so kiss me maybe?

"stop, alright?" I scream at my dad and everyone comes rushing. Great, what is the use for soundproof walls if they are oly in the bedrooms and peopleare hardly there? That was the least of my concerns at the moment.

"you want to be a father? Why not try sticking around for more than two days and not being in Mason's room while you at it." I can see mason clench his fists beside him. This is not the time for step bro drama. I needed my dad to be my dad just once.

"there are so many things you wouldn't understand son." He says staring at mason.

"maybe because you don't ever have any real conversations with me. Do I need to be five to get your attention now?" I cant believe he is still staring at mason when I am trying to have a conversation.

"Is that the son you want nowardays?" im not thinking and honestly, maybe I don't really mean what I am saying right now but if I have to get mason thrown out to get the life I deserve, that is exactly what I am going to do. "well guess what, he already managed to make my life misserable in ways even you havent succeded. Maybe he is your son after all." He is quiet and mason looks like he coiuld use a punch but im not really in the mood it's a school day and being late is not a choice now that I have to prove that I don't get prevelages because my dad owns the school.

"you are being a child right now." Finally dad says as I pick up my bag to leave.

"yeah? Because that is the one thing I have never been dad. Maybe I should try it some more."

With that, I slam the door to the outside and im starting my engine.

As usual, blake and Rick are by the door when I get there and something seems to excite them. They don't even notice me walk past them. I don't say anything, just walk to my locker. Some guy is passing by and I hold his collars for making too much noise with his feet. It catches their attention when I slam his back against the lockers and he holds up his hands.

"dude, let him go!" I hear blake shout and rick goes forward to hold my hand.

"don't touch me!" I scream and let go of the poor guy who flees the scene. I look around and my eyes soften when I see pony stare at me from a distance. Fuck! She must think I am broken. I am behaving like the entited freak everyone thinks I am.

"Logan."I hear a soft voice call out to me and my head stops spinning. Pony. She has never said my name, damn I didn't even think she knew it but with everything that's going on, I wouldn't think theres one student that doesnt know the psycho guy.

"are you okay?" she says, her voice calm and her eyes searching.

"to be honest, I think im going insane. " I look up to her. " how do you do it?"

"how do I do what?"

"Ive watched you be kind to people, to little kids, taking them donouts and laughing with them. How do you manage to be that person?"

She lets out a sacarstic laugh and leans closer to my face.

"Have you been stalking me mr Smith?" I smile at how she refers to me as mr smith.

"Go out with me." I blurt and her eyes widen.She just makes me feel safe, like I can breathe.

"What?" she half whispers the words barely leaving her mouth.

"I mean like out of this hall way because I can't get the hang of it." I completely change my statement and smile down at her. Her expression changes. What, do I see dissapointment in her eyes right now? She quickly recovers and smiles back as she walks by my side. Its not what I wanted but, progress.

"How do you know about those kids and doughnuts?" she has me stranded. When I said that I didn't think through a response to this question.

"uuh," Im searching my head for a response and that is not playing out so well.

"I know a place." She smiles and drags me by the hand.

"What?" im not sure what she means right now.

"Just, shhh." She holds me against the wall and places a hand on my mouth. We are looking into each others eyes and I know it is the wrong time for this but I ache to feel her lips and the way she parts them just enough to make me want her, I know she wants this as much as I do. She pulls me out just as I begin to imagne my lips on her and if they are softer than this palm I so want to nibble at right now.

"comeon." I follow quietly and she leads me off the school compound through the auditorium. I didn't even know one can access the ouside here.

"Im supposed to be the cool one." I whine.

"Just watch and learn boy." She smiles back and runs to the pathwalk in the outskirts of the school.

Boy? A smile forms on my face and I don't think I mind following her through the pathway to a playground adjascent to a dirt pile. Kids seem happy, playing basket ball, voleyball, some are just happy dancing or something. I didn't even now these places exist. How did she?

"I grew up here. This right here is my family." She answers that question for me.

"I don't understand."

"you wouldn't. you are the cool kids, the people we used to talk about growing up." we are strolling the field and I wear a confused face when she turns to walk backwards.

"but…"

She stops me by calling out to a kid who comes running. They speak some swahili which I assume is her introducing me and to get rid of the awkwardness I utter the only swahili word I know.

"jambo?" the kid stops talking and stares at me. Damn I must have fucked up. I look at pony's expression to tell myself otherwise but she is definetly not helping the situation. I get nervous.

"did I say it wrong?" no one answers, they just stare. " shit, I said it wrong didn't I? jambo? Ja-mbo?" I try the word in different accents, all the accents I can seem to let out even tho they all sound the same.

