5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm so fucking sorry this took a lot longer than I expected! I was still kind of stuck after Ch 4 on where to go with this story and I had a bit of an epiphany for what should happen so I have already gotten Ch 6 written up, I just had to get an in between to link it all together! I hope you like what I've done.

Enjoy!

~Another Broken Heart You've Left Behind~

Erin stood awkwardly at the top of the staircase, not entirely sure if she should say something to her team, or simply sit down and keep her mouth shut. They all stared at her, not entirely sure what to do either.

Jay and Antonio walked into the main office area from the break room, and saw Erin. Antonio gave him a look, as Jay stood there looking at his partner. He smiled appreciatively as he realised what Antonio was trying to communicate. How Jay acted would dictate how the rest of the team did. Erin had hurt Jay and Voight most out of everyone, and the team had Jay's back in this.

Jay let out a breath as he walked back into the break room for a second, and came out with two mugs of coffee in hand. He smiled as he walked up to Erin, handed her the cup and simply said "Glad you're back Lindsay" before returning to his desk and turning his attention back to his paperwork.

Erin smiled and looked at the rest of her team, who gave her a nod in way of saying 'welcome back' and she moved to her desk and sat down.

...

"Are you not driving?" Jay said as he reached the car, leaning on the open car window with Erin seated in the passenger seat. Voight had sent them to check out one of his CI's who may have had information on their current case.

"Oh" she said surprised as she saw him "I didn't know if, I just thought -" she stuttered as Jay nodded at her

"We're trying to get back to our normal partnership aren't we? Normal is you driving" Jay said as he pulled the door and held it open for Erin to get out.

They were driving in silence, whether it was a comfortable neither were sure, before Erin spoke

"I didn't get to thank you"

Jay frowned as he looked at her "for what?"

"For what you did in the office when I got there. I know that if you weren't comfortable with me being there, the team wouldn't have been as okay as they're being now"

Jay shrugged "You're here, and you're trying to get back to normal with your life, and you're trying to be there for Ben. That's all that matters to me"

That was two weeks ago. Two weeks since Erin had been back at work, two weeks since she had been living back in Voight's house, and since she'd been spending time with Ben and Jay again.

Everything was going well for the most part. She and Jay had settled back into work together effortlessly. It was never work that they had an issue with, the personal life was always their struggle. Jay had tried to avoid being around when Erin was spending time with Ben at his apartment. He would normally tell her he needed to do the laundry, or catch up on some work, or email his army buddies that were doing yet another tour.And while she were sure they were legitimate reasons, that didn't make them any less of an excuse to be away from her. They were both comfortable around each other the few times Jay was there with her and Ben, so Erin couldn't understand why he was avoiding her.

"Hey" Jay smiled as he walked in to the break room "You have to see the video I took of Ben eating rolling over last night" jay chuckled as he whipped out his phone

"He rolled over!?" Erin exclaimed as she grabbed Jay's phone from him. He chuckled as he watched her unlock his phone and scroll through his camera roll. She had really made a lot of improvement since she came back into their lives. She hadn't returned Bunny's calls or texts, had been alcohol and drug free and was even limiting how much coffee she had just to be on the safe side. She had been so active in Ben's life and Jay could tell that his son was happy to have his mother back.

Jay stood beside Erin, bringing his hand up so he could click on the video that he had taken of Ben, and watched Erin as her face turned from astonishment at seeing her son roll over for the first time, to pure joy and happiness."Look at his face!" Erin says smiling up at Jay "He's so proud of himself"Jay simply nodded in agreement.

"God I can't believe I missed it" Erin whispered as she restarted the video again. Jay smiled sadly down at her, and was about to speak when Voight yelled out from his office for him.

Erin smiled as she handed Jay back his phone "Thanks for showing me"

"Of course" Jay nodded before walking out of the break room and into Voight's office.

Voight frowned as he saw Jay's face "You alright?" He asked motioning for Jay to shut the door.

Jay sat down in the chair across from Voight "Has Erin mentioned to you about wanting more time with Ben?"

Voight nodded "She has said that she's missed getting to spend the night with him, and tucking him in like she used to. Why?"

"Ben rolled over for the first time last night" Jay started

"Really?" Voight said, a rare smile taking over his face.

Jay nodded in confirmation, passing his phone over to his Sergeant. Voight noticed the background photo on his phone when he exited the video; one of Jay, Erin and Ben laying together on the couch in Jay's apartment, their first day of living together as a family.

"Do you miss her?" Voight asked as he handed Jay's phone back

"Everyday" Jay sighed "But her priority has to be Ben, and recovering"

"She's recovered Jay. Look, I promised her that I would try to be there for her a bit more, and I know that what she did was wrong, but she is trying. Why can't you?"

"She left Voight. She left me, and her son. And Ben may be too young to remember that pain, but I do" Jay simply stated.

Voight took a moment, processing the detective's words "How about you start with regaining your trust in her. Let her keep Ben for the night, I'll be there at the house just in case she can't handle herself, but you and I both know this is probably the best move"

"I have been thinking about it recently" Jay admitted "You'll be there with her?"

"I promise, I won't leave her"

"Ok" Jay said as he got up from the chair "anything else sir?"

Voight shook his head "Just wanted to check in"

Jay smiled in thanks and then headed towards the door.

"Hey!" Erin yelled as she ran after Jay as he walked to his car. Jay turned and stopped, waiting for Erin to catch up to him

"What's up?"

"Uh, I was wondering if I could come over and spend a little bit of time with Ben?"

