Breathe

Porchay wasn't allowed to see Macau. It had been ten days since his last visit. The last he saw of his boyfriend he had a bunch of people around him and a bunch of Machines were blaring and Macau...

The boy was dragged from his thoughts when Khun walked into his room, "Chay," the older man said taking in the boy curled up on the couch in front of his bed.

Chay didn't speak or smile. He only stared blankly at the older man waiting for him to speak. The older man let out a heavy sigh and walked over to the boy sitting cross-legged in front of the couch. They sat in silence for a while until Tankhun spoke, "Pa brought in a new doctor."

There was no response from Chay so he continued, "He's stable and he didn't break or damage anything too bad so he will be fine. Give it a couple of weeks and that little brat will be getting on my nerves all over again."

He smiled fondly at the thought. It was true that Macau wasn't his favourite person but Tankhun wanted more than anything for the boy to get better. He hated how quiet and solemn the house was. He hated that Macau wasn't trying to make him lose his head. He hated that he would probably lose another relative at the hands of his father. He looked at Chay and smiled weakly, "You'll get your person back. He'll be fine."

At his words, tears began rolling down Chay's cheeks. It wasn't long until Tankhun was also crying. Chay hated that Macau still wasn't awake but he hated that he wasn't allowed to see him even more. He hated that he wouldn't be there when he woke up. He hated that nobody told him what was really happening. He so badly wished he could talk to Pete. He so badly wanted for someone to tell him that he was just having a bad dream and that it was time to wake up.

He wasn't eating enough. He never left his room and he wasn't talking. Kim had come around before Tankhun. He didn't speak. He just sat there with Chay until someone called him saying his father had summoned him. He still didn't like Kim but he was the only person who never really changed how he acted around him. Porsche acted like he was a thin piece of glass that could break at any second, Khun Korn was ignoring him altogether while Kinn was no better than Porsche.

After a few minutes of crying, Chay sat up and stared at Tankhun, "You say he's fine now. Why can't I see him?"

Tankhun blinked at the boy, "The doctors and Pa said..."

"I don't care what your father has to say. Why can't I see my boyfriend?" he interrupted.

"Chay..."

"I'm going to my brother," he stood up and left Tankhun in the room.

Porsche wasn't in his room or his office. He wasn't with Kinn either so Chay went out to the garden where he found Khun Korn with his head of security. It wasn't in the boy's nature to be rash and confrontational but all that flew out the window when he saw the two men quietly discussing something. He walked up to the men and stood glaring at Khun Korn, "Porchay," P'Chan said.

The boy wai'ed very briefly and went back to glaring. Khun Korn was about to speak when Chay spoke up, "Why am I not allowed to see Macau?"

The two men seemed taken aback by the boy's tone but Korn smiled at him like how you'd smile at a five-year-old who's just asked the most absurd question, "It was the doctor's orders."

"Poppycock! Why am I really not allowed to see Macau?"

"Porchay," P'Chan scolded taking a step toward the boy.

Khun Korn held out a hand to stop the man while sizing down the boy in front of him. That's all Chay was to him, a little boy driven by emotions. The older man dropped his mask and gave the boy a cold stare that made him want to fold but he held his own. "It is not my business whether or not you believe me but I will tell you this. You will not cross me so don't think of going to see Macau. I am doing what is best for my nephew. Now if you please, we were in the middle of an important discussion."

Chay stood a second longer before huffing and walking away. He quite literally walked into his brother when he turned a corner. The impact nearly sent him to the ground given that he was so weak from starving himself but Porsche was quick to respond, holding him before he fell. He looked down at his little brother who looked three seconds away from cursing someone out, "What happened?"

"Hia, have you spoken to P'Pete?"

Porsche looked at the boy trying to figure out why he cared about that, "Not yet."

"Oh," Chay looked dejected for a moment before stepping out of his brother's hold.

Neither spoke as they waited for the other to say something. Chay finally decided to speak after a moment of deafening silence, "None of this makes sense hia."

Porsche looked at his brother. Chay was right, it didn't make sense but it had happened. Nobody wanted to believe it at first but looking at everything else Vegas had done they were forced to accept it. Porsche simply hummed in agreement not really meeting Porchay's eyes, "But you said it yourself, you overheard Vegas and Pete's conversation."

"I did but hia, you've seen how Vegas is around Macau. You know as well as I do if not more so than me that he would never hurt Macau so it doesn't make any sense. Hia..."

"It doesn't matter what we've seen. Everything says he did and we can't refute that," Porsche interrupted.

"Hia!" Chay said almost pleading with his brother to see reason.

"Chay I... look there's a lot of things happening right now that nobody wants to deal with and to be honest I'd rather none of this was happening either. There's nothing anybody can do to change that Porchay, as much as we all wish for it to stop. Vegas screwed the family over and he hurt his brother, those are the facts."

Chay scoffed at his brother's words. The way he said 'the family' like he was a Teerapanyakul. It was ridiculous. The boy glared at his brother, "I really hope you stand by this to the very end hia," he said almost sadly.

