32

32: Going Back Home (October 25, 2003 to October 28, 2003, November 5, 2003)

The grim expressions had been alarming at first. But neither Harry nor Poppy had any reason to be concerned. Their frowns had nothing to do with Sebastian's performance, which had been first rate. It was that they were so stunned with Sebastian's brilliance they didn't know how to react. Most of them were use to having frowns on their faces after a MED since most potential mediwizards tended to fail it the first time around. Not knowing how to response, they'd gone default.

Not many passed, and those that did- none of them could remember a more brilliant MED, at least not since the Head Mediwizard had gone through the rounds many decades ago. The eldest mediwitch was the first to break the frosty atmosphere and her heavily wrinkled face cracked a smile, "You did a wonderful job, Mr. Biggerstaff. On behalf of the Council of Mediwizardry we would like to congratulate you on passing the Medical Examination Disasters."

She reached her hand out and the mediwizard next to her handed her a scroll. "This is the unofficial certification that you've passed the MEDs. We still have to consult with more members of the Council before we can make a decision on the level of your pass, Mr. Biggerstaff. Usually, we are ready after the exam to tell you your result, but this time I'm afraid that we are not. You should have your result in a few days time. Good day, Mr. Biggerstaff and congratulations."

The council members that were present, all as wrinkled as the eldest mediwitch and spokeswoman since they were all retired from active mediwizard duty, bowed to Sebastian before leaving the room. Harry and Poppy stood there stunned. That was far better than either had expected it to go. He'd passed. He'd passed! He let out a huge breath of relief. He'd really passed!

"Now that was unusual," Poppy remarked. "Highly unusual. My guess is that they don't want to give you a high pass without consulting the Head Mediwizard." Harry quirked an eyebrow up at her speculation. "The last person to receive a high pass was the Head Mediwzard, and he would be the authority. Unfortunately, he wasn't present, but all MEDs are recorded just in extraordinary cases like these." She couldn't help but grin. "I'm very proud of you, Bast. Very proud."

He'd made up his mind. He'd accomplished a lot here, but it was time that he went back.

"Are you sure about this?" Dumbledore asked gravely, his blue eyes showing sincere concern for Harry. "You know what happened last time, Harry, and we have no reason to suspect that your friends back home have figured out how to get you through it. And it is dangerous."

"I realize that," Harry responded, "but it is no less dangerous than to stay here. Besides, I don't belong here. I should be trying to get back, and I feel bad that I haven't been trying as hard as I can. I'm sure my friends back home haven't forgotten me, and I doubt I've put the effort that they've been putting."

"Are you certain?" Dumbledore countered critically. "You have been gone for nearly two years, Harry. It's not hard to forget, and for them to give you up for dead."

"They wouldn't," Harry replied firmly. "I know they wouldn't."

"Then, it is up to your discretion. I will help you, you can rest assure for that. But I wish you'd try after graduation. It is only a few weeks longer, Harry. Then afterwards you can go without disappearing in the middle of a school year."

Harry shook his head, his green eyes blazing determinedly. He'd thought about this through the last three months and had decided if he was going to go, he had to do it before graduation. If he let himself stay any longer, he didn't know if he could leave. Severus had already took him aside and told him how much he was looking forward to having him stay at Snape Manor and train for the Potions mastery.

That he was sure if Harry got a high pass on the MEDs that he was sure to pass the subject mastery without a problem. All that expectations weighed heavily on Harry, and it felt like he was back in his home world. Even though he wasn't the Boy Who Lived, he was still caught in the limelight here, he thought bitterly. Why couldn't he, just for once, be in the background instead of the foreground?

The Council of Mediwizardry had been so thrilled with his extraordinary exam results that they had run a full page ad about it in the Daily Prophet. Hadn't he been in the papers enough back home? Did he have to be in these papers as well? He sighed raggedly. At least his result had made Poppy happy. That had made it all worth it, even with what he considered unnecessary publicity.

They had awarded him the highest level of medimagic since the Head Mediwizard had been granted it fifty years prior when he'd taken the test in his mid twenties. Overall he rated a 9, though Harry thought it was misleading since he averaged out a 9, but had his weak points. His adaptability had rated him a 10, his medimagic power had given him a 10, but his empathy was rather low at an 8. Most lower level mediwizards rated an 8 easily, the better ones a 9. Poppy, herself rated a 10.

