11

11: Many Shades of Gray (June 27, 2003 to June 29, 2003)

"We'll discuss this later," Dumbledore had said firmly a week ago. Well, Sebastian had finally woken up and he was on his way to a rapid recovery, and Dumbledore still hadn't told Severus anything about why his favorite student and Potions Assistant had ended up nearly dying during the Christmas holidays. Severus wanted an answer, dammit! He demanded one!

Severus stalked to the gargoyle that guarded the Headmaster's office and immediately barked out the password, "Lemon drops." The gargoyle shook his head. No, that wasn't the password anymore. Severus launched into his entire alphabetical list of sweets, but still the gargoyle wouldn't move out of the way. He was reaching the end of his patience and was about to hex the stone mutt when Dumbledore stopped him.

"Sacrifice," Dumbledore said softly and the gargoyle jumped aside. Severus spared the Headmaster an inquisitive look at the non-candy password. Dumbledore merely smiled calmly. "I know why you're here, Severus. Come inside, we have much to talk about."

That as a blasted understatement! But Dumbledore didn't give Severus another choice but to follow him into the room. So Severus stalked into the Headmaster's office behind Dumbledore, fully ready to give Dumbledore a piece of his mind. Once the door closed behind them, Severus quickly launched into his argument on why he should know the full truth.

"Don't tell me it was just an accident, Albus!" Severus exclaimed once they had taken a seat in front of each other. "Something far ore serious has happened and as his Head of House I should be aware of it." Especially as Sebastian's friend, he added silently, he should know what had occurred. But he couldn't tell the Headmaster that tidbit. Being Sebastian's Head of House was a perfectly good reason to be concern with his students, it was just that he was more so than was normal.

Dumbledore's blue eyes made no attempt to hide the weariness behind them. "It was no accident," he began, phrasing his words carefully. Lying to Severus was a terribly difficult task, the man had the analytical skills of the most technologically advanced computer which made him so brilliant. "H- - Sebastian was doing a mission for the Order, and it didn't go as we had planned."

It was quite the opposite, Dumbledore conceded mentally, but what he'd told Severus was true though not the whole truth. He knew that Severus was a trustworthy man, but he wasn't quite certain that Severus was fully convinced of the Order's ability to topple Voldemort since they had failed the first time. While Severus was in the Order and proved useful, he wasn't the weapon Harry had told him that Severus had been in his world. But he was still useful, he kept the one spy they had in the Inner Circle covered.

"Sebastian... Mr. Biggerstaff is in the Order?" Severus questioned in an incredulous tone. His mind was reeling with the information that this was another similarity that he shared with the young man. "When? How? Why?"

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "That I cannot divulge to you, Severus. I know you tell Voldemort more than you should tell him, but I can understand your wavering. As much as I dislike to admit it, without your help the Order would have crumbled. Yet somehow it has managed to survive and we have been waiting for someone like Sebastian to come along. Someone with Sebastian's potential."

"His potential?" Severus interrupted.

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, Sebastian has great potential. Why else do you think I'm allowing him to train in special classes that will help him when the time comes?" Severus' face flared up with concern since he knew Dumbledore was a manipulative bastard on the same level as the Dark Lord. "I believe he will be the key to defeating Voldemort."

"You are using him," Severus accused harshly but not without reason. "He's a child, Albus! You cannot use a child as a weapon!"

"I know you care for the boy," Dumbledore remarked calmly, causing Severus to blink uncontrollably for a minute. "But I am not forcing him to do anything he doesn't want." Especially with the recent events, Dumbledore thought with increasing optimism that it may be enough to convince Harry to stay here. It was no longer safe to try jumping to his world, at least not until his friends there figured out to open whatever was blocking the entrance. Dumbledore was absolutely sure if Harry had defeated Voldemort once, he could do it again.

Severus shrugged and Dumbledore continued with what he was saying, "Sebastian isn't a weapon, but he is invaluable to the effort. Have you not notice that he has joined Houses together? His closest friends are from two different Houses and backgrounds... a Slytherin and a Ravenclaw... a pureblood and a muggleborn. People from all the Houses respect him. He inspires the charisma that Voldemort could have."

