Thirteens Ways

Taking good look at the scenery, it seems everything is constructed a bit roughly.

Chipped wooden houses are definitely not a plus for me.

'Diddle's Basic Utilities for Souls'

Seems interesting, I should probably enter, after-all it's getting cold out.

[Bell ringing]

As I entered I saw a middle-aged man playing with a leather ball, spinning it on his sausage-like finger.

Taking a glance at me, he prepares a slightly-impassive business pose .

"Do. You. Have. Money?"

"Well.. No"

"Then scram! Shoo-shoo!" He waves his decorative fan he brought out of his pouch violently.

"Can't I just take a look around? I'm new here."

"For what! Stealing like those other 'new' souls that came here?" In a rapid succession he then menacingly said.

"Those bastards stole my goods! That hurt me a lot, I'm sensitive!" He was suddenly on the verge of breaking in tears, weird old-man.

I then saw a woman coming through behind him with a wrathful regard.

"Sweetie.. is this another thief?! I'm gonna pulverize him' to smithereens!" She raised her crudely sharpened shoe.

I could feel a cold sweat running down my back, her eyes were terrifying, her toned muscled body didn't help keep at bay my fright.

"No, no. He's just another customer.. I hope" He wiped his forming tear off.

"I see.." I could feel her suspicious stare. "Well it wouldn't hurt to see whatever they're tryin' to do!" She somehow aggressively sat down.

Taking this as a sign, I began to traverse the shop curiously.

'Thirteen Ways not to Die in The Afterlife, by Jake Richard. Smell-tacular Perfume, Handiboy's Guide to Science.' 

As I picked up Thirteen Ways not to Die the shopkeeper had visibly tensed up a bit.

"Please be careful with that! It had costed me an entire dozen Playis!"

Nodding I go to a secluded corner in order to sit.

Laying down I begin reading carefully.

Although it was a bit hard I simply had to practically shove my entire face into the book to actually read.

'As you're dear author I must make sure you know these thirteen methods to NOT die!'

'First of all, never ever break a law! Breaking even a single law is enough for execution! Most people don't say this directly as execution indirectly aids them and the country'

'This is due to a phenomenon called Soul Dispersion, on death a soul disperses into Spirit Particles which together acts as the finely woven fabric of this world and if surplus is found it'll condense and cause several factors in environment to rise!'

'In the past this method was shunned, but ever since a single country grew enough to rival an entire continent by itself others had to catch up for strategic and political reasons!'

'Most scout guards are trained not to explicitly explain this to new souls as they're most prone to making mistakes accidentally!'

'You might wonder why they don't simply murder a new soul on sight it's because of the Dixon law which specifically prohibits execution unless guilty or a divine intervention!'

'A few revolutions here and there have happened but only rarely! If calculated the lifespan of a person out of a country is usually lower due to the constant wars which a strong country lacks!'

'Second of a-'

I slammed it close, partially due to my heart aches but also due to my sudden tiredness..

I could see on the edge of my falling sight a worried aged man rushing towards me…

~…~…~…

End of Chapter

(Author) yeppity