"Harry? Are you all right?" Dumbledore inquired with care.

Jolted out of his thoughts, Harry nodded quickly. "I'm fine, just thinking."

"I would think about it carefully," the Headmaster remarked, thinking that was what Harry was thinking about. "It's quite a risk, and you would have thought that if they had found a way to break through whatever is blocking you off- they would have found a way to let you know it was all right to try to come through again."

"I'm still going to try," Harry declared resolutely. "I have to try." His eyes gazed into his mentor's deeply. "If I don't succeed, then I will have to think further about what I'm going to do here. But until then, I need to work on getting back. Maybe there's something I missed before."

"You've looked through all the books that I have on the matter, but feel free to look again. You know the password to access my private office at any time to get into my library when you have a moment of free time," Dumbledore offered kindly. "And I will, of course, give you the best help that I can. But when do you want to attempt to go back."

"When finals begin," Harry murmured. "Draco and Hermione won't really notice if I leave during that time. They'll be too busy with their heads in their books, and they know I don't have to take any because of the Triwizard."

Dumbledore nodded understandingly. "That would probably be the best time for you to disappear if you choose to disappear before graduation. It won't be as noticeable as everyone will be busy, and everyone knows, as you said, that you don't need to take them because of the Triwizard exemptions." He paused and his eyes pierced Harry's. "I will be ready for you then, Harry. You'd best get going. I believe your friends will be expecting you for dinner."

"They will be," Harry agreed, starting to head out toward the main exit that would lead him to the dining hall. It was close to dinner time, and he'd be cutting it close if he didn't leave now.

"Harry?" Harry stopped and turned around. "Think about what I said."

He had thought about; he'd thought about it enough. He'd already made up his mind, and no matter what- even Dumbledore wasn't going to change it. He'd decided he was going back, and he was going to go back. Just a few weeks until then, and he had a lot to prepare for. He hadn't looked up any of the stuff in a while, and when he did so again- he didn't think a fresh outlook would hurt. It could only help.

While the rest of Hogwarts were busily preparing for their end of term exams, Harry found himself almost everyday in Dumbledore's private library sifting through the material hoping to find something he'd missed before. He didn't. Everything he read, he remembered reading before. He didn't see anything new. Nothing at all. It was extremely disappointing, at the same time as it was relieving.

If he had discovered that there had been a way to go back that he'd missed, he'd feel even worse. Guilt had festered in his heart, knowing that his friends back home were frantic with worry while he was enjoying his life here. He was at least partially vindicated. There was nothing more he could have done that he hadn't done. Not that it made it any easier, this time around. He wanted to go home to avoid getting the dark mark.

He realized if he stayed here, that no matter how determined he was to avoid it- he'd have to receive the dark mark. It wasn't only his life on the line. If it was, he could care less. But there were others, like Severus. His heart tightened at the thought of putting Severus into danger. Severus had done him a great thing, in buying him more time, but if Severus didn't do what Voldemort expected him to do- to convince Sebastian to take the dark mark, Severus would have hell to pay.

And if he went? He would miss Draco, Hermione, and Severus. God, would he miss them. It wouldn't be the same back home. He knew that. There was no chance Severus and he could be together back home, not a chance. And… what was he going to do about Signy? He couldn't very well leave her. She was already touchy as it was that he had left her for so long when he did his researching.

But he couldn't take her back home. And what would become of her here?

"Have you found anything new?" Dumbledore inquired, disturbing Harry's line of thought. "Anything at all?"

Harry shook his head, letting his head fall down to rest on top of the stacks of books on the desk. "No, nothing new," he answered with a sigh. "It's all the same material that I've read before."

"It's too bad that you haven't found anything new," Dumbledore responded sympathetically. "And considering that you haven't found anything new," he continued onward, "do you really want to try to go back? It nearly killed you last time, Harry. And from the pattern, it looks like it's only getting worse. If that's the case, you're walking on dangerous grounds."

"I know," Harry murmured. "I've thought about it, and if I'm ever going to try to go back, it's now. It's been a long time since I've even thought about trying, and hopefully that's given them enough time to figure out how to lift the block. I know the dangers, and I believe in my friends back home. There's nothing they can't do if they set their minds to it."

"There's nothing I can do to convince you?"

"No."

