Sleepless Night

-----Fabian's POV

Time felt like it had frozen over us as I just simply stare up into Ilfa's eyes. I could tell just from her face how confused she is, with her eyebrows upturned, and her eyes squinting as if she's in pain with her mouth quivering. Seeing her like this only makes the pain in my chest begin to sting more, and almost as if we're in sync, Ilfa winces above me.

Ilfa: "I..."

She finally managed say something, even if she's just repeating what she said moments ago. But suddenly, I could feel one of her tears finally break away as it splashes onto my cheek.

Ilfa: "I love you too."

Time quickly began to move normally as all that pain my my chest quickly dissipated, making my body feel incredibly light, almost too light. Not wanting to see her pained face anymore, I sit up with her now over my lap as I forcefully bring her into a tight embrace. I know this will make more problems down the line, I know that... But I can't contain how happy I am right now. I've always wanted to hear those words.

Ilfa: "Wow. All that pain just disspaeard!"

And during our embrace, Ilfa proclaims that in an excited manner which causes me to chuckle over her shoulder. I can tell she's clueless to all of this, but it makes me happy, knowing that what she's feeling must be her genuine feelings.

Ilfa: "What's so funny?"

Fabian: "Nothing. I'm just incredibly happy right now."

Ilfa: "Mm."

She wraps her arms around me as we stay in our hug. I don't care about her weight on my lap, she can cut the blood flow to them if she likes, I don't want this moment to end.

Ilfa: "So this was the feeling all along?"

Fabian: "Probably."

Ilfa: "Pfft. Fufu-"

Fabian: "What?"

Ilfa: "I've been alive for centuries, yet I'm still discovering new things."

I already had an idea that Ilfa been around for a long time, but centuries? Age would be more of a problem in Ilfa's case than in... Rina...

Fabian: "...Hahh!~"

Ilfa: "Hmm? What's wrong?"

We part away from our hug as we now face one another.

Fabian: "It's about Rina."

If I knew things would turn out like this, I probably would've stuck with being friends with Rina. But I just had to get into something serious with her... And now this.

Ilfa: "What about her?"

Fabian: "I mean. I did enter a relationship with her."

Ilfa: "Hmm? Is that a problem?"

Wait, huh? Oh, I guess Ilfa is unfamiliar with this kind of thing.

Fabian: "I can't be with two people."

Ilfa: "Why? I know many of my subordinates having multiple partners."

Wait, so that's a common practice with these guys?

Fabian: "W-well, for us humans, you can only be with one."

Ilfa: "Really? Hmm. That's surprising. I would imagine the powerful males in humans would have multiple females for reproduction purposes, creating a more stronger lineage."

Fabian: "That's-"

It's honestly hard to combat against that logic. Looking at it from Ilfa's perspective where strength is everything, it makes sense for stronger families to grow and the weaker ones to be left to die. It's the classic "survival of the fittest."

Ilfa: "Anyways. My kind can't reproduce, so I don't see the harm with Rina being with you as well."

And yet another sting of logic is flung my way. It's honestly a little disheartening that Ilfa is unable to reproduce, but would she feel the same way about Rina if she could? Sure Ilfa might be fine with that idea, but I still can't imagine a world where I'm stuck in this position... Hahh~ But Rina just left to help Kaede, so I'd hate for her to come back only to then hear about all of this. But I know I need to make a decision regardless.

Ilfa: "Oh? Did that upset you?"

Fabian: "Huh? No- uh, well... kind of."

Ilfa: "Pfft!"

I will admit that I am disappointed, but that still doesn't change how I feel about Ilfa. Sure it has been a rollercoaster, but the me right now doesn't want to part ways with her. That, I am sure of.

So just as she finishes chuckling away at me, I close in before pushing her down on the other end of the bed. With her now in a surprised state, I lock my lips once again with hers as our hands naturally find each other, intertwining our fingers as we kiss. It's rare for me to take the initiative with Ilfa like this, but I felt like I needed to make sure she knows how I feel, regardless if we can never have children together.

Ilfa: "Fabian-"

Our kiss steadily becomes more and more passionate as I find myself growing hotter with every passing second. My hands slowly let go of hers as I gently move them towards her body."

Ilfa: "Stop!"

But before I could do anything more, Ilfa let out a cry, using her now free hands to stop me, pushing me away from my shoulders.

Ilfa: "You're making it extremely difficult right now."

Fabian: "What do you mean?"