It finally dawned on Severus what Dumbledore was using Sebastian to do. "You are making him the figurehead of the movement!" Astonishment was written all over Severus' face. "That will get him killed!"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No Severus," he murmured, "he will not be the figurehead but the inspiration. He has what Voldemort has, the ability to lead a change. Voldemort chose to initiate his change as a dictator, but Sebastian will shift the direction of oppression. People will rally behind him as the hope for better."

"And that will cause his death," Severus finished for him with dripping pessimism. "You know that Voldemort will kill him if he thinks Sebastian is a serious threat. Even if you don't, I do. It doesn't matter if Sebastian turns out to be a threat or not if Voldemort thinks he will be. You are sacrificing the boy's chance for happiness for your own purposes! You are no different than the Dark Lord!"

"Then you," Dumbledore responded with all his power behind him, "will have to make sure that Voldemort never discovers the role that Sebastian will play until it's too late to act against him."

~

It was a week of comatose induced healing when Poppy finally allowed Sebastian to be conscious again. And his first few hours of consciousness had been denied to Severus since there were several important matters of Order business that needed to be discuss. When Dumbledore had finished speaking to Sebastian, Poppy had deemed that her patient was simply too exhausted to see another visitor and had promptly placed him into a sleep induced healing. Meanwhile, Severus' nerves were growing more and more on the edge.

There were many things that he had to talk to Sebastian about. Like how firmly entrenched the young man was in his loyalty to the manipulative Dumbledore. The cunning old wizard was quite a rival for the Dark Lord and would have been even more so if his two greats pawns, the Potters hadn't died in the unfortunate attack against them. It'd been a horrible tragedy for the Light side and it wasn't long after that Voldemort had fully gain control over the Ministry, over Britain.

For all the Wizarding World knew, Severus Snape was a Potions Master that happened to teach his expertise to students despite being one of the Dark Lord's most trusted Death Eaters. In many ways, he believed the public viewed him as the babysitter of Albus Dumbledore. In reality, he was a babysitter, but for Dumbledore's Inner Circle spy not for Dumbledore. He made sure the idiotic fool didn't give away his cover unduly not when it'd taken years to get deeply entrenched in the fold. It only made sense that Voldemort had to send someone he could trust to make sure that Dumbledore ran the school but did nothing whatsoever to threaten his dominion over Europe. Soon the rest of the world if the Dark Lord got his way.

He hadn't planned on playing both sides when he'd been initiated into the Order, and he hadn't really. He was decidedly stuck in the middle. While he disliked Voldemort's methods, the torturing and the plain cruelty... he didn't respect Dumbledore's twisted though hidden exploitations either. Severus was quite furious that Dumbledore was using Sebastian as the leverage he needed to get him to do what he'd refused to do since he'd join the Order, actively help it.

The reason he'd join the Order had been his initial disgust and his repentance for what the Dark Lord had done. It hadn't been so bad at first, but nothing was black and white- not ever. Once Voldemort had been situated atop his throne, he'd proven to be a rather fair if not overly harsh ruler. To put it in layman's terms, Voldemort wanted brains, talent, and loyalty to those he chose to raise up in rank, a much more set means than say the incompetent Ministry of Magic.

It hadn't been all bad at first, but when Dumbledore had lost the Potters his game plan had changed. It had to, Severus allowed with dispassionate understanding, for the Order to survive on. Without the cunning manipulation to continue to exist, the balance of power would have entirely crumbled. Severus saw the need for the hidden but still quite known presence of the Light side. It kept corruption at bay; it prevented Voldemort from getting too comfortable in his position of power. But in doing what Dumbledore had to do, he'd lost his respect for the great wizard- - hoping too futilely that he'd be different from the Dark Lord. It turned out they were just the same, just fighting on the opposite sides.

He only hoped that Sebastian could see the reason, the reason that it was necessary to seem to be on a side, if not both sides but remain inside neutral. Severus had to reach the boy before Dumbledore grasped the young man too firmly into his sticky web. He didn't want Sebastian's talents to be wasted in an attempt to rid evil, even if he was mildly supporting Dumbledore's effort to keep the Light side alive. Didn't the old coot realize that there would always be evil? It was only when the balance became unbalanced that it was dangerous.

