chapter 3 - explosion

Agatha wears her black dress as she faces the large mirror beside her vanity table. Her bedroom remains unchanged every year. Her old musical instruments stand near her keyboard. She remembers how her father would walk into her bedroom while she is practicing her musical pieces. With a plate of chocolate-coated biscuits and a glass of milk on a tray, her father would say, "Bravo! That's my girl!" everytime she ends a piece. This memory sends a shiver to her spine. She looks at herself in the mirror as her tears escape her eyes. She wipes them immediately, forbidding herself to cry.

Pa, I miss you.

Someone knocks on her bedroom door. "Gate, are you ready? They're loading the food and the flowers to the car already."

Recognizing her older sister's voice, she takes a deep breath, dabs her face once more with a handkerchief from her bag and says, "I'll be down soon!"

---

Agatha stares at her father's picture as a Roman Catholic mass is being held inside the mausoleum where her father and paternal grandparents were laid to rest. While the priest says the final blessing and everyone else has their heads down, Agatha just looked blankly at her father's picture.

The mass is over. Family members and relatives smile at each other. Clarissa approaches the priest and shakes his hand. Then, she hands him an envelope filled with financial donations for the church the priest is serving.

"Why hello there, Gate! How are you?" A middle-aged woman with her hair dyed outrageously red holds Agatha's shoulder.

"Auntie Grace. I'm okay. How are you?" Agatha responds as she holds her paternal aunt's hand up to her forehead as a sign of respect.

"Well, I'm doing fine. You and Adela are really good daughters. Don't follow your Auntie Mercedes, okay? She always chooses her pride over family," Grace says as she lightly holds Agatha's arm.

Agatha remembers that her aunts, Mercedes and Grace, had an argument shortly after Arturo died. Arturo's death became a catalyst for the two sisters to have a full-blown feud with each other, even when the subject of their feud happened a long time ago. Back in their twenties, Mercedes and Grace both fell in love with a man named Carlos. Grace was lucky enough to be chosen by Carlos, but he chickened out when Grace got pregnant. And even when that happened, Mercedes was also one of Carlos' ladies. This enraged their father. Upon Mr. Tirso Castillo's intervention, Carlos never appeared in either Mercedes or Grace's life. Grace's son, Dominic, grew up to be one of Arturo's favorite nephews and Agatha's close paternal cousin. Dominic is now a doctor specializing in family medicine.

"How is Dom, Auntie? I haven't seen him in a long time," Agatha asks.

"Oh, Dom is fine. He's going to propose to his girlfriend soon. He mentioned to me last week that he's looking for an engagement ring. Hopefully, all goes well. I want him to settle down already," Grace answers.

Agatha nods her head. Noticing that most of the younger cousins are gathering around Adela, Grace tells Agatha, "Gate, I don't know if anyone told you this yet. I know you don't always talk much. But you are precious. If nobody ever appreciates you, then rest assured that your Auntie Grace is here for you. No matter what."

Agatha smiles, "Thanks, Auntie."

"You can always count on me, Gate," Grace pats Agatha's hand.

Marco approaches them and says, "Excuse me. Ate Gate, I need your help with the drinks."

Agatha nods her head and turns to Grace, "See you around, Auntie."

---

After the commemoration of Arturo's death, the Castillo family is now back at home, preparing for dinner. Clarissa waits at the dining table as her daughters approach. Marco pours some iced tea over the glasses. Clarissa begins to say grace before eating. Her daughters bow their heads in silence. Marco sits down in his usual spot.

"Okay, let's eat!" Clarissa says upon clasping her hands.

"It's sad that I have to leave early tomorrow already. Ma, you better book a flight to Manila already so that you can visit us there," Adela says.

"Don't worry. I'll inform you once I find the right time to fly to Manila. And then we'll go to places together if both of your schedules will allow it," Clarissa replies.

Noticing that Agatha is still silent, Adela calls her attention out, "So what will you be doing here in Cebu for 3 more days, Gate?"

"Relax. And maybe go see some friends," Agatha answers.

"Gate, why don't we go somewhere together before you go? I can leave the store to Marco if you want to," Clarissa suggests.

Agatha stops eating and puts her fork down. She coldly replies, "Wow. Suddenly, you want to hang out with me."

"Come on. We haven't had a proper conversation for some time since you stayed in Manila, Gate. Plus, whenever you come home, you'd always go with your friends or stay outdoors rather than spending time with your family," Clarissa says.

Agatha laughs under her breath, "Good for you to say that. I didn't know you actually cared about me, Ma."

"Gate!" Adela calls her out, "Watch it. Will you?"

"How come you're telling me that, Gate? Did I ever do something wrong to you?" Clarissa asks.

Agatha shakes her head, "I'm not a little girl anymore just in case you forgot. And I'm not blind or deaf or dumb enough to not understand that you don't care about me, Ma. Even before father died, it was always about Adela. Everywhere I go, it's always about Adela. Ask yourself, Ma. Ask if you know my favorite songs. Ask if you know exactly what happened to me and Lorenzo. Ask if you know how I feel. Ask if you have ever apologized about me."

Tears start falling down Clarissa's eyes as she says, "You're taking it the wrong way. You don't understand, Gate."

Adela holds her mother's hand and tells Agatha, "You're saying you're not a little girl anymore, but right now, you're acting just like a child. Do you ever hear yourself, Gate?"

Agatha feels like she could not hold her emotions any longer. Marco looks at her, worrying about what she's about to do next. She stands up and tells Adela, "I did not ask for your opinion on this. Stop feeling so entitled. Do you think I'm just saying this to pick a fight on Mama? No. All this time, the world is about you, Del. It's always about you."

Agatha walks away and goes to her room immediately. She picks up her stuff and puts it in her handbag and prepares to leave the house. Back in the dining area, Clarissa mumbles, "Your father would not like this." Marco stands up to pat Clarissa's back, unsure of what he should say to his troubled aunt. Adela puts her head on her mother's shoulder.

Agatha storms out of the house without looking at her family.