"No, sorry" Jay said

"Oh. Uh, okay then. It's no big deal, I just thought -" Erin looked down to the ground as she stuttered. She wasn't sure how to respond. She thought they were doing better these past couple weeks?

Jay smiled, feeling slightly guilty at the look on her face "You can't come over because I'm dropping Ben off to you"

Erin looked back up, eyes wide in surprise "Really?"

"yeah" Jay smiled "I talked to Voight and he said he would stay with you just in case, but I think it's time Ben spent the night with you"

Erin smiled widely "Thank you Jay" She wrapped her arms around him.

Jay froze for a moment, unsure of how to react. After a moment, he relaxed and casually patted her on the back. He didn't want to try and make this too intimate. Erin sensed his slight discomfort and quickly pulled away, mumbling a quick "See you later" before heading to her car.

Jay knocked on the front door of the Voight house, holding Ben in the carrier with one hand while he held the overnight bags in his other. In the past, he would've been nervous as all hell to be knocking on Hank Voight's door to visit his partner and Voight's pseudo-daughter, but he and Hank had grown a better relationship after Erin fell pregnant, and especially in those few weeks that Erin had left him and Ben. He respected his boss a lot more now that he understood first-hand the desperation that Voight would've felt when Erin was a young girl caught under Bunny's influence.

"There he is!" Erin exclaimed happily as she opened the door "Hi baby boy"

Erin walked closer to Jay and took Ben out of his arms, lifting him up in the air as the little boy giggled. Jay smiled as he watched the two interact "Nice to see you two Erin" he said.

Erin smiled sheepishly at him "Sorry. I'm just really excited. Thank you Jay, really"

Jay shook his head as Erin let him in the house "You have got to stop thanking me. He's your son too Erin"

"I know" Erin nodded "but still, it means a lot to me. I just need you to know that"

"I do" Jay smiled "Now, I'm going to go head to Molly's for the night. It's been a while"

"That sounds good, you deserved a night out" Erin chuckled

"So you'll be good here with him?"

"Yeah, if I need anything I'll ask Hank or I'll give you a call ok?"

Jay looks at his son in Erin's arms, and then back up at Erin. He gives her a small smile and nods, leaning down and giving his son a kiss on the top his head, and yelling out a goodbye to Hank who he spies in the kitchen on his way out, before leaving the house.

Jay takes a deep breath, steadying himself before getting into his car and driving to Molly's. 'This is the right thing' he kept telling himself over and over, hoping that the anxiety he felt would cease.

Erin smiled, humming a quiet lullaby as she watched Ben drift off to sleep in his pack-n-play crib. She cherished these moments with her son, she was so glad Jay had let her have tonight with him. They had spent the night in the living room with Voight, Erin trying desperately to encourage Ben to roll over; which, after 45 minutes and one very frustrated Ben later, he managed to achieve.

"Hey kid" Voight whispered as he stood at the doorway of the room "How you doing?"

"Great" she smiled "I can't believe I ever left him Hank"

Voight shook his head "It doesn't matter now Erin, you're back and you're making amends with Jay and Ben and everyone else, I'm proud of you Erin. You've come a long way in these past few weeks alone"

"They're good reasons to come back to" she said smiling down at Ben, rubbing her hand over his hair gently as he finally succumbed to sleep.

"Speaking of, how are things going with Jay?" Voight asked as he came and sat down next to Erin.

Erin shrugged "It's okay. We haven't really spoken much outside of work, I think he's just trying to distance himself from getting hurt again"

"Can you really blame him?"

"I just wished we could talk, like we used to" She smiled "We used to be so happy, us and Ben together"

"You'll get it back Erin, but you've got to give him time"

Erin nodded her head as she leaned on Hank, her head resting on his shoulder "Thank you for being here Hank. I love you"

Hank smiled "I love you too kid"

Jay sighed in content as the cool liquid flowed down his throat and hit his system. It had been so long since he'd had a night out with the team. Even before Nadia's death, he and Erin had been so busy with Ben and work that on the few nights they had to relax, they would normally just spend at home catching up on all the lost hours of sleep.

"You right there buddy?" Adam Ruzek chuckled as he watched Jay "Do we need to leave the two of you alone?"

"Maybe" Jay smirked at Adam as the team laughed "It's just nice to have a night out. I love Ben, but I also love a night out once in a while"

"To a night out" Antonio toasted as the boys all clinked their beers together.

"So how you been man?" Mouse asked as he and Jay sat beside each other watching Antonio and Adam play a game of pool.

Jay shrugged "It's going alright. Erin's been spending a lot more time with Ben, which is good. I think he's really helping her recovery"

"So are you" Mouse said

Jay chuckled softly "I don't know about that"

"Please, we all know she came back for the two of you" Mouse scoffed at his best friend

"Well, even if she did, what's more important is that she came back to Ben. He needs his mum, and she needs him"

"And what about the two of you?" Mouse asked "Are you really sticking to this whole 'just partners' crap?"

Jay sighed "For now yes" he looked back to the game of pool between his two friends "She's back, and she's doing good. And we'll see what that means for me. And for us"

Mouse smirked as he nodded and took a sip of his beer

A/N: I'm not too sure about the ending of this chapter but I had to finish somewhere! I know there wasn't a lot of exciting stuff but I needed an in between chapter, I've got a solid plan for the story and I'm really excited so I'll not only be updating a lot more frequently (provided that school doesn't get too busy) but I know exactly what direction I'm going.

So I hope you liked this. Please leave a review with your thought

Have a great weekend!

- Maddie :)