~But I Digress~

Long, spiked tresses cascaded down an armored back. The visible swell of generous, child-bearing hips was evident even through the archaic splint mail, and one did not need the byakugan to be able to tell that a full, round bum was inside those trousers.

Arms were crossed over a generous bosom, the bulge of the maille at the breast being no small matter. Of ruddy iron the armor was forged, dyed perhaps with some pigment or mineral.

Regal gray eyes, a violet gray, rippled like the surface of a pond, stared out intensely over the bustling village of Konoha. The skin of her face, a ghostly pally, had the appearance of a strange, papery texture.

"This is unacceptable," muttered a feminine voice from beside this woman. "You willfully misinformed me."

The speaker had much creasing and scarring on the right side of her body, a sharingan eye peering out from a softly feminine face. Her hair was short and spiked, and she had a rather more modest figure than the first one.

"Did you think I would not anticipate your treachery, Tobi?" retorted the armored, long-haired woman in low, husky voice.

The younger woman scoffed. A single rinnegan eye met the rinnegan of the older woman.

"Treachery?" she said. "Do not insult me, Madara. Such plebeian labels are beneath us."

Madara glowered at the impudent Obito.

"You tread a fine line, child," she said. "Because of your incompetence..." She gestured to their bodies, indicating her meaning silently.

"Don't think you can shift all of the blame onto me!" retorted Obito hotly, her bosom heaving. "You foolish neglected to pass along highly important information."

Madara scoffed. "It was anything but foolish," she replied imperiously. "A pawn does not need to know the ever inner thought of his king. He must simply do as he is told, and give up his life in service of a greater cause."

"You are impossible to reason with," Obito muttered under her breath. Madara still heard it, though.

"What is reason but an avenue for deceit?" Madara responded rhetorically. "I possess the greater cause, and the superior will. I cannot be bent to the cause of another."

"A superior will?" said Obito bitterly. "Don't make me laugh. What part of this world was your will? It's all Naruto."

Madara winced. "I will admit..." she reluctantly spoke, "...I greatly underestimated that boy... I did not believe that anyone could wrest control of Infinite Tsukuyomi away from me."

"Well, you believed wrongly," said Obito. "Now we are women, and Naruto Uzumaki is like engaging in all manners of sexual debauchery."

In spite of themselves, Obito and Madara felt their cheeks redden as they imagined the blond jinchuuriki letting his innermost desires run free. Unbidden, and half against their will, they envisioned Naruto's naked body, spending a great amount of focus on the general area of his groin.

As one, the two conspirators felt a little bit of blood trickle from their nostrils, their faces heating up.

"Ah..." murmured Madara, the image of Naruto's manhood burning itself into her mind's eye. "Perhaps we should seek him out... the Uzumaki, I mean."

"Yes," whispered Obito, cheeks bright pink. "Let's."

Elsewhere, in the Land of Wind, the Kazekage was locked in a heated debate.

"No matter how you look at it, mine are bigger."

"In a pig's eye, maybe. I'm sorry sis, but mine are so obviously bigger."

You two are porn idiots. Can't you see that mine are the biggest?"

The Fifth Kazekage, Gaara of the Cascading Sands, glowered icily at her two older sisters. Temari and Kanakuro were both topless, along with the Kazekage herself, and all three sisters were holding up their naked breasts as they stubbornly argued. Officially, the three of them were the same cup-size, but whenever one borrowed a bra from one of the others, they would always complain about it being too snug.

If Kanakuro borrowed a bra from Temari, she would complain about the bra being too small. The same thing would happen if Temari borrowed from Gaara, or Gaara borrowed from Kanakuro, or even if Kanakuro borrowed from Gaara, Temari borrowed from Kanakuro, and Gaara borrowed from Temari. No matter how they did it, each of them would insist that the others had smaller breasts.

Logically, of course, they couldn't all right, so snippy comments were frequently passed between the three of them over accusations of lying and possessing smaller tits.

Now, some might say it was a little odd that these sisters were borrowing each other's underwear so often that this kind of fuss was a regular occurrence, and those people would actually be half-right: this WASN'T a regular occurrence. Usually things would go no further than a snide remark, or a muttered complaint, but today it had just reached a boiling point.

"My boobs are TOTALLY bigger!" insisted Kanakuro, hefting her not inconsiderable melons up in the palms of her hands. "You two are delusional!"

"As if," replied Temari, arching her back and puffing out her chest to let her equally impressive bazongas stand out. "The only thing those glorified bug bites are bigger than is your brain. I, on the other hand, am CLEARLY the most well-endowed. I have the chronic back pains to prove it!"