"What do you me to tell your friends when you disappear?" Dumbledore asked. "Do you want to come up the reason, or would you like me to do that?"

Harry didn't want to think too hard about that. He'd avoided it because it was that painful to think about, far too painful. "You think of something. I trust that you'll come up with something that they'll believe."

Dumbledore nodded. "Tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow."

Today had been yesterday's tomorrow. He was ready, as ready as he'd ever be. "Candy corn," he told the gargoyle guards outside of the Headmaster's office. They leapt aside and let him in. He still didn't know what was up with Dumbledore and using muggle sweets as passwords. Wasn't that too obvious? Not that Dumbledore had much to be afraid of, even Voldemort as the Dark Lord of Europe didn't touch him here.

"Come in Harry," Dumbledore declared when he'd knocked on the door. "Fawkes and I have been expecting you." The phoenix chirped sweetly from his perch on Dumbledore's arm. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'm ever going to be," Harry responded, smiling despite the trepidation pounding in his veins. He remembered the last time all too well. It had gone horribly, to say the least. "Cast it."

Dumbledore lifted his wand and shouted the spell out powerfully. Harry tensed up as he felt in his bones when he needed to say his part, the spell that would connect him to his universe. His nerves escalated as his body only continued to tense up with the expectations of pain and possibly of managing to get past it. Expectations were the only thing that was motivating him onward. Dread continued to fill his being, but he had to do it. He had to.

Nothing happened. No portal opened up. Nothing happened.

"What's wrong?" Harry questioned, his eyes showing his confusion. "Did I do something wrong?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "You did nothing wrong, Harry."

"Then why didn't it work."

He frowned and looked down thoughtfully over the books he had opened. From what Harry could see, they were all on alternate dimension traveling. "I have no idea," he responded thoughtfully. "I did my part correctly and the portal did open up, but when you said your part it closed immediately. And it's not like you did anything different. You said exactly the same thing, and that spell is keyed to returning you to where you belong through your connection."

Harry nodded. "Yes, and I even reread the spell. Of all the spells to help guide a wizard back to their right dimension, that's the most accurate. Actually, it's 100% accurate. It's never failed. Why did it fail this time?"

"We could always try again. Maybe you mispronounced something," Dumbledore suggested. "It wouldn't hurt to try again, but be careful. If something goes wrong, you might end up some place entirely different. These types of spells shouldn't be done incorrectly. There are disastrous consequences."

He could say that again, Harry thought. Disastrous things had already occurred. Last time he'd ended up in the hospital for the entirety of the Christmas holidays, and that was what he considered extreme. "Let's try again."

They tried again. This time Harry forced himself to relax, thinking that maybe that was why the spell wasn't working. Poppy had always told him that spells didn't work quite the same if you were too nervous when casting. At least, that's how medimagic went. He figured it wouldn't hurt to try to lessen the tension and try to be more calmer about the ordeal. When he said his part the second time, he felt much more confident.

Nothing happened. He frowned again. What was wrong? What was he doing so wrong? Why wasn't it working? It had worked last time, why wasn't it working this time? Why the fuck was it not working? He didn't understand! He didn't understand it at all! Bloody hell! He knew he was a talented wizard, and even more powerful now after his majority- this spell should have been a walk in the park. What was up with him?

"Something's wrong," Dumbledore stated soothingly. "You aren't doing anything wrong, Harry. It's the spell that's not working; it's not you. I was looking at the spell you were casting while you were casting it, and you did nothing wrong. It's the spell."

"But how can it be the spell? It worked the first two times."

"You're using your scar as the way back, your connection to Voldemort over there, right?"

Harry nodded.

"But if Voldemort is dead over there," Dumbledore pointed out, "maybe you can't get back since there is no longer any connection."

The momentary joy that surged in his body when he heard that Voldemort might be dead receded when he was hit with the knowledge that he might never be able to go back home. Never, not ever. He'd never even considered that possibility. He'd always thought he'd be able to go back, no problem, whenever his friends back home opened up whatever was blocking him. He'd never thought he'd have to stay here the rest of his life, even if he secretively wanted to.

"Are you sure?" he asked hoarsely.

"It's that or," Dumbledore reflected aloud, "you don't belong there anymore."

"Of course I belong there!" Harry exclaimed. "That's my home!"

"That's all that I can see that could possibly be wrong with the spell."

"Could Voldemort cut his connection with me?"

