15. Chapter 15

After Tick, Tick, Tick and After Boom

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: What we have here is…Castle is not owned by me. Rating: K. Time: See story title

Kate Beckett walked into the hotel room that would be her home until her own place was repaired. She couldn't possibly have stayed any longer with Castle. She looked around and left her suitcase, full of new, or newly cleaned, clothing by the bed and walked into the bathroom.

She looked at herself in the mirror. She took a step forward and spoke to her image. "You have to tell Castle to stop following you around. You have to stop him." She shook her head. "What was I thinking of? Castle is a writer, not a cop. It isn't his job to rush into burning apartments, or be your backup in a gunfight with a serial killer. You just can't do that to him."

Kate got no answer from her reflection. She sighed and began to undress. "I need a long, hot bath, a glass of wine and a book." She stopped with her sweater half off. "No! I will not read anything by Castle. I just can't." She finished undressing and went to her suitcase. She took out a bottle of bubble bath and a bottle of wine. She found a plastic glass and went back into the bathroom. She started filling the tub, then looked at her reflection. "You know I'm right. This isn't the first time you almost got Castle killed. There was that Nigerian killer, that sadistic jewel thief, the Russian mobster, Coonan…My God! What was I thinking of?" Kate turned off the water, poured herself a glass of wine and got in the tub. She relaxed for just a moment.

Of course, if I'd gotten rid of Castle earlier, I'd have been killed in the explosion at my apartment. Jordan Shaw and her team might have died, and Dunn would have gotten away with more murders. How many murderers would have gotten away if it wasn't for Castle? Tisdale? Probably. Theresa Candela would have gotten away with kidnapping if not for Castle. Coonan? Yes, definitely. My mother's killer would be alive and free if not for Castle.

"Dammit!" She yelled. "That's not the point. I'm a cop. I signed up for this. Castle didn't."

He did, of course. She thought to herself. He signed all those releases. And he knew he could get shot at from the first time with the Nigerian killer. He agreed to do this just by showing up every day. He's a part of my team now.

Yes! My team! I'm the one responsible for my team and I can't allow Castle to risk his life one more time.

A thought occurred to her and she smiled in spite of herself. And how will I stop Castle? He won't listen to reason. He has the mayor on his side. Montgomery will do what the mayor tells him. But if I just tell Castle that I will not allow him to follow me around…

Kaye laughed and took another sip of wine, then a second. Who am I kidding? I haven't been able to say no to Castle and make it stick since day one. Handcuff him in the car? He unlocks the cuffs. Tell him to stay in the car? The criminal falls on the car. Tell him to just stroll through the poker game and he…

"Oh, hell! Who am I trying to kid." She whispered to herself.

She thought back to those few days spent at Castle's loft. For a brief period I had felt like an intruder. But in no time I felt like I was home. I remember cooking breakfast with Castle, Martha and Alexis there with me. I really felt like I was with family. I started to day dream about being a permanent member of the family. I had long ago decided that a husband was very unlikely for me. My walls too strong for any man to penetrate and reach my heart. But Castle…He had easily slipped past my outer defenses without even seeming to notice them. Hell, most men don't even notice I have the damned wall.

Jordan Shaw saw it. She said he cares for me. Lanie has seen it. Kyra Blaine saw it. Sorenson asked if we were together. I said no, of course. But he sensed something. And Castle was jealous, just a bit of Will. Why?

I know Castle. He's a two time loser. He's been married and divorced twice and has had hundreds of women. His favorite trick at a book signing is to sign a woman's boob. Do I really think Castle is going to settle down with some cop? Of course not.

Kate got out of the tub and wrapped herself in the hotel's thick, terrycloth bathrobe. It's no use. Both on a personal and professional level I need Castle too much. I'm too damned much of a cop to kick Castle to the curb knowing how good he is as a detective. And I need him too much to let him leave my life. I've had more fun in the last year or so than I've had since…Since Mom died.

I just have to remember what and who he is. I can't for a moment let myself think that we'll ever be anything other than partners on a case.

I can do that. Can't I?