16. Chapter 16

AN:

Auto:

Mr. Haziq: Hey, I was in that club back in the day. Good times, good times.

STR2D3PO and TBA: My apologies, I misspoke (mistyped). What I meant to say is that this is the finale for this current arc, as well as for my portion of the collab for a while. Don't worry, the story still has a lot of ground to cover before me and siege even start thinking of finishing it.

Siege: Yes, as Auto has now clarified, the story isn't over. Auto's just done with his share of the work for the moment and will be passing the story back to me for the next story arc. The story will probably be on a short hiatus because I'm writing another arc of Gigant right now (kinda though Auto would take longer to finish this arc), and I don't like to work on multiple stories at a time. Shouldn't take more than another couple of weeks, and then I'll be back on Archetypal.

"Hey Ronnie Anne, I'm still not really sure about this."

"What's not to be sure about?" Ronnie Anne looked up from the sign she was writing on to see Sid rubbing her arm and biting her lip, looking very conflicted. She was also looking around the crowd, as if watching out for somebody.

"It's just that...well, you know I'm your friend, right?"

Ronnie Anne nodded.

"Your best friend?"

Another nod.

"And that because of that I want to support you and help you accomplish all your goals, no matter what."

"Which I appreciate, and you know I'd do the same for you and your goals."

"Right, which is why I think I have to intervene and say...don't you think starting an Anti-Harem Club is going a bit too far?"

Ronnie Anne, sitting at the front desk of the booth set up to promote the Anti-Harem Club, cocked her eyebrow upwards as if she were confused.

Going too far? What was she talking about, you could never go too far when combating the threat posed by harems. Harems were a public menace! They disturbed the neighborhood with loud noise, they filled up seats at restaurants, and if there were ever a global pandemic where the spread of infection could be slowed by social distancing, they wouldn't be social distancing. Because they were a harem, they'd be all bunched together and go places together! Lives were at stake here!

Still, Sid was her friend, so she decided to let her explain herself. "How so?" she asked.

"Well, it's just that starting a whole club to target Lincoln—"

"Target Lincoln? Pfft, this isn't about Lincoln." Ronnie Anne waved her hand dismissively.

Sid, unamused, responded, "Look behind you, please."

Ronnie Anne turned around. Several posters of Lincoln with red marks crossing him out were scattered at the back of the booth. Above them was a long, streaming banner that read STOP LINCOLN LOUD FROM GETTING A HAREM AT ALL COSTS in bold.

Ronnie Anne turned back to Sid, still maintaining an innocent look on her face. "But the club's name is Anti-Harem Club, not Anti-Lincoln Club," she said plainly. "I'm not Stella, I'm not going to open a club just to attack one person. This is about maintaining public morality and decency."

Sid sighed. She could see she wasn't getting anywhere with her friend like this. "Ronnie Anne, I don't know what Lincoln did to make you start acting like this, but it's really destroying you, and I hate seeing you like this."

"Or it's making me better and more conscious of the world around me," swiftly retorted Ronnie Anne. "Like how some people turn vegetarian after seeing how animals are mistreated. I had something directly happen before me that enlightened me to this social problem. Tell her, Chandler."

Chandler, the necessary third member of their club, stepped out from behind the booth. "Yeah, whatever Ronnie Anne said," he said unenthusiastically. He didn't even want to be a part of this stupid club (as much as it was a club and not just a girl working as hard as she could to be as petty as she could) but unfortunately he was a Minion, and if a Minion is told to do something, they do it.

So if Ronnie Anne Santiago walked up to him just before he left school and said something like Hey Chandler, I need one more person to get my stupid club approved, so I command you to sign your name on this form, then he would have no choice but to sign his name on the form and join the stupid club.

A single tear fell from his eye, thinking of all the afternoons he was going to lose out because of his Archetype.

Why couldn't I just be a Bystander?

Anyway, back to Sid.

Sid paused, letting the words of her friend and this sad-looking new guy simmer. Her brain, affable to Ronnie Anne as it was, was quick to work on a way to decode what she was saying in a way that she could find acceptable.

The best result it could spit out: hmm, that might actually make sense.

So Sid said that aloud. "Hmm, that might actually make sense."

"Exactly. This isn't about Lincoln as a worm...I mean, person. He's just a symbol we're using. This is about a greater social ailment. And don't you want to be a part of fighting that social ailment?"

Sid thought about it. Her slender finger tapped her chin and her face furrowed in deep thought. Fighting social ailments was good, and so was supporting friends. So, technically, it was doublegood. And doublegood is really, really good, right?

Again, her brain was rapidly working to try and frame what her best friend was doing in as positive a light as possible.

