Chapter 7: What comes next

Time is unpredictable. Every action we make leads to a different heading. Still every one of us worries about what lies ahead. On what's in store for our lives. We worry about the tomorrow every single day. Wishing that tomorrow will be better from today. A tomorrow in which there's no pain, suffering and hurt, a new beginning, new chances and opportunities. We all wish for a tomorrow like that. Still I learned in my life to never look forward. To not expect on what tomorrow will bring. Because I don't want to be disappointed. To look forward for a future that I know I can never have. Yeah it's depressing, but I've live my life like this. Always looking back, never forward. It's one of the curses of being able to remember everything. You'll keep on wanting to forget or either go back to the times you still can laugh and be happy. In which I didn't have any of those.

It's been about seven years or so. Since I last saw the girl who gave color and happiness to my life. The girl that I haven't seen in such a long time. Still I remember everything about her. But the worst part is I know that she doesn't recall any moment of us being together, well it's been seven years and some people might have moved on and had met other people. Found happiness and know where their lives are heading to. But not me. I still feel heavy and empty. Yet I'm getting by. I college graduate with a degree in literature. Can't even believe that the course that I would choose is about writing. Right now I'm working at a newspaper. But I don't write news article. I'm still writing with my specialty. Poems that I don't know if anyone actually notices. I get feedback from readers every once and a while. But I think no ones that interested in my work.

I've been also trying to write my own book that I would publish with the many I have. Well it's a move that's unlike me. But I have a story to tell. Yet I'm having troubles in writing neither the ending nor the next events. Well you see since I can't forget her and almost every night she is still on my mind. What I do is write about her. Write a story about me and her. Our ifs. Yet I can't really be optimistic. That's why even on the book I'm writing it still ends up like this. The lead character being lost. Having to say goodbye to the only thing that's giving his world light. I really miss Ana. Each night I go on wondering where is she now. Still hoping that we will see each other again. Though my heart knows it's impossible

For seven years it's been like this. At first I stayed in touch with Ana's parents but after some time. I can't contact them. That's why for seven years I've been living my life wondering. There are moment where I almost gave into depression. But I held on because deep inside a fragment of my sanity believes that we will see each other again. Well I think that's about it. Your all caught up with my life. Nothing really much happened in college. As always I was a loner and an outcast, because I choose to be one. That's why for seven years. The only person I interacted with is my boss. Who discovered my poems when I was still a student. Ironically the poem that my boss read to hire me. Was the first poem I wrote for Ana, but I just went with it. My boss is really nice. He loves poetry that's why he keeps on insisting putting a section of it in his newspaper, thanks to him I have a job.

A job that I'm not that passionate about. But I'm ok with it. Because maybe this was it. The last remnant of Ana that is still in me. That spark of being able to write once more. Maybe someday I'll get over everything. Someday I'll be fine. I'll just continue writing poems. And writing my book. I'm ok with this being the ending of a story. But once more things change. Another event that would make me hope for a better tomorrow that I know will be sorrow.

I was walking home. I went of my office minding my own business. Just like when I was in high school. Ears plug with music not minding the world or my surrounding. Lost in thought instead of the melody that I'm hearing. Thinking. Being on my own even surrounded by many people walking. Then something broke the silence. Someone burst my bubble. A person that I've been wanting to see for this whole seven years. It was her Ana

"Hey" she said to me as she tries to get my attention

But I didn't hear her at first because I'm listening to music. So he touched my shoulder and once again said

"Hey are you Joseph"

Then I finally notice her. I turned around and saw her. It's been seven years. I don't know what to actually feel. My mind turned blank. The thoughts that I was lost in suddenly disappear and all I wanted to do was to hug her. But I didn't because this all feels unreal that's why I thought I was imagining things. But no it was really her. That smile. That voice, that same innocence in her eyes. It was really her. And she remembers me.

"Ana is that you?"

"Oh how do you know my name? That's weird I didn't remember we have met before"

Then once again my hope turned into nothing. Because she don't remember me but how can she recognize me then from what I can see. I figure it out.

"Uhm no but it's written in your name tag"

Luckily she was wearing a nametag I was safe.

"Oh yes my bad. Well I don't really know you as a person but I recognize you from this" she said and showed me the newspaper

Then just like I thought she only recognize me because of the newspaper she was holding. I didn't know what to feel. Happy that she continues to read my work or sad because she can't remember me and that I once wrote for her

"I see well thanks for your support"

I wanted to end the conversation. Because I thought to myself it's better to end things here. Rather than make myself hope that the new memories that will about the make if I keep the conversation going is a memory she'll remember.

"Your welcome" she said with a smile on her face

"Well I have to get going now once again thanks and it was nice meeting you"

I said those words. Because I cant bear looking at that smile. I don't want to be hopeful once more. But as I was about to leave she grabbed my hand. Then it reminded me when we first met on that bridge.

