CHAPTER 38

I wake with a start. I'm inside the bunker I've called home for the past year. Time doesn't feel the same to me anymore—the only way I can tell the days apart is by sleeping—night never comes, of course. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the small metal bed, reflecting on the very first time I had woken up in this strange world—and even the first time I had woken up on Sayar. It feels like it had been only yesterday that I had seen that crazy ornate wardrobe and Roland's face for the very first time.

I stand up and stretch, ready to take on another day. Unlike the physical training, I haven't been repeating the same task ad nauseam every single day for three weeks. I'm thankful for that. Stepping outside—I find Gavin already sitting at the table, just as I had every other morning. He's munching on an apple, that changes. He'll change the fruit around to whatever suits his mood. He'll offer one to me, I'll decline. He knows this body cannot digest food—he'll offer to change that here, and I'll refuse.

"I want to do something different today," he says.

I'm surprised he said it first.

"I..."

"I'm human too...sorta. I get bored too, and I wouldn't be doing this every single day if it weren't necessary," he says, taking another bite. He chews and finishes, "We're going to be taking a look at some of the hidden variables in our grand equation."

"In English? Or...Sayarian?"

Gavin chuckles. "The name for the language is Krande. At least—the Messian language that everyone else subscribes to in public use. Each race has their own distinct language. I'm afraid I don't know all of them, but Krande's the one I know most about."

"Didn't you mention that you didn't know the language?"

"Do you know how to speak Japanese?"

"Uh...no."

"But you know of Japanese, right? The people that speak it, the general sound of the language?"

I nod, thinking about it. "Yeah, I guess I understand that."

"Now, that's not what we're going to be discussing today, not even close. We talked about a lot these past few weeks about everything that you know about the situation—the things that you've seen."

"I know...I've been here," I say, giving him a sort of half-laughing face.

"Today we're going to talk about the things that you don't know. We're going to use ICARUS."

"ICARUS? I thought we weren't going to be traveling back in time?"

Gavin finishes his apple and stands up. "Yes, I mentioned that was the only thing ICARUS did, but that was so you didn't overload right in front of me. ICARUS is truly a wonderful machine. It's an acronym, you see, it stands for Infinity Core Amplifier of Research Under the Sun. Fancy name, not my idea. Anyway, the only important part is that first, Infinity Core. Our infinity engine here is also programmed to be able to simulate memories."

"Simulate?"

"ICARUS is a lot like The Pit, it has a database of human life programmed into it. It isn't as sophisticated enough as The Pit to be able to hold all kinds of life, even Infinity Engines have finite space," Gavin explains. "It records their life from beginning to end—of course I had to borrow some reserves from The Pit for souls who passed before its creation."

"It can simulate the lives of the people it has recorded?"

"Precisely."

"One question," I say, standing up ad looking straight at him. "If, say, we were in a simulation right now, how would one know that? Like say, if this dimension out of time were just a simulation?"

He turns on his heels and his smile grows a little wider, "You ask all the right questions. Roland never questioned the validity of my claim. Yes, you are correct, you are currently experiencing a simulation right now—that is how your body is able to be reset every time you die and you failed your physical tests. There is no time outside of time—such a thing is impossible."

I laugh, looking back toward the table, bracing my hands on it. "Is there ever a time where you're going to be able to tell me the truth? Am I going to constantly be fed half-truths until you seem it's right for me to learn the next piece?"

Gavin takes in a deep breath, his smile fades. "That's kinda my job, Devon. I get where you're from, but I need to do this. If I told you everything from day one you would not be able to handle it all. Your mind would work so hard it would shut down, it would kill you."

"I understand that it just..." I squeeze the end of the table, hard. Gripping it helps center my breathing. "There's no time...outside of time. That means time has passed while we've been in this simulation, right?"

"Yes. This is why I mentioned that ICARUS is mainly used to view memories—vignettes. Short lapses of time, because the amount of energy it takes to power ICARUS--"

"Infinity Energy."

"It..." He pauses, looking for the words, "it takes a lot of time for longer memories. The ratio isn't 1:1. Every day spent in ICARUS' simulation is about two and a half days in the real world."

"Two and a half days? That means that more than two years have passed in the real world?!" I ask, finding my hands gripping the table harder out of habit.

"...It's more like three. Just a little over three years."