"relax." Well finally, someone speaks. "it s okay, they are just more used to 'sasa' or 'mambo' its abit more casual. I was asking if we can join in the fun." She says pointing to the kids doing the happy dance.

"I don't even know what they are doing!" I wan to protest.

" that's why you have me isnt it? Arent you the cool one?" she smiles and hops over to the group of kids.

"ah, aparently not." I say even when im sure she wont hear it.

"I gotta have a partner. Cmon!" she calls out for me.

"I cant." I shout back over the yelling. There was no way I was going to embarras myself infront of those kids. I cant happy dance.

"ill teach you!" she is running towards me and I kinda want to sink right now. "come ooon! Mr. Smith. Theee Mr.Smith." she rolls her eyes when I put some effort to stand my groundand she pulls herder. Defeated, I follow and the children all stop to watch when I terribly fail at an attempt to hit pony's foot with my ownseveral times.

"come look at us." A young boy from the aligned kids calls out for me and pony cheers me on.

"go." She says with a wicked smile on her face.

"okay, lets miss school and kick some feet. What can possibly go wrong?" I say more to myself, rub my hands together and approach the kid, stealing glances at pony as I do.

The dance involves kicking feet, at first the left feet kick together then the right then a turn. Damn I wouldn't explain it myself.how can people enjoy kicking each others feet in a systematic way? After a series of pony laughing and crying from pain I get the hang of it. I cant help but laugh at how crazy the ideas were. We wander off to the streets to an environment full of hawkers and street food. How is this place so close to where I live. Since my dad literary dragged my mom and I from newyork I had never imagined a place like new york streets. The environment is always quiet, just like he said, school was calm and I assume it was also convenient for the meetings in mombasa. I love that I have seen a place that is abit different. Full of life, happy people who don't just wake up and the first thing they think about is some green smoothie. Fathers are actually playing soccer with their children. I am the one that should be feeling preiveledged by that. Uh, the irony. Maybe that is the reason she finds some time to come here. But she said grew up here. What could she have possibly meant by that? I am pulled out of my thoughts by a group of people standing to stare.

"mzungu! Mzungu! Mzungu!" A bunch of kids say in unison.

"should we break into this song too?" I ask a smiling pony.

"like the musicals right?" She answers smiling and I smile back. "no dummy. They are saying white man. They are excited, not many of you come out to play in this areas. You know like how yall call us monkeys?"

"monkeys? What? Why would…"

" Im kidding!" she keenly surveys my face that is already flushed. Damn her sense of sacarsm.

"right." I bite my cheek and follow.

Some swahili spoken and a kind of food with chapatti and beef sausage that has been split and filled with salad? I guess? Is handed over to me. It looks like a hot dog with a short sausage, if you know what I mean. She gets some coins to pay and I stop her.

"let me." I smile and she smiles back.

"for once in your life, don't play boss." There she goes again with her sacarstic tone. I thought she was gonna let me pay. Far from it, she hands the lady some coins and wraps her arm around mine, just like she did the first time we met.

"you said this is your home?"

"mhmmh." She replies unbothered.

"how is that?"

"there is so much you gotta learn white boy, starting by you watch where you are going on a kenyan street." She says just as she lets go of my arm and I step into a pile of poop. Trying to undo my leg and evade the whole odeal, I step into a puddle of waste water. She wants to laugh. I can see she wants to but for the sake of my ego and avoiding to join the locals already at it, she lays calm and holds me up preventing me from falling on the puddle all together.

"shit!" I compose myself, take turns to look down at my legs then at her.

"Trust me, no one cares." I look around, let out a sigh and continue to walk, this time not letting my eyes off the ground. Finally we are at a lawn with tall trees that provide shades, a bunch of people strewn all over but no one is looking up.

"it's a general area in the city, I come here when I want to relax. The breeze is amazing."

"wont argue with thaat." I say already taking my place on the calming grass.

"That monument is from when we got indipendence."

"you mean when kenyatta negotiated your freedom?" she stares at me blankly. "right." I am proud to be a man that can take a hint.

"that tree," she continues without revisiting the subject. "its called a mugumo tree, the kikuyu community believe it's a sacred tree." I do not protest. I can see that it's a fig tree, I do not get how a tree that Jesus cursed turns out to be sacred. Don't look at me like that, I know my religion. Anyway It is easier to let her enjoy her ethnicity. I love how proud she looks right now. Probably nothing, but I want to kiss her right this moment.

My mind drifts as she continues to explain the structures and why the place is amazing. To be honest, I don't really like history but im liking her right now.

Watching how her lips move, how beautiful her smile is. Does she feel it too? The heat that builds inside me when she looks at me? She must have felt it that day at the dance. She had this chemistry I cannot ignore. I swallow as my thoughts go back to that day. How she raised every last strand of my hair and I swallow.