Kanakuro snorted. "We all do. And that's as much from carrying our weapons as it is from our boobs. Just admit it, sis! You're as flat as a board!"

"You're both small," Gaara interjected, drawing the pair's attention to a grotesquely over-sized bosom nearly as big as the Kazekage's desk. "At least, in comparison to me."

Temari grimaced, and Kanakuro blanched.

"Ugh, gross," said Temari. "Is that silicone?"

"There is no way that's healthy," contributed Kanakuro. "And implants don't count, anyways."

Gaara scoffed quietly. "You two are just jealous that you can't do this."

Temari made a face. "Ehhh... I'd rather stick with what I was born with, thank you very much. Cramming that much sand into your boobs can't POSSIBLY be healthy."

"Yeah, can you even walk with a rack that big?" asked Kanakuro. "Those things must weigh a ton."

"I can control them quite easily," replied Gaara. Her breasts then began to flail around seemingly of their own accord, causing the redhead to fall down flat on her ass. "...for the most part."

Temari and Kanakuro rolled their eyes. Then Gaara whimpered when she felt her bosom stop levitating, the full weight of those monsters now pressing down on her chest. They were so heavy now that they compressed her rib cage, preventing her lungs from fully inflating.

Her face slowly started to turn blue as she gasped for air. Gaara's older sisters watched rather impassively as the redhead struggled with breathing for several long seconds, before finally giving up and gesturing with her hands.

Watching the particles of sand fly out of the pores in their sister's skin was a rather stomach turning sight, even for elite jonin kunoichi like Kanakuro and Temari. Once all the sand had left Gaara's breasts, though, they looked as good as new. Moreover, they looked to be the exact same size as her sisters' boobs.

"...okay, so maybe that was a terrible idea," conceded Gaara.

"Yeah," said Temari, "I dunno where you got such an awful idea."

"I think Naruto's been rubbing off on you with a lot more than just his dick," remarked Kanakuro. Gaara blushed deeply, becoming visibly shy at the thought of her crush/obsession.

"Though I wouldn't mind having him rub one out on me," Temari said with a perverted giggle, smiling slyly.

"Oh, of course not!" agreed Kanakuro. "By the breeze, sometimes I am just sojealous of you and Gaara getting to go to Konoha all the time."

Temari blushed a little at this. "Ah, well as for me, I've never actually gotten with Naruto, personally... I mean, he's usually booked solid."

Gaara allowed herself a small smirk. "And you're usually preoccupied with Shikamari, aren't you?"

Temari was silent at this, cheeks brightly erubescent.

Kanakuro then blinked. "Aha!" she exclaimed. "I've got it! I know how we can settle our little debate about bust-size: we can have Naruto be the judge!"

Temari, still blushing, smiled. "He's definitely seen enough tits to be a good judge, I reckon."

"Ooh, definitely," purred Gaara dreamily, a faraway look in her eyes. "Mm, I'm getting hot just thinking about it..."

At the very least, her nipples were stiff and erect.

"It's settled, then!" declared Kanakuro. "We're going to the Leaf, to have Naruto Uzumaki be the judge of who has the biggest tits!"

"Yeah!" cheered Temari. "We're going on a road trip!"

Meanwhile, back in Konoha, the long-imprisoned spy Kabuko Yakushi was being triple-teamed by Kagome-sensei, Sasuki, and Sakura. The white-haired medic writhed and moaned under the sensual torment being inflicted upon her by Naruto's teammates.

Sasuki and Sakura were each biting and suckling on one of Kabuko's modest C-cup breasts, nibbling her nipples and tasting her creamy mounds. Kagome-sensei, meanwhile, was molesting the spy's pussy, her fingers enveloped with the electrical current of a significantly nerfed raikiri as they mercilessly twiddled and tweaked Kabuko's most sensitive place.

"Give it up," said Naruto, watching sternly as his teammates wore down the intransigent captive's resistance. He was still pantsless from his round with the Cloud girls. "Or do you need another demonstration of what you'll get if you just tell us what we want to know?"

He gestured to three naked shadow clones of himself, who were standing at the ready alongside the equally naked trio of Samui, Karui, and Omoi. The three kunoichi, who had eagerly accepted their new lot in life, were quite clearly exceedingly horny and ready to demonstrate for their new master at the drop of a hat, all day and night long if they had to.

"N-never..." panted Kabuko weakly, biting back a moan as Sasuki breathed a bit of fire chakra onto one of her nipples.

She was gritting her teeth and swinging her head from side to side in an effort to distract herself from the immense pleasure surging through her body. She felt so good it hurt, but she couldn't afford to show any sign of weakness.

