Kill me now.

Jade.

     Eyes wide, my heart hammered against my chest, fear wrapped around my throat like a vice.

Vasilis had pushed me away from him so hard, I'd slammed me into the table. And then...and then he'd disappeared?

I groaned as I got back up on my feet, and a muscle in my back contracted painfully, sore from the impact of being slammed into the table.

I didn't know what I was more shocked about. That he'd slammed me into the table? Or the way his features had twisted into something so...sinister when he did it.

He had almost resembled Charlotte that day in the cafeteria when she had been yelling at me.

But that was impossible right? I couldn't have seen correctly, just like it was impossible for Charlotte to have looked like that just because she'd been angry. It could have been a trick of the light. Or maybe he was just sick.

That was why I'd even reached out to him in the first place.

We were sitting in awkward silence, waiting for Brittany to get back from the bathroom so we could continue with the research on John Keats and his contribution to the literary world, when he suddenly started groaning in pain? At least that was what I thought I heard.

I had tried to see if he was okay, and he'd pushed me so hard, I'd slammed into the table, and then he'd disappeared from the house with the speed of a lightning bolt.

No. That's obviously impossible. There was no way all that just happened. Maybe I'd hit my head too when my back got slammed into the table.

But somehow, I was slowly realizing that the pain from being slammed into the table was nowhere near the pain blazing to life in my heart.

He'd pushed me away from him, and it had felt like such a cruel rejection.

Was he so annoyed that I'd tried to kiss him earlier? Was he so repulsed by the fact, that he couldn't stand the sight of me, and had left so quickly because he didn't want to be in my house a second longer?

I swallowed back a sob just as Brittany reappeared from her trip to the bathroom.

"Hey! Where's Vas?" She asked, emerald eyes darting around in confusion. She had nicknamed him Vas at some point during the study session, and although she'd gotten a glare from him in response, she'd decided to stick with it regardless.

"He left," I answered without meeting her gaze as I began arranging the pile of books we'd made a mess out of while we were studying, because I couldn't stand the sight of things being out of order. "You should go too,"

I said and kept arranging the books, and Brittany stood there in silence for a while, then she moved closer and reached a hand out to touch my shoulder.

"Jade, is everything okay?"

"Yes. Go home, Brittany." I didn't want to cry in front of her. I wished she would just leave already.

Finally she sighed and dropped her hand from my shoulder.

"Okay. I'll see you in school on Monday, okay?" Her voice still held a note worry, and I knew she was trying not to pry.

"Yeah," I said, biting down on my lip to hold back a sob as she packed her books into her duffel bag, along with her laptop, and then left.

I bolted upstairs immediately, overcome with sadness and regret.

I should not have tried to kiss Vasilis. Now I'd ruined everything. We could have even been really good friends somewhere along the line, but now there was no chance of any cordiality ever existing between us.

He'll probably go to Mr. Dart come Monday, and ask to be transferred to a different group.

I wouldn't blame him.

The rest of the day went by not quickly enough, and I rotted away in bed through the night and throughout the next day too.

I was too embarrassed to face myself. Too ashamed at my fuck-up to want to do anything.

This is what happens when you live in isolation your entire life. You do stupid things when you finally come in contact with people.

Sometime during the late afternoon, Mr. Edward showed up in my room with a package and some tea. He was worried about me but I told him I was just having a lazy weekend, and that he shouldn't be.

The packages contained several sets of my school uniforms, and notes from the head-tailor at 'Nott Cuts and Trims,' Mr. Nott, explaining in detail, exactly what kind of fabric they used in making the uniforms, and how-to's on cleaning them.

I shoved the package and uniforms to a corner of the room, a bit impressed at how fast the man had worked to have delivered the uniforms already when he'd only taken my measurements just two days ago.

I continued my moping.

•

Sunday seemed to roll by too fast, and before I knew it, Mr. Leadsey was dropping me off at school on a particularly foggy Monday morning, the events of the past Saturday still fresh in my mind as if it only just happened minutes ago.

I made my way across the parking lot solemnly, hoping Vasilis would choose to skip school this week too, but then burning with shame at the thought.

If anyone should be skipping school because of their appalling behavior, it should be me. Not the boy who'd almost been subjected to the horrors of kissing me.

I hadn't even asked if he'd wanted to kiss me. I'd just foolishly...

Oh God! Kill me now.