24. Chapter 24

A/N: I cannot apologize enough for how long I've left this story. I am only four or five chapters away from finishing, but reviews were low and I got some really disheartening PMs about this story, and so I just wasn't feeling motivated or inspired. BUT I'm back and will be finishing this story by the end of this month! Thanks for sticking with me x

This chapter has been sitting ready for a while; it was supposed to be longer but I didn't want to make you wait any longer so it feels like a bit of a filler chapter but it links to what is going to be happening before the story is finished.

Credit to One Tree Hill for one of these scenes that I used, and credit to you if you can spot which one it is :)

Enjoy!

~ FEBRUARY, 2016 ~

Jay opened the door to their house and quietly walked in, toeing off his shoes and placing his keys gently in the bowl on the table in the entryway.

The moonlight streaming in from the floor-to-ceiling windows provided enough light to direct Jay to the staircase and upstairs to the bedroom. It was only just passing 10:00pm but he knew Ben and Emma Grace would be sleeping, and presumably Erin too, despite her earlier promise. He knew she was tired, they had both had a long day.

Jay was just outside the bedroom door when a sound made him freeze in his place. The faint song blended with the occasional sniffle that he heard coming from his son's room. He feels the anxiety growing within him; Erin only ever does this when something bad has happened.

Jay's heart races as he walks over to the door of Ben's nursery, slowly opening it and spying Erin on the floor. His heart breaks as he sees her, she hasn't been like this since Ben was in the hospital all those months ago after Bunny had shown up.

'Is that what's happening now? Is Bunny back?' he shakes his head 'No way, she would've definitely made her presence known to all of us.'

Erin sat on the floor of the nursery, leaning against the crib with her legs out in front of her. One hand lay against her stomach while the other reached through the slats of the crib to hold her son's hand, Ben's little fingers grasping hers as he slept peacefully. She was humming the same tuneless tune she always did, the melody broken up by the soft sniffles she let out every few seconds.

Jay walked quickly into the room, kneeling down beside his girlfriend, the redness of her eyes telling him that she had been crying for a while now.

"Erin? What's wrong?" He asks, his hand coming up to stroke her hair.

"Olivia called." Erin says softly, summarising their phone call "He wants to talk to me. She told me I could be on the case if I wanted. I don't know what to do, Jay. Olivia told me to come to New York, but I can't right now. Can I?"

"If you feel you need to go, then you should. We can figure things out here. I'll support you either way." Jay says.

"I should have seen this coming. Things were going too damn well, I should've known the other shoe would drop sometime. Everything was good, and now it feels like it's all going to fall apart again …" Erin says sadly, tear-stained eyes meeting his clear blue "What do you think I should do? Should I go?"

Jay sighs "I can't make this decision for you, Erin. This has to be your choice. But, no matter what happens, I'm here for you. Always."

"I know. Thank you." Erin says leaning up to kiss his cheek.

Jay stands, holding his hand out to her "Come on, we've got to rest this weekend. Either way, we've got a big Monday ahead of us."

Erin takes his hand and allows Jay to pull her up and into his arms. She rests her head against his chest, letting his steady heartbeat calm her. This is what she needed.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jay asks softly.

Erin hums against his chest, sensing his unease over the situation "I'm fine Jay. It was just unexpected news. I'm not going to spiral."

"... Promise me, if things get too hard, you'll talk to me. Or Dr Charles, or someone. Anyone, please."

"I will, I promise." Erin attempts a reassuring smile "I love you, Jay Halstead."

Jay smiles, holding her tighter to him "I love you too."

…

Erin lays still the whole night, arms crossed over her chest as she stares at the ceiling. They've been in bed for 1 hour, 16 minutes, 32 seconds; She's counting. She has nothing better to do, and she doesn't want to think any more about the decision she has to make. She knows the answer. She's known it from the minute Olivia asked her, she just didn't want to voice it.

"Stop it." She hears him mumble.

Erin turns on her side to look at him "What?"

His eyes are still closed, but she sees a trace of a smirk on his face "You think I need to see you with my eyes to know what's going on with you?"

"… I don't think I should go to New York."

Jay turns onto his side, opening his eyes now "Why not?"

"I made a promise to Emma and Warner that I would find the people responsible for Haley's death, and that I would keep Emma safe. I couldn't keep Nadia safe, but I can keep Emma safe. One of the reasons that I felt so guilty about Nadia's death, was because I felt like I left her when she needed me most. I don't want to do that to Emma too."

Jay nods in understanding "Besides, Gregory Yates is a part of my past. And I want to focus on my future. Nadia would want me to."

"I think you should take the weekend to think about it Erin." Jay mumbles kissing her forehead.

Erin frowns "What?"

"I just want you to take some time, okay? Just sit and think about it properly before you make permanent decision. Olivia gave you until tomorrow night to answer her, so just make sure you're 100% sure of yourself. I don't want you to regret it."

She wants to argue with him; to tell him that her opinion is not going to change. But she understands where he is coming from. He's speaking from a place of concern, and love, for her. She nods quietly and cuddles in close to him, wrapping her leg over his waist and resting her head in the crook of his shoulder.

Jay's hand rests atop her arm and he kisses her hair "I'm not trying to make you change your mind Er. I just want you to be sure before you tell Olivia."

"I know, thank you." She says softly.