"Three years...wow," I say, taking in a deep breath. I close my eyes and we both stand there—just breathing. Not saying a word and not moving. I open my eyes and stand straight—something I learned in this whole therapy process. Standing tall helps me feel like I belong—even if I don't in the slightest, but it helps.

"Do you need some more time to take this all in?" He asks, crossing his hands.

I shake my head, licking my lips, "No, I think I'm good. I've lost almost five thousand years, three is nothing," I say, flashing a smile.

Gavin shares his and he motions me to follow. "Excellent. So, now that the big secret is out, we aren't going to be using ICARUS but reusing it—transitioning from this simulation to one based around Alex's life."

"Alex? Why her?"

"We know why you arrived in this time, and we know that Noah Marshall entered this time via Jesse Anderson—the reasoning we may be unclear on, and we'll tackle that I'm sure—but the big question I want to get answered is how Alex managed to get to our time."

"Well, that means that Cross must have used..." I start, but then I realize the inner complications to that answer. "Cross couldn't have used ICARUS...because he's still here. His consciousness is merged with Alex's."

"Correct."

I nod. "Now, are there any secrets I should know about before we go do this? As much as I understand why this had to be done, I much rather like being prepared for things that come. You don't have to tell me everything, but I would at least like to know if there is anything that I still need to know."

"Devon, there's always something new to learn. I'm sorry, but saying anything about the future is like Timeline Ruining 101. I have trained you for this past year now to help you get caught up—to be able to roll with the punches as they come. That will have to be my answer."

"Okay."

"Now come on, we've got a mystery to solve."

"I'm right behind you, Shaggy."

We walk into the cylindrical chamber that houses ICARUS. I'm looking once again at the mysterious machine, a work of god, truly. I then realize that in that moment I want to talk to Alex more than anything. A longing packed away for years reopened. Maybe this was the key to the last of my training, but right now I want nothing more than just another sunny day in Alex's back yard. A chance to fully apologize and fix what went wrong. I'd give anything.

Gavin turns to the machine, moving to the screen and adjusting various levers and key-presses until they are just right. He begins typing some more onto the screen and then all at once the clacking stops. He looks up to me slowly, "Since we're going to be switching memories, the rate of time will flow just the same as it is here. You won't be missing anymore large gaps in time, but I do want to warn you that it is going to be a different place you return to, once you do return, that is."

"I understand."

"You'll need to be cautious, I don't know what is going on out there, I can only assume that Cross hasn't been stopped."

"I know. Are we ready to go memory hunting?" I ask.

"Yes, Alex's memories have been pulled up. She does not need to be dead for her simulation to work for us, thankfully."

His words silence you. Two words you would do anything to see far apart: Alex, and Dead.

"Right, poor taste. Anyway, if we were in the real world, this is where I would hook you up to the machine. There would be a large cord...ah, here it is!" He says, grabbing for a large cable that leads to one of the rooms behind ICARUS, "This would go in the back of your head—is...currently in the back of your head. In the real world, at least. Me, well I have to do a little fancy footwork with my Jumping ability, but the outcome is the same. Since you're already in here, there isn't any need for that."

"Why tell me, though? If it's like, not what we're doing now?"

"Sheesh, first you tell me off for not telling you--" He says, rolling his eyes.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that!" I sputter.

"I'm just messing with you. I do have a sense of humor." He says, chuckling. "I told you because that is how you know that it is a simulation. When you wake up you will be inside this bunker with that thick cable attached to your head. Your core shall be right beside you, it's important that you grab that and re-insert that back into your system before you unplug yourself."

"What happens if I don't?"

"Your core is like a vacuum for your consciousness—what allows you to stay in your body. If you unplug from ICARUS without it, that's it for you. ICARUS redirects your consciousness right back to The Pit—It's game over for you."

Game over, huh? Well, as if the stakes weren't already high enough. Then again, it doesn't really change much, as I planned from the start to do anything to make things right.

"Well, if you're ready then," Gavin starts.

"I am. Let's do this."

He nods his head and pulls down a lever beside him. The main tower of ICARUS begins glowing with a white light, blinding at first, but not totally. My head feels lighter at first but then I notice a tug at the back of my head if only for a second as the world around me begins to shift. My body begins to melt away into the mess of colors. The last things I see before I go under are Gavin's eyes. Staring at me, unblinking. Assured.