"Wait don't leave"

"Why?"

"Well two reasons. Let me know more about your work. The second reason is…"

"What is it?"

"Is I don't how to get home will you help me?"

I just don't know what is happening. What is causing this turn of events. After seven long years we met again. But why me to all the people to ask. Why me? For all the people that is walking in this area why did she ask me?

"I don't know how to help you and why me?

"Because I want it to be you, I don't know how to explain it. But your poems has always spoke to me. Each time I read your work on this newspaper I feel as if we know each other and I cant remember. Then as I forget how to get home. I was holding this newspaper then I saw you and recognize your face from the picture here posted as the writer. Well I'm sorry for being a bother but I just really need your help"

What she said made me happy. Because I've been writing in the news paper for about 3 years and if she was reading my work all this time that meant one thing. All the poems I've written so far have reached her. Just hearing her say the word that my poems spoke to her. That made me feel so relieved. That all this time I wasn't writing for nothing. All my efforts was not in vain. that's why with that being said. I didn't overthink. I just smiled at her and walked with her.

"Fine I'll help you get home"

Those were my words but yes deep inside I'm happy but still holding back my words

"Yay Thanks and let me properly introduce myself I'm Ana."

"Ok I'm Joseph got any idea where you live?"

"Not a clue, you see I suffer from short term memory loss. So sometimes there are details in my life that I tend to forget."

"Well I guess for now lets walk around and see if you can spot a familiar place for you"

We started walking around and talking. Then we decided to rest for a bit by sitting down on a bench. There we continued our conversation

"so tell me more about yourself Ana?"

I tried small talk. Asking her questions to get some hint about what was she doing in the past seven years

"Well right now I honestly don't know what to do."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You see I have short term memory loss"

"Yeah you told me that and so?"

"Because of this condition. I forget a lot things about my life. I cant retain any memory. I only remember the now then later on forget it. Living like this has been hard. Especially for those I love. My parents have the hardest jobs. Because for years they have been taking care of me. Enduring hospital bills and buying the medication I need. Also I cant really bear to see them cry sometimes. Because there are moments when I make them cry."

"How do you know that?"

"I've started writing a journal a while back. Sometimes when I wake up I read it. But there are days when I don't believe I have short term memory loss. Those are the normal days for me. And today is where I believe I have short term memory in which are the weird days. But the worst days is when I cant remember anything"

What she told me had open my eyes on how hard it must be for her parents and also for her. No wonder they didn't stay in contact since they have to focus in caring for Ana

"then how come you remember my work?"

"well its because it's a weird day. And theres a whole section of your poems in my journal. That's why on weird days like these I read some of them. Luckily today I met you. That's why let me ask you. Who are you really writing for? Or what is your inspiration"

As she asked that question. I don't know weather to tell her the truth about its for her, or not. That's why as I writer I just answer vaguely. By telling her a story about a girl. Because I don't want to really hope once again that I will be remembered

"Uhm its for a girl I met seven years ago. A girl that bought color to my life. And through my poems I hope I could reach her"

"Why? Where did this girl go anyway?"

"She went abroad. I haven't really heard from her since. For seven years I worry about her. Wondering if shes ok or if I'll ever meet her again. I keep on thinking if she will remember me when we see each other again or not"

"I'm sure she remembers you not unless…"

"Unless what?"

"She has short term memory loss like I do hahaha"

Then she laugh. I cant believe even knowing her situation she still laughed about it. But me I just stared at her

"Oh sorry my bad. But really, I know she remembers you. Especially when she read some of your poems I'm sure she will remember you"

" I hope she does"

After that we just go on talking. Then I remember how she can get home. I remember when we were highs school her phone has directions to their home. So she checked it and I walked her home.

"I had a really fun time" she said with a smile

"Me too it was nice talking to you. Also meeting you"

This has been like the seventh first meeting I had with her. But after this I don't know what to do. How can I stay in touch with her. That's why I did something for the first time.

"Can I borrow your phone for a few minutes?"

"Sure why?"

"Uhm it's a surprise?

Then there I was once again writing for her

Tomorrow

To you everyday

Is a new day

Every night your memories go away

And that's not really ok

That's why I hope I can find a way

For me in your mind to stay

Can you write this day

In your journal so you could remember

The moments we had together

And on your weird days remember

To call me cause here is my number

I'll be waiting even its winter or summer

What lies ahead we may not know

But still I hope you never let go

Of the hope for a better tomorrow

This was all I can write at the moment. A short poem for her. In which I hope she read sometimes. After that. I went on home said my goodbye and hoping to see her again. We can never really predict whats coming. What time will bring. May it be new beginnings or old ones. But that is how life is. Always changing. Every choice we make leads to a different direction. That's why I learn to never expect. But right now I think for once I'll be expecting again for a better tomorrow. Without really knowing what comes next?.....