"Porchay, come on..." Porsche was interrupted by his phone vibrating.

He stared at the screen for a moment as if he was reading and rereading the text message. He looked at his brother with a mix of anger and confusion dancing around in his eyes. He took a step closer to the boy resting his hand on his shoulder, "Even if I'm wrong I hope you know that everything I do, I do for you Porchay. If I screw up and it comes to bite me in the ass then so be it but everything I do is for you."

He rested his forehead against his brother's for a second before stepping away and walking down the hall. Chay was left confused and annoyed at his brother as he watched him disappear around a corner. The boy sighed and walked towards the kitchen. He wasn't hungry before but between his interactions with Khun Korn and Porsche, he had grown hungry. It didn't help much that he hadn't eaten much over the past few days because his vision was floaty and every step he took made him feel like he was in Inception.

He had just opened the fridge to find something to eat when an out-of-breath Kim ran into the room. Chay looked at him in confusion for a second until his brain did that annoying thing where he starts to think up the worst-case scenario. Kim looked like he had seen a ghost so it wasn't helping Chay's negative train of thought, "Macau..." he finally spoke, "he..."

"What? What about Macau?" Chay asked walking towards his ex.

"He's awake," Kim whispered, "Macau woke up."

As he spoke his voice cracked a little and a lone tear made its way down his cheek. Chay didn't see it though. The boy was already out the door making his way down to the hospital wing. He didn't care that he felt like he was about to vomit and pass out at the same time. He didn't care when he bumped into a few people on the way. He didn't even care to check if he was given clearance again. None of it mattered. All that mattered was that Macau was awake and he wasn't there with him at that very moment.

When he finally reached the hospital wing almost everyone he passed moved out of the way as he sped through the brightly lit halls. Having to stop for the biometric scan made him want to kick down the door as it felt like it was taking forever. He stopped abruptly in front of the room Macau was in still not looking in through the glass in case Macau wasn't really awake. He took a breath to steady himself before looking into the room.

Sure enough, Macau was looking right at him while a small woman dressed in a nurse uniform tended the machines around him. Chay's knees almost gave out when Macau smiled at him. His face was still bruised and cut but the swelling had gone down. The ugly bandage that had been around his head was now replaced by a smaller gauze on the side of his head. He still had a few tubes attached to him but it didn't matter. Macau was awake.

The nurse looked at Macau for a second before following his line of vision. She found a teary-eyed Porchay staring at the boy next to her. She smiled slightly at the sight before saying something to Macau. The boy nodded and then she bowed before walking out of the room. When she got to where Chay was standing she bowed in greeting, "Go in. He's been waiting for you."

Chay nodded but still didn't move. The nurse giggled quietly before leaving. Chay slowly made his way to the door after a moment of trying to collect himself and Macau's eyes followed his every move. When he finally got into the room his tears were uncontrollable as they rolled down his cheeks. Macau bit down on his chapped lips trying not to cry, not that he was hydrated enough to even if he wanted to. He opened his arms and smiled at his crying boyfriend who was now a bawling mess.

The impact hurt but Macau didn't care. He was made to wait fourteen whole hours before he could see Chay while a bunch of people probed him and ran all sorts of unnecessary tests and scans on him. It irked him even more that the first person that went to see him was Kim who ran off the second they made eye contact. He took in the boy's scent and his warm embrace. It felt and smelled like him. A home he wished ever to be away from ever. His heart broke a little when he realised that Chay left smaller than the last time he hugged him. It broke his heart to think of the impact his getting hurt had on the boy.

Neither one spoke as they spent a couple of minutes holding each other. When they finally broke the hug Chay smacked Macau's hand, "Never do that again!" the boy scolded.

"I know. I'm sorry," Macau said looking away, "Did you miss me?" he asked grinning like an idiot.

Chay glared at him for a second before rolling his eyes, "No. I had Kim to keep me company."

"What? No...Chay you can't do that. I'll literally die...for real this time," Macau whined shaking Chay's shoulders.

The boy almost snapped his neck turning to look at him, "That's not funny Macau," he said in a low voice, "You can't just say shit like that."

Macau mentally kicked himself when he realised what he'd just said. Chay's eyes had glossed over again, "I'm sorry," the boy whispered, "I'll never say that again."

Chay smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He'd almost lost Macau and he never wanted to go through what he'd gone through ever again. He hated how helpless he felt. He hated that there was nothing he could do to help. He hated how weak he'd become. He hated how dependent on Macau he'd become. Being alive, breathing, living...it all felt pointless if Macau wasn't there. He felt like he wasn't even living anymore. He was in limbo but it felt like he'd already crossed over to hell.

Macau ran his hand through the boy's hair. It didn't feel soft like usual, he was also a lot paler and looked sickly unlike his Porchay, "My poor baby, you look awful," he said examining the boy sitting on the edge of his bed.

"You're one to talk."