And it had become tilted to favor the Dark side, but the Americas kept it from tilting out of control. Voldemort wasn't all powerful, wasn't the supreme being of the Universe. No, the Dark Lord knew his limitations and it was common knowledge in the Inner Circle that he might threaten to take over the Americas but he had his hands quite full with his European conquest. At least Voldemort was a somewhat impartial dictator, the same could not be said for the previous Grindelwald.

The extermination of the muggles had never been a pressing issue for the Dark Lord than it had been for his predecessor. Severus realize that Voldemort quite despised them, but he saw their uses. They after all far outnumbered the Wizarding World and it'd be impossible to think of going against them and expect an easy victory. No, it was better to let them peddle around with their non-magic lives. Muggleborns were a different issue. The Dark Lord wasn't quite so reasonable to them, since it reminded him of his inferiority of being muggleborn himself. The number of identifiable muggleborn wizards had dropped significantly in Europe, the few that were called going off to school in the Americas.

"You can see him now, Severus," Poppy remarked, interrupting the Potions Master's stream of thought. The mediwitch gave Severus a kind smile, since she knew how much the boy must mean to the Professor if he'd sat outside in the waiting room most of the week waiting to see the young man. "Just don't take too long all right? He's still quite exhausted from his earlier conversation with the Headmaster. I don't want you to wear him out!"

Severus nodded, wondering what Dumbledore had said to Sebastian and wondering if it was too late for the young man to see the grays that were in the world. He took a deep breath, not quite knowing what he was going to say, but knew that he had to give the young man a warning not to see things in black and white. "It's good to see that you're finally up, Sebastian," Severus greeted him with a warmer tone than he was use to using. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm all right," Harry croaked, his voice still rather scratchy from all the screaming that he'd done in his terrible accident. "The Headmaster told me I've been out for a week."

"Yes, you have." Severus responded, not knowing really wanting to continue small talk when he had much larger matters to discuss. "I need to ask you something, Sebastian." Sebastian quirked his eyebrow up with inquiry, but otherwise didn't say anything. "What do you swear on?"

Harry drew in a ragged breath. So Dumbledore had told him some of the truth, but if Severus was still calling him Sebastian obviously not being entirely honest. If the Headmaster thought he ought to know, then Harry saw no reason not to tell his Professor, his mentor and his confidant what he swore on. "I swear on my mother's sacrifice."

His mother's sacrifice? That hadn't been what Severus had expected, but even though he dearly wished to ask him he had the feeling it wasn't going to be a short story. And the lines of exhaustion that etched Sebastian's face didn't want him to inquire about something that was most likely upsetting. "I see," was the best Severus could manage without snapping at the poor boy.

Managing a brief smile, since he knew how hard Severus was trying not to be his snarky self. "So what do you swear on, Severus?"

Severus had been gathering up his thoughts of how to warn Sebastian without alienating the young man away from himself if Sebastian did prove to be extremely loyal to Dumbledore, so Sebastian's query took him by surprise. Yet, Sebastian deserved an answer since he'd been told what he swore on, and it give him something to think of. "I swear on the dark mark." He paused to let that sink in, then decided he might as well launch into another total shocker, "Don't let Dumbledore manipulate you, Sebastian. You don't know him like I know him. He and the Dark Lord aren't that much different."

Reeling from what Severus had told him that he swore to the Order on and his warning, Harry hadn't even noticed that Severus had left him alone. Though Severus hadn't said he was a Death Eater, Harry was sure that had to be what he was hinting at. And warning him of Dumbledore? What in the world? Severus was in the Order, yet Harry got the feeling that the Potions Master wasn't loyal like he had been in his world.

And what of Dumbledore's warning that it was too dangerous to attempt to jump back to his own world? At least any time soon? He sighed, there was really too much to think of. Too much information was overloading his mind such that Poppy had to give him a sedative potion to get him to relax enough to cast the sleeping charm that would continue to help him feel as well as giving him much needed rest.

