The Past

The ninth trail.

Fan Lin and the other students were taken to room that seemed familiar. It was the same as spirit ascension platform. 15 of them were invited inside the pods to take the test together. They got inside the pods and the same feeling of visiting the Spirit ascension platform came back.

It was a group task or not, Fan Lin didn't know.

*Night*

I was inside a cave as my group just fled a battle between a Dreaded duskclaw bear and the auspicious emperor.

Yes we. I still haven't got rid of them. Yet.

A small thing attacked me. It was a little auspicious emperor.

When I looked into his eyes, my own seem to be hazy.

[This platform is making my mind go haywire. Something is wrong.]

*The past*

My name was Surya Jayavardhan... I was an illiterate. I never went to school, not because I didn't want to, but there was no schools in the 100 mile around our village. I later learnt many things, hence 'was illiterate'.

My father was a forest guard and after his death I became one as his job was passed to me.

I was 18 years old when I joined my post. We, I and the other people who were in my batch, were responsible for protecting the 600 acres around our post. The outside of this boundary was protected by another guard post. Life was pretty easy back than. I was still weird.

There lived a tribe in the forest land that I was appointed at.

There were just five people in our post and we had made individual home after clearing a small area of the forest, it was also the Forest guards base of operations. Our one and only vehicle was also parked there.

The jungle was a weird place. This was my first thought after I took a few rounds of it. It was both calm and dangerous, that's what my colleagues said but I ignored them.

I was an 18 year old rebellious fool. Maybe ambitious and greedy as well.

After three months of my duty, I encountered a women from the tribe while she was limping slowly towards my direction. She must have injured her foot either when she was patrolling the forest or got in a skirmish with an animal. My thoughts when I decided to help her as I was naive kid back then.

The result, I got an elbow to my face and was knocked out without any resistance. She was strong. Really strong.

'She must have found me pitiful so she dragged me to my post and left me there.' One of my senior colleagues said to me after my guard mates woke me up after splashing cold water on my face.

For the next upcoming weeks, they joked about me being beaten by a girl. They even spread the joke to the other posts and caravans that passed the forest. Even after ten years they still joked about this point.

[Later I butchered them for this.]

After three months I got a stalker that I hadn't realised if my senior colleague didn't told me about her. My guard mates told me to be wary of her and to keep my distance but I didn't care and always said that she could do nothing to me. Nothing at all.

She kidnapped and married me. Forcefully at that, but after that incident she never forced me. She did everything a housewife would do. The sudden change in her temperament scared me. She prepared my lunch. Made my dinner. Cleaned my house. The one that I made with my guard mates. But she couldn't gain my love as I was still scared and extremely wary of her motives. I am not going to be graped.

After three years, one day she just disappeared. When I came back, I didn't see her anywhere. I thought I would be happy if she left. I wasn't. I was flustered. I searched for her everywhere. I didn't even know why I was searching for her. My habit of getting used to things really backfired on me. Although I was glad for it.

Later my guard mates informed me that my mother was ill and she went to see my mother. I felt relief. Earlier it was like there was a rock on my chest that made breathing difficult for me. After knowing that she didn't leave me, I heaved a sigh of relief. I immediately got on the patrolling jeep and went to meet her.

The moment my eyes landed on her. My heart calmed down. I was happy to see her. I went and hugged her tightly while saying don't leave me in front of the whole village. The second most embarrassing moment of my life.

[Now that I look back, I wasn't just foolish but gullible as well. I never deserve any of that]

I was in love with her. I fell for her without even knowing it myself. Life felt empty in the few moments she was not with me.

[What was I? An abandoned dog?]

She cried. She cried a lot after hearing that. I also apologized a lot to her, for being rude and neglecting her.

We were living happily. She taught me about a lot of things about the forest and it's animals.

Nine months later, I was going to become a father. She was pregnant for 8 months then. We were planning on what to name our baby. We were planning for its future.

[My memories started to become detached and hurried after that. Something isn't right? Two different streams-------------?]

It was monsoon at that time. It rained a lot. The roads had become muddy. She was in pain. The day to giving birth had come. The roads had already filled with water till our chest. Her tribe was more than 20 kilometres away. While the hospital was just 10 kilometres. I thought I should take her to the hospital.

[I should have taken her to her tribe.]

The rain was pouring heavily. Enough that I couldn't see more than 10 metres ahead of me. I got on the patrolling jeep. And took her to the hospital through a shortcut that I knew.

