Prologue

I couldn't..

I just couldn't stop

I was there entrapped in my dreams,

I could hear them,the children,screaming and begging me to stop .

I could still feel myself enjoying them suffer or did i?.It didn't really matter anyway.They never liked me and i never liked them,so making them suffer and burn right in front of me wasnt making me feel regret nor did it make me scared of myself.

I was never scared of myself,i wasnt afriad of anything that came my way because i knew i could take anyone out even by just looking at them.

With time,word had spread about the neighborhood girl who was born with a curse and couldn't play with the other kids because bad things would always happen wherever she was,

A freak,a danger,some went as far to tag me the devils 

Even though i was looked at by people at any and every corner i turned to,so bitterly,like they were disgusted 

They all felt i was a curse

It didnt really matter to me,as a matter of fact,i never did

And what most would assume would be the heaviest pain

I didnt care or minded the fact that my own mother wasnt proud of me,she didnt and never loved me,through the whispered gossips,some would say she even cried the day i was born and no not tears of joy no,tears of fright,of rejection.

She couldn't stand me,especially not after I destroyed the only thing that mattered to her.Her look.

She could go on and on about how all the boys and men stared at her or how she won homecoming queen three times in a row back in her days ,it always got on my nerve and irritated me a lot cause she'd compare me whenever she said it

She always thought i gave her a scar just because i was jealous of how normal and beautiful she was.

At least she made me realize how much she really hated me and that scar on her face reminds her ,everytime she wakes up in the morning and stares in the mirror,more of every reason to hate me 

But still it never bothered me

I was never craving or eager for a mother's love

I got all that and more from him

I was only ever bothered about him

My only friend

The only one who truly understood me

The only one who made me feel.... normal

Or dare i say even special 

My dad...

My everything,he was the only one who ever truly understood me

I always felt safe when i was with him,he never made me feel like a burden

I remembered ''my little fireball'

A name given to me by him

I never knew why death took away the good people who made me feel happy

It was all too sudden,it was a pain i wasnt ready to accept and still havent

Things hadn't been the same since then

I could still remember his words,his face,our laughs,his company bur not anymore

Its all gone ,ill always look at the stars every night waiting for him 

Hoping and wishing he'll come back to me

No one could ever replace him not even my uncle carl who tried so many ways to be like him but he wasnt even an inch of him

Alrhough i still preferred him to my mother 

I always wondered why she never left

It always made me puzzled and confused if she didnt love me then why did she stay and make me feel abandoned even though i still saw her everyday

Is it to torture me?did she really care about me or love me deep deep underneath?

My uncle carl made me once beleive that she always loved me but even he knew that was a lie

I hated everyone 

I hated everything 

I just wanted to let go of this pain that was eating me alive

I didnt want it anymore i was tired if being all alone my entire life

Being locked up in my room by my mom just because she hated my face.

I always had to climb onto a stood looking out the window watching othe rkids playing and having fun when i was a kid

All these just becausethey all concluded i wasnt like them

Being born with this curse

This burden 

Just made me hate myself evwry single day

I just wanted a life,a loving family,my dad,i just wanted to be like the rest 

I wasnt readyto accept this disasteous life i was living

I just wanted to be 

Normal .