I AM A JERK, PLEASE FORGIVE ME
KINGSLEY
Being bound to each other for life by a mating bond is one thing. Falling in love with your mate is another.
Many wolves don't fall in love let alone like their mates. My parents were in it for the politics and power when their packs merged. The people I have grown up around with all seem to go with it or reject them.
I haven't seen one pairing where it was love and devotion.
I don't have a lot of good things in my life, but I knew that I would be devoted to my mate and do all I could to make them fall in love with me.
I promised that my union with him would be of true love.
Then I met him; rain.
For me, it was love at first sight. But for him … it's still a work in progress.
That's why I am worried about tonight. It's the first full moon, sort of our anniversary. I don't know what tonight will be like. As an alpha, I have to lead the pack to hunt and run and be free.
Tonight also ends up in a lot of sex, it's a wild, unruly, and animalistic kind of night.
Before I met Rain, I ended up having orgies or just with Will and it would be fun. Despite the debauchery meant to quench our thirsts, I never really scratched the itch that was there.
There was something that was missing. Always.
The whole day Ron, my wolf has been uneasy and wanting to come out and be with rain. Rain has been moody avoiding me and I think I might have done something, but I don't know what.
He went back to his room and I can't seem to get him to open the door for me.
"Come on, baby. Open up for me."
I know I sound like a desperate man coaxing his lover, but that's what I am. I am desperate for rain, but rain is not budging. I am seconds away from breaking the door.
"How can I know what's the problem if you don't let me in? How can I be with you if-"
The door swings open and I almost fall as I was leaning on it.
"I am not in the mood," rain looks like he is sick, and before I can ask why he runs off to the bathroom.
I follow him in there and I see him, kneeling on the toilet bowl, retching.
"Did you get food poisoning?"
He shoots me a dirty look and I raise my hand in surrender, frowning. This is new and strange to me. Wolves don't get sick, yet here is rain.
Sick.
He flushes the toilet and rinses his mouth.
"I get sick, especially around the full moon. One of the small perks of being wolfless. It's a drawback sort of thing," he explains so casually as he walks away.
"What?" I am shocked, not processing what he just told me.
"I mean, you should know since you are my mate and this is what you will be dealing with from now on. Do you still want in or do you want to back out? It's still pretty early."
He is on edge and mad about something. I mean, he is cute when he is annoyed like he is; his blue eyes are flashy, his nose upturned, and the whole look makes him look haughty. But seriously cute.
"Okay, what the hell? Why are you smiling? Is me being ill making you happy?" he snaps and I can't help it.
I pull him in my arms and give him a big sloppy kiss on his mouth.
"No," he tries to struggle and get away. "I just puked and my mouth is still gross."
"I don't care," I kiss him again and he gives up when I don't let him slip away.
"No," he tries to struggle and get away. "I just puked and my mouth is still gross."
"I don't care," I kiss him again and he gives up when I don't let him slip away.
"Done with your paperwork?" he asks when we finally pull away.
"Yeah. Will came in handy."
He is silent and I peck him on his cheek but he pulls away, and goes to sit on the couch.
"So, are you going to tell me about you and him?"
Ever wished that your life could have a restart button and when you get a fresh start, the past could be erased and forgotten? That's me right now.
"uhh," I don't want to lie but I don't want to hurt his feelings either. "How did you know?"
"It's just a hunch," he shrugs. "I mean it's okay, I am not mad about it."
"You are not?"
"Why would I be?"
"I don't know," I sigh, shrugging. "I would be mad if I was in your place."
Rain is silent as he picks on his nails. "You were."
"I was what?"
"You were in my place."
I stare at him, not at all loving where this is going.
"And you were mad. You killed him."
For the first time, I realize that rain might not be over Dante, and adding that to the dream he had this morning, it's not making me jump with joy.
"What is that supposed to mean" I ask calmly, trying my best to know where his head is at.
"What I mean is, I know I am not enough for you. I am not exactly in a place where I can rip Will's heart off his chest. But I can come to terms that he is in your life," rain stands up, arms crossed.
"Why are you saying this? Why did you never tell me that you have been mad at me all this time for killing your dirtbag trash?" I don't mean to raise my voice, but like I said, I am on edge.
"Oh, dirtbag huh? I guess that makes me a dirt bag as well! I mean, you were insisting on making sure I don't call myself that but I guess you have the right to call me so!"
"What?!"
"If Dante was trash then so am I! We aren't different, we come from the same place, and we hold the same values, hell! We speak the same language!"
"Well, does that mean you support rape as well? Abuse? You loved that he used you and gave you up to be raped by multiple people?!"
Utter silence surrounds us and I curse my damn mouth for ever bringing up what I know about him like this.
"I am sorry rain, I shouldn't have brought this up at all, I am sorry. But you don't talk about this stuff with me. Just now I realize that you hate me for killing your childhood love and I am a dirtbag for throwing what he did to you in your face. I am sorry I –"
"Stop it."
"No, what I have done just now isn't healthy at all, I should have done better. I am better than this-"
"I said stop it."
"I am sorry rain. But I am your mate and I need to know you. I am stretching myself thin here, playing a guessing game with you, and you don't say anything to me-"
"I SAID STOP TALKING!"
Ron growls and I have to hold myself back from inning rain on the wall. Rain is heaving, wide-eyed.
Shit, he is having a panic attack!