Guilt

-----Yui's POV

I'm not too sure why I said what I said... Especially when I realized I made Kaede cry, but it honestly came as a shock. I was almost certain that I was just a game for her in regards to my feelings, and I hated that... I remember wanting to get close like that with someone before, back when I was still trying to figure everything out, but it was then that I realized that people like me are quite rare. Maybe that's why I sought to find help in Shin, but I knew deep down that I can only see him as a friend, which the feelings seemed to be mutual. I was honestly hoping that it was just a phase and that maybe down the line, I could maybe catch those feelings, in order to become "normal," but... Then she just had to pop into my life.

A girl who stood out from the others, like the few stars that shine brightly even in the brightest of cities. I found myself watching her at a distance, thinking that that's how things would always be, but then she came to my house, and even made sure I was okay? Someone who was a complete stranger to her. Sure she said she dreamed of me, which even now I still find weird, but it honestly made her even more interesting in my opinion. And actually, she might even be called a shooting star in a sense, especially after I watched her run. I still can't believe she could put up a fight against me, and even now as I'm running after her, she's still nowhere in sight.

My heart feels like it's being branded by a hot, iron rod with every stride I make as I run throughout the street, trying to run off the pain. If I knew I would hurt her like that, maybe I wouldn't have said it. But I was so confused... Confused on what kind of relationship we had. She'd seem to want to be friends, but then she'd do all... That... I was most likely scared of what lied ahead of us which led me to say that. But after I saw those tears, I knew I was wrong. Which is why-

Yui: "Huh?"

My thoughts and myself come quickly to a halt as I come up to the intersection by the train tracks. Several people had gathered with a few of them on their phones. Cars were also all over the place, but I couldn't see what caused all of this commotion.

Just then, I noticed something that made my heart stop as my breath gets caught in my throat.

Yui: "...Blood."

In that moment, an image of Kaede flashes through my mind as I quickly make my way closer. It can't be...

Man: "H-hey, miss! An accident has happened!"

I ignore the man's words as I get closer and closer, until finally, I found where the source of the blood is coming from.

Yui: "No..."

Man: "Miss, you need to stay back, the ambulance will be here soon!"

What I see is three men, huddled around a girl, her beautiful, long, white hair now dyed in red as the men desperately try and give aid while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. But my skin begins to grow colder by the second as I realize that she isn't moving... Not even the slightest movement of her chest to indicate any sort of breathing.

It was then that the ambulance pulled up as the paramedics immediately began to take over from the three men, placing her on a stretcher before moving her into the back of the ambulance.

Yui: "...Kaede."

The back door to the ambulance shuts, cutting off my sight from Kaede as my heart immediately begins to skyrocket.

Yui: "Kaede!~"

The sirens of the ambulance begins roaring through the street as the ambulance drives off in the distance. My body immediately begins moving on it's own, heading straight in the direction of the ambulance itself. I'm used to racing the train every now and again, but this is the first time where I'm seriously trying to outrun a vehicle. But no matter how fast I run, the ambulance gradually grows smaller as it flies off down the streets. I eventually come to a halt as I watch the ambulance turn a corner, now out of sight, like it's trying to take Kaede away from me.

.....

...

I end up returning home as I wouldn't want to worry my parents, but the time I have to wait for them was the most excruciatingly painful moments of my life. Every second felt like a minute as I wait just outside the house, until finally, mom and dad return in their car.

Yui: "Dad!"

I waste no time to rush over to them as Dad comes out of the car, but I desperately try and push him back into the car.

Dad: "W-what's wrong, Kaede?"

Yui: "There's no time! We need to go to the hospital!"

Dad: "H-hospital?"

Mom: "What happened?"

Yui: "It's Kaede!"

Dad/Mom: "What?!"

Dad: "So that ambulance was-"

Yui: "Yes! Now hurry up!"

I was getting impatient, and my parents can clearly see that. They didn't ask any further questions as we all got back into the car before my dad quickly slammed on the accelerator. My nerves subside ever so slightly, knowing that we're going to Kaede, but I still can't get the image of her out of my mind. There wasn't a hint of life in her... I don't want to imagine that she died, but if so... I'd hate myself... Thinking that I was the cause of it all. Just the thought of me killing Kaede makes me ball up my hand in a fist, digging my nails into my palm as if planning to break skin.

Mom: "Can you tell me what happened? I thought you two were at home?"

Yui: "..."

My mom's words only add fuel to the hate that's steadily building up inside me as I grit my teeth. Yeah, we should've been at home, yet-

Yui: "It's my fault."

Mom: "What?"

Yui: "It's my fault that Kaede... Got hit."

Mom: "..."

I really didn't want to speak anymore about it, and mom seemed to have picked up on it. I know I'm worrying my parents now after saying that, but right now all I care about is Kaede.

...

Eventually, after waiting in traffic a few times, we finally made it to the hospital. I couldn't wait any longer as I stormed out of the car, and after noticing me, my parents also picked up the pace as the three of us all went to the reception desk.

Receptionist: "How may I help y-"

Yui: "Where is Kaede?! Is she okay? Can I see her?"

I spout all the questions that flood into my mind as the lady starts to get startled. It was then that my dad puts a hand on my shoulder.

Dad: "Sorry about that."

Receptionist: "It's okay sir. What is the patient's surname?"

Yui: "Nakashima."

Receptionist: "Mmm. Right, I see. Yeah she just been put through. She should still be getting treated."

Her words fill me with relief but also anxiety. My first thought is that if Kaede was dead, she'd be declared dead already, right? So then there's a chance that she'll live? But that chance is what makes me anxious.

Mom: "W-when can we see her?"

Receptionist: "Are you three family members?"

Mom: "No, but my daughter here is a friend of hers."

Receptionist: "Once she's finished and is put through to recovery, I'll contact the doctor for you."

Mom: "Thank you very much."

I wasn't too sure how hospitals work. I figured I could go and see Kaede, but apparently not.

And so, we move to the waiting room as I slump in the chair in defeat. Now that I have time to think again, I go over what I said to Kaede once more... We're friends, yet I told her to go home, despite her only having just turned up. Maybe she just wanted to tease me like that to ease the room? Maybe it was only me thinking about stupid things. And because of my cowardice, I-

Dad: "You're alright, Yui."

Right when I could feel the tears building up, I feel my dad rest his hand on the top of my head before gently stroking my head.

Dad: "It's not your fault."

Yui: "...It is though."

Mom: "Your father's right, honey. You can't push the blame onto yourself."

Yui: "But I told her to go home... If I hadn't said anything-"

Mom: "You didn't know any of this would happen."

Yui: "Even still! I-"

Mom: "Would Kaede blame you?"

Yui: "..."

Mom: "She wouldn't, right?"

Mom...Has a point. But-

Yui: "But even still... I shouldn't have said that."

Dad: "Yui. I understand how you feel, but you can't change the past. If you want to feel guilty, then wait for Kaede to wake up. I'm sure she'll berate you as much as you like."

Yui: "..."

I honestly want that right now. Even if it's her just screaming at me, as long as she's alive...

Dad: "Haha, not that I think she'd even do that."

Mom: "Mm. She's a sweet girl. So don't worry about it for now. Right now we need to wish for her to get better, right?"

Yui: "R-right..."

Just then, my mom leans in before wrapping her arms around me. The tears that was held back before gently slip out between my eyelids as I tightly cling onto the back of my mom's shirt.

Mom: "Everything's going to be okay."

She speaks softly while gently brushing my back with her hand. Please, Yui... Stay alive. I want to apologize properly...