A State of Mind

Ryuma stretched with a great yawn. Hearing the morning birds chirp, and to feel the sunlight coming through the cracks of the cabin felt refreshing. It wasn't the best of circumstances, but he may as well enjoy the little appreciations life had to offer.

He never expected the phrase 'everyday could be your last' to mean serious situations like this. It really has been feeling like that lately.

He got off the couch knowing how much of an early riser Crastor and his wife tended to be. Knowing them, they were already outside tending the fields.

He left out the door to go greet them before he departed. The villagers were all gathered into one spot. Silent and grief stricken, huddled into a crowd. The scene looked oddly familiar. It looked like…

Ryuma's heart skipped a beat. A look of panic struck his face when he realized what might have happened.

He started pushing past the crowd in a desperate attempt to get towards the center of it all. Once he made it through, his face turned into a shade of absolute horror.

"Castor," He whispered.

There Castor stood, stoic and unblinking as he gazed upon the face of his beloved, hanging from the same tree that took the last young girl's life

Ryuma fell to his knees. He had failed again. Protect the people's happiness. Was this a joke? For what did he learn everything for? In the end, he couldn't even save, the woman that saved him.

All those feelings of self-loathing came rushing back to him. Like there was never anything he could have done.

But nothing he felt, could even come close to what Castor must be feeling. Looking at Castor, there was a crumpled up note in his hand that he was gripping far too tightly. He could tell the man was choked up.

"I'm sorry Castor… if only I had…"

"If you had what!? Not killed Geneo!? If that were the case, she'd still be living in hell. This world, is hell," Castor went over to where Mera's lifeless body swayed. He brought out a knife and cut her down. Just like Ryuma, he closed her eyes for her. He held his face upon hers.

Ryuma looked on in anguish. What if this was too much for him? What if he decides to end it just like Mera?"

"I can't… I still have to see the world you create," Castor said. It was if he read his mind to quell his fears. "Whatever that world is. Whether it's a heaven for us, or a hell for them. I must see it,"

Ryuma looked at her swollen stomach. It was obvious as to why she did it. He looked at the crumpled note on the ground and picked it up. From the beginning alone, he surmised it was likely a farewell note to Castor. He unfoiled it and read the contents.

Castor, please forgive me for my selfishness.

When I had heard that Ryuma had killed Geneo, I too was overjoyed.

I thought that I could finally move on with life.

The reality though… I still feel his very sin inside me. Growing.

And I thought to myself… I could never show this thing love, knowing where it came from.

Even when you tried to assure me that it didn't bother you.

I knew that it did because it bothered me.

Maybe I'm a monster but so what? I only want you to find happiness Castor.

With any luck, you'll find it with a woman far more beautiful then I, in a world, far more beautiful than this.

Will wait for you beyond… Mera.

Ryuma's hand slumped upon finishing the letter. Castor didn't seem to pay him any mind at having read it. He just held his lifeless love in his arms.

A wave of sadness washed over Ryuma. He failed again… this time, he failed to save his savior. He scrunched his eyes shut in deep thought. Where exactly did he go wrong? Was this doomed to happen and was he doomed to see this? If so, why was this world built the way that it was?

Was there a reason, that the Skylands were necessary?

"Castor… I will change this world. On everything I ever believe, that's a promise," Ryuma vowed.

"Ryuma… when I first saw you, my first reaction was to kill you on site," Castor said.

Ryuma's eyes opened wide. He stared at him to find any sign that he was lying under those baggy eyes. There was none.

"It was at Mera's behest that we save your life. She couldn't fathom the idea of taking the life of an uncorrupted kid. I on the other hand was different. I could only see what you would become,"

Not only did she save him by chance out in the wild. She also chose to spare him, despite not knowing his personality. He was in a vulnerable state, it would have been more challenging to strangle a newborn.

"Seeing who you are, I see that there was reason for her final act in life was in the salvation of another's. I believe, this is a message that our will itself has manifested in you. You are the only one who can change this world. I'm willing to bet whatever's left in this life all on you,"

Ryuma could only give him a blank stare. Castor was tying his life to Ryuma's. Should Ryuma die in the process, he was sure this man would kill himself. For what else did he have to live for? It was a huge responsibility to think about. Instead of recklessly forging ahead like before, he had to think carefully and strategically.

Ryuma bowed. "I'll be heading out then,"

"Young man please wait,"

Ryuma stopped and looked at the middle-aged woman that came to stop him. It was the same woman whose daughter killed herself yesterday.

"Before you go, you must let me clean and patch up your garb," She said.

"Oh, no need mam. These garbs are made of spirit wiring. They'll do that themselves overtime," Ryuma said.

"Oh my… I couldn't dream of something so useful. Well come on anyway. It would be better if we outfitted you in something else," She started tugging on Ryuma forcing him to follow.

"Wait. What are you doing? Fighting in my priest garb is the easiest for me," Ryuma complained.

The woman started speaking lower as if someone could be listening in on them. "I understand that dear, but that's exactly why I'm changing you. The priest garbs of The Order make you stand out. The whole village saw the garbs before we saw you. Yours is even more unique than the standards. We've never seen white garbs before,"

Now that the woman said all that it sent Ryuma into deep thought. He clearly, hadn't gotten this whole espionage thing down at all. If he wanted to travel the surface world with less notoriety, it wouldn't be wise to do so with bright white priests' garbs scaring everybody and gaining their notice.

"Oh ughh… thanks for the advice," He blushed a little.

Before he knew it, he was in her house being fitted with all her husband's old hand-me-downs. The fit wasn't too accurate, but it wasn't so bad as to be unwearable. The shirts and pants were rugged and dirty with quick-fix patches on them. Something like this wasn't the most fashionable on him, but in terms of blending in with the commoners of society, Ryuma thought this was enough. He couldn't be picked out in a crowd.

"You know, my daughter would have easily fallen for a young man like you,"

Ryuma blushed redder than he did earlier. Even now, he still couldn't deal with woman and girls. "I'm sorry mam,"

"Don't be," She fixed the rest of his shirt. "If the fates didn't deign you to be my son-in-law, then you better take that free time to change the world,"

Ryuma smiled. These people were good people. It sickened him to know that he had to abandon them to The Order, but he didn't have the means to protect them from an entire system.

"Oh I see what that face is. Don't you worry about us now. We can handle ourselves. You need to look forward," She turned him around.

The door was right there. He nodded his head and walked forward.

Before long, he was leaving the entrance of the village. He had a long journey ahead of him and he had no idea what it was going to be like going forward, but he had to do this.

"RYUMA!"

He turned around one last time. It was the kid he hugged earlier along with an assortment of the villagers. "PLEASE BE SAFE AND COME BACK!"

Ryuma waved back. He finally turned around and left the village. His face now had a look of determination. If they had the strength to bounce back from tragedy and trauma, then it was his job to facilitate their recovery.

His first course of action was to head to Lue. He needed to learn everything he could so that he wasn't running blind.

Especially, where he could find potential allies against The Order.