LINEBREAK

Jay and Ben were up early the next morning, the father and son heading to the park to meet Will. Emma was at Chicago Med, speaking with Dr Charles, who had offered to talk to her about what had happened with her mother to make sure she wasn't in an unstable place emotionally. Jay and Erin had agreed that it would benefit her to go once so Dr Charles could help them figure out the best approach for her after she was placed with a foster family, since no living relatives had been found.

Jay held his son's hand as he let Ben walk beside him as they reached the park. Ben spotted Will and squealed excitedly, Jay letting go him run over to his uncle.

"Hey bud!" Will smiled as he scooped the little boy in his arms and lifted him up.

"Unc." Ben patted Will's cheek and smiled.

"You're getting closer little man, one more syllable." Will chuckled softly as Jay approached them.

"Be glad, he barely says 'Mum' or 'Dad', but 'Unc' he'll say happily. I think it's driving Erin mad." Jay jokes.

"How's our girl doing?" Will asks walking over to the playground and helping Ben go down the slide, Jay catching him at the bottom.

"My girl is good. She's got a few things on her mind. I wanted to give her the morning on her own to sort out what she's feeling. She's gonna go visit a friend." Jay says, a glint in his eye that spikes Will's curiosity.

Will frowns "Everything okay with you two?"

Jay nods "Yeah, it's all good."

Ben giggles as he flies down the slide again, distracting the Halstead brothers "So how's things with Natalie?" Jay smirks.

"Non-existent. I don't think either of us are really in the right mind-set to be getting into a relationship at the moment. I'm just going to be her friend and colleague, that's going to have to be enough for now."

"Well, you never know what the future will bring. The friend and colleague route worked out pretty damn well for me." Jay says helping Ben down from the slide and walking him over to the lake's edge. He grabbed a few slices of bread he had packed and began tearing them apart and handing them to Ben, who proceeded to throw them in the water and watch as the ducks swam to eat them.

"Have you spoken to Dad lately?" Will asks "He was asking me about you when we spoke last night."

"We spoke last week. He wants me to meet his wife, I told him I needed to think about it."

"She's really nice. Kind of reminds me of mum in that way." Will says softly, worried about how his brother will react to his statement.

"It just feels weird to me. I mean, they had an affair, and then Dad left us for her while mum was sick."

"I'm not excusing what he's done, but he didn't know about that. And it wasn't exactly what I would classify as an affair" Will defends.

Jay nods "I know that. I just feel a little uncomfortable about the whole situation. I want to give him a chance, but there's a part of me that's still holding on to the way he made me feel when I was a kid. I guess I'm just worried about letting him back in."

"You're never going to know unless you try, Jay."

"You're right." He says watching his son "And Ben should get a chance to know his grandfather. He's the only other family Erin and I have left at the moment. I'll call him soon, things have been so busy with Emma-Grace and this case …"

"I'm seeing him tomorrow for dinner, I'll let him know you'll call."

"Thanks."

Will waves him off "Always. You know I'll always be here for you guys, that's what family is for."

They both turn and focus their attention completely on Ben, not needing to continue their conversation. Jay smiles as he watches his brother and son interact as they feed the ducks, feeling a sense of happiness he hasn't in a while. He realises in this moment how truly lucky he is to have a brother like the one he has in his life.

He only hopes he can have the same relationship with his father in time.

LINEBREAK

"Hey Nadia." Erin says walking up to the headstone "I know what you're probably thinking. 'This girl hasn't come to see me in seven months, and now she's bugging me twice in one week?"

Erin laughs to herself laying a simple bouquet of white daisies in front of the stone, using her hand to dust off the leaves that had fallen from the trees above "I need to talk to you. It's about Yates."

Erin waited a moment, even though she knew Nadia wasn't going to respond to her. She sat down on the side, holding her knees to her chest to hug herself in the slight chill of Chicago.

"I assume you know what's been going on with Yates. I'm kind of at a loss here, Nads. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I want to make sure Yates stays in prison for the rest of his life, I want him to rot in prison until the day he dies. But … I want to protect Emma."

Erin sighs, looking at the wallpaper on her phone's lock screen. It was one of the few pictures Erin had of Jay, Nadia, Ben and herself together. Nadia was holding a two-month-old Ben in her arms, Erin sitting next to him and supporting the baby's head while Jay smiles up at the camera.

"I don't think I can go, Nadia. I want to be face him, for you, but I just don't know that I can. It sounds selfish, but I've worked so hard to let go of the past, and to move forward. I want to be a good partner to Jay and a mother to Ben, I just feel like … seeing Yates is going to bring up a lot of old feelings that I'm not ready to face. I'm doing my best to work through it all, but losing you was difficult. I don't know if I'm strong enough to relive those memories. I hope you understand." Erin's teary-eyed, struggling to keep her composure.

Erin stands up, her hand resting on the top of the tombstone for a moment "Please forgive me." She whispers before walking away.

A/N: This was a bit of a filler chapter, but we're almost done with this story and I can't wait for you to see what I have planned! I'm going to complete this story before the end of this year; you have all waited for so long and I do not want to make you wait any longer!

Please leave a review and let me know what you think; they really are so helpful and motivating to me as a writer.

I hope you're all having/have a wonderful Christmas and holiday season!

Maddie :)