Water and holes

While looking carefully down into the holes, I am not in shock that the paralyzing darkness is having an odd effect to my eyes and I am slowly getting a headache by it.

Backing off from the edge, I hear out of all sudden a scream. It is not a long scream. More the opposite. A suffocated scream which sounds so distant, but at the same time so close.

''Did you hear that?'' Aidan glances at me with a concerned look and I nod slowly, trying to guess what it could have been until I realize.

''Where is Avery?'' I lift my head and the pure shock is visible in both our faces.

For a moment, I am not able to move. My thoughts are becoming to heavy clouds which are filled with gray, big raindrops and are about to burst down on me. A single reaction could trigger them from falling but what am I meant to do? Drown because of my own mind in my head? No. Of course not.

''Shit.'' Aidan lets out pressed and hurries to the side where Avery is, or was, supposed to be but there is no sign from him. Not even a single one.

''Look into the holes!'' I instruct him and start to climb over some rocks which are in my way for getting a better look over the holey field and shock.

This is awful. The holes are too big for looking realistic and also way too deep. My heart sinks by the thought that Finnegan and Avery both could be down there. Maybe they got lucky though. I hope.

''Anything?'' I shout to Aidan who is kneeling in front of one smaller hole than the rest. ''What do you have there?''

I walk over to him and and glance over his shoulder into the darkness where the only brightness is the light from our flashlights and even they are only small. So we are basically screwed.

''Can you call the others so get here?'' Aidan asks and out of reflex I grab into my pocket. Which is obviously empty.

''Dude. We have no phones.'' I bite my finger nail nervously and my company groans, moving a little closer towards the edge. ''Why? Did you get to see anything or anyone?''

''I don't know. It looks like there is a small path in the inside where the walls are ending.'' Aidan points at one spot and I focus on it but fail to see anything from the distance I am standing at.

''Uh.'' I step closer and get down to my knees while trying to catch a look into the inside. ''How do we get down there?''

''Are you out of your goddamn mind?!'' Aidan hisses and holds my arm so that I wouldn't do something I could regret.

''We need to. He fell in and maybe Finnegan is also there.'' I sigh hopefully but he just scoffs, shaking his head slightly.

''Maybe he's dead.'' Aidan crosses his arms and we stand up, an ignorant look in Aidan's eyes while I am breaking inside.

''He is not dead! None are!'' I push him a little until he stands with his back to the edge and I glare at him, my eyes filling with hot tears again.

''How do you know?'' He carries on glancing at me in a challenging way and the anger inside of me takes over my entire body.

I am not longer able to control what I am doing next, but the fear and denial are too big for keeping calm.

I can hear my pulse banging in my ears and the sweat dripping down my back.

All my muscles tense up and my hands are clenched into fists, ready to be used if needed.

Already the adrenaline coursing unchecked, urging me to do what I shouldn't be doing.

The moment my fist punches Aidan's face and he starts to stumble backwards into the hole, I scream and try to reach him but end up falling the drop which is deeper than I expected to be until cold water hits my body with a loud splash.

''Aidan?!'' I scream as soon as my head is back over the surface and I see how he is already climbing out of the water and onto the path he meant.

''Help...me-!'' I shout helplessly when the water is pulling me down again but Aidan just looks at me without any more words than,

''This is your own fault now.''

Gasping after air and struggling to carry on swimming, Aidan's recently awkward grimace turns into a dirty smirk and everything inside of me turns into a painful feeling like several knives are stabbing me.

''No..-!'' I scream but the water carries me an unknown amount of meyres away underwater and I try to hold my mouth and nose closed but am failing miserably.

I give into the pressure and take a sudden breath of air, only to engulf a gush of salty water. I can taste it, like a dirty river, foul and unclean. Opening my mouth again, this time to scream repeatedly after help, I am only able to let out a string of bubbles. Despair fills me with every struggling move and the voices keep chasing me.

'Come here Jaden.'

'You will be fine if you just give up.'

'You are weak.'

'Join the death.'

But on the contrary, I kick my way with my legs free until the salty air envelops me again.

Not noticing how I already arrived at something like a beach out of stones and dirt, I shout cheerily with an unbelieving look in my face when I look around.

I glance to my left and my heart stops for a moment. ''Finn?!''

My hands are reaching for him and I start to feel the panic again when he isn't reacting at all.

It is even worse. He is lying with his face down to the ground and seems like he has been like this for more than just half an hour.

''Finn!'' I repeat myself while turning him around and placing his hypothermic head in my lap after I put off my hoodie and wrapped it around him.

''Come on!'' I cry out and brush the hair off his face in a pathetic try to wake Finnegan up like this. ''Don't leave me.''

The next step is my heart starting to beat harder and faster. My adrenaline levels rising up and my brain starts to feel like on fire. As sweat starts to happen all over the body.

The negative thoughts keep coming like waves on rocks. The arguments in my head get so fast and so disturbing that my brain shuts down my body. The sweat has completely covered my body and my heart feels like it is going to explode.

I strain my vocals but nothing comes out.

Suddenly, my body wracks with raw sobs and I begin to shake uncontrollable. Fright consumes every cell in my body. With every second which passes my eyes get more blurry from the sudden large amount of tears in my eyes.

''You have to live.'' I sob and realize what to do.

Fastly, I grab after his wrist and put my index finger and middle finger around it for feeling after his heart beat.

After several seconds I let out a relieved sob the moment feel the smallest of a heartbeat. Not much. But there.

Trying to remember how to get him to wake up again, I let him carefully down to the ground and go onto my knees and lie my head at his chest for figuring out if he is still breathing.

Realizing, that he isn't doing that any longer, I get a weird feeling about what to do next.

Chest compression.

I fastly place the heel of my hand on the centre of Finn's chest, then place the other hand on top and press down in a regular rhythm.

Tears are running down my cheeks from the pressure and fear but I avoid to stop. After around thirty seconds where I am sure his heart beat should be more stable, I pull myself together and breathe through before leaning forward and starting a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

The moment when I feel like I am doing everything possible wrong, a sudden coughing is coming from the person in front of me and I let myself fall backwards to the ground. Exhaustion haunting my body.

The coughing carries on until another sound is audible from what I look up and grimace.

''Urgh.'' I let out while Finn is basically puking a lot of water while shaking a lot.

I sit up again. ''Hey.''

Finnegan stops coughing and gasps after air, turning around weakly before falling completely on the ground again. ''Hi.'' He lets out while smiling a small bit.

''Hi.'' I repeat myself and beam at him under tears, my emotions going crazy.

''Am I-- am I dead?'' Finnegan's eyes fill with tears but I shake my head fastly, moving close to him and placing his hand in mine.

''No, you are alive.'' I cry out and can't resist to pull him into a hug in which I almost immediately find the amount of hope I needed.

I have been hugged before, but never like this since my parents passed through the so called 'World Burn'. There is something so warm, something that feels right. I feel Finn letting his body sag. In that embrace I feel those worries get lost and getting replaced by true hope. Perhaps the hope has been there all along, but without some love it was trapped.

What even is love? Is it what I feel now, right in this moment?

''I'm sorry.'' Finn's voice breaks as he sobs into my shoulder and wraps his arms around me. ''So sorry.''

''It's okay. It's okay.''