"Okay, you're right!" cheered Sid, happy that she had successfully gaslighted herself. "It's not meant to be mean to Lincoln, but just to perverts in general."

"Exactly!" Ronnie Anne snapped her fingers. "Welcome back, Sid, now we can start doing the work no one else is willing to do."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"What...what is this?"

A third voice came from behind Sid, and she turned around to see none other than Lincoln Loud himself. Startled, she jumped back from him, and lifted her arms defensively, but lowered them when she remember that Lincoln was still a friend, even if he was the snowy-haired symbol of everything that was doubleungood.

"Hi Lincoln," she said, cheerily waving. "Are you here to sign up for the Anti-Harem Club?"

Behind her, Ronnie Anne groaned and smacked her forehead.

"No, I don't want to sign up," he said, his voice starting to rise. "I want to know what the hell is going on here?"

Sid's mouth opened to answer, but unfortunately Ronnie Anne beat her to it.

"What this is, Pervert-O, is a solemn society dedicated to upholding the common, agreed-upon societal constraints of a healthy relationship," she said. Her eyes narrowed to slits as she continued, "And a big part of what we're going to be doing is making sure you don't get your dirty little hands on a harem."

"So you made a club attacking my brother?" said Luan. "That's messed up, Ronnie Anne."

"And I don't even want a stupid harem!" protested Lincoln.

"Don't lie, Lincoln, I saw you trying to recruit girls for it."

Lincoln was taken aback. His eyes widened, then blinked in surprise. "When?" he demanded. "When have I ever—"

"First day, in the gym," interrupted Ronnie Anne. Her mouth was curved into a dangerous-sorta smile, the kind a snake wears just before it strikes its prey. Her eyes, sharp as knives, seemed to glow victoriously as she said, "I saw you take Stella into the closet."

Upon hearing this, Luan's eyes widened. She looked down to her brother, watching as the blood rushed to his cheeks.

"That...that wasn't what it looked like! I wasn't doing anything weird with her in there!"

Ronnie Anne's nostrils flared. "Then what were you doing?" she demanded.

And just like that, Lincoln was stuck.

He had two options here: to tell the truth or not tell the truth. Both had their consequences. Lincoln, well aware that his Archetype was, despite everything, still special and new, and that he probably shouldn't be speaking about it openly, especially with someone as hostile to him as Ronnie Anne.

But what else could he do? Stay silent and let her claim victory? Tell a lie and risk her exposing him? He supposed he could grab Stella and have her tell the story, but there was no knowing how Stella's crooked worldview interpreted the events in the closet, and what kind of strange story she would tell.

He was trapped. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place on Shit Creek with the sword of Damocles hanging over his head. He didn't know what to answer, so he didn't answer.

Ronnie Anne leaned back into her seat, crossing her arms and smiling smugly. "Exactly," she said. "And that's why I made this club: to protect the girls of this school from you."

By her side, Chandler stared off into the distance, not interested in what was happening in front of him. On her other side, Sid shrugged her exposed shoulders. Neither said a word.

Luan, on the other hand, looked like she had something to say.

"Now you listen here, you—"

She stepped forward, but to her surprise, Lincoln's hand shot out, stopping her from going any further. He sighed deeply, then turned around. "Luan, can we just go?"

"Y-Yeah. Sure..."

She shot one last nasty look Ronnie Anne's way before she followed her brother and disappeared into the crowd. Once they were gone, Ronnie Anne allowed herself to relax slightly. Her heart was beating, as if she had been preparing for a fight.

"Well...now that that's out of the way...Sid, Chandler, can you take some flyers and pass them around? See if anyone wants to join?"

Chandler shrugged and did as he was told. Sid did so as well, thought she shoot Ronnie Anne a questioning look before she went with their Minion.

With the two of them gone, Ronnie Anne slumped forward and put her head on the desk. Her face instantly softened, and she covered it with her arms.

Not even one day into her new club, and she was already regretting it.

"Good to see you're joining the kickball team again, Lynn."

"It's good to be back, Otto," said Lynn. She took a form from the older boy behind the counter and pressed it to the table and signed her name in red ink. She handed it back to him with a grin. "Guess Coach just couldn't hack it without me, huh?"

Otto chuckled. "None of us really could. Last year was a disaster without you. So please, for everyone's sake, don't kick the ball into the ref's nutsack again."

"Oh, come on, it was an accident!"

"Tell that to his poor wife that has to put up with his fake testes."

Lynn winced. She didn't have testes, but even she knew that when they were hit, they were hurt. The poor referee had collapsed to the ground and starting puking all over himself. Lynn felt bad enough to not even fight back when the Coach suspended her from the team.

"Anyway, let's talk about other types of balls," said Otto. "This is like the eighth team you're joining this year, right?"

