chapter eight

"Are you okay?" River's gentle voice makes me turn to him.

"Yeah, of course." I nod and smile at him. "Do you need something?"

"I want the truth from you," His voice becomes a little firmer but still a little soft. "What's wrong? You barely talk anymore, you brush off conversations every chance you get and you act like this mature adult that has no life to live. Yo-"

"River, don't!" I warn and make an effort to walk away from his room but he unfortunately stands in my way to the door.

"I'm totally fine. I had a few things to do before dinner and I got a little worked up but I'm okay now, see?" I try to pacify him with a calm tone.

"You're not okay," River says with a small tired sigh which makes me want to do the same but I hang on to my restraint. "I know what you're like. You talk a lot when you're really comfortable around people and you like to make jokes and you're just naturally sweet. I know there's a lot that we need to work through but give us a chance."

"Okay." Being a publicist means you don't always have to pick a fight no matter how strong the urge is.

"Lily?" he raises his eyebrow and my lips twitch a little. He knows me well enough to know that the last thing I want to say to him is just a mere 'okay'.

"I promise I'll behave around your new friends tomorrow," I say raising my hands up a little in a show of surrender. "Will there be photographs?"

"Does everything have to rotate around your work?"

"I did say I was here for work so yes, everything has to." I say with a sweet smile.

River's red lips twitch a little but he bites down his amusement and instead frowns at me which makes me frown in confusion as well.

"I don't want to get married," he swallows hard after his confession that for a moment I feel like he's about to cry.

But I chide myself a moment later because I know River doesn't do tears.

"I'm sure your mom will understand that. She's not that bad is she?"

"No, but with the crowning ceremony coming up soon and everything in between it's a little hard not to be pressured into it."

"I'm sure Mia is just fine then. She's really pretty and she seems nice and hey, at least she's not Sophia right?"

"But she is not you!" he argues out feverishly before blinking a couple of times and shaking his head as if to take back the words. "I'm sorry! I- I didn't mean it that way. It's-"

When the shock finally dissipates from my body I shake my head at home and look away.

"You can't take me in circles, River. It's either we are friends or not. I can't do more and I won't listen to you try to insinuate that we could be more. We have had four years apart and it's enough to diminish any thoughts. Mia is a good woman, possibly a good wife if you gave her a chance instead of trying to rekindle something that wasn't even there between us to begin with. So, make a choice, friends or not?"

"Li-"

"Friends or not?" I repeat myself a little firmly this time and he shakes his head before opening his mouth to speak.

"Friends." he says desperately while his eyes roam my face as if he is devastated by the choice.

"Okay then," I say in a distant tone before I side step him. "But let's keep a little distance and try to make it believable. I don't want Mia thinking that I'm trying to take you away or something."

Closing his eyes, he works his throat for a second before a soft "okay." escapes his lips. His eyes remain closed even as he bids me farewell and waits for me to leave.

On my way down, I feel my heartbeat pick up at the reminder of what I've just done.

I used to like River. A lot. So much so that I once cried because he snapped at me for being at one of his basketball games with a sign with his name on it in glittery letters.

Then he started being this really nice guy that bought me coffee everyday before school and drew sketches of me during class and I just couldn't help how my crush just developed into feelings of attachment.

I couldn't function without him around. And it made me seek out every possible way to be around him if possible.

I offered tutoring sessions, I invited him to sleepovers and I even shared skin care routines with him.

It might have seemed desperate if he wasn't the one who made sure he was around me all the time.

He was kind of a jerk to everyone else in school and his friend group was just as obnoxious if not worse so nobody really seemed close enough to tag along while we were hanging out.

These things combined gave me the idea that maybe...

That maybe...

Just maybe.

It wasn't so easy pushing him away but I had to find a way to do so.

I couldn't get attached to him no matter what.

****

"Really?" River's voice came out quietly as he remained standing next to the chair he had pushed around the table.

"Yeah. He just asked her out." My friend Eve gushed and I smiled at the reminder of what had occurred some minutes before River had walked into the cafeteria.

"Are you okay?" I turned to River who seemed pissed off to a point that turned him a shade of red that seemed very scary.

"Eric asked you out?" he asked again, his voice still as quiet as before.

" Yeah. What's wrong?" I asked in confusion.

"I have to-" he dashed off without saying anything else.

"What did I do?" I turned to Eve and she smiled at me without a word.

It goes without saying that River ignored me for almost a week after that.

"We will meet tomorrow to discuss the rest." Brad dismisses and begins to pack up his folders as everyone leaves the room.

I stay back to collect a few more papers from the conference room before making my way out.

On one hand, I'm really grateful that my morning meeting went well.over the afternoon mark which I had reserved for the get together with River's friends but on the other, I'm a little anxious as to what I missed by not attending.

Shaking my head, I push the door to my office and immediately freeze at the sight of River asleep on the couch, his suit jacket draped over his chest in an attempt to ward off the cold in the room.

"Hey?" I call to him softly once I get close enough for him to hear me.

He stirs a little in his sleep before his eyes flatter open and he directs his gaze to my face.

"Hey." he whispers softly and a small smile finds its way on his lips.

"What are you doing here?" I interrogate softly, his smile already melting my insides away.

"I just came to check on you. I didn't think you'd take so long with your meeting."

"Didn't you have guests coming over?" I frown in confusion before walking to my desk.

"Yeah. They left a while ago and I decided to pay you a visit. What's your plans for the evening?"

"Uuh-m! Well, I haven't thought about it but I think I'll call it a night early today." I tell him truthfully despite my hesitation to do so at first.

"We can go out for coffee." He suggests while sitting up straight and I have to physically will myself not to stare at the exposed part of his chest that peeks out due to the two buttons of his shirt that are left undone.

"I really-"

With a sigh, River stands up and walks directly towards me which makes me remain on alert as I watch his purposeful steps.

"Don't do that," he reprimands with a soft frown before reaching for my hand across the desk. "We are not enemies and you are not going to fight me every chance you get. Coffee?"

"Why not?" I answer with my own sigh and stand up to grab my coat and phone.

"That's my good girl!" River cooes in a proud tone that sends electric zings of energy running down my spine and I have to remind myself over and over again that I hate River.

And you don't feel special when someone you hate puts a possessive pronoun in a proud exclamation that's meant to praise you, right?