On the way, due to the heavy rain a tree fell just 20 meters away from the jeep. I pressed the brakes but due to mud, the jeep slipped and we slammed against the trees.

I was rescued by my guard mates who were worried about us and followed behind us.

She died. Along with my daughter. Her last words for me was to protect the forest land.

'It's not your fault'. I couldn't even listened to her last words myself.

[Even now I regret that decision. Even now I still blame myself.]

[I was the reason for it....]

I was broken. My guard mates helped me to get out of that. They found the letter she sent for my mother. I read the letter and cried for the last time that day. Years later(?), I found out that the letter was not from her. They just went to the city to ask a copywriter to copy her handwriting and wrote that letter.

The letter worked for me, along with her last words I devoted myself to the forest. I wore her tribe necklace that she often wore on my neck.

[Despite knowing what she wanted me to do, I...]

A year later, I faced a tiger in the forest. I thought I would die when the tiger pounced on me. I didn't. The tiger saw my necklace and left me alone.

I learnt that the animals in the forest and the tribe were in a sort of harmony from the tribal chief later on. The animals never attacked the tribesmen even once for the past 50 years. So did the tribesmen. They were vegetarian. She was also a vegetarian and later made me one as well.

I started to live with the tribe. I made a house near their tribe to not intrude on them. They didn't like it but they still bore with me.

Four years passed that way. All the animals knew me and I knew them. I may not know what species they are or what were they called but I remembered every single of them. They never attacked me. Just sent warnings when I got too close to them or was intruding on them. The forest reminded me of her.

[Before I knew it, I had changed and for the worse.]

I felt like I was with her when I was in the forest, like she was with me on my every step, every jump, every moment.

I fell in love with the animals and the forest. To me that 600 acres of forest land was her last reminiscent of her.

[My mind slowly eroded before my eyes, as I was trapped in her memories, refusing to let them go, refusing to let myself heal from the despair that followed.]

[I was empty before I realised anything.]

Four years later the government opened the forest and allowed tourist to come here. After tourists, came poachers who got to know about this new piece of land and it's animals. In just one month more than 12000 deaths were reported by the various posts. 350 of them were from our post. One of us even died while protecting them.

It was the greed of the government that made those things came here.

More than ten Elephants were found dead. Their tusks removed from inside their heads. It was cruel.

One day when I was patrolling, I found a poacher that killed a parrot. I lost control on myself. When my bearings came, the person was already dead. My hands were stained with blood but I didn't felt bad. I felt alive. Like I was reborn.

[I felt fulfilled, like something in me just got completed, the change had happened and beknownst to myself I had already accepted my true self.]

From then on, I killed and killed, in just two years, the number crossed more than 540 Poachers and some officials. I desired killing. I wanted to kill. Kill everyone that got in my way. I started to learn of things. Things to kill faster, better, grander.

[I was 32 then. 14 years have passed since I first met her.]

That on that fateful day, when I was on my usual patroI , I heard a scream followed by more of them. It didn't belonged to an animal, I was sure of that. Those were a human's scream. I informed my post and went close to the site on full alert. Looks like my tiger will have some fresh humans tonight.

What I saw was something I could never forget.

A young man or teen, I didn't know at that time, was bashing a man's head with a piece of rock. Where two people with broken legs lie just a little distance away.

The man he was bashing had his skull broken into pieces. All the brain matter and other things were slashed on the ground near him. Blood was all around him, dyeing his surroundings in a horrifyingly delure. It was actually amazing.

The man ripped the throat of the other one then used his hands to rip that man's face. He skinned the person alive and then broke his neck.

He ripped the head of the last person. Blood overflowing from his corpse. 

I wasn't scared of what he did to the people. Neither was I even a bit perturbed by the blood and gore. Those had become a usual occurrence for me who liked to feed the humans to my friends.

What I was scared of, was that kid, teen or being, whatever it may be.

I tried my hardest to run away from it yet my body didn't listen. I wanted to do something, scream for help or intervene but nothing worked. My instincts, which I honed while living in the forest for the past 14 years, were screaming at me to avoid him. I tried to and yet my body didn't seem to be mine anymore.

[That day I met him for the first time. ]

I saw the reflection of Savitri in front of him. Savitri, my wife and also the only person I loved more than my life. As I saw my life flashing before my eyes at just the mere thought of intervening, I realized what I have become.

I saw a monster that was neither human not animal. I saw myself, reflected in the clear brown eyes of the teen who was a head away from me.

"Found you."

The teen said and left while I broke down in intense guilt that I now understood.

[I---------------. I was the evil all along]

*The past ends*