"Mhm. You know me, I gotta join all the sports. Basketball, baseball, North American football, South American football, ice hockey, archery, and water polo are the other teams I'm signing up with." She paused, contemplatively. "I'm still thinking about Grudgeby."

"You know, it's strange. I know your Archetype is martial arts and all, so why do you keep joining all these other sports?"

"Because, Otto, I'm already a master at that. I got enough black belts to tie around the world three times over. I'm looking for a challenge, man. I live for the challenge." Lynn raised a shaking fist to accentuate her point.

"Still," said Otto, "maybe you should also take it easy. Find a more relaxing thing to do, ya know? Just to de-stress."

"Hmm...maybe you're right," Lynn conceded.

"Of course I'm right. I'm Otto. Everything I write is pure gold."

"Write?"

"Whoops, sorry, I meant say. Everything I say." Otto then turned to the audience and winked.

"Man, having Author Insert as your Archetype must really mess with your head. Like giving you a big, unearned ego," said Lynn. "But whatever. Maybe I can go do Foosball. Foosball is relaxing. There's not too much running, and there's less chance to lose a tooth. Is there a club for it?"

Otto shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. Unless…hold on one second…"

He lowered himself as he opened a drawer in his desk. He shuffled its contents around for a few moments before he extracted a single sheet of paper. He handed it to Lynn, and she looked over it.

"Woah, is this a form to start a club?!"

"Sure is." Otto nodded. "I had a spare one, and I realized I didn't need it but you did. Just find two other people who're willing to sign the paper—and maybe also chip in to buy a Foosball table—and you'll be set."

Lynn smiled as she folded the form and put it away in her pocket. "Thanks Otto," she said, turning around and preparing to walk away. "Say hi to Siege for me."

Otto scowled. "I haven't talked to Siege in weeks. Won't even bother until he stops talking shit about my waifu Cassandra."

"Wow. That's pathetic. Both of you are pathetic. Okay bye."

As Lynn walked away, she thought about who she wanted to start her club with. She knew she needed at least two other people, so she hummed as she made a mental list of names.

Margo for sure, that's a given...Polly Pain? Nah, she never takes her skates off, she won't be able to play. Maybe one of the girls from the basketball team would do. Maybe Maya? Nah, Paula FTW!

With those two in mind, Lynn reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She quickly dialed in Margo's number and called her. She pressed the phone to her face and kept her good luck tip in mind: if they don't answer after three rings, cancel the call or you'll get bad luck.

Luckily, Margo answered in two.

"Hey Lynn, what's up? Where are you?"

"I'm near the kickball stand. Where are you?"

"Soccer stand. Wait...kickball? Didn't you get disallowed or something?"

"Ah, what's past is past. My skill was just too much to keep out of the game," said Lynn humbly. "But how great I am at kickball isn't important right now...what's important is how great I am at foosball. How'd you like to start a Foosball Club with me?"

"Foosball? You're really starting a club for Foosball?"

Even though Margo couldn't see it, Lynn nodded proudly. "I am!"

"You sonuvabitch, I'm in! Or...I suppose daughteruvabitch? N-Not that I'm calling either of your parents bitches, I'm sorry if that's what it sounds like and I just keep repeating it..."

"Margo, you're spiraling again."

"You're right, you're right." Lynn heard Margo take a deep breath over the phone. "I'm in, Lynn. I'll be in there in a few."

"Take your time, Margs. See ya."

And with that, she ended the call.

She was able to call Paula until she remembered that Paula couldn't use phones anymore. Not since she developed magnetic powers. Oh well, she'd have to find her and tell her in person. But she'd wait for Margo first. She found a wooden beam and leaned on it, crossing her arms and watching the people pass by.

She had planned on sitting still, until she saw a familiar orange shirt in the crowd.

"Lincoln!" she cried, getting unusually excited. Ditching the pole, she ran towards him, shoving pedestrians out of her way until she was by her brother's side. Luan was with him too, and...and…

She suddenly noticed how upset the two seemed.

"H-Hey guys," she said. The two turned around to look at her. "What's with the long faces? You guys look like me after the Penguins lost because I didn't do the proper luck rituals at home..."

"We...had a little run in with Ronnie Anne," said Luan unsteadily.

In an instant, Lynn's eyes thinned into dangerous slits, behind which a furious fire burned. Her nostrils flared, her teeth clenched together. "Did she hurt you, Linc? Cause if she touched one hair on your head..."

"She didn't hit me, Lynn," he said. "She just...you know what, it doesn't matter. I can live with Ronnie Anne being like she is."

"Then what's bothering you?"

Her younger brother sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I...I didn't get into any clubs."