~

{2 weeks later}

"I cannot believe that you didn't tell us that you were grievously injured!" Draco screamed at Sebastian, his face flushed red with his anger more at himself than at his best friend. He was still upset that Sebastian hadn't let them know, but he was more frustrated with himself that he hadn't been there when Sebastian had been nearly killed. "You should have told us! We shouldn't have found out like this!"

All the pissed feelings Draco had been wallowing during the Christmas holidays despite being lavished by his adoring parents had made him determine to be an utter git to Sebastian when he got back. All those pent up emotions were still directed somewhat his best friend, but in a far different manner. He was furious at whatever had caused his best friend to be lying with such fragility on a hospital bed looking like he'd visited death and hadn't quite come out of it yet. Oh yes, he was well beyond rage.

But all that faded when Sebastian mustered a small smile for Draco. The anger melted away replaced instantly by his concern, worry, and anxiety that he'd initially felt when he hadn't seen Sebastian waiting for him in the Slytherin dorms. When Professor Snape had informed him that Sebastian was in the hospital room, he'd been beside himself with apprehension that had fueled his explosion, an outburst that should have been directed elsewhere he fully acknowledged. At the same time, he couldn't help it. He was a Malfoy, and he was damn use to getting what he wanted when he wanted it. And he had wanted Sebastian over for the holidays!

"You scared me, you stupid git," Draco muttered, brushing back Sebastian's unruly locks, "when I saw you all sick and ghostly pale on the bed. When Professor Snape told me that you were in the hospital ward, I panicked. Even if you hadn't promised me you'd come for Christmas, I kind of had the idea you were going to surprise me. Then you didn't even owl me, and I found out on the Express that you hadn't even owled Hermione either!"

"We were both so worried about you," Hermione added softly, her eyes filled with overwhelming relief that Sebastian was all right. "We had no idea what had happened to you. Not a single owl during the three weeks. It was like you'd disappeared or that you'd forgotten all about us."

Harry's smile deflated until it was no longer on his lips. "I'm sorry," he croaked out hoarsely. Hearing the rough quality of his voice, Hermione quickly was forcing him to drink some honeyed tea that she'd asked a house elf to retrieve for her. Once he'd drunk the entire cup down, Hermione sat back down and allowed him to speak out: "I actually had been planning to surprise you, Dray. But as you can see," gesturing to his grievously injured body, "I was unexpectedly detained. I didn't know this was going to happen... and-"

"I think we deserve an explanation," Draco interrupted, his voice much more serious though threaded with concern. "We are your best friends." Hermione nodded in agreement with this, she too wanted to know.

During all this time, Draco had attached himself to Sebastian's side, fussing with his blankets and his clothes while Hermione had been getting Sebastian to drink down the tea. Finally, when she couldn't take all of his overt attentions, she'd glared at him- a glare that Harry understood quite well. She was a tad jealous, though it was clouded under her worry about him, he knew. Instead of arguing with Draco to move over, she simply went around and plopped her down on the other side of Sebastian's bed.

Harry took a deep breath. There was so much he wanted to tell them that he knew that he couldn't tell them. It was so frustrated, yet necessary. "I can't tell you much of anything," Harry began with a regretful tone, "but you just have to trust that what I'm doing is what I need to do even if it does leave me stuck in a hospital bed for a month." He made an attempt to smile humorously at the situation, but the smile dissipated once he saw Draco's and Hermione's lack of amusement. They did not find it funny in the least. "It was necessary, I had to do it..."

"You're babbling Bast," Hermione pointed out the too obvious. She knew Sebastian never rambled on like he was doing right now. It had to be something major if it was reducing the collected Sebastian to this. "Isn't there something more you can tell us? Anything at all?

Harry shook his head sadly. It wasn't much less than what he'd told Severus, but then again the Headmaster had seen it fit to inform Severus that he was in the Order. That was really the only knowledge they were lacking. "No, I can't. I really wish I could."

"He won't tell, Hermione," Draco muttered with dejectedness, but his eyes weren't accusing just resigned to the fact. Hermione didn't quite realize how insufferably stubborn Sebastian was. Draaco knew this, but he had to live with the mulish prat. "Even if we get mad at him, he still won't tell us so what's the use?"

