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Castle of Black Iron - I'm the OP character (Dropped)

Auteur: TwilightShou
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Synopsis

When a boy named Yaoshen fall off a cliff and go straight to his death. But he got a chance to reincarnated in the world of Castle of Black Iron.

Étiquettes
1 étiquettes
Chapter 1Reincarnation Time

My name is Yaoshen and could be called a heir of a rich businessman. I have good look, good brain, good body and anything you can think of.

One day I was traveling the world because I am bored at home. Right now I'm at a cliff watching the sea when suddenly the gentle breeze become fierce like an eagle swooping down to catch it's prey.

I saw two boy at the periphery of the cliff is about to fall of.

'Whoa.. the boys falling? Should I save them but they're so far... no. I should save them cause I'm living a pretty bleak life right now I should do some good things. Right, let's go'

I instantly ran fast and catch the two boy and throw them to the other side in exchange I'm the one who am falling into my death.

...

When I opened my eyes again i feel like barely able to move my limbs.

'Huh? Where the hell is this.. I'm barely able to move'

[Binding system with host soul]

[System binding..1...10....100

[Binding complete

[System loading ..1%...10%....100%]

[System loaded. Now initializing to reason with host.]

Huh.... what the... is this the system that I read in the novel.... that's cool! Now let's try talking to it. The system should be able to hear my thought.

'System?'

[Yes]

'What are you'

[I am system]

''Why are you here'

[Because I am binded with you]

'Why did you bind with me.'

[I don't know]

You don't know? I thought system is all knowing? Well whatever 'So what's your function'

[My function is - Status - Inventory - Shop -]

[Status - Will show your status by saying it whether out loud or in your mind or you can just ask me

[Inventory - Able to store anything even living being. Have infinite space. Right now contain an starter pack.

[Shop - Able to buy anything with shop points. Anything host buy will be sent into inventory.

Well its like all the system i read in the novel.

'Show me my status'

[Yes host]

[Name - ? (Yaoshen)

Age - still in womb

STR - 0

AGI - 0

INT - 450

CHA - 0]

'Define all of that too'

[Name - your name

Age - your age

Str - your strenght such as your power

Agi - your agility such as physical speed, reaction speed

Int - your intelligence

Cha - your charm and charisma]

[Standard adult human have 10 as the maximum]

That's mean I'm smart all right. must be carried on from previous life cause I'm pretty smart

'So what world am in right now actually'

[Right now you are in Castle of Black Iron world]

'What! Then who am I right now'

[You are the reincarnated as Zhang Tie to become the new protaganist]

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Critiques
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Slesk
SleskLv13

I was exited to see a fic based on the Castle of Black Iron novel so I went in with some expectations. They were unfortunately dashed very early on. I mean first chapter early. I seem to have set some pretty high standards for novel writing, because honestly few fiction authors tend to met what I consider basic. For one I always figured it was best to only start publishing a fic once you have worked out the full story in bullet points and have a clear path of progression already envisioned. It's best to already have a handful of chapters written out and edited so that at least the grammar is 90% correct. I know not everyone speaks English as their first language but editing out your story shouldn't really be too hard if you at least try. I know a few sites where you can paste your story and do corrections without payment or even making accounts. Also I'm of the mindset that anything less than 1000 words per chapter is just not done. You can't really get a decent feel for what you are reading if you are only receiving tiny morsels of information every time there is a release. In this fics case author is working under 500ish words per chapter which makes them lack description and setting even if you have to borrow from the source material it shouldn't be too hard to come up with a more descriptive and complete way to present your chapters man. Finally nowadays it seems like people (most not all fanfiction authors) have a real lack of pacing on their stories. I get that the whole Super OP MC is a well liked trope but come on you can't just give your main characters Unlimited Cosmic Powers on the first 5 chapters. There will be little conflict and all future encounters will seem artificial and lifeless. Anyways my opinion so far and that's up to chapter 6 is that the fic should be scrapped and started over. I get a lot of people are hyped because someone is writing a fanfiction based on one of their favorite novel but that should not excuse such half assed work because stuff like this brings down the standard for everyone. **: I really hope author doesn't take the review personally, my opinion is my own and I encourage everyone to give their own regardless of how different it is from mine. Also know Author that I'm now ****ting on you personally just calling out something I consider a bit insulting to fans and readers of the novel and fanfictions in general.

shutup_takemymoney
shutup_takemymoneyLv3

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