"Clubs?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to find a club to...you know, make some friends and hang out and stuff."

"Bro, you don't need a club to make friends."

"Yes, I do," he said moodily. "And Ronnie Anne reminded me why. Because of...because of my damn Archetype."

There it was, out in the open. Neither Lynn nor Luan knew how to answer to that, and Lincoln felt all the worse for it. It wasn't something they could help with, it wasn't something they could even comfort him about...it was his own burden, his own misfortune, and he'd carry it for as long as he lived.

There might be moments of relief and kindness, but the world wasn't like Lori and Leni. They looked at him and saw someone great. But the world at large wasn't like them. It was like Ronnie Anne; it looked at him, and saw a perverted freak that needed to be shamed from a distance.

Luan's joke to the RPG Club returned to him, and he smiled bitterly.

Social acceptance...something I'll never get either.

"Then...how about you join my club?"

Lynn's sudden words struck Lincoln like lightning; they came quickly and filled him with energy.

He looked up from the ground at her, and saw her reach into her pocket and pull out a form. Sorry Margo, change of plans, she thought as she presented Lincoln with the form. "I'm thinking about starting my own club, and...well, you know, we need three people. I'm one, you're two, Luan is three. Let's make a club together."

"Hmm...that's not a bad idea," said Luan. "I could join."

"Um, really?" asked Lincoln. "You want to start a club with me? But...but...what would it even be about?"

"It'd be a private club. A...A Loud Club. So just the three of us, and maybe our other sisters when they end up joining the Academy."

"You think the principal will really allow it?"

Lynn smirked. "I saved his car from being busted up by a Tainted once. Something tells me his lax standards are going to get even more lax."

"L-Lynn...I don't know what to say..."

"You could say, 'Wow, Lynn, this is why you're my favorite sister and I love you so much that I want to share showers with you again like we used to—'"

Luan stamped on Lynn's ankle, and the tomboy bit back a hiss.

"I mean...just say yes, Linc." Lynn smiled warmly.

Her heart fluttered as she watched the miserable frown on her brother's face turned upside down into a warm, grateful smile. He dove towards her, wrapping her in a surprisingly tight hug. "Yes, Lynn, I will join your club," he said directly into her ear, causing her face to erupt blushing.

Luan tried to think of a suitable hug pun to use. Failing that, she smiled and joined her younger siblings in their embrace.

Lincoln woke up the next morning full of energy and vigor. The approval for the Loud Club wouldn't be due for at least another day, but even if they were rejected like Lynn promised they wouldn't be, he didn't really care. Maybe Lori and Leni couldn't have his back at school, but now he knew Lynn and Luan would.

He sighed fondly as he entered the bathroom. "What did I do to deserve such good sisters?"

"Hey Lincoln, get out! Occupied, occupied!"

"Oh, I can even hear them now. I just...wait, what? Lana, is that you?"

He looked around the bathroom in confusion. Out of the corner of his eye, at the foot of the toilet, he saw something moving. He got down on his knees on the bathroom floor (ugh) and saw that it was indeed Lana...though she was missing a few centimeters.

A few fifty centimeters.

As in she was less tall than a ruler now.

"Lana?!" Lincoln asked, baffled. "How did you get that small?"

The tiny tomboy kicked the ground and chuckled in embarrassment. "I was trying to fix a pipe from the inside. But, uh, yeah, that didn't work out."

"You know what, fine, whatever. But get out, I want to shower."

"Shower doesn't work, Linc. Not unless I fix that pipe. Which means you have to help me."

Lincoln rolled his eyes, but ultimately nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Fine, what do you need me to do?"

She pointed at something behind him. He looked over his shoulder and saw that it was her open toolbox.

"Grab that for me real quick."

Lincoln obliged, setting the toolbox between them.

"Okay, now give me the mushroom."

"Mushroom? Why would there be a mushroom in...oh, I see," he said, pointing into the toolbox. "There's a mushroom here. Right between this feather and this flower."

"Good plumber never goes anywhere without this stuff," she said, proudly. She took the mushroom Lincoln handed her and took a bite from it. She gestured to Lincoln to stand back as she chewed, and when she swallowed, her tiny body was overtaken by light. Lincoln watched in suspenseful awe as she grew back to her regular size.

"Thanks Linc!" she said cheerfully. "Now...time to fix this pipe the old fashioned way."

She dug into the toolbox and pulled out the flower from before. She flicked it with her thumb once...twice...and suddenly, a jet of fire burst from its disc floret, like a blowtorch.

"Let's get to work!"

As Lincoln sat there, watching Lana fuse the metal pipes with her fiery flower, a smile curled onto his face.

He really had some exceptional sisters.