"Does he know that you have a connection?"

Voldemort knew; Harry knew that he knew. "Yes."

"Even if he does," Dumbledore replied seriously, "he still needs you to be there to be able to cut the connection. Since it was a mutually made connection, it also must be mutually separated. He can't cut it without you not there, not when it required both of you to forge it. The only way is if he died. And from what you've told me of your world, he's extremely difficult to kill."

That he was indeed. He was the only one to come back from an Avada Kedavra curse after his body had been effectively destroyed. "Yes, he is."

"So you don't think he's dead."

Harry shook his head. He wished he could believe it, but he didn't think it'd be that easy. He could hope, but he didn't think so. In his gut, he didn't believe that Voldemort was dead. And he trusted his instincts, they had rarely failed him. "No, I don't think he's dead. He wouldn't risk it, not after having come so close it before."

"Then that means, you don't belong there anymore."

"It's my home, though," Harry protested.

"Be it as it may, that's the only other reason the spell wouldn't work is that you don't belong there anymore," Dumbledore stated firmly. "That's if you truly believe that Voldemort isn't dead, and if he is- you still have no way of getting back home. There must be a living connection, and without it there's no link to your dimension. Without that, you could end up anywhere when you try to jump back. And if you don't belong in your home world anymore, you still can't go back.

"Is it so bad here, Harry? You have your friends, and you've become very important to us here. Besides if Voldemort is dead there, you aren't needed as much, are you? From what you've told me, you were their hero there. And we could certainly use one here. We've had precious few heroes, and you're the strongest wizard to join our side in the last few years. More and more of those that have been ambivalent to Voldemort have turned over to his side now that he's firmly gotten his hand on Europe."

The spell didn't work. He couldn't go back home. Did he really not belong? Or was Voldemort there really dead? He guessed if the latter was the case; it wasn't like he needed to go back, since he wouldn't be needed. The bitter part of himself knew that the main reason that Dumbledore protected him at Hogwarts because everyone thought he'd be the one to bring the Dark Lord down.

It seemed this Dumbledore expected the same of him as well. The anger inside wanted to yell at the Headmaster, why did everyone expect him to the savior of the wizarding world? He was just a kid! He didn't know what to do! Not in the least! Why did everyone expect that from him? "I may be a strong wizard," Harry granted grudgingly, "but I still am not prepared to go against Voldemort, whatever the case may be. He's still the most powerful wizard in the world." The case especially true here, when Voldemort had never been thrown from power.

"No, you're not prepared yet despite all that you've learned," Dumbledore agreed. "There's still a lot more for you to learn, even with Severus' instruction. And I have a solution for you, during the summer, if Severus will agree to allow you to break from learning Potions day and night."

"A solution?"

"Yes," Dumbledore answered, a smile breaking away the grim lines. "I believe that you said you were well acquainted with Remus Lupin back in your home world? That he was your Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor?"

Harry nodded. "The best I ever had."

"Well, he's the best I know of. This summer he has agreed to come from the Americas to personally teach you all that he knows about defense. If you thought he was good in your world, he's even better here. After all," Dumbledore remarked gravely, "war only toughens and hardens and strengthens us if we manage to survive."

"Do you think Severus will give me the time?" Harry questioned. "I mean…" He knew that preparing for the Potions subject mastery was going to take time, and he knew that Severus was going to work him hard. It wasn't only about himself doing well; it also reflected on Severus.

"I will ask him for you," Dumbledore replied. "I think he will agree. It's important that you be able to protect yourself, and he knows that Remus is the best at teaching defense. It's too bad that Remus isn't allowed to teach here at Hogwarts because of the timeless prejudice. But no matter, he still is the best and will always be the best. His books on defense are the best sources available."

The Headmaster gestured to the books that were resting on his desk. "Since you have been exempted from the final examinations because of the Triwizard Tournament, I figure that it would be in your best interest to read Remus's books before he arrives. And you must remember Harry, Remus has no idea who you are except that you are a gifted student that I highly recommend to him to study under."

Harry understood, excitement filling his being at the thought of finally seeing Remus again. It had been too long, far too long since he had seen the last Marauder from his world. What would this Remus be like? Sirius had changed here, not that Harry had minded the changes. The question was, how would Remus be- war was a terrible thing. Would he even recognize the Remus that had come to mean everything to him after Sirius had died back home?