I'm Joseph

Whats you're name? The first thing we ask on a new person we want to know. The first thing we remember about a person. That is his name. I still remember it all. Every name of each person that I have met. All the names of the people who have hurt me. The names of the people who made me into what I am right now. A loner who's afraid to meet new people. The first names of the people who have hurt me. Were my parents. The two people who was suppose to take care of me. Love me, encourage me, and be there for me. They we're the first to walk out on me. The first two people who taught me what is pain also to be on my own. But as I start getting older I met more people. Some became my friends. Who eventually left or betrayed me. Then there was her the person who gave me happiness and suffering at the same time. My first love whom inspired me to be better. Also the first love who made me want to not love again. She toyed with my feelings. Made me a play thing of hers considering how madly in love I am with her. That's why since then I started being closed. I started having a sort of social anxiety. Which made me afraid of meeting new people with the fear of getting hurt once again. So yeah I wasn't like this before. I used to want to have friends and parents. But as I go on with my life I realized that seems impossible to me. Even if I want to remain positive. My memories serves as evidence and proof on why it seems to be a fantasy.

But then again recently I met someone who made me smile. She was my pocket of fresh air. From all the overthinking I'm doing all day. That simple interaction gave me happiness even for a couple of hours. I got curious about that girl whos name is Ana. Whom I want to meet again. But sadly weeks have passed and we haven't seen each other yet. I always find myself these days walking around the park. Passing by that bridge. Hoping we can see each other again. Still seems to have no luck. Since that day I haven't heard her voice or saw those eyes, smile and face. I haven't seen her since the first time but yet her image, all the monents we had I remember clearly. It keeps replaying in my head from time to time. And to me its a bit confusing. I dont know if its the lack of new elements on my mind. Or there's just something with her. That makes me want to smile. I want to meet her again. But problem is I dont know much about her. All I know is she is Ana a lost girl whom I bumped into a bridge once. But the probability of that happening again seems to be low. Or so I thought.

It's sort of a deja vu. I was walking from home. Then that's when I saw her. But this time I didn't bumped into her. I just smiled which is a rare thing for me and said

"Hi Ana"

"Uhm hello?" She asked

"Remember me?"

She seems to be confused on who I am. I dont know what is happening. Did she already forget who I was

"Who are you?"

I didn't know what to do or say next. Why can't she remember me?

"Its me Joseph remember?"

"Sorry still dont know you"

One sentence that's what it took. To remove all the anticipation, and eagerness I had to see her again

"You seriously cant remember who I am?"

"Yeah, are you a stalker how come you know me" she said suspiciously

This was a mood that I never thought I'd see from her.

"No I'm not. We met once dont remember?"

I suddenly found myself explaining to not be thought of as a pervert or stalker

"No you dont look familiar who are you?" She said in fear

Another mood changed. As I see her in fear all I can do is walk away. I dont know waht to do or say for her to remember so I just apologized and went on my way

"Sorry my mistake I must have just mistaken you from someone else"

Walking away that was supposedly my plan. But all of sudden I didn't for once I said whats on my mind and speak to her on who I was.

"But yeah I'm Joseph... sorry for being weird but I'm kind of lonely right now can you accompany me for a while if thats okay?

She suddenly smiled at me and showed sympathy she changed once again.

"Uhm yeah sure I don't have anything to do to so why not"

With that said. I was happy once again. Because being with her once more was all I wanted. All of the weeks of waiting to see her again was for this. That's why I didn't gave in to the fear of being hurt once again. For once I was brave enough to do what I want and say the things on my kind. That's why right now here I am with her. Talking, laughing and asking each other questions. But the weird part is almost evrry quiestion I've asked her. She answers with

"I dont remember"

I also told her the reason why I'm lonely. On how I met this girl who made me happy but sadly she doesn't remember me. Then either she's slow or really doesn't get me and just had the decency to listen which as enough for me. Because this new memories is something I hope she'll remember. With that moments I spend with her. I got a flash of inspiration. Inspiration to write or make something. Because before I love writing. Making poems for fun. Then when I started writing for a person and not for fun. That was an amazing feeling. But tragically the person I was writing for hurt me. Yeah my first love. Yet today I want to write something. That's why I grab my phone wtote a short poem and read it to her.

"Hey um I have this sort if short poem I just wrote mind if I read it to you?"

"A poem? Sure why not let's hear it" she said in excitement

" Remember me

As you count your sheep

Before going to sleep

I hope the memories we made will sunk deep

Will be for us to keep

Thus time we had together

How we laughed with one another

That I wish to not be over

Cause I dont want just to remember

I want us to just stay like this

Hoping that time would freeze

For us to stay like this please

Let me have more times like this

But if not then let me be happy

On this few moments in which I see

A happiness that has been like a fantasy

I'm hoping that you would remember me"

After reading what I wrote. I looked at her a reaction and emotion that I can't quite explain. But she was in tears.

"You ok?"

"Uhm yeah haha sorry I'm getting emotional aren't I anyways nice poem"

She was moved by my words. Something that I thought I never can do again. Or maybe she's just really over reacting not sure. But seeing that face of hers shedding tears gave me a weird feeling. A feeling of wanting to moved her, to make her smile with what I write. But as day starts to end we parted ways it was a weird way to say goodbye cause she suddenly asked

"By the way do you know where I live?"

I laughed at her but you cant blame me.

"Check your phone maybe you're adress us there"

Well this time I know what to answer when she says that. So yeah today was a good day before we truly parted ways I thanked her.

"Thanks for today Ana I really had fun"

"Oh dont mention it but whats your name again haha sorry I forgot"

"Its fine but yeah I'm Joseph nice to meet you"

And just like that I was looking forward to seeing her again hoping that she will remember me. By my name again. I'm Joseph