Chapter 12: Attention

Adelina's pov:

I wake up and find myself on my bed with Andreas looking at me, and there's a strange man with gorgeous green eyes and blond hair next to him. I don't like the boy, but his eyes are just....gorgeous.

"You wake up!" Andreas says. I look at that boy and then look at Andreas in confusion. Andreas asks him to leave us for a minute, and the boy does so.

"He is a stranger who helped you with Leonor and Mason...he refused to leave, and Hugo insisted on making him stay."

"Help me?! What happened?" I ask. He helped me? from what?!

"You passed out on your way home, Leonor, and this stranger helped you while Mason came here to check on you."

Mason was here?! I fainted on the street?! lots of drama happened.

Hugo insisted on him to stay....so he knows him. Oh God.

I sight. "This boy is Hugo's friend, right?"

Andreas nods.

They let Mason and Leonor leave and this boy to stay!!

"Can you ask him to leave? I don't want him to stay." I ask Andreas with weakness in my voice.

Andreas get out off my room, and within a while, my door knocked, and this guy came in.

"Hey, hope you get better. I am gonna leave now. If you need help, you can call me; my number is with Hugo. Take care of yourself." The boy says while looking at me in a strange way; which made me uncomfortable. I give him a nod with a smile; a confused one.

Of course I won't call him, it's enough for me that he is Hugo's friend.

I want to read something to entertain myself as Andreas told me not to leave my bed; he is so nice, he told me he will take care of all my chores and do it for me. He is the best in this awful, dreadful house.

Maybe I can pick a fantasy book or maybe a romantic one....or Manga..... I love reading Manga. Maybe watching a movie is better. Or drawing?! No, no, I won't draw, not even picking up a single pencil..... how about my bucket list? There is something I want to add to it.

I get up from the bed and go to the closet, I stand on my toes to reach the top of the closet; where I hide things. I keep trying to feel anything with my hand, and finally, I reach a box. I grab it. It's my pink shoe box, I hid there most of my stuff when I was younger. I go to sit on my bed with the box in my arms. It's dusty, so I have to search for a towel or anything to clean it.

I open the box after cleaning it, and a huge smile spreads on my face, I can't hide it although of all the pain I feel.

This list has lots of things that maybe others find stupid and useless, like what my father thinks. But for me, I really want to do these things.

My smile got bigger when I glanced my bucket list and saw the first thing on top of it, and the only thing that I did from it. 'Stargazing with Diego'  I still remember this day. It was one of the best days I had in my whole life.

I keep staring in the list for a while, exactly staring at the first thing in it. I wish I could have more time with him. I feel tears trapped in my eyes, I keep trying to prevent them from sliding down and then grab a pen to write my new wish.

I keep thinking and then find my hand writing without even thinking of it twice.

'To kill father, or at least see him while he dies in front of my eyes.'

I know that sounds bad, but I feel a strang peace feels me. I want it so bad; but I know it's just a stupid list, and I can't even look at an injured puppy. How would I kill him?! Just thinking of the idea and how he will be begging me to let him live just gives me relief.

I have to hide it where it was before anyone sees it.

I pick my phone after I hid the box where it was. I find a message from Leonor.

'Hi Addy, how are you now?'  I feel my lips raising to form a smile, I am really so lucky to have her in my life. At least there is something sweet in all this mess.

'Yeah, better now. I want to talk to you about something.'

Am I thinking of telling her all what I am going through now? Yes, maybe she has a solution, I thought of it a lot and I don't think it is that bad; let's look at the bright side, when I get married, I will leave my father and this is so good. But maybe this new man is like father. In this condition, it won't be so different as I am already used to bad treatment, but I don't want this. I still have hope that everything is going to be fine.

My phone buzzes, and I pick it up. I am ready to tell her, I need someone to talk to and of course I can't talk with one of my brothers; they can't do anything about it; they have already tried, and failed to persuade father, of course niether she will, but it will help me just to talk to a friend.....a friend, I finally can say this word, just not loud only in my head.

'Sure, what's wrong, Adell?'

'My father wants me to get married to someone. A wealthy boy. I don't want it and at the same time I want it. There is a possibility that he will be better than father, but if he isn't. I don't want to get disappointed. What should I do in all this mess?'  I take a deep breath, a heavy one; which relieves the stress while pressing 'send'

'Woah woah, since when have you been in this? Do you want to marry him? Is he handsome?'

'About four days. I haven't even seen him yet.'

'Can I come, Adelina?'

'No, you know, father.' I wish if I could tell her yes, but Father is coming.

'Can we talk tomorrow? Can you even give me his name? I will ask Mason if he knows him.'

'Okay. I don't know his name, but I have his surname.'  I have it written somewhere on a little piece of paper in my phone case.

'Okay, it will be good, What is it?'

'Fernandez.' I hear the door shutting and father's voice shouting, oh my God, I have to finish this conversation.  'I have to go now. Bye.'

This is the first time we text that much. I have hope that one day I will get out of father's prison... To be put in another cage... no, no, think positively. One day, I will get my freedom.

*******

"Adelina." Father's voice reaches my ears, I feel my body startle. I get up off bed and go to see Father.

My legs and back still hurts but not as before, I know he will either beat me or talk to me about 'that wealth, handsome, powerful man' and when I try to speak he will hit me. In both conditions, I will get hit.

For the first time in my whole life, I am not afraid to go to him, I just feel like I don't care anymore, I got used to it. If he killed me, he would get in jail, and if he just hit me, my hating for him will increase, and the desire to kill him will too.

Everything is simple. It is going to be okay.

I open his office door, he is standing facing the window.

"Yes, father?" I say while he still not facing me.

"You will meet your fiance tomorrow, which will soon be your husband. Any objections?!"

Why is he asking if he already knows I can't say a word against him.... not respectively, but because he won't let me.

"No, father." I speak confidently. I don't feel like arguing, I don't have the power to.

"Great." He finally turns around to face me.

"Now go to your room, and stop acting." He orders and looks at me with glitter in his eyes while saying the last part.

"Acting what?" I ask. I know I shouldn't, but I mistakenly did.

"Acting tired. You will never get attention, no one will ever care for you, you are a burden to everyone surrounds you. You will never get MY attention. Understood, rat?!" He comes closer to me, which made me step back.

I nod and run to my room. He really thinks that I am acting. Why would I act to be ill?! He thinks I want his attention?! This is the last thing I would want , I just want him to leave me alone.

*******

I sit on my bed. And the chain of thoughts won't just leave me alone.

He just wants the best for me, right?? But maybe this is his way of showing how he cares to others. I can fix hi...stop this!! Stop thinking that I can fix everyone to suit me!! Why do I want to fix Mason and Father?! Maybe it's not their problem, maybe it's mine. Maybe father is right, I am a burden to everyone surrounds me.

I have to learn how to stop thinking when it's needed, probably meditation will help? I know how to stop it for now, Sleeping is the best way to do it.

I lie on bed and grap the blanket over me in an attempt to sleep. The pillow is so soft underneath my head, which is so relaxing. I wish if I had someone like this pillow, it carries my tears when I am sad, when I am angry I grap it into my arms to release the anger, it's so....so soft and always there for me when I need to escape from reality or overthinking. It's simply better than everyone around me.