...not that her attempts at hiding her pleasure worked very well on Naruto.

"Keep telling yourself that, if you want," said Naruto nonchalantly. "...but I'd seriously suggest you just spill, already."

"No..." Kabuko gasped. "I don't know anything... I... I..."

She came.

Yakushi's nectar surged forth from her inner floodgates, dowsing Kagome's fingers. Her back arched, and she let out a shrill, keening wail. Her eyes were clenched tightly shut against the blinding light of fireworks inside her head, and her muscles refused to listen to her orders.

Kabuko's head rolled. She was panting heavily, redfaced and gasping for air. Her skin was flush with sweat, and she had a look of profound shame on her face.

"Your defenses were pitiful," remarked Sasuki, pulling her head back from Kabuko's bosom, along with Sakura.

"Next to our offenses, at any rate~!" remarked Sakura with all the bubbling cheer of a girl who was still riding the high of a recent orgasm.

Kabuko did not say anything. She merely whimpered, perhaps not trusting herself to speak without letting something slip.

Kabuko did not say anything. She merely whimpered, perhaps not trusting herself to speak without letting something slip.

"You were a pretty tough nut to crack, though," conceded Kagome-sensei with her characteristically laid back candor.

"But she cracked in the end, right?" came head interrogator Ibiko's voice from the doorway leading into Kabuko's cell. The scarred kunoichi was once more fully dressed, and she had a look of sadistic delight on her face.

"I think so," said Naruto, and he walked forward towards the white-haired double agent. His teammates stepped aside, allowing him access to the captive. "Well?" he asked her. "Will you talk?"

Kabuko glared at him impotently. There was no heat, nor ice either, behind her expression, and it was clear to Naruto that she was only hanging on to her resistance by a thread. She was this close to spilling the beans, singing like a stool pigeon, telling them everything they want to know. She was at the end of her rope. The adopted daughter of the former director of Konoha's Medic Corps was just one gentle nudge away from toppling over the proverbial edge into metaphorical oblivion.

So Naruto leaned over and kissed her, smack dab on the lips. It was a light kiss, chaste, with no tongue or any chakra tricks, but that soft peck was all it took, and all he needed.

Kabuko broke. She spilled everything.

And even as the (apparently) career spy started finally cooperating with her interrogators, Naruto and team turned and left to report back to Tsunade. The three horny Kumo kunoichi were escorted to Naruto's place by three equally lustful shadow clones.

Both of the latter parties were naked, but that was no big deal. Uzumaki concubines traditionally went out in the buff more often than not, and most of the villagers were apt to greatly appreciate the view of Naruto's nude doppelgangers.

In the meantime, Kagome, Sasuki, Sakura, and Naruto headed back to the Hokage Tower. They were all once more properly dressed, and satisfied from a job well done, as far as their mission was concerned.

"I bet we'll get a pretty big bonus for getting that Kabuko to squeal," mused Sakura idly as they walked down street towards the center of the village. "Maybe even another commendation! I'm so close to jonin I can taste it."

"You think so?" said Kagome, her visible eye lazily scanning through the text of her favorite work of literary smut.

"Definitely," said Sakura. "Naruto and Sasuki both made the grade, and I wasn't marks like this on my record, and I'll be a shoo in for sure."

Sasuki afforded herself a small smile. "Good for you," she said with rare sincerity, giving her pink-haired teammate a pat on the shoulder. "You deserve it."

Sakura beamed, a pink blush in her cheeks. "Thank you, Sasuki!" she chirped, looking ecstatic at this bit of well-wishing from someone she so greatly admired and adored.

Naruto smirked, seeing the way Sakura was looking at Sasuki. He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the pair, causing Sasuki to lustily smile and put a hand on her hip while Sakura flushed beet red with anger and swore at him irritably.

"You damn pervert!" snapped the pinkette at the blond, causing the bluenette to giggle and their sensei to sigh wistfully.

"Ah, young love..." said Kagome, teasing her students.

"Heh heh!" Naruto chuckled, throwing an arm around both Sakura and Sasuki. "You think so, Kagome-sensei? I guess they do make a pretty good pair, hanging off my arms!"

Sakura bopped him on the head, blushing bright scarlet from something quite distinct from anger. Sasuki gave him a suggestive smirk and a pinch on the ass.

"I'm game if Sakura is," she said, causing the pinkette's eyes to widen and her mouth to go agape. They could practically see the steam pouring out from her ears as the poor girl overheated.

Then they looked up, and saw that they were at the Hokage Tower. Grinning, satisfied with a job well done, they went inside to report to Tsunade.

They did not notice the figures watching them from the shadows.