Harry grinned. Draco knew him oh too well. Even Ron in his world didn't know when to back off like this Draco did. He figured it might have something to do with Lucius Malfoy, a rather dangerous figure to ever push the buttons too hard on. Hermione over there came closer, closer than this Hermione anyway. "Dray, you know me too well," Harry commented. Draco shared his grin and Harry decided it was time to shift the conversation to another direction. "And thanks for the Christmas presents."

Hermione's gift of a book on the various uses of rare potion ingredients had been very much like her, but Draco's had definitely been different. Not that he'd known what to expect out of the Slytherin. Draco's present had been a fierce falcon to serve as his familiar. "I named her Artemis, by the way." Draco smiled at the name, knowing the symbolism behind the name. "Did you like your Christmas gifts?"

Both Draco and Hermione gave him bizarre, taken back looks that Harry didn't understand. "Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Harry in a somewhat mixture of irritation and confusion. "Did you not like them?"

Apparently, Sebastian had no idea why they were reacting this way. Hermione, always the astute one, picked up on this tidbit faster than Draco. "We never received any owls, Bast. We never got any presents, anything at all from you. That's why Draco's being such a prat."

"I guess Dumbledore forgot," Harry remarked with a sigh. No wonder Draco and Hermione had been so worried about him. Not to receive anything over the holidays from him, that was indeed cause for concern. He'd thought they were just mad about not getting any additional owls. But he supposed Dumbledore had been too wrapped up with keeping him alive to remember such silly insignificant things like owling his best friends their Christmas presents.

There'd been a lot on the Headmaster's mind. The Order was starting to move forward, and Dumbledore had reminded him in their most important conversation that it was nearly time for the Order to begin recruiting new members into the fold. That it wasn't wise for Harry to think about returning home until he was sure that those in his world had figured out how to open the gateway especially when he had been too close to dying. It certainly had given him a lot to reflect on, adding to the vague warning Severus had given him. "With the situation I was in at all, I can't be too surprise."

Hermione clucked her tongue sympathetically and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. "Perfectly understandable. So Draco wasn't being a prat about complaining to me about no presents, he was being a complete git."

Draco scowled at her, for the kiss or for being called a git, Harry didn't know. Whatever reason, it only caused Hermione's smile to widen even more. "So you did get me a present?" Draco questioned, his voice sounding like a child that had just gotten an unexpected surprise. Harry chuckled and nodded. "Good, didn't want to think that I'd wasted getting you a present to get nothing in return. That- OWWW!" Hermione had reached over Sebastian's bed to whack Draco on top of the head. "Will you stop doing that?!"

Hermione smirked, something so utterly Draco-like that Harry burst out into full fledged giggles. The sweet sound of laughter startled Hermione and Draco into double takes. Their amused fascination soon turned to absolute horror when Sebastian began to cough up blood. Draco was set into an immediate panic attack as he tried to stop the blood that was pouring out of his best friend's mouth. Hermione managed to keep her wits together long enough to alert Madame Pomfrey.

It was only a few minutes when Poppy rush in and pushed the two of them away from Sebastian, dumping a relaxing charm on him that stopped his struggling movements that was only making it worse. Once he was sufficiently calmed down, Poppy probed into his internal organs and found that his abrupt laughing had ripped his sutures apart, making him hemorrhage. Luckily, it wasn't anything too serious.

In no time at all, Poppy had Sebastian in a sleep induced healing and she'd made his friend leave to give Sebastian some much needed rest. She told them that they could come back later tonight to check up on him since they were both Prefects. But even that wasn't enough reassurance. "He'll be fine," Poppy said firmly, "he just ripped his internal stitches. What he needs is some more rest, which he hasn't been getting. You two as Prefects need to be at the start of the term feast!"

Draco and Hermione spared one more glance at Sebastian before hurrying on their way to the Great Hall. They had no choice, Madame Pomfrey was right. They, as Prefects, needed to be at the first feast. Really every meal, they weren't suppose to miss. Sighing, they walked out of the hospital and made their way rather reluctantly to the dining room where they'd have to suffer through an entire meal until they could check up on Sebastian again.