Ilfa: "Did you forget? I don't want to risk killing you. If... If we go any further... I might do something I end up regretting."

Hearing her say that does make me glad, knowing that our feelings are mutual, but she also seems to be implying that we'll actually never be able to do this kind of stuff? Or at least until she gets past her instincts.

Ilfa: "So... Let's stop it here."

Fabian: "But weren't you kissing me as an alternative to sex?"

Ilfa: "That's... Yes, but things have changed."

So even that has changed? Is she saying that kissing is no longer enough? Can we not even do that?

Fabian: "Okay-"

I move a bit away from Ilfa, allowing her to sit up properly as we face one another. It's an awkward situation, giving the fact that my body is still incredibly hot right now, making it hard to control myself, but I need to.

Fabian: "So then, what is it can we do?"

Ilfa: "What do you mean?"

Fabian: "If we're going to do this, we should lay down some boundaries."

Ilfa: "Oh, right."

Fabian: "So I take it that sex is off the table."

Ilfa: "Y-yes."

I thought she'd instantly say yes, but hearing her stutter with that answer makes me feel like she too isn't happy about giving that answer.

Fabian: "What about kissing?"

Ilfa: "...I guess it's fine. But in moderation."

Okay, phew. At least we have something.

Fabian: "Then I'll leave the moderation to you then?"

Ilfa: "Mm."

I find it a bit funny how formal this whole situation has become, but I don't want to upset Ilfa so this is the only way I know how. It honestly might be something I developed from my father.

Fabian: "Then sleeping with each other? Hugging?"

Ilfa: "I think that's fine."

Okay, with this I know what our boundaries are. The more intense stuff is out, at least for now until Ilfa sorts it out. Moderate stuff like kissing occasionally, and we can hug and stuff as we please. I can work with this.

Ilfa: "Sorry."

Fabian: "Huh? No, I get it. I'm happy that you care about me. I'd also prefer not dying, haha."

Ilfa: "...I'll try and figure something out though. But like I said, it's difficult to combat against my instincts."

Fabian: "Mm. I understand."

I go back in, pulling her into a gentle embrace, partially because I don't want too much stimulation right now.

Fabian: "We'll figure this out together."

Ilfa: "Mhmm."

...

Night soon came around as I ended up finishing dinner. I was wondering if Ilfa was going to cook dinner for me, but it seems like she's satisfied enough and instead lets the elves cook for me. I did end up staying up in Ilfa's bedroom as the stairs would be a nightmare to deal with, going down and up against all the way from the kitchen. I felt bad for the elf, but she just shot me a smile as she gave me my food. Seems like all those times I've helped in the kitchen has paid off. I'm starting to feel like a part of the family in a way.

Ilfa: "Hahh~"

She collapses on the bed as I sit up, going to untie the curtains surrounding the bed frame. I'm curious to see how dark it'll be now. But after closing one side, some of the moon light still manages to creep inside as I then go around untying the rest.

Ilfa: "Huh. I didn't know you could do that."

Fabian: "I've never seen a bed like this before, so I felt like testing this out."

After finishing dropping all the curtains, it was dark enough that I could barely make out Ilfa's figure in the bed as the little amount of moonlight was barely enough, but my eyes quickly adjusted. Maybe taking down the curtains was a bad idea... I can't even properly enjoy the sight of her, but at least her eyes are still clearly visible, like a wolf's eye reflecting in the night.

Ilfa: "Now, I know that I said we could do this, but I will make one thing clear."

Fabian: "Hmm?"

Ilfa: "We cannot sleep at the same time."

What? Then would that even still be considered sleeping together? Feels more like we're taking turns at keeping watch instead.

Fabian: "Can I ask why?"

Ilfa: "You remember having a couple of those dreams, right? Sure it's weaker than the actual thing, but I'd still like to not risk anything."

Ah, yeah I remember now. It's true that those dreams were quite scary as they were likely what Ilfa's instincts looked like. I still remember waking up and quickly checking my throat to breath.

Ilfa: "So since I slept first, you can sleep next."

Fabian: "You sure?"

Ilfa: "Mhmm."

In the darkness, I feel my body being pulled in by her arms as her warmth quickly spreads over my body.

Ilfa: "And I'll do the same what you did for me."

Yeah, I don't think this works the same way. Now all my senses are focused on the feeling of her body, and with the low visibility, it makes my imagination go wild. But even still, I wrap my arms around her in return, however I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight...