13 | Sacrifice

He had told her all he had known and it had been filled with more detail than anything he had told anybody else. It had been bursting at the seams inside of him just waiting to come out. He felt an urge to just dump it all out—empty his mind of all his responsibilities and just leave himself bare with nothing left. He knew how stupid it was and figured that the origin of this desire was that of his to become human.

A computer wouldn't have made this mistake—gotten so emotionally invested to prefer weakness if it could be any sort of reprieve. A mistake was exactly what it was. Nothing but an emotional tangle that got in the way of the prime objective. A program didn't feel bogged down by the emotional baggage of the task that was commanded of it.

And that's what his duty was at the end of the day—it had been a command. While he sympathized and agreed with the task, it had been no less programmed into him. So it was that part deep down that yearned to be human—to make such emotional decisions.

While he was telling his story, Laven did not interrupt. He was able to tell a good chunk of it that went easily, but he could tell that a lot of it went over her head—he was sure it would have with anybody he had told it to.

Except maybe Gavin.

He thought on this for but a moment and then continued. As he was telling, she studied his face with increasing interest. He had to explain the complexities of the Roulette Game exactly how the repeating cycles had worked. It took a little while for the ideas to sink in. Then he had told her about Sakonna and the other Children of the Night that were out there in the world wrecking havoc all in search of the fragments of the mysterious ICARUS.

The hardest part, he thought, was explaining that the fragments of ICARUS didn't necessarily have to be machines or pieces of machines themselves. He told her of the lance that the woman named Allison Fae had wielded.

When he had finished, he slouched against the side of the tent and looked up at the sky. The crimson glow had been his companion ever since breaching the surface of the water, but he knew this wasn't normal. It had been here for much longer than he had been able to experience but his databases had always said that the sky should be blue. A soft blue to make a nice day peaceful.

Here, he felt like he was stealing for peace out of every available minute that he could find—that terror and despot hide behind every corner. Even when he had broken the surface of the sea and came onto the coastline the world had felt that much darker.

But now, even among the darkest depths of the new world he'd found one of those moments. He hadn't known how relieving the feeling of getting it off his chest was. Laven was right—it was nice to just speak it aloud.

"So, this is all real?" She started.

It was a fair question to ask, but he would be lying if he didn't say that it was a little unnecessary from his point of view. It wasn't much to his predilection to weave tall tales to convince others of falsehoods.

She seemed to notice his thoughts on this, as she continued, "To sum it up, kill the bad guys and stop them from getting these fragments you're searching for? That about it, right?"

"I guess that's what it boils down to," LUCAS said. "Don't know exactly what would result from them getting it all but it can't be good for us considering their actions so far."

"Yeah, probably something like destroy the world or whatever."

"Whatever they can to get back to their world."

She looked at him and then stretched out her arms as she looked up to the sky. "Y'know, if before all this you had told me this story I would have shut the metaphorical door on your face and never even believed you."

LUCAS looked at her, cocked his head. "I probably could have convinced you. Showed you I was an android. One thing leads to another."

"Maybe..." she trailed off and looked off to the side. "I am a little hurt though that Gavin thought he couldn't tell us about this. Makes a huge more impact if we're saving more than just our little camp."

"I can't speak for him personally, but from what I experienced I think the others are the cause for concern."

She cocked her head quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"If Roshe knew of something so powerful existed where we were going he would try anything to get his hands on it."

She thought on this, leaning back and then nodding slowly. "Yeah, I guess I could see that in him. Though if I'm being honest I don't see much desire for great power emanating from Bambo."

"No, neither do I. But I do think that knowledge of something like that would drive him far away and fast. Would be hard to make use of his organization skills if he's cowering in fear."

"Also a fair point."

"Blaise is a wild card," LUCAS started. "I couldn't access any of his memories. I assume with Gavin it was much of the same."

"Yeah, I haven't had a lot of alone time with Blaise. He tends to do his own thing and then show up for the meetings," she said. "Now that I think about it, I'm starting to have my own doubts about them all, now that they're all out on the table."

LUCAS shook his head, "Don't let it sour your confidence in the mission. Gavin seems to trust them if they're kept to a minimum amount of knowledge about it."

There was a moment of silence before she continued forward with her next question. "So, what was my reason?"

