Katie of Castle Walter

If so, then we were more alike than I realized, even though they were second daughters and sons, given to the Royal Court upon their thirteenth birthday during the annual Rite.

And I…I was Katherine of Castle Walter, Kin of the Balfours, and the Queen's favourite.

I was the Maiden. Chosen.

And in a little under a year, upon my nineteenth birthday, I would Ascend, as would all Ladies and Lords in Wait.

Our Ascensions would be different, but it would be the largest one since the first gods' Blessing that occurred after the end of the War of Two Kings.

Very little would happen to them if they were caught, but I…I would face the Duke's dissatisfaction. My lips thinned as a kernel of outrage took root, combining with a sticky residue of disgust and shame.

The Duke was a plague of overly familiar hands and had an unnatural thirst for discipline.

But I wouldn't think about him either. Or worry about being penalized. I might as well go back to my chambers if I was going to do that.

Dragging my gaze from the table, I noticed that there were smiling and laughing women in the Pearl who wore no masks and hid no identities.

They sat at tables with guards and businessmen, stood in dim corners and spoke with masked women, men, and also those who worked for the Red Pearl. They weren't ashamed or scared to be seen.

Whoever they were, they had the freedom I deeply wished for.

Independence I hunted tonight, because masked and unknown, no one but the gods would know I was here.

And as far as the gods were concerned, I had long ago concluded that they had far more reasonable things to do than waste their time watching me.

After all, if they had been paying attention, they would've already taken me to task over countless things I'd already done that were prohibited to me.

So, I could be anyone tonight.

The liberty in that was a far headier feeling than I thought. Even more so than the unripe Katie seeds provided by those who smoked them.

Tonight, I wasn't the Maiden. I wasn't Katherine. I was simply Katie, a nickname I recalled my mother using, something only my brother Ian and very few others ever called me.

As Katie, there were no stringent rules to follow or expectations to accomplish, no future Ascension that was coming quicker than I was ready for. There was no anxiety, no past or future.

Tonight, I could live a little, even for a few hours, and rack up as much experience as I could before I was returned to the capital, to the Queen.

Before I was given to the gods.

A shudder crawled down my spine—uncertainty, along with a bite of desolation. I tamped it down, refusing to give energy to it. Dwelling on what was to come and could not be reversed served no purpose.

Moreover, Ian had Ascended two years ago, and based on the monthly letters I received from him, he was the same.

The sole dissimilarity was that instead of spinning stories with his voice, he did so with words in each letter.

Just last month, he wrote about two kids, a brother and sister, who swam to the ground of the Stroud Sea, befriending the water folk.

I smiled as I raised the champagne flute, having no inkling where he came up with those things.

As far as I knew, it was impossible to swim to the bottom of the Stroud Sea, and there was no such thing as water folk.

Shortly after his Ascension, on the injunctions of the Queen and King, he married Lady Chloe.

Ian never spoke of his wife.

Was he happy at all in his marriage? The curve of my lips disappeared as my gaze lowered to the fizzing, pinkish drink. I wasn't certain, but they had barely known each other before becoming man and wife.

How was that long enough when you would presumably spend the rest of your existence with a person?

And the Ascended lived for a relatively, very long time.

It was however strange for me to think of Ian as an Ascended. He wasn't a second son, but because I was the Maiden, the Queen had beseeched the gods for a rare exception to the natural arrangement, and they had allowed him to Ascend.

I couldn't handle what Ian had, marriage to a stranger, to another Ascended, one who was sure to fancy beauty above all else, because attractiveness was seen as godlike.

And even though I was the Maiden, the Chosen, I would never be regarded as godlike. According to the Duke, I wasn't beautiful.

I was a misfortune.

Without knowing it, my fingers brushed the itchy lace of the left side of the mask. I yanked my hand away.

A man I recognized as a guard rose from a table, turning to a woman wearing a white veil like I was. He reached a hand to her, whispering words too low for me to hear, but she replied with a nod and a smile before placing her hand in his.

She rose, the skirt of her lilac-hued gown falling like liquid around her legs as he brought her from the room toward the only two doors accessible by guests, one at either end of interconnecting chambers.

The right went outside. The left door headed upstairs, to more private rooms where Ivy had said all manner of things transpired.

The guard took the masked woman to the left.

He had asked. She had said yes. Whatever it was they did upstairs, it would be accepted and chosen by both, regardless of whether it lingered a few hours or a lifetime.

My attention remained on the door long after it had closed. Was that another reason I had come here tonight?

To…to experience satisfaction with someone of my choice?

I could if I wished to. I'd eavesdropped on conversations between the Ladies in Wait, who weren't expected to remain untouched.

According to them, there were…many things a woman could do that brought satisfaction while keeping their purity.

Purity?

I abhorred that word, the meaning behind it. As if my virginity defined my goodness, my innocence, and its presence or lack thereof was somehow more valuable than the hundred choices I made every day.