."

She sighed in exasperation. "What's going on? What did you guys fight about?"

"He was so good to me, Bri." I whispered. "And I hurt him because I was too fucking selfish. I hurt him and now I'm paying the price."

"What do you mean?"

I looked at her. "He said he was tired of running after me. I've lost him. I've lost the only guy who stuck around even when he knew I was fucked up. I made him think it was all a lie and now I've lost him."

Day 4 was when I'd had enough. Day 4 was when my heart had completely convinced my brain to stop being a coward and accept reality. Reality that I liked Theo, that I wanted Theo, and that I had to show him I wanted him. Theo was a person with a lot of self respect, and I'd hurt him, so I had to show him that I was a fucking idiot to let him go.

So I went over to the penthouse.

Which was a very bold move coming from me because never in a million years would I have ever considered to go to a guy's house to get him to talk to me. But then again, it was Theo, and it was my mistake. 

The last time I'd been here, I had been astonished by how huge it was. The lights had been dancing, casting their shine in the pale moonlight. But this time it was broad daylight, no lights, but still an astonishing height. 

"Yes? Can I help you?" Was the first thing the receptionist said to me. The first glance at her and I knew she was bitchy. The top three buttons of her shirt were open, her glasses were perched on the tip of her nose almost as if they wold fall down any moment. She was twirling a pen in her finger and looked at me as if I was beneath her.

"I need to go to the penthouse." I replied.

She cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

I put on a sarcastic smile. "Really."

"To Tobias and Theodore King's place?" Her tone told me she couldn't believe it.

"The very one."

"Do you even know who they are?" She asked, her nasal voice getting on my nerves.

"Listen here, I am in a very shitty mood right now and I do not need you getting on my nerves. Drop your attitude, you do not want to see me when I lash out." I spat at her and without waiting for a response walked over to the lift.

The entire way to the top floor, my heart had been erratically beating in my chest. My palms felt clammy, the top which I'd chosen this morning seeming too tight. I had problem breathing, and I closed my eyes to take deep breaths. In my mind I saw Theo's face, the dimple in his left cheek popping out, his dazzling smile making my legs jittery. 

When the doors of the lift opened, I walked out, looking around myself at the crystal interior. Everything around me was made of glass, a single gate just in front of me. There was a door access machine at the side, indicating I needed a pass code to enter. I rung the doorbell, taking a step back.

The door opened and I prepared myself, but then I saw the apple green eyes of Tobias. His face showed surprise, and it soon converted to an expression of anger.

"Nice of you to finally show up, Amelia." He said.

I ignored his sarcasm. I deserved that. "Is Theo here?"

He looked at me cautiously. "He isn't. And even if he was, what makes you think I would let you meet him after what you did?"

"Look, I-" 

"That day when you didn't come, he was close to tears." He crossed his arms on his chest, his expression stern as if scolding me. Then he gave a laugh, "He's never cried over a girl."

"I'm here to apologize to him."

"Apologize?" He chuckled comically. "For what? For not coming? For breaking his heart? For leading him on and giving him hope?"

I swallowed hard. "All."

"You hurt him. You hurt him so bad that he-"

"Yes! I hurt him. And I'm here to apologize, Tobias. I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. And I'm here, right now, I'm standing here and I'm telling you that I made a mistake by letting him go. I need to fix it." I whispered the last part. "I need to fix it before it's too late."

They way he looked at me after that, I felt he was looking in my soul. His eyes were penetrating, hard and deep. "He's not here." 

He said after a while.

"I can wait."

"He's not going to be here for sometime, Amelia. He's gone off to clear his head."

"Do you know when he'll be back?" I asked, though I already knew what his answer would be.

"We have an understanding. When we need to get out, no one knows."

"Alright." I whispered, my throat thick with emotion. I turned around to leave.

"I'll let you know." Tobias called out. "Whenever he comes back, I'll let you know."

I nodded, "Thanks."

That day, when I came back home, I'd lost almost all hope. There wasn't a single cell in my body that was not protesting and making me feel guilty. I had always known I didn't deserve him, and now my body was agreeing with me.

My heart wasn't.

My heart was still adamant on not giving up. It told me that I hadn't done anything compared to what Theo had done. I hadn't chased him the way he had chased me. I still hadn't shown him how much of a fucked up mistake I'd made.

So Day 5 I called Dean. 

"Do you where he is or when he'll be back?" Was the first thing I said to him.

There was a pause. "I don't, I wouldn't have told you even if I did know."

"Dean-"

"Not because I'm pissed at you or anything. But because I'm much more loyal to him than to you. If he went away and didn't want anyone to know, I wouldn't have told anybody."

"Okay."

"Amelia?" He said. "Ask Scott. He might know."

So I dialed Scott's number and he picked up on the second ring.

"Sup A?" He said cheerfully.

"Do you know where Theo is?"

There was a pause, "He's at his grandmother's place."

"And where is that?"

He chuckled. "Look I don't know what's going on between you guys but I can't tell you that."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"He'll be back when he feels like it, A. Don't stress it."

Day 6 was the one when I'd lost all hopes. Even the tiny diminishing ray of hope inside me had vanished. I'd accepted the fact that I'd lost Theo, and he was never going to forgive me. I'd accepted the fact that I was a pathetic fucked up person, who just didn't deserve happiness.

I'd sulked all day, skipped uni, watched Netflix and tried diverting my mind, but all I could think of was his golden green eyes, the way his tee clung to his chest, the single nerve on his arm, his hands around me and the way his lips felt against mine. 

Day 7 was today. When I'd felt the sun glaring at me, I'd opened my eyes and not got out of bed for an hour. Uncle Mason had already left for work, so I had to wake up to make myself breakfast. During that process, I cut my finger twice and had to throw away the burnt pancakes. In the end I'd settled for cereal, after which I retired my way upstairs. 

It was seven in the evening when Bridget called me. "Wake your ass up and get ready."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bri."

"Yes, you are. I'm fucking tired of seeing you sulk like you have nothing to live for. We're going to a party and you're gonna get drunk and you're gonna act normal like always."

"I don't wanna go."

She sighed.

"Really Bri. I literally have-"

"He's gonna be there." She said. "Theo's gonna be there."

I shot up from the bed and flung open my wardrobe.

She chuckled as if she knew what I'd just done. "I'll pick you up in an hour."

*