LUCAS looked at her with a confused look on his face.

"The reason I couldn't be trusted," Her eyes held deep sorrow resurfaced.

LUCAS had all in that moment wished he could sink into himself and just disappear. The mountain could swallow him whole and compact him into fine grains and it would be more preferable than this feeling now.

"I don't know," LUCAS shook his head. "He has his reasons and he might just be a secretive soul. I don't think it's anything against you personally."

She gave a hollow grin, "Thank you for your kindness, but it's a little harder to accept after rattling off the reasons why it's personal for everyone else."

LUCAS exhaled slowly, "Yeah, I understand. But it's why I feel okay talking with you about it. Partially because I feel I can trust you, and partially because of what you said—about it being nice to get it off your chest."

The two of them sat in a reflective silence as the wind around them started to pick up. Sand was carried into the air and swung around them like a couple in a festive dance. The rhythm seemed to blend into various mixes of slow waltzes and high energy blitzes.

"How often do you think about sacrifice, Luke?"

LUCAS was shocked. It was the first time she had said his name. It sounded nice coming from her. The severity of the question had taken him equally off guard he didn't have an answer for her, and so she continued in explanation.

"I'm sorry, I know that sounds really weird out of nowhere. But my..." she took in a deep breath, "my name in the world before, Natara—it meant sacrifice. I had thought for a long time that I was destined to sacrifice—to keep on sacrificing. My freedom, my happiness, anything that could be shed. My father never confirmed it, but I mean, with that as my name I think it was more than implied." She was staring out to him now. "I guess I was just curious on your thoughts."

He sat out for a moment, and he could tell she was nervous about letting loose such a close personal secret. "If you want, of course."

"My father...creator...however you want to call him sacrificed everything he was so I could be here, now. I guess I'm supposed to look at sacrifice as some heroic gesture..."

"You guess?"

LUCAS nodded, solemn reprieve from the guilt in his chest. "In reality, I don't. Just before escaping the SubCon facility I was in two places at once."

"Right, you mentioned you were also in the computers down there," she said.

"Yeah, I...I was in both and in one all at the same time. It's really confusing to think about, but the me that was in the computer wasn't exactly me. And I wasn't exactly him. My father was human—even in the end he desired to not die alone. He made me a copy of the original LUCAS so that I could do my mission above ground, but that left the original LUCAS down to die at the bottom of the ocean."

"Oh...I didn't even think about that," Laven covered her hand over her mouth.

"He sacrificed himself for the world, but he also sacrificed a part of me. And...I'm finding it difficult to keep those two feelings away from each other. I didn't experience the explosion...but I remember it. I remember the pain and..."

"We don't have to talk about it anymore," she said.

LUCAS took a deep breath and flexed his arms out in front of him—motion to push away the feeling of numbness that came from the severing of his network. "I understand your aversion to sacrifice," he said. The two of them looked at one another, it seemed like it had lasted an eternity.

Loud thumping echoed off in the distance and turned both of their gazes toward the mountain. LUCAS zoomed as far as he could and saw two figures moving in the distance toward them with quite a few more behind them—kicking up large trails of sand and dust. As he focused he saw Gavin gripping a bike that was tearing through the dunes—flames ripping out of the exhaust like he were clawing his way out of hell.

Roshe slammed the front wheel of his bike into the air and fired what seemed to be two pistols off at the figures behind. The shots glanced off of one of the other bikes behind them, the second had missed entirely. The bike that had been hit had sped up, he could almost see the anger in the rider as he pulled up. Roshe slammed the front end of his bike down and it sprayed sand behind in a jet stream. It covered the rider and caused him to fall back.

"Looks like our time is coming," LUCAS said, affixing his eyes back to regular sight.

"It's one thing to formulate a plan like this." She said, staring out at the impending force. "To think you're so invincible and even form a pretty kickass team that can do what needs doing. But it's another entirely to sit back and let it happen. I guess I'm a bit scared."

LUCAS, entirely knowing that he had little reason in which he could reasonably back up his words, still found them tight in his chest, ready to explode out of him as if they were the most important declaration. "I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

He felt Laven's hand cross over his own and he held it tight. He thought they both knew just how fruitless the words would turn out, but knowing the gesture was kind enough in the moment. Together they sat as the sky above them started glowing with the faintest violet hues.